disclaimer: we mix our tears with blood
no clock will stop for us
it ticks by
we'll fight as hard as we love
real disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended
MANHATTAN
1 9 4 2
x
Howard was gone before Octavia's shoes could come off. Once they returned back to the manor, he was packed and ready to go. She didn't fight him to stay since she was used to this abrupt departure from the Stark men. Tony started it soon after she moved in but often times he would offer to bring her with him. That wasn't going to happen this time with Howard. As they barely visited their brief goodbye, Octavia realized her father needed a break from her just as she needed one from him. That was the only relationship they knew for each other and while Howard headed towards his car, she eased knowing it would not be the last time she saw him.
The Jarvis' were pleasant enough company for the lasting days. Edwin was welcoming and provided every comfort she needed but it was Ana she had grown close to during her stay. She began to wonder why Tony never mentioned Edwin's wife but a solemn thought kept the notion at bay. Most days she would leave her to her own devices but on others she would keep her company. Even if Octavia was just unscrewing parts from one other or sketching out a more readable blueprint. Ana would ask her what she was doing or offer to help in anyway she could think of. One afternoon, Ana took notes of exactly what Octavia was doing with all the parts of the H.Y.D.R.A. sub. When she noticed Octavia wasn't always using the tools to break the pieces a part, she started asking questions.
"So if you're not an alien," her thick Northern Irish accent sung out. "What are you?"
"I'm human, sort of." Octavia hardly clarified. "Where I'm from, there were hundreds of thousands of us. A rare genetic mutation that gave the individual unique abilities. Mine are more controlled than others."
"I overheard Eddie and Mr. Stark talking. You were covered in fire apparently. Doesn't sound very controlled to me."
Octavia gave her a pointed look. "My abilities allow me to accept a lot of energy. It can't happen all at once, can it?"
"So you set yourself on fire then?"
"I do not-" she stopped and cleared her throat. "It's not fire. It's visible energy that hasn't been absorbed yet. It's practically harmless."
"Practically? Well, that sounds like a bit of make believe, if you ask me."
"I didn't."
"How'd you find out about yourself?" Ana ignored her retort. "I can't imagine that was a pleasant surprise."
She wanted to sigh and tell Ana to mind her own business as she would with anyone else. Concern out of curiosity would always come too late and never when needed. People often were unaware of how rude their multitudes of personal questions could get. Ana's questions came from good intentions but Octavia knew what they said about those.
"I've always known." She answered with a curt turn of her attention back to the wiring in front of her to let that be the end of her questioning.
Some days would be more or less the same. Breakfast at 7. Busy work until noon or whenever she felt like getting dressed. Ana and Edwin often made comments about how long she would remain in her sleep clothes but Octavia felt no rush to get anywhere. Just home. She didn't need to be dressed for that. After lunch, she would probably take about half an hour to herself before starting back on her work. The submarine was almost stripped to its bones. A well detailed blueprint of the machine she saw once guided her through what she would need. When Howard returned to mend it all together, all would be well.
In the midst of madness, Octavia had almost forgotten about the external power source the machine needed to activate. A picture of what it could be emerged in her mind and she kicked herself for not realizing it sooner. The tesseract was one of the most powerful objects in the whole of creation - and as of this time it was just across the ocean. It powered enemy forces and would be lost to mankind for almost a hundred years.
At least that's what S.H.I.E.L.D. would have had everyone believe. Only a few people, including herself, knew that Howard Stark was the one to find the tesseract sinking away in the Atlantic. Right after they lost Steve. Oh god, she thought. That's almost a year from now.
The same old song had been sung once again and Octavia wasted hours staring off into space thinking of different scenarios on which she could obtain the stone on her own but each one would end in disaster. Seemingly the only safe option was to wait until Howard pulled it from the ocean but each day she remained could do irreversible damage that she couldn't even imagine. A tight breath of frustration arose as she knew the capabilities she could achieve but was powerless to do anything at all. She wasn't suppose to be here - yet she was. While the world turned on without her she felt herself wasting away. There wasn't much she could do with her time and she looked for any opportunity she could to keep herself busy.
x
The U.S.O. event happened almost every night and on the nights it didn't she would sleep to silent dreams of it. Octavia got sheer pleasure just watching Steve in his sewn together red, white, and blue suit as he tried to remember his lines and keep on beat. Each show brought in hundreds to thousands of people a night just to watch a kid from Brooklyn sell bonds. Roars of excitement would erupt whenever he faked out old Hitler. Just wait, she told them to herself. Wait till you see what he can really do.
