Chapter 11
Everything was quiet when they got back to Point Pleasant. Stephanie was surprised to walk into the kitchen to find Rex's cage on the countertop. He was asleep in his can and had a bowl full of blueberries and Cheerios. Looked like Rex was living the high life as well.
"How'd he get here?" Stephanie asked, turning to Ranger. He grinned.
"Tank brought him by with some more of your clothes. Lester's been watching him since you've been here."
"You think of everything," she said, smiling brightly. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
She watched Rex sleep while Ranger carried their bags upstairs. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she saw that she only had about forty-five minutes before Dr. Childress would be there. She wasn't quite sure what to expect from his visit. Her pills hadn't really had a chance to kick in yet and she couldn't possibly imagine what else they could talk about. She had bared her soul to the man already at the hospital. At least she hadn't had another panic attack since then.
Stephanie stood in the kitchen and looked around. It dawned on her that she was in the Batcave. For the past few years, she had wondered what Ranger's home was like. Here, she had been there for almost a week and still hadn't snooped around. Yet even more proof that she wasn't herself.
The familiar tingle traveling up her spine told her that Ranger had just entered the room. Turning around, she found him leaning against the wall, arms crossed and a broad smile on his face.
"Smell something burning, Babe."
She rolled her eyes. "It just occurred to me that I've been in the Batcave for a week and I haven't even checked the place out. Do you mind if I look around?"
"Have at it. Do you want the guided tour or would you rather check it out on your own?"
"I'll do it alone. You might have some work to do."
He looked like he was going to reply to that, but she held up her hand to stop him. "I know you're dying to call Tank and get an update. You can't hide it from me."
Ranger chuckled. "Can't put anything past you, Babe. I think your ESP clicked on."
Stephanie shook her head in amusement, pausing to kiss his cheek before she went exploring.
The kitchen and living room were familiar territory. She noticed a short hallway on the other side of the living room. She followed it and found four doors. Opening the first one on the left, she found herself in a large garage. Besides the Explorer, there was also a shiny black Jaguar XKR and a copper colored Cadillac Escalade. Stephanie was more than a little surprised to see a vehicle that wasn't black gracing Ranger's garage. She would have to ask him about it later.
Closing the door, she explored the other three doors. One was a decent sized bathroom with brass fixtures and light gray ceramic tile. Behind the third door was a medium sized bedroom that had been converted into an office. A large mahogany L shaped desk took up a majority of the room, along with three huge leather armchairs. The floors were a dark hardwood and the walls were covered with dark wood paneling. Very masculine. It suited Ranger to a T.
Stephanie closed the office door and walked over to door number 4. Inside was an impressive home gym. Hardwood floors and cream-colored walls made the room look larger. There was a massive treadmill and a Bow-Flex machine along with a simple weight bench and a rowing machine. A rack in the corner was stacked with folded white towels and a mini refrigerator beside it was stocked with bottled water. Stephanie stood in the doorway and studied the room. She had a sudden, surprising urge to have Ranger start training her. Maybe getting fit would make her feel better. Maybe if she were more confident in her physical abilities, she would be more confident with everything else. Something else to talk to Ranger about later.
Leaving the home gym behind, she made her way upstairs. Besides the master bedroom she had been staying in, there were three other bedrooms, complete with their own bathrooms. Each room was decorated to be calm and serene, done up in neutral colors. It was really a beautiful house. Not what she expected from the Batcave, but better. It was calm, soothing, and open. It would be easy to make a home there.
Stephanie stopped in her tracks. Easy to make a home there. Where on earth had that idea come from? She shook her head and pushed it out of her mind. No need to go there. No need to set herself up for disappointment.
The sound of a doorbell brought her out of her thoughts. Walking down the stairs, she heard Ranger at the door and a masculine voice she recognized to be Dr. Childress. She stepped into the entryway and waited to be noticed.
It didn't take long. After shaking hands in greeting, Ranger and the doctor turned to see her standing there. Dr. Childress smiled and took her hand in his.
"It's good to see you, Stephanie. How are you feeling today?"
Stephanie smiled back. She couldn't help it. She really liked her new doctor. "Pretty good, doctor. Thank you."
"If it's more comfortable for you, you can call me Arthur," he said, grinning. "After all, we'll be talking quite a bit with each other."
"Okay, Arthur," she replied.
Ranger led them into the living room and turned around. "You can use any room in the house, Arthur. Whatever's most comfortable."
