CHAPTER X
Celebration
"Are you alright?"
Eve was watching Gabrielle wrap warm furs around Xena's body in the medical hut, rubbing her arms and her legs in order to keep the blood flowing. Varia had noticed the look on the other woman's face when she had followed her parents into the hut, and that was why she approached her. Forgiving Eve wasn't necessarily synonymous with caring about her of course, but the look on the former Roman's face made her ache, and so she felt she should comfort her.
Basic human decency, or what have you.
Eve looked down for a moment, then turned to face Varia who had come up from behind her. "She always does this," she told her softly, sounding pained. "I've read Gabrielle's scrolls; she always risks her life in so many stupid ways. I'm afraid one day I'm going to lose her for good, and I've only just found her."
Xena had succeeded in defeating the Furies, but only at the cost of nearly drowning in the ice cold river. Still, it had made Ares withdraw his army, and Xena was a hero for ending the war without having it result in anymore bloodshed. Varia was grateful for that, despite still believing that Ares should have gotten what was coming to him. Still, as she looked at Eve and saw the distress on her face, she wondered if there had been another way.
"Maybe you should say something to her then."
Eve pursed her lips, her gaze hitting the floor. "I can't," she responded, her tone dejected and rather distant. "You know who she is; what she's done. Who am I to tell her to stop taking unnecessary risks, when they have always worked out for her? I might be her daughter, but the truth is that she barely knows me. I doubt my opinion will hold much weight."
"She loves you," Varia assured her, watching the two women on the other side of the hut. "They both do. Believe me, it'll hold weight."
Eve glanced back at her, shooting her a small, appreciative smile. She looked back towards her parents then before she began to make her way towards them, no doubt to help Gabrielle attend to her mother. Varia watched her go, her staring match so intense that she didn't even hear Marga come up behind her. She actually physically jumped when she felt the hand on her shoulder, and the Queen chuckled at her lack of awareness.
"I wouldn't go getting too attached if I were you, Varia."
"What?" Varia asked, not understanding what she was referring to as she turned to face the other woman. Marga gave her a look like she should know better than to try to pretend she didn't know what she was talking about, but the thing of it was that Varia really didn't know.
Marga's gaze shifted pointedly towards Eve then, which then made Varia's eyes go wide with disbelief, because what?
"They'll probably only stay another day or two; once Xena has rested and is feeling better, they'll be on their way."
"I know that," Varia responded in a low, irritated tone. She didn't want Eve – or anyone else, for that matter – to overhear the conversation she was having with her Queen. "Whatever you think you know though, believe me, you don't. Eve just… she reminds me of someone that I used to know, is all."
"Mhmm."
Varia shot her a look. "Don't, Marga, okay? I said I wasn't interested."
Marga held up her hands in a light surrender. "Alright, I get the picture. I just wanted to warn you in case you were getting any ideas though, that was all; I don't want to watch you get your heart broken."
Varia practically rolled her eyes at that. Get her heart broken over Eve? No, thanks. She may be a different person now, but they still had a past, and that was a hard thing to overlook. Marga didn't know that of course, but still; just because she was staring at her didn't mean she wanted to get into her smallclothes.
She already had once before anyway. Or, rather, Eve had gotten into hers. Regardless, that wasn't new territory by any means, and there certainly weren't any romantic feelings involved.
Varia left after that, deciding to busy herself with hunting for the feast they planned to have later in celebration of Ares' defeat. She had mixed feelings when Marga had reminded her that their guests would be leaving soon; while she had made an accord with Xena, a part of her didn't want Eve to leave and never come back. It wasn't that she was interested in her romantically as Marga had assumed, but the change that Eve had undergone fascinated her, and while Varia never cared to get to know Livia, she now found that she very much wanted to get to know Eve.
The problem was that the longer Eve stayed there, the more at risk they both were for the truth to be exposed. That was the last thing that Varia wanted.
"Can I join you?"
Varia turned around to see Eve behind her. She shot her a skeptical glance though as she hoisted her quiver of arrows over her shoulder. "Do you even know how to hunt?" Eve had grown up in a palace and given every advantage; it was very unlikely that she was taught how to find her own food when it was always on the table for her regardless.
"No," Eve admitted, however picked up a bow from the weapons rack and turned it over in her hands. "But I am an excellent shot. Besides, no time like the present to learn." She looked over at her then, her expression becoming a little more vulnerable, as though she was half-expecting to be denied her request as she finished, "That is… if you're willing to teach me."
Varia didn't say anything either way for a moment. Instead, she asked, "What about your parents?"
