Chapter 9 Recap: Michonne and Rick reflect on their feelings for one another, Rick finally feels a sense of peace after Lori's death. Andrea has reached a clarity in her relationship. Carol has revealed a jarring secret that could tear her relationship with Rick apart.
Chapter Ten
One Year Ago.
Rick stepped into his house, trying his best not to make any noise as he closed his front door.
He flexed his fist, checking for any broken bones.
It was dark, the only greeting he received was the clicking grandfather's clock by the foyer.
Rick stood by the wall and watched as Beth was curled on the couch, asleep. He could only be thankful that she was so present in watching his kids while he occupied himself with other things.
He could feel the tightness in his shoulders, and his hand throbbed.
Avoidance and revenge became his best friend since Lori died three weeks ago. And since the autopsy declared apparent suicide, he could feel himself spiral into anger. He felt that anger when he delivered, blows to Mike's face tonight.
The first punch Rick blacked out, and his stomach clenched, and chest heaved from the chase. The only thing he could hear was his fist making contact with his jaw.
By the fifth hit, he could feel Shane's failed attempt when he grabbed his arm, and Mike's cries and curses through a mouth full of blood.
Rick's morals would have stopped it; it would have held him and guided him through if Lori's dead body wasn't so present in his mind.
He walked into his kitchen, and turned on the light; his adrenaline was finally at a stand still. He rinsed his hand in cold water, hissed when his cuts on his hand reopened.
Rick stared at the purple bruising and realized just how exhausted he was from the endless nights of rest and constant thoughts about the case. And Lori's murder.
He knew he needed sleep. He grabbed an ice bag from the freezer, hoping that maybe he could wake Beth and offer his bed to her, the couch became a second home to him these last weeks. He no longer wanted to sleep in a bed that only reminded him that she wasn't there.
It was funny, in this house, he tried to ignore Lori as much as he could. But when it came to her death, Rick made her more of a victim than a wife.
Their marriage seemed like a story achieved so long ago; he was all right with that, it was a safer choice not to remember her pregnancy and her drug-fueled actions.
Rick turned, almost jumped when he heard a three week old, Judith's cries. She was loud, screaming for anyone to give her comfort.
He prayed that Beth heard the baby, would wake up and tend to her, but after a minute there was no such luck.
Shame filled him when he realized that he couldn't even see his children because they reminded him of Lori.
All the arguments Lori had with him, suddenly made sense and hit him like a ton of bricks.
He hadn't held Judith since Lori's death, and he hated himself for it.
He wrapped his hand in a dish rag, grabbed the formula and walk over to his daughter's room.
"C'mon sweetheart." He whispered in his voice that spoke of love, and a promise to keep her safe.
He cradled her in his arms, and almost instantly she stopped crying.
He leaned his back against the door. Trying to find peace and the bond he needed to share with his daughter. He looked out the window. Heard nature's dark creatures in the still of the night.
He listened to her suckles and groans of satisfaction as she drank her formula.
It took everything he had to stay in the present moment; he looked in Judith's eyes, but now and then, he'd have Mike's blood soaked face flash in his head.
When he was asleep he'd have Lori's pale body, arm hanging from the tub, body lifeless would come to him.
His life changed, and wouldn't be the same due to the violence that's cursed him the past few months.
But another memory came to him when Carl was first born, and Lori made Rick promise, that no matter what, he'd keep her kids safe.
He'd find out how she died, but he needed to reassure himself that his children would never be harm's way, and that's what would always matter, and that was the only comfort he needed in his lonely nights.
~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~
Present
"I'm sorry." Carol could hear herself say for the almost the fifth time. She put her head in her hands, rubbed her face, to almost wake herself from this nightmare.
Rick, was threateningly silent. His jaw tightened, and he stared ahead in the darkness of his front yard.
"But." She reminded, "I didn't know what was happening in my motel. Not until Lori. Then that's when I closed it. That's when it all made sense."
Rick nodded, he heard her, and she knew because his jaw tightened when she said his wife's name.
"What did she say?" His voice rasped.
"What?"
"What did Lori say, Carol? When she came to your hotel?"
"Nothing. Lori asked for a room key, said you and her had a fight, told me you didn't want her anymore. When I saw how high she was….I decided to let her stay."
"And Mike was with her?" Rick finalized, Carol noticed Rick's eyes shift to the driveway, where Michonne and Daryl stood.
"Yeah. I made Lori promise me she'll call you. " Carol explained. She wanted to touch his arm offer any comfort like she used to. But she knew better. "Did she?"
Rick was silent for awhile. "What do you think?"
