A/N: Okay so, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I hope they address Santana's grandmother at some stage in the show, but knowing Glee, they probably forgot that she even had a grandmother. In all honesty, I don't really know where to go with this story after this chapter. Just putting it out there.
FabrayQS: I laughed out loud in the doctor's rooms when I read your review of chapter 8, people looked at me and I guarantee their thoughts were like 'oh she cray cray' or 'look at that girl laughing at her phone like a freak'. Hahahahaha
Read and review, I LOVE your comments. Honest!
Funny thing about getting all you've ever wanted. Life always seems to want something in return.
Santana found this out the hard way, on a day that started normally but ended in a hospital waiting room.
She sat on the solid plastic chair, her back was sore from waiting so long but she dare not move. She stared at the white wall with its grey speckles. She couldn't help but wonder how these colours made anyone feel calm, she wasn't calm, how could she be?
Santana was startled out of her thoughts as a tall, skinny man in a white lab coat walked through the waiting room doors. He scanned the room before spotting the young brunette he was looking for. Santana wanted to get up and walk to him but her feet wouldn't move. Her body didn't want to do anything. She had no control.
The doctor was talking to her but all she registered was his moving lips. He tilted his head to the side and stopped talking.
"Are you okay, Miss Lopez?" He asked, concern lacing his tone.
Santana's mouth was dry: "Uh, I... Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."
She refocused on him, trying with all her might to chase the panic that was settling in her chest away.
"Is your mother here?" He asked.
"Yeah, she went to the bathroom. She is going to be back now." Santana answered as her mind buzzed.
The doctor sat down next to her just as her mother re-entered the waiting room, she hurried over as soon as she saw the doctor.
"Is she okay, Dr Williams?"
He looked down for a second before continuing: "I'm sorry, we did all we could. The damage to her heart was too severe..."
He carried on talking but Santana couldn't hear anything anymore. The buzzing in her head had gotten louder.
Memories started flashing in her head. The last time she saw her, spoke to her, hugged her. Santana put her head in her hands, she covered her face so her mother wouldn't see the tears flowing freely down her face, she had to be strong. Her mother sobbed uncontrollably. Santana wiped her tears inconspicuously and got up to hold on to her mother.
"It's okay, Mami. It's gonna be okay. Abuela is in a better place now."
Santana lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. Her mind kept replaying one memory over and over again. The one where Santana had confessed her deepest secret to her Grandmother only to be subsequently thrown out not so long afterwards. Her phone vibrated on her bed side table. It was another cousin telling her they would see her at the funeral the next day. Santana dropped the phone back onto the table. She sat up and looked around her childhood bedroom.
Her mother had phoned and told her that her Abuela was being taken to hospital because they suspected she was having a heart attack. No one could tell her how serious it was but it didn't matter, she wanted to be near her Abuela even if she wouldn't see her. Santana texted Quinn to let her know where she was going then took the next available flight to Lima, Ohio.
Santana had always been of the opinion that her Abuela was the toughest person around. She had never even considered the possibility of death.
Her phone buzzed again. She didn't even bother looking at it this time. She didn't want any more condolences or family members asking if she was going to the funeral. All she wanted was Quinn. But she couldn't have Quinn because that would be too suspicious. They would all ask if Quinn was her girlfriend and Santana knew that there were some family members who would just know. Quinn wasn't ready to be out and proud yet. She hadn't told her mother.
Santana's phone buzzed again. In frustration she picked it up and was about to hurl it at the wall when she noticed the name.
Quinn HBIC Fabray
Santana answered: "I see you decided to change your nickname to HBIC, pity, I liked 'sex kitten'."
Quinn smiled softly even though she knew that Santana couldn't see her: "I just wanted to make sure you knew who was in charge."
The small smile that crossed Santana's lips vanished almost immediately: "I miss you."
"I miss you too. How are you holding up?"
"I'm okay, I guess. What else can I be?" Santana shrugged.
"You can be sad, you can be angry. You can be anything."
"I need to be strong for my mother, Q. I can't be bursting into tears everywhere." Santana sighed.
Quinn stayed silent and so did Santana.
"She loved you, you know. No matter what, she loved you." Quinn said softly.
"Then why did she kick me out? Why did she abandon me when I needed her the most? I needed her there and now she is always going to be gone. I can never fix it, she went to her grave hating me." Santana said as she tried to control the lump that had been in her throat since getting the phone call from her mother.