Once, maybe it was the year 2019, Octavia found old photos and memorabilia from his U.S.O. days tucked away in the back of the closet. She had never noticed him put it there or even once go to look at it. He had talked about the show plenty of times which always prompted Octavia to express how badly she wanted to have seen it. Now every night she sat somewhere different to see it from another angle. As the crowds adored and rooted for Steve to strut across the chorus and give the evil dictator the old "one-two", it brought the littlest concern to her mind. How could he hide it away? She never asked him before since it didn't seem like her place to. There was always a quiet understanding between them when it came to sharing such things. Both of them knew that the other had extraordinary lives before the other came into it and what they always concentrated on was the extremities they faced together. Nothing else seemed to matter. Watching him perform over and over again she realized that wasn't true at all.
The magnificent theaters they crowded in were dull stages for his shinning persona. Men hooted and hollered for the pretty chorus girls. Children crowded around the stage and screamed for Steve to look out behind him. Women giggled behind their hands as he pointed his finger at them to encourage his message. After the show ended, crowds would gather to buy merchandise with his face plaster all over it. Octavia would linger to watch people shove notebooks and posters in his face to sign. She would catch his sheepish grin behind camera's flashing bulb and instantly felt homesick.
As the theatre spilled onto the streets, rejoicing over the spectacular colors and fake props for show, Octavia hovered on the steps before venturing into New York City once more. Edwin would always be waiting for her afterwards since he did not share the same desire to view the government's latest selling ploy. She had tried to convince him to let her out on her own but it was to no prevail. Waiting on the steps of the opera house she wondered what was keeping him as she did not notice his car along the street. Bright yellow taxi cabs bustled by in hopes of a fair. One in particular slowed to a stop at the wave of a light brown arm in a tan suit. His other arm was around a dark skinned woman in a royal blue floral dress. They giggled with one another as the cab's break lights painted the sides of their bodies. When he pulled open the back door for her, he gave a tight pull of his arm to get her in closer before giving her a loving kiss on her lips.
A beautiful and rare moment displayed before her. Nothing was more important than one another and Octavia felt like an intruder just having witnessed it. If only… She stopped before she could reach the dead end of her thoughts. There was nothing to be done but wait and watch.
"Nice, huh?"
The thought had not come from her mouth but for a moment it felt like it had. If she had not heard it come from behind her, she would have accepted that it was her that had spoken. From over her shoulder came a large figure to stand beside her on the top step of the theatre. His red, white and blue striped suit was covered by a dark tan jacket that stopped below his waist. Blonde hair that was once gelled back tightly hung loose from sweat after being trapped under his helmet. Octavia's hand twitched to brush it back as she once did but she grabbed her wrist to settle it down.
"Steve…" she breathed out in greeting, a small smile growing on her face. "What are you doing here?"
His own smile mirrored hers as he chuckled softly at her question. "Well it's my show, you see."
Octavia smiled more and even felt a little laugh leave her lips. "Is it?" She teased and let her own grin grow with his. "I'm just surprised you're still here. Don't you live a busy little life now?"
Steve let out a scoffing chuckle and shook his head lightly as he often did whenever he politely disagreed with her. "It's definitely not what I expected it to be."
The ends of her mouth shrunk lightly at his small confession. "What is it that you expected?"
For a split second across his face, Octavia saw that he wanted to tell her and was almost about to. Then, when the second was over, the expression faded and a pleasant smile grew on his lips. "Never mind. Did you enjoy the show?"
Her heart skipped a beat as her smile fell and out of instinct she nodded in response. Forcing the small back on her lips with genuine thrill in her words. "I thought it was wonderful. You're a natural on stage."
She couldn't see but she knew his ears were turning red as he lightly shook his head again, the small chuckle bouncing over his speech. "No, I-I don't think so."
"No, it's true," she insisted and placed a reassuring hand on his arm. "I couldn't take my eyes off you."
Steve's smile was gone now but his features remained soft as the red from his ears creeped to his cheeks. They both glanced to her hand on his arm and she let it linger for a moment longer before sliding it off. When they returned their gaze to one another, their smiles had grown again. "I'm glad you liked it." He said quietly.
"I'm glad I got to see it. I'm glad I got to see you too."
He nodded enthusiastically. "It's good to see you. I was thinking of you the other day."
Her shoulders picked up. "You were?"
"Yes," he nodded again. "You said your fiancé was deployed but you didn't say to where. The U.S.O. goes out there soon maybe I'll find him."