His eyes were still on Michonne, as she continued to have a conversation with Daryl. Carol wondered just what he thought as he gathered her confession
"Michonne said you guys would figure it out. I'll help in whatever way I could."
"You want to help me?" Rick's voice deepened. "Then leave. I don't want Carl hearing about this…"
He hadn't made eye contact with Carol. Not once.
Carol nodded, she stepped down from the porch, thinking what else she should say at this moment that would mend her relationship with Rick.
"Rick, I just want to say-" The screen door jolted shut, and she heard Rick's footsteps inside the house, he shut her out. Her heart sank when she realized this might have been their last words with her friend.
"Daryl." She called, as she held her purse. "Let's go."
Daryl was hesitant, he was in the middle of some conversation with Michonne, he looked between them, "Everything ok?"
Carol looked at Michonne, giving her a glare. Whatever her answer was, she didn't want to involve Michonne in this.
"Let's go." She repeated she moved to the passenger side.
"Carol."Daryl's voice was soft, as he opened the car door for her to get in, "You told him. It's over."
"No." She shook her head, "It's not."
Michonne arms crossed as she watched Carol get in the passenger side car.
Daryl turned, to the porch, and his face showed disappointment when he didn't see Rick.
Daryl turned to Michonne, "Tell Rick we gon' figure it out."
"I will." Michonne could feel the doubt, but she nodded curtly.
Daryl frowned, and he lingered, bit the inside of his lip."He can't do it by himself, Michonne."
"He won't." She reassured, and Daryl could only believe her then, not knowing what else he could do.
"Rick." Daryl sighed, "First time we met, he hired me to track his wife, make sure she didn't relapse. He's good man. He just likes to shut people out."
Michonne looked away; it was the Rick she began to know for the last week. "You'll be back in the morning, right? He'll cool off by then."
Daryl, for the first time, looked insecure as he held the car door and fidgeted before he gave Michonne the nod.
She watched them drive out of the parking lot and took a much-needed breath. Rick listened to every word Carol said about knowing Philip's crimes in her motel.
Michonne feared that Rick might do something to Carol, he might act out in some way. But he was calm, and she was ashamed she had such thoughts for a man who has been nothing but kind to her for the last two weeks.
She turned to go back in the house, but heard a noise, in the backyard, a voice that she became used to since staying here.
She walked to the garden, the tree that held a swing by its large branch; Carl sat upon the swing, he sang to his baby sister as she fell asleep in his arms.
It was a peaceful setting, throughout all this, she forgot just how Rick's children were involved, she forgot the impact the death of their mother brought, and the constant betrayal from friends and family.
"Hey." Michonne greeted, and Carl turned, holding Judith in his arms.
"You should be in bed." Michonne reproached, "It's almost midnight."
"Couldn't sleep," Carl said quickly. Michonne gave an understanding nod and sat on the ground.
"We found Carol." Michonne brought up lightly,
"I know." Carl frowned. "I heard Dad and Carol arguing in there. Dad kicked her out."
"You got good hearing."
Carl shrugged ad looked down at the dewy grass. "Not much else to do around here."
They sat in the quiet night, Michonne's eyes wandered along the backyard. "How much did you hear?"
"Everything." He mumbled.
Michonne swept her hands through the grass and looked at the huge tree she sat under. "I always wanted a huge yard, when I was your age. But I can see how gets lonely sometimes."
"So mom didn't kill herself?"
She knew just what he wanted to talk about, and Michonne knew a kid like Carl, wise beyond his teenage years would not avoid this situation.
Her sigh wasted in the darkness. "I don't know."
Carl turned his sister, she finally fell asleep, her chin on his shoulder as he rubbed her back.
"I was hoping she killed herself." He said, "She made a decision. I could handle that more, you know?"
"Yeah." Michonne looked in his eyes he mirrored his father's yet was so different from Rick's electric blue depths. Carl's eyes held an innocence, blue eyes untainted by any betrayal or hurt his father went through.
"Then dad would finally leave it alone. Move on, if he knew she killed herself."
Carl's brows furrowed, "Don't. Don't tell him I said that."
"Of course."
"What Carol said. It all started making sense to me, ya know?"
"Like what?"
"Mom she used to drive around town with me, and we'd stop at houses or motels for a few hours while Dad was at work."
Michonne tried to keep the surprise from her voice. "Did you tell your dad this?"
"No. When Mom got home, they will start to argue. I figured Dad knew where she was...she'd say tell him we were just running errands. But she'd talk to these guys…"
"What guys?"
Carl shrugged again, " Mike, the one who's on trial."
"You know about the trial?"
