She didn't' t know the reasons why she had kept going back to Leonard in the past. Perhaps it was a number of reasons. Loneliness, feeling that you cannot attract another man, convenience, or low self-esteem. According to her therapists. She never told her family or friends that she had gone to see one, during the time

Another possibility is that no one modeled for you what a good relationship is like." The therapists suggested. (Penny wasn't feeling inclined to share the details of her past background.) "You had a good childhood and you have a healthy relationship with your parents. Even so, their relationship may not have been healthy and that could have been where you learned some of your problematic behaviors."

In other terms she didn't like being alone. She used to think 'Being in an unhealthy relationship is better than not being in a relationship at all."

Leonard

When I think about her, I don't think about the year 2010 or the bad times. I think of the great times from September 2008 through October 2009. I was so happy. I think about the way she used to be. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never get over her. Maybe I shouldn't, anyway, as she was my first love, and I think most people never 100% get over their first loves. I'm good at hiding this around the people I'm with, from friends and family, but deep inside I'm insanely unhappy. I miss her. I miss the way things used to be. Yes, I realize that the girl I love no longer exists. The girl I love is, basically a completely different person in every way, and I also understand that times will never be like they used to be, but I can't help it, I just… I think about her so much, and honestly, sometimes I still get into tears.

I had this story played out in my head of how I thought my life was going to go with my ex. It was going to be great, and as she pulled away from me it hurt. But that is because it wasn't following the story I had planned out. It wasn't how I wanted our lives to go. The good thing about stories is that they can be re-written and updated. When I realized that it was my story and not my heart that was broke. I realized that it was my story and I could change it. So I started to work on re-writing my story (in the present, not the past).

Leonard would be the last person she went to for this, but who else could she tell? She trusted her instinct that Leonard wouldn't be the jealous ex boyfriend.

"You kissed Sheldon!" Leonard was surprised but more shocked.

"Could you talk any louder please? It's not like I meant to. I was upset and it just happened."

"Just to be curious, how was it?"

She hit him with a pillow.

"Ow. What did I do now?"

Penny brought her voice down to a whisper. "He could be listening."

" It's bad enough you were starting to sound like him, now you're starting to get more paranoid than he is. And I doubt that he's listening. So how was it.?"

"It was wet, I was crying."

"Why were you crying?"

"Say, theoretically, if somebody called me fat or a whore and I asked you if I was attractive, what would you say?"

"I'd say, that you were attractive."

"See, there it is."

"What?"

"Every time I asked for you opinion, you were too quick to answer, without giving me any reason why."

"So, you're mad at me now because I always gave you a straight forward answerer?"

"Yes."

"It always made me feel like you weren't putting any thought behind you're answer as if you were always trying to dumb it down for me."

"You know how crazy that is right?"

Penny shrugged.

Sheldon found himself overwhelmed after Penny had kissed him. He spent endless hours trying to figure out what it all meant.

When she came over to hang with the guys, they wouldn't say much to each other. She would still sit in her spot next to him.

It was her turn on the Wii to challenge Howard to Just Dance.

Once again Sheldon's eyes wandered to Penny's nether regions, (her behind.) following every elegant curve that complemented her body.

When the song was over, she plopped down next to him. Her chest heaving with exertion. He watched as her breasts rose and fell. It was only when she turned her head toward him that he had been staring too long. He looked away, his face growing hot.

Every time he was in close proximity to her, his temperature seemed to drop until it felt like he was boiling, his heart beat would increase. Her hand would innocently brush his and his palms would being to sweat.

He'd have to try to find out what was going on with him.

Later that night, he tried to match his symptoms with medical opinions over the internet. Leonard had almost caught him doing so.

The last thing Sheldon wanted was his roommate to think he was in bad health. If he was Leonard, and thought that it was anything catching, he'd kick him out and find another roommate to replace him with.

To avoid any unwanted attention from his friends and colleagues, he ran the tests on himself in the solace of his office.

He needed a real professional opinion.

"Dr. Barnett, there's a man demanding to see you." A nurse told Stephanie. She explained that the patient seemed unsettled. Nothing to be concerned about. But Stephanie should at least talk with him. She wanted to see if the patient was 'all right' before she called psychiatry.

"Sheldon?" Stephanie was surprised, and suddenly very concerned.

The young nurse read her expression, "Do you want me to stay...?"

'There's no need for that." She said to the nurse. "I know him. He's all right."

The nurse just nodded and went back to her tasks.

"Sheldon, what are you doing here?" Doctor Barnett asked.

"I refused to see any other doctor, except you."

"You're not making me do a full routine checkup this time, are you. There are real patients that I have to get back to..."

"No. Of course not. This time it's serious."

Stephanie called Leonard and told him that Sheldon made an unexpected visit, there was nothing to worry about. They made plans to meet for coffee.

"You stayed up all night again, huh?" Bernadette asked. Sheldon was working away at his board.

"What you're experiencing can't be explained by math equations or Science. You're in love with Penny."

"That's ridiculous."

"It might. But did even Homo novus isn't evolved above having a partner?"

This made Sheldon think.

"You kissed me because you missed Leonard."

"No. I didn't. I don't even miss him."

"You still have feelings for him don't you?"

"No I don't."

He was listening but he wasn't buying it. "How many times, Penny, have I told you why the after effects of Coitus leads to one to believe they're in love..."

blah, blah, blah,

"Like a millions times."

"That is highly exaggerated."

She let him go on with his rampant speech.

"Now don't you roll your eyes at me."

"I wasn't. "

"You were going to."

Damn how did he guess?

