Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Takeshi Obata and Tsugumi Ohba do. If I owned Death Note, insert thing I would do here. Anything else I make reference to is not owned by me either, but it'd spoil the fun if I listed them all here.

Ryuzaki's more than meets the eye (Episode 9)

Someone out there is watching over you,

Bugging your home there's nothing you can do,

When he strikes he'll find out what you hide,

With his justice and might, he'll fight to stop the age of Light!

RYUZAKI!

With giant bags under his eyes,

RYUZAKI!

It's L's favorite disguise!

Trying to end the relentless attacks on criminal's hearts,

He'll go to Tokyo U, and there his plan will start,

Becoming friends with him will be L's fall,

With his devious scheming, Light will end it all!

RYUZAKI!

Loves sugars and pies,

RYUZAKI!

Called in the FBI!

RYUZAKI!

INVESTIGATION TEAM RAISE YOUR BATTLE CRY!

DESTROY THE EVIL PLANS OF……………KIRA!

Examination day and you've begun your plan,

To bring him under your watchful and purge his evil from the land,

He's won a few battles, but your war has just begun,

Even if it costs your life, justice must be done!

RYUZAKI!

With giant bags under his eyes,

RYUZAKI!

It's L's favorite disguise!

INVESTIGATION TEAM RAISE YOUR BATTLE CRY!

DESTROY THE EVIL PLANS OF……………KIRA!

Episode the Ninth: I Dropped my Contact.

Light and Ryuk are walking down the street

Ryuk: Hurry up I needs the apples, I needs them!

Light: Shut up we're about to get them.

Ryuk: But I'm in withdrawal! Hops around on one leg in a hilarious pose.

Light: Baby.

Ryuk: I am so looking forward to the day I kill you.

In the LCave, with an investigation team full of men with 5 o clock shadow.

L: I've reviewed the tapes of Soichiro's family and found nothing suspicious. Total Buzzkill. I will remove the cameras, but only if you all shave.

Matsuda: But I was trying to grow a beard for my new girlfriend!

Soichiro: Don't worry Matsuda, it wouldn't make any difference.

L: Don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to ruin your personal lives, I just made a mistake and bought a bunch of shaving cream instead of whipped cream.

Soichiro looks shocked

L: Today has been most depressing Camera pans to feet. At least my pedicure went well.

Soichiro: I find that most curious behavior for a man.

L: I wouldn't talk if I were you, Mister Irecentlyletmymarriagefallapart. Since I never wear shoes, I feel it is important to keep my feet well taken care of. Enough banter I need to think about this case, I'm losing fast. Nobody exhibited any suspicious behavior, I almost wish this was divine judgment so then I wouldn't have to face the fact that I'm failing. Various images flow by including a painting That was a good painting, the artwork is simply magnificent. I've got to get me one of those. L puts down his cup. Look at my sexy reflection in the cup, damn I'm hot. No, I've got to focus on the case. Okay, pick one person and investigate them exclusively, I'm L, it's got to be right. They won't know the difference, they think I'm a genius. Yes okay, the person I'm investigating is…

Light's house.

Ryuk: Hey Light the cameras are gone you can feed me again!

Light points to his head.

Ryuk: Oh, sorry you have a hangover, I don't remember you drinking.

Light throws an apple at him to shut him up.

I don't remember what happened last night at all,

Flashback to Light crawling on the ground

Light: I'm swimming, I'm swimming!

Other flashbacks including Light standing on a pillar with red hair, walking along an I-beam on top of an unfinished building, Light standing in front of a gigantic moon, Ryuk dancing with an apple over his head, Light screaming WHAT'S UP PEOPLE for no reason, finally ending with him passed out on what appears to be a stained glass window with the word KONAMI on him.

I gotta lay off the drugs.

Light is about to leave to take a test.

Light's Mom: Don't disappoint me Light.

Sayu: You're gonna fail the SATs brother!

Light: Bitches.

Light arrives at the college

Random man: Hey, I can sell you the answers if you want!

Light: Nah, I don't em.

Ryuk: Amazing confidence.

The test begins and the proctor moves to a man sitting behind Light.

Man: You, no outside food and quit sitting like a retard.

L merely twiddles his toes. Then starts staring intently at Light.

Light: Oh no, he's going to rape me.

In Soviet Union Commercial Bumps YOU!

Famous Users of the Death Note.

Josef Stalin.

Years active: 1916-1953

Motive: To become Premier of Glorious United Soviet Socialist Republic.