"Mother's resting now, and Gabrielle is watching over her," Eve explained, her gaze shifting towards the medical hut. "Besides, I know the Queen is preparing a feast for your victory. I'd like to help. It's… the least I could do."
Well, that was true at least.
Besides, she would be lying if she said she didn't want to spend more time with her. It was just strange to see the change instilled in Eve, and Varia wanted to know how deep it ran. Underneath it all, was she still the broken woman that she had known, or was she finally beginning to heal? Was she still emotionally stunted, or was she learning to mature? What, if any, parts of Livia remained inside of her?
Varia needed to know, and so she agreed to have Eve come along with a quick nod. Eve smiled, and it made the pit of the Amazon's stomach tighten in response. It was strange, seeing her do that; before, when she was Livia, she hardly ever smiled. She was always so miserable and never had a reason to. That seemed to have changed, and if Varia was to be honest about it, she was glad.
And maybe that made her a bad person; wanting to see the woman who had enslaved and murdered half her tribe all those years ago be happy. But every time she looked at Eve now it became harder and harder to connect her to Livia and her past, despite having lived it herself. The only thing that ever continued to stand out was Eve's obvious unhappiness, and so it was nice to see the woman smile now.
"You step too heavily," Varia criticized as she watched Eve scare off yet another possible meal. She may be an excellent shot but until Eve stopped coming at this like a warrior, she wasn't going to get to show off her acclaimed skills. She needed to be stealthy, and it just didn't seem like Eve was wired that way.
For being this religious pacifist now, she still tended to charge at things like a raging bull.
Eve exhaled a frustrated breath and put down her bow, allowing the string to slacken. "I honestly can't see how I could be any quieter." Varia blinked at that, looking at her in amused disbelief.
"Please tell me you're joking. I've heard children be quieter than you, although that really isn't hard."
Eve shot her a look to let her know that she wasn't funny. "I'm serious. I'm stepping as lightly as I can; I just don't understand how you can move through here like a ghost while I'm over here somehow managing to step on every single twig in this damn forest." She ran a hand through her hair then, pushing it out of her face as her expression etched into one of frustration.
Varia wasn't surprised though. She remembered Livia telling her once that everything always came easily to her; it must be maddening for something not to for once. Still, perhaps her failure would help humble her, if nothing else.
"You were a warrior once, right?" Varia asked rhetorically. "You're probably not used to being aware of your surroundings without the adrenaline of a fight coursing through your veins, but you do know how to be aware of them, which is better than you trying to attempt this from scratch. You just need to learn to heighten your senses even when you're not in danger. And, of course, how to walk correctly. Here," she continued, holding out her hand in offering. Eve took it without hesitation. "Let me show you."
Guiding Eve to stand directly to her left, she instructed, "Watch," as she began to very slowly demonstrate. "You have to walk heel to toe," she told her, letting go of the other woman's hand as she gestured to her that she should follow along with her. "Place the heel of your foot down first, and roll your foot slowly and gently toward your toes onto the ground. You see how quiet that is?"
Eve nodded as she did what she was told, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she focused entirely on what she was being taught. "Now, as you walk, rotate your hips slightly to make your steps even more controlled," Varia told her as she demonstrated, making sure she was doing it slowly enough so that Eve could follow along. The other woman did almost perfectly, and it made Varia grin; she had never really taught anyone anything before save fighting techniques and it made her swell with a sense of pride. "See? It's not that hard."
Eve looked up at her then, her bottom lip still between her teeth as she smiled in return. Varia was suddenly struck by the realization that she really was terribly beautiful when she did that, and so Varia quickly looked away from her and tried to ignore the twisting in her gut. She was beginning to grow concerned about why it was happening, and every reason she thought of she disliked more than the last.
She immediately rationalized it just as her fascination with Eve's transition though, and left it at that. It was safer that way. It was saner that way.
Still, Eve noticed the abrupt shift in her behavior as Varia looked away from her and cleared her throat, suddenly hyper focusing on the task at hand. The Thracian's brow knitted and she gently reached out to the other woman as she asked, "Are you alright?" But Varia did not want to be touched; not right now, and certainly not by she kind of flinched away, trying to make the move away from her seem natural and yet failing at that miserably. The lines in Eve's expression etched deeper; she looked a little hurt, and Varia hated how that made her feel.
"I'm fine," Varia dismissed though, her voice lighter as she tried to convey a sense of casualty that she did not feel. She picked up her quiver, hoisting it back over her shoulder. "I just think we should keep moving; we won't have a lot of time to prep the meat if we don't finish this soon."
