Chapter Nine

"Now I would say that is a very good reason for a celebration."

"Absolutely Ducky, we should all go out for a drink; say you'll come Gibbs, you never come out with us, but Tim's clear for field duty, how cool is that?"

"Cool enough for me to say yes."

Abby was bouncing with excitement; her Musketeers were going to be together again, at long last.

Tim couldn't quite believe that he had finally been passed fit for field duty; all the hours in the gym and on the firing range had finally paid off. He'd felt such a sense of elation when Director Vance signed off on his approval, he was going back in the field! He'd been happy to be back at NCIS and relishing again the intense activity of the squad room; but very quickly he had realised the frustration that came when Gibbs called out. "Gear up!" and he was left behind at his desk. Tim had channelled that frustration into working harder in the gym, spending part of every day at the firing range, running further and further, even in the freezing February weather.

Much as he may have hated being left behind, he was honest enough to admit he hadn't been ready for field duty before, more likely to be a hindrance than a help, worse still he could have put one of his team mates in danger because he'd returned too soon. So he set about his rehabilitation with single-minded determination – when Vance looked at his progress report Tim wanted him to have only one option…Now the decision day had arrived, and starting tomorrow he would be joining Gibbs and the others when they got the call to a crime scene.

Ziva switched off her computer, they didn't have an open case right now, so Gibbs had submitted to the inevitable consequences of Tim's news, he'd told everyone to finish early. She had been schooled to hide her emotions, but this evening, Ziva didn't care who saw the wide grin on her face. The team, her team, the men who had risked everything to save her, they were back together again, and everything was right with her world.

Tim was already reaching for his coat. "Come on people, time's a' wasting."

Abby cuffed him gently on the arm. "Some of us have to go get our coats."

"So go!"

Abby grabbed Ducky and Jimmy and practically dragged them to the elevator, Ducky called out. "We'll meet you in the parking lot…very shortly."

Acting without thought, on an instinct born of weeks caring for Tim, Tony took a step closer to his friend, reached out and started to fasten Tim's coat. For a split second Tim was dumbstruck, then he quickly pushed Tony's hands away. He hadn't worked himself to the point of exhaustion to have Gibbs and Ziva thinking he wasn't even capable of dressing himself.

"Tony, knock it off!"

"It's cold out, you need to keep warm." Tony couldn't understand Tim's problem, he'd done this many times while Tim was sick, when his hands shook so much from exhaustion that he couldn't even hold the buttons steady.

"I'm fine Tony. I can manage for myself; you don't have to help me with this any longer. I'm better now."

"But the doctor said you have to keep warm, you're vulnerable."

"Not any longer, that was when I was still recovering. Tony, don't you see? I'm passed fit for field duty, that part of our lives, it's over now, don't you see?"

Ziva and Gibbs watched in stunned silence as Tony leaned against the desk, and in a voice so low they could barely hear him, he whispered to Tim.

"No I don't see that...I see you lying in the mud, white as death…your lips were blue Tim...I feel you under my hands; cold...like ice...I...I thought I'd killed you Tim…that's what I see, every single day…"

Tony was visibly shaking; Tim wanted to respond, to help his friend. In all the time they had spent together since Byard's attack Tony had never told him what he was seeing. Tim couldn't let Tony carry this burden any longer, he took hold of Tony's arm.

"We're heading for a conference room Boss, a real one...you all go on ahead, we'll meet you later."

Gibbs simply nodded, he hadn't seen this coming, not for one second, he'd let them deal with it together right now, if they needed him he'd be around.

On the way to the conference room Tim got two cups of coffee from a vending machine, he put the cups on the table and waited for Tony to sit. He was still shaking, but it didn't seem as pronounced as before. Tim pushed the coffee toward Tony and sat beside him.

"You want to tell me what just happened?"

Tony held on tight to his coffee, staring into the cup, hoping the warmth would get the shivering under control. "It...I don't know; I should be happy you're fit to work I am happy, it's what we've been working for all this time...But every time I look at you I see you the way you were that day."

