title: horizon.
summary: "Do you think," she asked, "they'll be able to pass me?" Her tone was light, but laced between her curiosity was a razor-sharp warning.
pairing: canary x killua
chapter: 10. cumulonimbus clouds
disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter. Certain scenes in this chapter are pulled from the 1999 anime and the 2011 anime. I just squished everything together bwahaha
.
.
.
Killua was back.
In between the thud thud thud thudding of her heart and the sudden aching that was her half-healed scars on her back, Canary thought:
It had been only - how long?
One month and twenty-two days, her brain helpfully supplied. One month. Barely any time, in the scheme of things. Funny, how two years felt like the blink of an eye and a month felt like an eternity. Unwarranted, her heart began pounding. Unwarranted, her body moved against her will, away from her route, towards the gate she was supposed to guard.
He was back.
He was back.
He was not free.
Approaching her gate, coming up from the Testing Gate path, was Killua. She would have recognized him from his shockingly silver hair, even if she hadn't noticed his sudden presence.
A disaster.
Expression smooth. Expression smooth. She bowed before he could see her, and clasped her staff tightly behind her back.
He was alone, footsteps steady on the ground, skateboard tucked beneath his arm. He looked the same as when he had left, and yet utterly different.
She inhaled. Exhaled. "Killua-sama."
The footsteps stopped.
A silence; it was heavy. Canary willed her breaths to come out evenly, willed her hands to stop shaking and for her heart to slow.
"I thought you'd be here," he finally said. Canary glanced up, but he was already looking away, something indescribable in his expression. For a moment, he seemed to hesitate; teetering on the border between the path from the Testing Gate and the path to his home.
The last time they were here, they were on opposite sides. He had been the one leaving the household, and she had been the one trying to stop him. Now their roles had flipped; here he was returning to the place he'd left behind, and here she was welcoming him back in.
How odd. Her chest hurt. Canary straightened upwards, and forced a smile onto her face. "Killua-"
Canary stumbled slightly as Killua suddenly shoved his skateboard at her. On reflex, she grabbed it, the wheels lodged awkwardly against the thinner end of her rod. His expression was hidden again beneath a cloud of white hair.
He pressed the skateboard even more firmly into her hands.
"I...made a friend." His voice was incredibly quiet, a hushed murmur that would have been lost if Canary hadn't been listening. His grip on his skateboard tightened imperceptibly, then slipped away.
And then he was gone and she was left standing there with a skateboard in her hands and a lurching sensation in the pit of her stomach.
.
.
.
Solitary confinement for a week, and escalated torture for three. That was Killua's punishment.
"You understand, Canary-chan?" Gotoh's voice was steel hard. Unflappable; professional. "Your training will continue as normal. Do not do anything...rash."
Rash. As if she needed such a warning to begin with.
Canary bowed her head.
.
.
.
"I made a friend."
.
.
.
We all know what happens next, right? Three boys on a bus. Two men in front of a gate. Two skeletons on the ground. An old man with muscles bulging, the Testing Gate creaks open.
So there's no need for me to explain. We already know their story: the cabin, the heavy lifting, the slow but persistent growth. We already know about the fierce determination that burns in their eyes, that one green-clothed boy who is willing to raise hell to bring his friend back.
Let's turn instead into the opposite direction; away from the Gate, and towards the mountain. Towards the mountain where Killua hangs from a prison cell, wondering if his friends will ever forgive him, if his fate had been predetermined as the heir to an assassin family since his birth, if there really ever had been any semblance of escape to begin with.
But we know that already, too, don't we? He doesn't know his friends have pursued them all the way to his home. But he believes. He believes in their warmth, in their laughter, in their naive stupidity and open arms. We know this; we know friendship. So.
The middle point. Between the main Zoldyck mansion where Killua resides and the small butler cabin where Gon, Leorio and Kurapika strain under heavy weights, is the butler household.
Gotoh polishes his glasses. Hilda hums as she sharpens her knives.
And Canary?
Canary. Cannot. Calm down.