"If you go back to Leonard again, I strictly caution you..."

"After what I've been through with him, we are not getting back together."

"Are you..."

"Sure, yes. You have my solemn pledge."

"I have mixed thoughts, knowing your track record.

"It won't happen Sheldon."

"You would need to give me a solid reason for you hypothesis."

"You want a sold reason? Fine, I'll give it to you. I don't want him. I want you." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back.

"In what universe would you want me?"

She started at him blankly for a few seconds before looking at the ground. "I screwed up Sheldon." She sat down on her couch. "I ruined our first kiss."

"Our first kiss? I doubt that counted. Let me tell you why before you shrewdly interrupt me, I will give you two reasons. 1. You initiated it but I simply wasn't ready. And 2. Was there no tongue access?"

"No."

"Then that hardly qualifies as our first kiss."

Her face grew hot as she blushed, the corners of her mouth pulling into a smile.

Aug 20

She got a call from her mother that her grandfather had passed away. Her mother's father.

The cause of death was as yet unknown, though his health has been in decline since a massive stroke suffered last year.

The first person Penny went to for comfort was Sheldon. He flew with her all the way to Nebraska. After the flight it took a while to regain feeling back in her hand.

When Penny told her mother she'd be going to spend time with Sheldon and his family, she wasn't

You should be here with your family.

"They're like a second family." There was truth to that. Sheldon's family did feel like a family to her. "Don't worry, I'll be safe. I'll call you." She gave her mother a hug.

The arrived in Texas.

Sheldon's family did the best to accommodate her and give her space if she needed to. She was family to them. They all got along well. Even Sheldon's Meemaw took a liking to her. Evelyn Smith noticed that there was something going on between the two of them, even Mary saw it.

"That girl has a good strong head on her soldiers. If you know better Shelly you best, don't let that one get away." Mary Cooper could have been teasing but there was seriousness to her tone.

Mary got out the baby pictures, thinking it was a good way for Penny to bond with the rest of the family, though she really didn't mean too.

"Aw, look at Sheldon. He was so cute!" Penny picked up a school picture of Sheldon when he was four years old.

While Mary, Missy, and Penny all cued over the baby pictures, Meemaw took Sheldon aside to talk to him in the kitchen.

He tried to convince her that he didn't have feelings for Penny, but she called him out on his bluff.

"People always said that you think too much and you don't feel enough, but I have always known better. You feel just as deeply as anyone else, you just don't understand it or want to deal with it. But you listen to your Meemaw and make sure that girl in there gets this ring. And I'd prefer it happen while I'm still around to dance at your wedding."

Sheldon nodded again and smiled as he watched her stand up. Even at 80, Meemaw was still the sharpest woman in the family. She took a step towards him and planted a kiss on his forehead before she went back to the living room.

"Ooh, look at this one." Came Penny's voice.

Leonard

I never chatted with her on Facebook anymore. We just hung out across the hall along with the guys and the girls. He was never alone with her. Was she purposely trying to avoid it?

When he messaged his friends, they said they hadn't heard from her either.

They had said,

Let her grief.

Her grandfather just died. Give her some time.

She'll contact us when she's ready.

Maybe was still with Sheldon and his family. I decided to check up on her.

On her profile, she had a list of the "top 10 things she loved", and number one, I saw a picture of her and Sheldon captioned, 'my life and "best friend in the whole wide world".

That hurt me so badly, to know that she wrote that about another guy, who was my best friend, when I know, deep down and up front in my heart that I am better than that guy in each and every humanly way possible. But the fact that she wrote that after everything we'd been together, the promises she made to me, all the memories we made and the time we shared, it really has messed up my psyche and self esteem. Those words weren't meant for my eyes, but guess what, I went looking and paid the price. I could have been happier today if I'd never saw those words written about him being the "love of her life" and the "greatest thing that's ever happened to her" and "the most amazing man she's ever met" and her "best friend in the whole wide world". Ignorance is bliss, and, in hindsight, I would have rather lived ignorantly than to see her write things that I deem simply blasphemous. I KNOW I've allowed her to have a MASSIVE impact on my self esteem and I'm just simply nowhere near as assured, confident and relaxed as I never was to being with, and that — for lack of a better word — sucks.

When she got over this thing with Sheldon, if it's just a thing, she'd meet someone, move out of the apartment, and drift away from the group.

I'd probably still try to keep in contact with her, and then she'd stop messaging me completely. I'd still keep checking her Facebook status. And one day discover her getting married to someone else.

I took a vow to never look her up again because I'd just be torturing himself.

When she told me she didn't want to marry me anymore, the pain was so intense. It's still intense.

I stared at the page as I thought deeply,

"What will you gain looking her up? You'll just see a picture of her husband, that was supposed to be you, and then you'll see her with her child even after she promised you — years ago — of the one you and her were supposed to have."

I know I gain nothing by dwelling on the past. I accept that. I just feel that the memories we made were all for naught. I feel like I'm just a footnote, and I'll always remember her and think of the memories we made for the remainder of my life.

I need to stop torturing myself.

I had a woman. I had let her go once because I wasn't ready to take things fast. I had never felt that way with Penny.

After Stephanie and I had put aside our differences we decided to start dating again. The more I think of her I realize for once in a long time, my life feels great. It is definitely doable. Just start focusing on the solution and not the problem. It will be a tough journey.

AN: I was debating between who to bring back Stepahnie or Leslie. After re-watching most epiosdes with Leslie and Leonard, and Leonard and Stephanie, Stephanie seems to have more chemistry with Leonard than Leslie did.