Notable people killed: Grigori Rasputin, Czar Nicholas II, Anastasia (yes she's dead), Grigori Rasputin (it didn't take the first time), Vladimir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, Adolf Hitler and his Cabinet, Democracy in Eastern Europe, Franklin Delano Roosevelt (come on people, heartattack?), millions of Russian peasants.

End Glorious Soviet Commercial Bump.

We return and there's stuff falling from the sky. A well dressed man slowly walks through it.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

Ryuk: This really wasn't necessary Byakuya.

Byakuya: Rukia got to make an appearance, I wanted to too.

Ryuk: Okay that's enough back to the Shinigami realm with you.

Later at the admissions ceremony.

Dean: And now I will announce the recipient of the lowest test scores, who will receive the Tokyo University pity scholarship. Yagami Light, and the only other person to ever receive a score that low, Orlando Bloom.

Kids: Did he say Orlando Bloom? Legolas from Lord of the Rings? Nope definitely not him.

L walks up to the stage with Light.

Light: Oh shit it's that creepy guy from before, I hope he doesn't talk to me. He's got serial rapist eyes, and they feel like their burning into my soul.

Dean: Now sing the fight song or you can't be let in.

Light: Here we come, the fighting ninja.

L: Pirates will die at our blades.

Light: Here we come, the fighting ninja.

L: All other schools are gay.

Light: With shuriken and kunai in our hands.

L: We'll fight with honor for our feudal lands.

Light: Fighting ninja like Sasori of the Red Sands,

L: Or that pink haired bitch who's as flat as a man,

Both: Our enemies will all fall, JUST AS PLANNED.

Dean: Thank you, you can sit down now.

They do and L begins talking.

L: Light, you want to join the police and be just like your daddy don't you? You've already helped them in the past. You are interested in the Kira case are you not?

Light: Yeah so?

L: Are you Kira?

Light: No.

L: Are you sure?

Light: Yes.

L: Is that your final answer?

Light: Yes.

L thinks for a second.

L: KIRASAYSWHAT?

Light: First of all, Orlando I'm not Kira, and second, wait what?

L: Just testing you, you pass. Now I will tell you top secret information in this crowded place.

Light: Shoot.

L: I'm the Batman, bitch.

Light: You're full of shit, that's Bruce Wayne.

L: Okay fine, but I'm the next best thing, I'm L.

This news was so monumentous that it prompted the Red Kira transformation, and L's Shonen-Blue Hair transformation.

Light: What the Hell, is he for real? L wouldn't just say "Guess what I'm L, LOL." I gotta play it cool, otherwise he'll think I'm Kira.

Light: Oh yeah, well I'm Kira! Top that. Damn you one-upmanship. Is, uh, what I would say if I were actually Kira, which I'm not, I'm not Kira, stop looking at me! Well played.

L: That's not at all suspicious, you can join the investigation team! Oh yeah L, you picked the right guy at random, this guys definitely Kira. Reverse psychology won't work on me, I'm frickin Batman…I mean L!

Light: Damn now I can't touch him. If he dies then the investigation team will suspect me. And he's using the obviously fake name of Orlando Bloom. If I right Orlando Bloom and it's a fake name, then that waste of space no talent actor will die instead. This must mean he's still focusing on the people Raye Penbar investigated. Stay calm, we don't want another outburst like last time.

Light went home and threw a tantrum.

Light: IT'S NOT FAIR! L CHEATED!

Ryuk: I still got the hacked eyes if you want them.

Light: AND IF IT'S NOT REALLY L? WHY DON'T I JUST TURN MYSELF IN NOW THEN?

Ryuk: Jeeze sorry Princess.

Light: This Death Note is totally useless. Now I have to be 100 percent sure he's L before I kill him. I want to kill him so bad! But if I do it's as good as telling the world I'm Kira. I'm so humiliated the last thing I want right now is a flashback of the incident.

Flashback of what just happened.

Light: I SAID NO!

JN: Jeeze, sorry Princess. Goes and sits with Ryuk.

Light starts laughing for no reason.

JN: He's completely lost it hasn't he?

Ryuk: Pretty much.

JN: Wanna go get apples?

Ryuk: Okay.

Jaded Ninja and Ryuk leave Light to monologue.

Light: This is perfect! We'll pretend to be friends but really we'll each by trying to bring the other down. The real battle of wits starts now and I will kill you L, JUST AS PLA…Hey guys if you're getting apples I want some too!

Light runs downstairs.

Author's Note: I actually am eating apples tonight when I watch Death Note. I just noticed we had them in the house this week. Apples, candy, and chips are the only acceptable things to eat when DN is on! Read and Review my friends.