Her back aches. Phantom pains in the scars on her back, a dull throbbing in her side. Killua is back. Killua is not free. These two thoughts run circles in her brain until she feels like she is about to explode. What to do? She had betrayed orders once, but what now?
I made a friend.
Not fair.
Killua was not fair.
Isn't that what he had told her, right before he had left? That they were friends. But then he had gone out into the world and figured out what friends really were, and now he knew. Now he knew that what he and Canary had was...not friendship.
Not friendship. Just a farce of a boy and a girl and a master and a servant and an employer and an employee.
She knew that.
She knew that.
Knowing that they are not friends, Canary still places Killua's skateboard beneath the very first tree she had greeted him under. It would raise suspicions otherwise, she tells herself, and this tree has no meaning. This tree is just any other tree. Killua did not give me this skateboard. Killua simply dropped it and she had picked it up, and left it here.
Canary returns to work.
.
.
.
.
"Killua's friends are here?"
Zebro laughed heartily at Canary's expression. "They're some interesting kids," he told her. "They're around the young master's age. Full of energy - ah, it's hard to keep up with them, sometimes."
"They're training on the estate?" Canary asked, unable to hide the faint surprise in her voice.
Zebro nodded, and then laughed again, his warm voice filling the air. "Like I said - they're interesting kids. But I won't let them proceed until they manage to open the Testing Gate."
The Testing Gate. Four tons, then eight tons, then sixteen, then thirty-two, and so on. Canary clenched her fist imperceptibly around her staff.
Trust Killua to make friends that were just as strong as he was. Canary hummed noncommittally, and glanced at the sky - the sun was setting.
"Do you think," she asked, "they'll be able to pass me?" Her tone was light, but laced between her curiosity was a razor-sharp warning. She had never been good at hiding her emotions. If Zebro - old man Zebro-san, who had been a gatekeeper even before she had been born, whose loyalty to the Zoldycks ran deep in his blood - believed that three strangers were strong enough to defeat her...
She had defeated a hundred men three years ago.
Three people, now, were nothing.
Zebro only smiled at her. For an old man, he sure knew how to play the middle-ground. "I guess you'll just have to see, Canary-chan."
.
.
.
His name was Gon. Spiky hair, all loose limbs and unexpected muscle beneath his clothing. Behind him, a blond boy and a taller businessman.
How frustrating. They demanded Killua back so easily, as if she had some power to summon him. They demanded to pass, as if she had a choice whether to let them pass or not.
Canary drew a line in the dirt. Smacked the boy named Gon to the ground.
She had expected a fight; a normal brawl of just blood and taunts and violence, because that was what she had prepared herself for. Not this. This, she was unprepared for.
Knocking someone to the ground felt worse than splitting training posts. There was something about the weight of a hit, the sound of steel against flesh instead of wood. It was fine in a fight. But this wasn't a fight. It was just a ruthless beating.
"Ne," and then this boy named Gon was in front of her again, standing right in front of the line she had drawn, one eye swollen shut and bruises splaying down the side of his face like he didn't feel a goddamn thing. "I just have one question."
"I am under no obligation to answer you," she replied, voice cold, heart pounding. Gon paused for a moment.
"The tree behind you. That's Killua's precious skateboard, isn't it?"
The two boys behind him shifted, as if they had only just noticed. Canary deliberated.
"...Correct," she responded. "That is Killua-sama's skateboard."
Gon made a small hum. Then he glanced down at the line between them.
"Hey," the taller businessman growled behind Gon, "Killua never lost track of that skateboard throughout the entire Hunter Exam. He treated it like his most prized possession. Why is it with you?"
Why indeed? She'd asked herself the same question. Canary kept her face impassive. "It has nothing to do with me. He dropped it there when he returned."
A silence.
"I don't believe you," Gon finally announced with something like triumph in his voice, and stepped across the line.
Thwack!
A cry. "Gon!"
But then the goddamn spiky-haired boy was back on his feet like he didn't feel a thing. If anything, there was something vaguely triumphant in his expression, like he'd reached some mysterious understanding.
"I think Killua left the skateboard with you on purpose," he declared. "And I'll prove it. I don't know your name, but I'm sure Killua does."