Carl shook his head, "Dad thinks he keeps me away from it. I still see it. I read about it. I know what's happening."
They were quiet; it was a comforting silence between them as Carl moved his feet along the grass.
"I didn't want to tell him what Mom was doing. If he knew, I don't think he'd be sad about her being dead."
Michonne's voice was quiet, "Hey. He loved your mom. Never question that, Carl. People fight. Doesn't mean they don't love each other."
With unshed tears in his eyes, Michonne continued. "Your dad. He just wants what's right for you and your sister."
Carl sniffed and nodded, Judith fussed before he calmed her down again
"So, you don't think Mike did it?" His voice was lower trying not to wake his sister. "Killed my mom, I mean?"
"No. I knew Mike before all this; I can't see him doing it."
Carl looked away. She wondered just how lonely he was, how much of these thoughts chased him. If he had just as many sleepless nights as she did, or even his dad.
"My dad's dad-"
"Your grandfather." Michonne corrected, and he had a small smile on his face.
"Always told him to do what's right. Dad said that's why he became a cop."
"Carol. She tried to do what's right. When you get older, it just gets hard. There's no black or white."
"Like when my dad beat up Mike?" Carl asked, and it was like he almost expecting a reaction out of Michonne.
She stared at him blankly. "Like when he beat up Mike."
"Carl...You said your mom would talk to guys earlier. What did you mean guys?"
"Carl!"
They jolted turned to see Rick at the door, standing here with a pistol in his hand.
"What are you doin' out here?"
"Judith wouldn't sleep." Michonne noticed how Carl's voice suddenly shook. "Thought fresh air would do her some good."
Rick's eyes squinted as he looked to Michonne. He looked around the dark, looking for any threat.
Rick nudged his head towards inside the house, "C'mon. It's time for bed."
Carl looked at Michonne and bit his inner lip hesitant.
"Carl." Rick repeated, leaving no room for argument.
Carl stood with Judith in his arms.
He walked inside. Leaving Rick and Michonne alone.
Rick closed the door. Michonne continued to sit on the grass.
"You shouldn't be asking him questions like that."
"I wasn't." Michonne said quickly, "Besides, he looked like he needed to talk to someone."
Rick took a long breath and put his pistol in the waistband of his jeans.
"Carl wanted me to talk to you about sending him to school this year," Michonne explained.
"You want to talk about my kids now?" Rick had humor in his voice. "Doesn't seem like you're too interested in that."
"Rick. Do you want to talk about it?"
Rick frowned,"About what?"
Rick shrugged and sat on the swing Carl previously occupied across from her. They were quiet, Michonne Waited for him to speak, and the look on his face showed it was the last thing he wanted to do.
He gave in.
"I'm thinking..about a way to get out of this, and I'm thinking about a lot of things...Carol. Phillip. Lori." He paused, before adding, "Mike. My Kids."
"You don't think you can keep them safe." Michonne murmured, and she could see the exhaustion, his nature of trying to protect his children.
"I can." He said matter factly. "My kids come first. They always have."
"I know." She assured, and Rick gave her a grim look.
Rick looked away; inwardly he shook his head because he couldn't stop himself from thinking of Michonne.
His trust was wearing thin. Could Michonne be someone he trusted? The question in his head wasn't robust enough to ask aloud, though his gut told him differently.
"What do you think happened that night?" Michonne asked.
The night she was asking for, was Lori's death, and he could only see the picture of her dead in the bathtub. A year go he was immune to the pictures of Lori's dead body, because he studied it, was obsessed with the case. But now thinking of it, the image crossed his mind and his heart crushed to cinders.
"You tell me." Rick heard his voice. Defensive. He couldn't stop himself. "You knew him."
"I'm trying to figure out the truth just as much as you are," Michonne said calmly, the matter of factly.
The way he spoke to her now, eyes in a suspicious stare reminded her of their first meeting.
He was jealous of the fact that she could be so cold. Emotion didn't lead Michonne the way it leads him.
"You want to know what I'm thinking about?" Rick asked he placed his hands on his knees.
"The night I had him. Mike that was my last night on the job." Rick confessed.
"Rick-"
"Shane and I, we went to another motel he stayed at because Carol's closed hers down a week before -when we made it to the parking lot to bring him in for questioning. He ran, fast. In my head, I just knew he did it. When I caught him, I took everything out of me, and put it on him, my marriage, the fact that I couldn't find the murderer of those women, and it all had me so angry."
"I've never been that violent before...never thought I had it in me, the first hit I blacked out, and only came to when I felt Shane's hands on me, and Mike his face was already swelling up."