"She was scared, San. I know it doesn't help, but she was from a different time." Quinn tried to soothe the woman she loved but she was afraid it wasn't working.
"Everyone is always scared." Santana stated, "I gotta go, Q. I will speak to you later. I love you."
"I love you too, San." Quinn replied.
Santana hung up the phone, not realising that the unintentional impact her words had on her secret girlfriend.
Quinn rested her forehead on her arms as she sat at her writing table. Santana was right, everyone was always scared, including Quinn. The blonde stood up at paced around her apartment. She turned around and headed towards her bedroom, she started grabbing things from her wardrobe.
She had to show Santana that she wasn't everyone.
She wasn't scared anymore.
Santana finished applying her make-up.
"Santanita. Mija, are you ready?" Her mother's tired voice came from through her closed door.
"Yes Mami. I'm coming." Santana stood up, silently bracing herself for what was going to be an emotionally taxing day. She knew that she was going to be getting looks and whispers. She hadn't attended a big family event since coming out. She knew what would happen.
Santana turned away from her mirror and walked towards her door. With her hand on the doorknob she took one last deep breath before opening it and walking down the stairs. Her mother and father were waiting for her at the door.
Her father gave her a one arm hug before opening the door for her mother and herself to walk outside. Santana climbed into the backseat.
The drive to where the ceremony was being held was completely silent.
When they arrived the three occupants of the car climbed out. Santana stood next to the car and stared at the family that had already gathered. Santana looked down as she felt someone grab her hand softly. She looked up to see her mother looking at her, eyes brimming with tears.
"Mija, you are a strong, smart, beautiful woman. No matter what anybody else thinks, says or does. Okay?"
Santana nodded.
"I love you, don't you forget that." Her mother hugged her, Santana felt like a young girl again, clinging onto her mother as if she would never be able to let go.
Her father cleared his throat as he stood beside the two of them, Santana turned to him.
"Your mother is right, Santana. You turned out to be more of a blessing than we could ever ask for." Santana let go of her mother and hugged her father.
"Thank you, Papi. You don't know how much that means."
Santana let go of her father and said to no one in particular: "Let's go do this then."
"Can I come too?" Santana turned suddenly at the angelic voice that she had been longing for.
"Quinn, what are you doing here?" Santana asked, startled by the blonde's sudden appearance.
Quinn walked over to Santana and hugged her long enough to whisper into her ear so that nobody else heard: "You needed me to be here."
Santana's parents greeted Quinn before walking towards the graveside. Santana didn't move though until Quinn smiled softly at her and followed in their footsteps.
The blonde and the brunette were silently walking side by side, stopping only when they reached Santana's parents. The pastor started his sermon. He spoke about how Alma Lopez was a beloved wife, mother, sister and grandmother. He spoke of her avid dedication to the church. He spoke of the strength that she displayed through-out her life.
Somewhere in the sermon, Santana's eyes started to swim with tears which eventually spilled over. She felt soft skin touching her hand, she looked down and watched as Quinn slipped her hand into the darker one next to it. Quinn squeezed twice. Santana felt a warmth wash over her. A warmth that she had sorely missed. Santana looked just past Quinn and noticed her uncle shaking his head as he saw the pair's interlinked hands. Quinn followed Santana's gaze, she saw the older man staring at them, a look of what can only be described as disgust marring his features. Santana released her grip on Quinn's hand and tried to move her own hand back to her side. However, Quinn held on tightly, not letting go.
Quinn whispered so that only Santana could hear: "It's going to be okay."
Santana could barely hear the rest of the ceremony above the screaming voice in her head.
What is she doing? Her mom could find out! What is she doing?
She watched as people walked towards the grave and threw petals in, Quinn tugged on her hand, signalling that she should go too. Finally, Quinn let go of her hand as she all but stumbled towards the grave. She took a handful of petals and stared into the darkness that held a wooden coffin.
I love you Abuela, no matter what. I miss you.
Santana said the words in her head. She couldn't bring herself to say them out loud.
Santana returned to her position in between her parents and Quinn. Quinn's hand sought out her own again. People started to disperse, Santana watched as her parents came and stood in front of them.
Her mother gave their interlinked hands a curious look before saying: "We are going to your uncle's house, are you coming?"
"I don't think so, Mami. I'm just going to head home." Santana replied.
"How will you get home?" Her father asked.
"I'll take her." Quinn answered.