Octavia's jaw lacked in awe. "Oh," she muttered. "Yeah, well, um, you see…"
A loud honk rattled her bones and shook her from her stance. Looking back to the street she saw Edwin's town car parking along the curb. A push opened the driver's side door before the top of Edwin's head emerged over the roof. He twisted around to spot her beside Steve atop of the staircase. A wide toothy grin plastered over his face before he walked around the front of the car to get to the sidewalk. "My apologizes, madam," Edwin called out to her. "Almost lost track of time."
"So did I…" Octavia mumbled to herself but Steve had turned back to her after hearing it, a crinkle over his brow.
"Do you have to go?" He asked somberly.
"I do." She gave a sheepish smile. "I have to get home."
Her feet picked up and started to carry her down the stone steps.
"Will I see you again?" Steve called down to her.
Octavia stopped mid-step and turned back to him with a loving glance. She wanted to tell him that of course he will. Nothing would stop them from seeing each other again. Instead of speaking, she stepped back up the stairs at him. Stopping just on the step below she pulled out the crinkled playbill she had shoved in her pocket before the show. "Only if you sign this for me." She teased playfully at him.
Steve looked down at the piece of paper in her hand and let out an awkward chuckle. "Are you serious?"
"Very." She smiled more as she extended it towards him.
Steve took it from her carefully as his other hand patted his coat for a pen. Finding one in his right breast pocket, he pulled it out with a twist of his thumb to ready it. As the ballpoint pressed against the print and he began his signature, Octavia watched for only a moment before her suppressing urge overcame her muscles. Leaning on the tips of her toes, she inclined herself towards his lowered head and pressed her small lips against the side of his cheek.
The star-spangled man froze instantly with pen and paper in hand. A turn of his head brought them closer than they had been in months. Before she could forget herself again she leaned away from him back to the balls of her feet. Her fingers grasped the playbill and gently pulled it from his touch. "Have a good night, Cap," she sung sweetly before stepping down the stone steps.
"You too, Miss Stunner!" She heard him call out and with the heaviest of hearts, she climbed through the town car's open door.
MANHATTAN
STARK TOWER
2 0 3 2
x
Morning had just begun to set in with streaks of orange and light blue cascading over the rebuilt city. It was another lifetime ago when Steve had watched the sunrise over a destroyed Manhattan the morning after the attack. While when he looked at the wreckage the first time the disheartening image gave him a sense of purpose with his newly given life. There were still bullies out there. Still people picking on the little guy cause they could. As long as Steve was around, they wouldn't get away with it. That morning had set it all in stone for him but when he looked out the same window and saw the beautiful whole city, he felt almost nothing for it. It was empty without her. An intake of breath shook his sternum and he had to look away from the window.
Steve had stepped out for only a minute since Tony and he had been working nonstop through the night. While the coffee brewed, he had gotten caught by the view and while he poured the hot liquid into the ceramic mugs he pondered on what more they could do for her now. It wouldn't be long until they had it turned on, at least that's what Tony had said. Accordingly the machine needed more time to recalibrate in order for it to rip a hole in the space/time continuum. Without Octavia, Tony said, it could take a couple of hours. From Steve's understanding, since Octavia was basically a conductor, her mere presence had accelerated the power source tenfold and allowed the breach to happen at an uncontrollable rate. The main power source had been enclosed within a safety mechanism that only allowed the energy needed to be exerted but Octavia was never have supposed to be around it.
The tesseract was one of the few infinity stones still left and Steve had thought it too was lost forever. It took a while for Tony to even tell him that he had it but he never mentioned how he had gotten it. Bringing it back to Earth alone was a poorly thought out decision on Tony's part, Steve thought. Even without using it, the tesseract is a dangerous object to be around, especially for Octavia. That amount of energy could be catastrophic if she would absorb it. Tony knew better than to bring it around her, yet, he kept it just down the hall.
Glass shattered in his hand as he gripped the mug too hard between his fingers. Hot coffee rushed over his hand and spilled over the counter top to blend in with the black marble. Shards of ceramic cut his hand but it didn't hurt in the slightest. Even the burning coffee barely made him wince and turned his fingers blazing red but Steve did not fret. His anger for Tony outweighed the throbbing pain in his left hand for he knew the latter would heal soon. Just thinking about how irresponsible his friend could be was enough to make him snap but he knew it would not be helpful. He'd have to calm down before he rejoined his future brother-in-law.