Dr. Childress turned to Stephanie. "It's up to you, dear."
Stephanie glanced out the sliding doors. "Could we do this on the deck? It's such a nice day out."
Both men nodded. Stephanie waited for them to head out before following. Once they were settled at the table, her "Burg manners" kicked in. "I'm sorry, Arthur. Can I get you something to drink?"
Ranger stood up. "I'll get it, Babe. You can stay out here."
"Water would be fine. Thank you."
Ranger nodded slightly and went back into the house. Dr. Childress turned to face Stephanie.
"Would you like Mr. Manoso to stay like before or would you prefer to do this alone?"
Stephanie bit her lip. She felt better having Ranger around, but he had to be tired of sticking so close to her this past week. Hell, the man owned his own company and he'd been away for so long. Surely, he had work he needed to be doing. "He probably has work that needs to be done. I've kept him from it for so long."
"You haven't kept me away from anything, Steph," Ranger said, coming back out with two bottles of water. "If you want me here, just say so. Same goes for if you want to do this alone. It's up to you."
Stephanie wanted him to stay, but she didn't want him to feel obligated. She was terrified of getting on his last nerve, terrified he would leave her for good and she would be all alone. "I'll be fine out here. Go ahead and get some work done."
Ranger stared at her for a second, reading her face. He knew what she was doing. He wished he could figure out how to make her realize that everything at work was fine. That she was so much more important than meetings and clients and contracts. But that would take time. And he wasn't going to push her, just like everybody else had pushed her.
"I'll be inside if you need me, Babe," he said finally, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. With a slight nod at Dr. Childress, he left them alone.
Stephanie watched him leave and felt her heart sink a little. She always felt that way when he was gone. Sighing, she turned in her seat to find the doctor watching her face intently. Blushing slightly under his scrutiny, she let her eyes wander to the ocean in the distance.
"I can tell how much you wanted him to stay. Why is it that you asked him to leave, Stephanie?"
Stephanie shrugged. "I don't want to become a burden. He's done so much for me and I don't want his business to suffer. If something happened with his company while he was busy with me, he might resent me for it."
He sat back in his seat and nodded slightly. "He means a lot to you." It wasn't a question.
"He's saved my life more than once," she replied, still staring out at the water. "Ever since the day I met him, he's been there for me."
Dr. Childress nodded. "It's good to have someone like that in your life. It makes things a lot easier."
Stephanie nodded but didn't respond.
"You mentioned before about certain people in your life being overly opinionated about what you do. How do they feel about Mr. Manoso?"
Stephanie snorted. "My mother thinks he's a thug. My ex boyfriend thinks the same thing, but he's also jealous of Ranger." A tiny smile touched her lips. "My grandmother has a crush on him."
"Do you have any idea why your mother and your ex think that of him?"
"My mother wants to marry me off to my ex so I can take care of a house and a roomful of babies. My ex wants the same thing. They both want me to live up to their expectations of what my life should be. They see Ranger as a threat to their plans. He doesn't expect that of me. In fact, he encourages me to do what I want to do."
"What do you want to do with your life, Stephanie?"
Stephanie thought about that. "I want to keep bounty hunting, but I want to get better at it. I want to be able to ignore all the bad things people say to me. I want to be able to stand up for myself."
"How do you plan to get better at your job?" Dr. Childress asked, writing in his notebook.
"I need to get fit. Ranger always tries to get me to run with him. I think I should start doing that. Maybe learn self defense."
"Those are all admirable ideas. Getting stronger and more knowledgeable about your physical state will help you some with your confidence."
Stephanie nodded in agreement. She could use a little confidence at the moment.
"Stephanie, I'd like to talk a little more about your family," he said, getting comfortable in his chair. Stephanie's stomach clenched, knowing that they would be on that topic for a while. "Do they know about how you've been feeling lately?"
"They've noticed that something was off," she started, looking down at her nails.
"How did they respond to that?"
"Mom and Joe told me that if I would grow up and marry Joe, then I'd be fine. They think the only problem is that I won't act my age."
"Do you think you're acting your age?" He asked.
"I don't know. Not by Burg standards."
"Don't think about Burg standards. Think about your own."
Stephanie chuckled, but it lacked any humor. "I don't know anything else. I don't know how a normal thirty year old woman acts outside of the Burg."
"You've never lived outside of your neighborhood?"