Santana and Quinn were walking towards what Santana recognized as Quinn's mother's car. Santana couldn't take it anymore, she released Quinn's hand and stood in front of her so that the blonde had to stop and look at her.
"What are you doing? People talk, Q."
"I know, San, but you should know that..." Quinn's answer was cut short as Santana's grandfather called her name. Santana turned to the old man as he walked towards them.
"Santana, I need a moment with you if you don't mind." He smiled at Quinn before leading Santana a little way away from where the blonde stood.
"You have grown so much in such a short time. I haven't seen you since... Since that day." He said to her.
Santana remembered the hospital, she had stayed away from her grandmother's room. She didn't want to be in the way. So now was the first time she had seen her grandfather since her Abuela kicked her out. She didn't know what to say to the man who hadn't defended her. The man she had adored and loved. He allowed her Abuela to be so short-sighted.
"I have something that I want you to have." He handed her a parcel that was wrapped in brown paper. " I know it doesn't make up for anything but I want you to know that I'm sorry. She was too."
He looked at her with what Santana could only put down as sincerity before turning and walking towards those waiting for him. Santana looked at the parcel in her hands, it was badly wrapped but she could tell the object inside was rectangular.
Santana turned to Quinn, Quinn said nothing as she opened the car door for Santana and waited for her to climb into the passenger seat. Quinn shut the door and walked around the car to her own seat.
Quinn sat down but made no move to start the car.
"I told my mother. I told her about us, about everything really."
Santana looked up in surprise.
"She was shocked, as was expected I guess. She is happy that I am following my dreams. She said that she thought we hated each other. I mean after Thanksgiving she didn't expect us to ever talk again."
Quinn looked down at her hands as they sat in her lap: "I told her that I love you, that I have never felt this way about anyone before."
Santana put her hand on top of Quinn's fidgeting fingers. Quinn turned her head to the side, looking at the girl, no, woman that she loved.
"She sort of took a moment to digest the news and then she told me that she wanted to see you, that she wanted to see us together. So I told her that when you are feeling up to it we will have dinner with her and, you know, have a chat."
Santana sat in silence for a few seconds before shaking her head and looking out the window: "You shouldn't have done it, Q. Something like that should be done for yourself, not for me."
Quinn smiled and slipped her fingers under Santana's chin, pulling the brunette's face so that they were staring at each other: "Don't you see, I did do it for me. I did it because I finally have the chance to be happy. I don't have to put on a show, be someone that everybody else wants me to be. I don't have to be perfect any more. It gives me the opportunity to be with someone I love. You. I get to walk around holding your hand, kissing you in public. I get to do grocery shopping with you. I get to be Santana Lopez's girlfriend."
"I thought you were already." Santana said as her face lightened just a little and her mouth had a small smile on it. She added a wink at the end for effect.
Quinn brought her lips to Santana's and gently kissed her. The kiss was not long, but Santana felt everything that Quinn wanted her to feel. The love, the happiness, the freedom.
"You didn't pressurise me or force me into making this decision, San. You just gave me the courage to stop being so damn scared."
Santana and Quinn lay side by side on her bed, the package that her grandfather had given her was resting on her dressing table, unopened.
"Do you remember that time when we were grounded because your mother caught us with a cigarette in this room? The one time Brittany didn't get into trouble with us." Quinn said.
Santana chuckled softly: "Yeah, my mom was so angry, I literally thought fire was going to spew from her ears."
"Oh fire spewed from somewhere. My butt when my mother heard about it."
Santana giggled and turned onto her side facing Quinn: "Poor little Quinnie."
Quinn leaned up and pecked Santana on the lips: "What's in the package?"
Santana looked towards her dressing table: "I don't know, he never said."
"Maybe you should open it." Quinn suggested.
Santana eyed the package before getting up off the bed and retrieving it. Santana sat cross legged in front of Quinn as she slowly tore away the brown paper. Santana shook a photo album free from the paper.
She looked at the front cover. It had a picture of her as a baby on it.
She opened the album, the first page was filled with the details of her birth. She thumbed through the album, stopping at a picture of a young Santana. She smiled as she noticed her Abuela holding her up as the photo was taken, she remembered that day. It was the day she lost her first tooth. Her Abuela had told her to leave it under her pillow and the tooth fairy would leave her money. Santana slept at her Abuela's house that night. When she woke up sure enough there was money under her pillow.