After cleaning up the broken mug and it's spilled contents, Steve poured another cup before gripping the handles in each hand and making his way back to the laboratory. The five minute break away from the room felt as if days had past since he had last been in it. Although nothing had changed since he had left those short minutes ago, there seemed to have been a difference Steve could not spot throughout. As he walked over to Tony, who was hunched over a main power chord connecting to the machine, Steve realized the tesseract had been activated to release its unfiltered cosmic energy. It traveled through the long thick chord that stretched from the safety chamber to the time-machine and Steve could hear a whirling coming from the massive arc towering overhead. Optimism swirled alive in his chest as lights blinked on and small wisps of blue electrified between the mass. The whirling grew louder and began to deafen his canal but before his eardrums could pop the noise had been cut short as sparks flew from the corners of the machine. Wisps faded out instead of growing wilder like he had expected it to have. Energy that had been surging through seemed to have been sealed off somehow, along with Steve's growing hope.
"What happened?" He asked Tony promptly as soon as the machine had powered down.
"It's not stable enough yet," Tony stated. "If it gets over juiced it could exploded."
"So don't over do it," Steve pointed out blatantly.
Tony gave Steve a dull look. "We should change that "A" on your hat to an "O" for your observances."
Steve clenched his jaw in response. "It's a helmet."
"It's pointless and you know it." Tony quipped.
Slamming the coffee down on a nearby surface caused Tony to whip his head over in an urgent response. "Enough. What are you doing next?"
"I'm still calibrating. I have to make sure the power source comes in steadily otherwise what I said will happen, will happen. Then we're screwed."
"You mean the tesseract." Steve corrected for him. "That thing you stole from Asgard. How did you even do that?"
With a hard gaze aimed towards him, Tony straighten his back before he spoke. "Does that really matter right now?"
"I think it's a fair question. The more important one is - what the hell where you thinking?" Steve asked sharply.
Tony rolled his eyes and turned away. "Calm down, gramps. You're acting like I did this on purpose."
Steve motioned around them with a wave of his hand. "You did. I want to know why."
Under the fancy trim of his facial hair, Tony's lips pursed together tightly. They did not break eye contact for a long time since Steve was ready for answers. Weither he would get them or not was up to Tony but there was one thing Steve was certain of. Tony liked to talk.
"Why?" Tony scoffed out. "My father built this thing 90 years ago. It was only used once, dismantled, and then sent off to me. There was only one way to find out why."
"Tony… you heard Strange, time is too sensitive for us to mess with. How could you want to build this thing?"
"Screw Strange and I figured you of all people would understand why," Tony jabbed. "I've been given a chance here, Rogers, and I wasn't going to waste it."
Steve narrowed his eyes slightly on him. "That seems to be your go-to attitude, huh? 'Screw, em'? Too bad it's the people you care about that get screwed."
Tony stepped in front of Steve in an instant, bucking his chest up towards him as he spoke. "Watch yourself, Rogers."
"Maybe you should watch yourself, Stark. We both know you don't do that enough." Steve huffed back at him.
Neither one moved for a moment until Steve realized this did more harm than good for anyone. Taking a breath, he backed away.
Idle hands twitched and lead him to keep himself busy with anything else. With all his strength he still felt powerless. It had been a long time since he remembered what it felt like to be that young scrawny boy willing to fight for his country, yet denied to. Captain America is what he had to become to do that. His friend Abraham, and so many others, died so he could live his dream. Octavia would not be one of them. Cold water drenched over his senses as he realized her fate could be worse than death if they did not succeed.
Through his melancholic thoughts he had found an assortment of miscellaneous items just off from Tony's work desk. The box was old and slightly damaged but the items inside sat still as if they were just recently placed there. A few old books Steve had recognized from when he was in school. A nurse's outfit along with a few more older clothes. A brown satchel stuffed with tools, a broken cell phone, and a small remote of some kind. Loose leaf paper of hand drawn blueprints of the time machine stopped his heart when he recognized the handwriting. It quickened again when he grasped that signed crinkled playbill.
To Olivia,
Until our next run-in.
- Steve
That night was so long ago he had almost forgotten and, in truth, he never thought about it until now. The first moment he saw Octavia he hadn't recognized her but the more the memory cleared in his mind the more he could picture her there. Had she always been there? That night at the concert hall was not the last time he was going to see her - at least back then. It settled only some nerves to know that she was okay for now.
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[long time no read y'all and thats lowkey my fault i know(okay its highkey i know T.T) and i know this isn't a lot but it was what i could squeeze out cause i didn't want to keep waiting to post]
[no excuses for the late posting y'all but i can only give explanations as to why i haven't been able to keep up with my original posting dates]
[one; my schedule sucks - i work 40+ hours a week every week and i try to get out of the house from time to time]
[two: my grandmother passed away and i had to go out of town and i got back a week ago and have been working every day nonstop to make up for the days i've missed]
[i feel emotionally exhausted and i'm finding it hard to dissociate]
[please bare with me while i work through this. i will not give up on this, i promise, i'll still keep writing]
[thanks yall]