"I lived in Newark when I was working for E.E. Martin. But I had just been through a divorce and I needed to get away. Mom was so disappointed that I got divorced. I couldn't face her every day. So I got my own place and found a respectable job."
"Were you happy working there?"
Stephanie sat up in her seat, trying to keep her butt from going numb. "I guess so. It was a job. I could pay my bills and put a little money aside for a rainy day."
"Why did you stop working there?"
"I got laid off. I was unemployed for about six months before I got my current job."
"Does your current job make you happy?"
"Usually I like it. I can set my own hours. Each day is different from the day before. I mean it does have its downsides too, like any other job. For example, I roll around in garbage a lot and I've had more than my fair share of psychos after me, but I always got my skip."
"Does that make you proud?"
Stephanie squirmed in her seat. Did it make her proud? It usually did until someone had something smart to say about it. "Sometimes."
"How many skips have you caught?"
"All of them."
Dr. Childress looked up, his eyebrows raised slightly. "You've caught every skip you've gone after?"
"Yes, sir."
"Arthur," he said. She nodded. "That's quite impressive, Stephanie. For a woman to go from working for a department store to becoming a bounty hunter, that is more than impressive. From what I've heard about bounty hunting, that's amazing."
Stephanie blushed. "It might be if I had done it the normal way. But every time I bring someone in, I end up covered with something gross. Or I get shot at. Or I blow up a car. Or a funeral home."
A tiny smile played at the doctor's lips. "But you caught them, Stephanie. Despite your methods, your success rate is at a hundred percent." He wrote something down in his notebook. "That's something to be very proud of."
She shrugged. "Not many people agree with you."
He took a sip from his bottle of water. "What matters most is what you think, Stephanie. Nobody else's opinions should matter."
Stephanie started fidgeting. "I know, but I can't help it. When so many people constantly tell you that you're a screw up, after a while you can't help but believe them. After all, not everybody can be wrong."
"When you say 'everybody', Stephanie, who do you mean?"
"Mom, Joe, the cops at the station. The cops have pools going on when I'm going to blow up another car. Or when I'm going to get another stalker. Or if I'm going to marry Joe. My entire life is one big game to them."
"What about your friends? Do they say those things to you?"
Stephanie shook her head. "Mary Lou is pretty understanding. She's been my best friend since we were in diapers. She's the perfect Burg wife, but she thinks my life is exciting."
"Sounds like Mary Lou is a good friend."
Stephanie managed to smile slightly. "She's one of the best."
"What about your other friends?"
"Well, Lula works with me. She used to be a prostitute and her life was pretty rough before. She doesn't pass judgment on me."
"Anyone else?"
"Ranger. He's my other best friend besides Mary Lou. He helps me when I need it and he never really tells me what to do."
"Really? So he's tried before?"
Stephanie rolled her eyes. She couldn't help it. "A few times, he's tried to make me go to a safe house. But that was when I had a stalker or a gang after me."
"How did that make you feel?"
"Pissed at the time," she admitted. "I don't like people telling me what to do. But now that I look back on it, he was only trying to keep me safe."
"Did you go to the safe house?"
Stephanie shook her head. "I convinced him not to make me go. He just helped me find the stalkers instead."
"So he gave you choices."
She nodded. "He's pretty good about doing that."
Dr. Childress shifted in his seat. "Stephanie, I have a serious question to ask you. If it's too hard to answer it right now, we can go back to it later. Is that alright?"
The knot in her stomach tightened, but she nodded, dreading what he had to say.
"Have you ever thought about suicide?"
Stephanie felt the blood drain from her face. God, it was like when Bobby asked her that. The shame and embarrassment flooded her and she felt her limbs clench. She didn't want to admit it to the doctor. But then again, he probably already knew. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. "Yes."
"How often?"
She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes still closed. "Once or twice."
He was silent for a few minutes. Stephanie finally opened her eyes and watched as he wrote something down.
"Have you ever tried to complete a suicide?"
She thought back to the night that Ranger found her and she shuddered. "I was holding the gun in my hands, but I don't really know if I would have gone through with it. I guess I was weighing my options."
"What made you decide not to?"
She looked back towards the water. "Ranger walked in."
"So he walked in and stopped you?"
"He took the gun out of my hand and brought me here."
"Have you thought about suicide since then?"
She remembered the night after her panic attack. When she found out that Joe and her mother were looking for her in Point Pleasant. "I might have thought the other night that everything might be better if I had died."
"Did something happen to make you think that?"