Santana turned the pages again. As she went further she realised how much of her childhood she had spent with her Abuela. Each picture had a date next to it. Santana got to the time after she had revealed to her Abuela that she was gay. Her Abuela had vanished from her life, that meant that she had vanished from the pictures. Santana saw pictures of their trip to Chicago for Nationals, Prom night, her graduation and some of her in the Cardinals uniform. Santana reached the last page of the photo album, there was a small, plain white envelope in between these pages and a final photo. This photo was one that Santana had sent her parents. It was of her in her new apartment. She had been so eager to show them that she couldn't wait for them to visit so she had sent a photo. Underneath her Abuela had written something:
The strong will rise, the weak shall fall. You were always meant for great things.
Santana wiped the tears that had begun to fall. She reached for the envelope and opened it with shaking fingers.
Dear Santana,
Your Abuela kept this album by her bed side. She never let anybody else touch it, least of all me.
I knew from the minute you left that your Abuela had made a mistake but I was too much of a coward to say so out loud. I am sorry about that.
However, most of all I am sorry that she never put her pride aside for long enough to tell you that she too was sorry. I know this because she pored over this album after that day, every second she could. She missed you terribly.
I can never explain her behaviour or mine. I can never ever change what happened but I can try to make sure that you do not hate her. You loved her, she loved you.
Everybody makes mistakes Santanita, sometimes those mistakes cannot be repaired. I hope that is not the case in this instance.
Your Abuela went to her grave believing that you hated her and right before she passed she told me something that I must pass on to you. She said: "Tell Santana that I love her, tell her I'm sorry.".
Now I know that was no life changing speech but she wanted you to know that.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her. I hope you can forgive me too.
Yours with all the love in the world
Santana folded the letter up again but her hands were shaking so much that she couldn't put it back in the envelope. Quinn slipped the pieces of paper out of her hand and returned the letter to the envelope. She placed it on Santana's bedside table and turned to her crying girlfriend.
Santana looked at Quinn as the tears poured down her face: "Do you think he was right? Do you think she still loved me?"
"I don't think she ever stopped, San."
Quinn pulled Santana into her, Quinn held the brunette as she silently cried into her chest.
Quinn stirred as she felt the pressure on her chest shifting, her eyes opened slightly. She watched as Santana's head lifted and she looked into Quinn's face. The two both looked at the door as they heard activity downstairs.
"Time to face my mother and her Mexican Third Eye I guess." Santana said as she stretched.
"Sounds like a party." Quinn said as she slid to the edge of the bed.
The two women walked downstairs together and into the lounge where Santana's parents were watching television. Santana took Quinn's hand and pulled her towards the open two-seater couch. Maribel Lopez muted the television and turned to them as if they were two young girls who were about to be scolded.
"So?" She said with a raised eyebrow.
"Uh, well... I know you hate it when I lie to you and I have been doing that for the past couple of months." Santana said nervously.
"I gathered." Was all her mother said.
"We have been dating and..." Santana began again before Quinn cut in.
"Mr and Mrs Lopez, please don't be angry with Santana. I asked her to keep it a secret until I told my mother. She was just trying to help me."
Maribel looked directly at Quinn: "And you don't think we can keep a secret?"
Santana and her father burst out laughing.
Maribel silenced her husband with a deadly glare, Quinn elbowed Santana in the side to stop her laughing fit.
"Hey." Santana said indignantly, rubbing the spot where Quinn had hit her.
Santana's father stifled his laughter and said: "Sorry honey, but let's be honest. You are a terrible secret keeper. You can't even keep Santana's presents a secret."
She glared at him again and he raised his hands: "I'm just saying."
"Fine, seeing as though my daughter and husband do not believe that I can keep a secret I will let this one slide. But let it be known, Quinn Fabray, I do not accept lying or lying by omission. This is the first and last time that this happens."
Quinn nodded and smiled at Maribel.
"Right, so will someone please explain how this happened? I mean, I know that Santana has had a crush on you since forever ago, but after Thanksgiving I did not see this coming."
Santana looked over at Quinn and smiled sheepishly: "Well, I swallowed my pride and called Quinn. I apologised, she apologised. Then she rocked up at my door and told me that she was moving to New York and, well, it just happened."
Quinn blushed as she remembered the events of that night. She was glad that Santana had the discretion to give her parents the PG version of their 'coming together'.
Maribel gave Quinn a knowing look before saying to Santana: "Well my darling, I am proud that you didn't let your pride get in the way of a catch like this."
Remember to drop those reviews ;-))