"Look at me now Tony." There was no movement. "Hey, I'm not in that coffee cup, look at me!"

The sharp edge to Tim's voice had Tony's head snap up.

"That's better; now take a good look Tony. I'm good, real good, and that's all thanks to you. You do realise that, don't you?"

"What else could I do Tim? You were hurt because of what I did, because I wouldn't wait for back-up; I thought I'd killed you…"

"Tony, listen to me. You saved me; I'm still here thanks to you. My heart stopped, that should have been it for me, but you wouldn't give up…"

Tony carried on talking as if he hadn't heard a word Tim had said. "They say in a situation like that there's no time to think, just act…but all the time I was doing compressions, trying to keep your heart beating…all the time I was thinking, my fault…it's my fault you're dead…because…Tim, I thought you were dead…I knew he'd cut you…I'd seen the blood in the water; but I couldn't see…and I couldn't stop the compressions, and all the time I didn't know if you'd already bled out…and it would have been on me."

"No! Tony, you have to stop this. It was because of Byard, he stabbed me, he let me fall into the water, not you. You saved me Tony, time for life to get back to normal, for you to start a few new McNicknames…"

Tony lifted his head a little. "Like what?"

"Why are you asking me? You used to have an endless supply."

A small smile started to play around Tony's lips. "Maybe I'll get to work on that."

Tim picked up the coffee cups and threw them in the trash and rested his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"You've been so busy taking care of me you forgot to look out for yourself, and I didn't see it…too wrapped up in myself. That stops right here Tony, you know, you should talk to someone."

"A shrink?"

"A therapist, yeah...I'm seeing someone, you know that...it helps Tony, it really does...You can rant to them about what a pain in the butt I've been, and I never have to know."

"Not going to happen Tim…not the therapist, I think that's a good idea…maybe it is time to talk…but I won't say you've been a pain in the butt, you were hurt and you had to heal."

"True Tony, but you didn't hurt me, that was all on Byard; you saved me, don't you get it? If you hadn't dragged me out of the water and kept working on me, I would be dead; I owe you my life Tony…"

"What if it happens again? If you get hurt like that…I don't think I could deal with all this more than once in my life."

Tim lifted his hand and for the first time administered a head slap. Tony's eyes opened wide in astonishment.

"Tony, how many years have we worked together?"

"Seven…eight."

"Right, and how many times have I been hurt? Once…this one time. You can't do this job if you're going to be scared for me all the time Tony. Any one of us could get hurt…killed, on any given day, it comes with the badge, but so long as we look out for each other like you looked out for me, we'll do just fine."

Tony looked at Tim with a slight smile on his lips. "You're right about looking out for each other; not about getting hurt, how about when your shoulder got dislocated?"

"Doesn't count Tony, I didn't even get to have the good pain-killers like you…You know, looking back, I should have milked that a little more, got you running round after me like I was chasing after Gibbs when he put his arm out."

"Dream on McHopeful, Werth broke my nose, there's no way I could have taken care of anyone but me."

Tim smiled at Tony's first attempt at a McNickname, he stepped closer to Tony, put his hands on Tony's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Tony, these last months…you have been…I'll say it, you've been closer to me that anyone in the world. I've never had a brother, but if I did, he couldn't mean more to me that you. Without you, I don't know that I would be going back to work tomorrow; not only because you kept me from death's door, but because you stood by me every day since, even when I was being mean to everyone around me. I almost lost my life Tony, and you gave it back to me, it's a debt I can never repay."

"I think you paid up front." Tony's voice was barely a whisper. "I know I kid around, but I don't forget Tim; you saved my life…the Arnett case, when that crazy woman drove right into me…I could feel my grip loosening, another few seconds and I'd have been splattered all over the parking garage. In my book that makes us even."

"Not even close Tony, let's call that a down-payment…Come on, let's go join the others, I don't want to miss the chance to buy Gibbs a drink that isn't full of caffeine." Tim smiled broadly, and Tony finally relaxed enough to put his arm round Tim's shoulders and guide him to the door.

"Well if you're buying, I'm definitely in; lead on McLazarus."