He waited for judgment, anything, but she stared at him blankly. Her frown was the only revealing part of her stony facade.
Rick was almost afraid to ask, "Do you get upset when I bring him up?"
"Not anymore." Her voice was only gentle, no accusation in her words.
Rick could only give a slow nod, he looked down, avoiding her stares.
"You're not any of them." Michonne murmured, "You're not Mike or Phillip."
Rick continued to look at the grass. He could feel himself, not like a year ago. He could feel himself shutting down, slipping away. The feeling of being drowned where no one could grab his hand and pull him up for air.
But he could hear Michonne now; her feet shuffle until she was kneeling in front of him, between his knees, her hands on his knee at first; then her fingers touch his face.
"Hey…" She reproached, her hands were soft, palm warm against his cheek.
"Don't hide from me."
Rick looked in her eyes then, and the blank look she saw earlier was gone, and she saw everything that was him, his very soul that was passionate and too scared to care for anyone. She saw the very same guilt that would always be a part of him. But what she saw now, was something he had been trying to hide.
"I don't…"He took a breath. "I don't want to lose my kids."
"You won't."
"I don't want to lose my family." Rick whispered, "I was so close last year to losing them, Carl...Judith."
"Rick. You do whatever you have to, to keep your family alive."
She meant every word.
They were so close to the truth, but each step closer indicated a risk she couldn't ask Rick to make.
Their eyes locked. Until Rick broke away only to glance at Michonne's lips.
At first, he looked hesitant. But his blue eyes were suddenly determined.
So determined that Rick brought her face between his hands, the very same hands he told her about, the ones that beat Mike, held his children, and held her last night.
Michonne kissed him. Her fingertips against his sides. Her knees pressed to the damp grass.
Rick pulled his lips from hers, and he looked sorry for a second, he shook his head. in his thoughts again, while he caught his breath.
Michonne parted for him, not knowing what that kiss was for, but she was sure and scared by how natural it felt. A simple yet intense kiss had her almost weak.
"I promised you." He condemned himself. "I promised you I'll help you figure it out."
"I know." Michonne whispered, "But, I could never make you do that..."
~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~
Carol bit her nail, looked out the window as Daryl drove, they were almost home the clock on the dashboard reading 12:01 am.
He stayed silent for the car ride, probably to give her time to explain. Instead, she stayed quiet, not feeling the need to talk to him.
Daryl would turn now and then make a quick glance her way. But Carol continued to look ahead.
"Why didn't you tell Rick?" Daryl asked she looked to Daryl, and his eyes had accusations. Something that didn't surprise her, he knew Rick and bonded with him in a way she chose not to, a way that built a barrier that made lying so much easier.
"What was going on at that place, was happening long before Rick came in the picture. They owned that motel, and I just had to keep mouth shut."
Carol eyes glistened, "Telling him wouldn't 've done us any good."
Daryl took a long pause. "He knows now."
She flinched on the inside because telling Rick was the hardest part, his jaw tight, but he listened, and his eyes were stern as he stared right at her as she quickly revealed what she held in for the past year.
Philip, Milton, Mike they used her motel for all their sins. She thought it was best to keep her mouth shut, but the last straw was seeing Lori there, threatening to leave her family and in the presence of Mike, Lori took her last breath.
"We're coming back tomorrow. We're gonna come back, and Rick's going to forgive you." Daryl declared.
Whatever he promised she didn't, couldn't, believe it.
"Carol." She turned to her fiance's call, and she could see in his eyes that he was begging. Begging for her to fix what she caused.
"We're coming back tomorrow." Although her words sounded so fragile, she spoke louder than she had been the entire night.
Daryl turned to the wheel rubbed the tips of his fingers together and looked ahead.
She caused all this, this pain with Rick. Lori. What would have happened if she had told him the truth from the moment she saw him? The moment she came to Lori's funeral and saw Rick's tears?
Daryl finally made it to their home, he made a turn into the driveway, and her breath stopped.
She saw the man she only heard of through Milton, never meeting his face to face.
He stood in their path as Daryl entered, and turned off the lights.
She looked around her house, as he saw over five King County sheriff's department vehicles.
A few stood next to the mayor; his tailored suit hung on his tall body.
Chills ran down her spine as she saw the look on his face, a cheery smile graced his features before he called out in his deep voice. That she could even hear through the thick glass.
"I gave him two days!"
AN: Ok My Friends. Next chapter, you get a glimpse into the life of Andrea, and Phillip….I'm editing Chapter 11 now as you read this chapter.
Thank you for everyone's who has been sticking to this story. Throughout the long drawn out, overdue update, I fully thought of you guys and this story.