She didn't look at him when she answered. "Someone saw us out at a restaurant the other day and word got back to my mother and Joe. We found out that Joe's out here looking for me. I got upset that Ranger got dragged into this crap because of me and now Joe and my mother are going to cause him trouble. All I do is complicate his life. I'm not worth all that trouble. I figured Ranger and everybody else would be better off if I were dead."
"Why is it your fault that your mother and ex boyfriend are looking for you?" Dr. Childress watched her reaction. "You're a thirty year old woman. You're an adult. They have no say in what you do."
"I know that," Stephanie sighed. "It's just really hard to pull away from them."
"What's the worst thing that could happen if they found you?"
"Joe might try to have Ranger arrested for kidnapping. He's a cop and has a habit of pushing his authority. The tirade of my mother would begin and never let up. She would harass me and tell me how childish I am and how I'm ruining any chance I have of getting married because I'm not with Joe. She'll tell me how I'm ruining her life by not giving her grandchildren. How she's the laughingstock of the Burg because her daughter is a disgrace." Stephanie ran out of breath, tears streaming down her face. "I'm a failure as a daughter. I'm a failure as a girlfriend. And if Ranger gets into trouble, I'm a failure as a friend. There isn't a lot more that I can be a failure at."
"Stephanie, you don't have to worry about Ranger getting into trouble. Since he didn't kidnap you, there are no grounds for him being arrested. Just wipe that fear off the slate." Dr. Childress moved his chair closer to her and looked her in the eyes. "As for what you think your mother will say to you, just remember that you are an adult and your own person. You are not a failure. I don't know why she's the way she is, but she's in the wrong, not you. You can't change her and I'm guessing that no matter what you do, she'll always have something negative to say. You've heard of the saying 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks'?"
Stephanie nodded, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.
"Well that saying applies to your mother and Joe. And if you spend your life trying to please them, you won't have a life that will make you happy. You need to concentrate on yourself. You need to work on making Stephanie happy. Only then will you be able to stand up to those who bring you down."
Stephanie sniffed back snot and wiped her eyes with the bottom of her shirt. "I know, but it's so hard. I don't know where to start."
Dr. Childress ripped a piece of paper out of his notebook and placed in front of her, handing her his pen. "I want you to make a list of the things you want to accomplish. Anything you can think of that will help to make your life happier, write it down."
She took the pen and stared at the blank sheet of paper. Biting her lip, she wracked her brain, trying to come up with something, anything, to write. Remembering her words from earlier, she quickly wrote down "get fit and learn self defense". Thinking of all the things that she'd need to learn for work, she continued on down the list: practice at the gun range; learn to be aware of surroundings; learn B and E from Ranger. When she stopped writing, Dr. Childress looked at the list.
"Those are all good, but they're mostly for work. What are you going to do for you?"
Gripping the pen, Stephanie stared down at her list. Taking a deep breath, she continued to write: stand up to Mom; stand up to Joe and make him understand that I will never marry him; work at giving the cops nothing to bet on.
When the doctor looked back at the list, he smiled. "That's much better. I want you to keep this list and add on to it whenever you think of something else. Whenever you accomplish one of these goals, I want you to put a checkmark beside it. That way, you'll have something in writing to prove that you're improving. And that in itself will make you feel better about yourself."
Stephanie nodded and reread the list. It seemed like such a long list. The physical parts she thought she'd be able to accomplish. The last three seemed like a pipe dream. Nothing she could do would get her mother and Joe off her back. And the cops at the station would always be betting on her. At least until something more exciting came up.
"Stephanie, do I need to worry about you attempting suicide again?" Dr. Childress asked, bringing her back to the present.
"I hope not," she whispered honestly. "I don't think so, but then again, I never thought I would think about it in the first place."
He nodded at her answer. "I want you to promise that if you have any more of those thoughts, you'll call me. Or talk to Ranger. You're not in this alone and there are a lot of people who want you to get better. We'll all be here for you."
She nodded and finally looked up to meet his eyes. "I promise, Arthur."
"Good." He smiled and stood up. "Is day after tomorrow okay with you for our next talk?"
"That's fine," she replied, standing up to shake his hand. "Thank you for today."
"You're starting out well, dear. Even though you'll still have bad days, I think you'll be able to get through them. Just have a little faith in yourself. You won't be down for long."
She nodded again, praying that he was right.
Again, thank you all for the wonderful reviews. Big hugs to Alfonsina del Mar for all the help. I hope you all like it. Please let me know.