"...It does not matter," her voice was cold, biting. But also unsteady. "You will not pass. Entry is not permitted."
.
.
.
Some friend you've made, Killua, Canary thought. This boy is not human.
The sun was setting. She had lost count of how many times he had approached; how many times she had knocked him away the instant his foot crossed the line.
You could kill him. The idea rattled in her skull like dice, licked at her veins and her muscles in the burning sensation she felt every time she raised her staff. Next time, don't use the ball end of the rod. Don't hold back. Don't knock him away. Pull him close instead. All people die with a crushed windpipe.
It was true. All people died with a crushed windpipe. She was holding back on her hits; swinging with just enough force to bruise, but not enough to break a bone. If she smashed through his jaw, would he still be as willing to come near? If she bludgeoned him to death, would his so-called friends abandon him and Killua?
"I made a friend." A skateboard pressed into her hands. Ice blue eyes in the dead of the night and razor sharp fingernails digging into her wrists, twenty stinging lashes on her back. I made a friend and you're my friend and I don't know your name, but I'm sure Killua does.
Shit. Canary knew why she was holding back. She just didn't want to think about it.
His name was Gon. The two people behind him were Kurapika and Leorio. They were Killua's friends.
Killua had fought so hard to find these friends of his. He had searched for friends for so long, always wishing, always always always, despite knowing that he was an assassin and assassins couldn't have friends. Who was she, to take that away? In the end, she couldn't bring herself to do something like that to Killua. Especially when, perhaps more than anyone else in the entire world, she -
Canary bit down on her tongue to avoid thinking further.
Involuntarily, she opened her mouth. "Hey."
Ahh, she hadn't meant to speak. All she wanted was for them to leave. Canary paused, surprised by her own words. Then she gripped her staff tighter. "Hey," she called out, "isn't this enough? Just stop. Cut it out!"
And he was still walking forward, still coming near. Stumbling now - he'd landed wrong, the last time she'd thrown him back. Godammit, why was he still approaching?
"Ahh...so frustrating. I just want to see my friend. That's all I'm here for."
Her fingers tight against her staff. In the brief in-between moments of her pounding heartbeat, Canary thought to herself, I might be a little jealous.
I guess this is what you call friendship.
"Ne. I crossed the line, but you haven't hit me yet," Gon said.
She was holding her breath, feeling her muscles tense. Just hit him.
There was too much honesty in his eyes. Too much honesty in her own. He saw it, and his friends saw it.
You're right, she thought. I am not like Mike.
Friends. Such an odd word. A word Canary had never understood before.
She was so surprised by her tears that her natural affinity to notice other people completely disappeared. But there they were: tears; foreign.
The feeling of tears sliding down her cheeks was terrifying. It had been so long since she'd cried. She couldn't remember the last time she'd done so.
"Please." She could still do it; smack him away, and this time she wouldn't hold back. This time she would jab the end of her staff into his throat and he would choke himself to death on his own blood. This time - this time -
Canary lifted her head. "Killua-sama. Please help him -"
She didn't notice the needle aimed at her temple until it struck.
.
.
.
I've been thoroughly outplayed.
It grated on her nerves. For all of her subservience, Canary was proud. To have capitulated so easily against a boy who refused to back down, it frustrated her.
"My name is Canary. I'll take the consequences of my actions," she told them, thinking about the darkness of that prison cell and how easy it was to suffer. "Whatever they may be."
.
.
.
A knife against her throat. An apology in Gotoh's eyes.
Drive left elbow back, grab wrist holding knife and twist. Duck out from underneath, lash out with heel aiming for kneecaps. So many ways for her to escape. She bristled slightly, and the butler loosened his hold on her. Good. She would play her part.
She glanced up at the butler. He was vaguely familiar, but she couldn't remember his name. Very, very subtly, she caught his eye.
"Killua is here already, isn't he?" she murmured.
A blink was the only indication of his surprise. Although most butlers knew about Gotoh's uncanny ability to sense the positions of other people, it was likely that very few knew about her similar background in Meteor City. He shot a quick glance at Gon, Leorio, and Kurapika. Then, imperceptibly, he nodded.
Canary lowered her gaze, and quelled her thumping heart. "I see."
A coin game; Gotoh's favorite. Left. Left. Right. Left. Hishita snatched the coin so quickly out of the air that most people wouldn't have noticed it.
Canary closed her eyes. Upstairs, in the farthest room to the left. Killua - Killua -
.
.
.
The doors swung open, and Killua entered the room like a ghost.
.
.
He had grown, somehow; his posture different, less uneasy. Canary wondered if she had ever seen him smile the way he smiled with Gon. Almost instinctively, she shrunk her presence down, hiding behind Hishita and the other butlers. For some reason, she didn't want to intrude.
Well. ...it doesn't matter.
"I'm sure you three can stay the night," Gotoh announced smoothly, as if he hadn't just crushed a pair of coins in his fists. "The Mistress will be sorely displeased - but alas, I believe she has retired for the evening. We have already made the proper arrangements for such esteemed friends of Killua-sama. Unfortunately, we will be unable to accomodate you in the main Zoldyck mansion, but I assure you the spare rooms in this butler manor will be satisfactory."
"Wah, you old man, you don't need to sound so formal!" Leorio cried out, scratching the back of his head.
Kurapika gracefully nodded. "We would love to stay the night. Thank you, butler-san."
Killua let out a laugh - she had never quite heard him laugh that openly, Canary realized - and then Gon perked up.
"AH!" he cried, as if he had suddenly remembered something. "Wait! Gotoh-san! What about Canary?"
Damned boy.
Killua turned to her, blue eyes wide as if he hadn't seen her until then, but Gon steamrolled through anyway.
"Canary-chan's the one who lead us here. You have to promise not to punish her! She was just helping us out!"
Canary managed an awkward smile. "Ah - that's alright, Gon-kun. As you can see, I'm not in any clear or present danger."
Gotoh let out a short laugh. "Maa, Canary-chan here's pretty capable. How could she be punished for doing a favor for Killua-sama's friends? Do not worry, Gon-kun."
The door swung open, and more butlers that Canary didn't recognize filed in.
"Killua-sama, Killua-sama's friends. If you may follow me, we'll lead you to your rooms..."
And the four boys were gone.
.
.
.
They hadn't said a single word to each other.
.
.
.
Canary turned to Gotoh with a bland smile on her face, as if she had not spent the entire day swinging her weapon at an inhuman boy, as if she hadn't incited the Mistress's anger, as if she had never seen Killua at all.
"Excuse me," she bowed. "I will be returning to my room."
.
.
.
She waited two hours. Or maybe three.
I don't need to go, she thought. There was nothing left for Killua here. It was clear that he would not stay.
She tapped the ball end of her staff against her palms. Sat down on the bed. Meditated.
In a different world, this would have never been an issue worthy of debate. She was a butler and Killua-sama was the undisputed heir of the Zoldycks, so far out of her reach it wasn't even worth consideration. In a different world, their interactions would have never gone beyond do you wanna be friends and lame and that would have been all; he would have gone through his assassinations and she would do her duties as a butler and nothing would have happened. Except that wasn't what
Damn it all.
Canary shoved open the window of her room, and slipped outside for the last time.
.
.
.
notes:
- in this chapter, we have seen the return of Killua, again, and Canary's reactions. You'll notice that I didn't describe the canon events very well. That's because we were there; we saw it happen already. No point in rehashing.
- okay, i'll say it. This is a very very unlikely ship. Not just because HxH is on hiatus or because canary's a super minor character, but killua really never showed much attachment toward Canary as a butler in canon, which really sucked because gah. my ship. so i tweaked canon events, and trust me there will be far more tweaking in the future. I said this story was gonna turn AU and...here's where it starts to diverge. After all, in canon, Killua and Canary never had secret conversations in the dead of the night or fought or made up. But here, it's different. Here, before Killua became friends with Gon, he became friends with Canary, even if neither of them knew it.
- next up: the conclusion of the Zoldyck family arc, some final Canary/Killua interaction, and Canary and the Very Distinct Absence of Killua. or, Canary and Her Own Adventures, and the emergence of a storyline.