Eve didn't say anything for a moment, but her expression said enough. She knew that somehow there ended up being a shift in the air, and that she wasn't wanted anymore. Or, at least, that was how it obviously felt to her as she responded quietly, "I'm… I'm slowing you down. It was selfish of me to ask you to teach me to hunt right now because you're right, we don't really have a lot of time. I can just go back to the village if you want."
Varia wished she understood the feeling inside of her right then. It was like something was beginning to upset her, but she didn't know why. She couldn't look at Eve and instead stared out into the forest, silent for a long moment. Finally, she tried to push down the tension inside of her as she swallowed and told her, "…Maybe that's best."
It hurt to do that though, and Varia wasn't sure why making the rational decision caused her to have such a terrible pang in her gut. Maybe it was because even without looking at Eve, she could still feel her; she could feel the rejection and the pain that the surprising shift in tone caused her. But it wasn't that she wasn't wanted; that really wasn't it at all. It was actually quite the opposite, which was why Varia thought it would be best if they just had some space from one another, especially because of the confusing way she kept feeling when the other woman would do something so simple as smile at her.
The problem with their relationship was that they had once been so intertwined and so now, even years later, it was hard to see one another as separate entities. Varia realized she was drawn to her, and with the constant reasons Eve kept having to spend time with her, it was obvious the other woman felt the same way. It didn't seem natural though; instead, it felt like just remnants of their past lives coming back to haunt them. Varia didn't want that.
They both had to move on from that. Just because they were familiar to one another, didn't mean that they should do the easy thing and find comfort in it.
"—Hey," Varia said as she reached out then, grasping onto the other woman's wrist before she turned to go. Eve looked up at her surprised, especially since it had seemed that Varia didn't want to be touched by her before. Perhaps she just wanted to control it though; or maybe Varia just knew that she had to be sincere, and this was the best way to do so. Honestly, she didn't analyze it; she just did what came naturally.
"It's not because I don't want to be around you," she told her honestly, figuring she owed her that much. Or maybe she really didn't owe her anything at all, but Varia still didn't want the other woman to feel rejected by her, because that wasn't her intention at all. "I… do, and that's the problem."
Eve's brow furrowed then, her expression of upset making way to one of perplexion. "I'm not trying to confuse you, Varia," she told her, voice filled with apology, as she clearly believed that she had. "I just… wanted to spend time with you. I never expected for it to mean anything more than that. I know I don't have a right to ask for your friendship."
Friendship. Varia wished it was that simple, but maybe on some kind of subconscious level… Marga had been right.
It wasn't romantic feelings though. Not really. There were feelings yes, but it was more this pull that Varia couldn't understand. It was like something inside of Eve reminded her of home, but that was fucked up, because Rome had never been her home. Or maybe it was just that she had seen bits and pieces of this side of Eve once before and now that the other woman was in front of her, Varia wanted to help nurture it and allow it to grow in a way that she had failed to before; like a project left unfinished.
Problem was, Varia was beginning to realize that she was very physically attracted to this project; this version of Eve. The way she smiled lit up her face in a way that made Varia realize she had never once before seen anything so beautiful, and that was… well, it was confusing her, to say the least. Before, when she was Livia, Varia only ever found her beautiful when she was stripped of all of her defenses, and that wasn't very often. Now though, it was a constant. Maybe that was the entire problem though, and should Varia only learn to separate the woman's physical appearance from the rest of her, perhaps she could finally look at her in the way that she needed to.
"We're just too familiar to one another," Varia tried to explain with a soft sigh. "I'm afraid that's fabricating something between us, and the last thing either of us need is to hold onto the past."
The lines in Eve's brow etched deeper; either she did not feel it, or perhaps had just not acknowledged it yet. "Fabricating what between us?" she asked, sounding almost a little disbelieving; like whatever her theory might be, it was so far from what she would believe to be true.
"Just—I... I don't know," Varia lied, but more because she didn't know how to explain it. "It might be nothing; I may just be twisting things because of our past, and the fact that I never really know how to feel about you now. Let's just… I need to get this hunting done, okay? I'll… see you back in the village."
Eve peered at her for a long moment, almost as though she were trying to figure her out. It seemed she couldn't though and so she just nodded, shooting the other woman a small smile of understanding before she turned, doing exactly what was asked of her as she gave Varia the space the Amazon found she so desperately needed.
[x]
The celebration of Ares' defeat was loud and joyous that night. A bonfire roared in the middle of the village clearing as people danced, drank, ate, and sang. Xena was up and walking around finally, although she did look a bit worse for wear and spent a large portion of the night sitting. Gabrielle was dutifully by her side, smiling and laughing and coaxing Xena to sing along to the songs because the woman had a beautiful voice and it was only right that she lend it to the celebration.
Varia had spent most of the night by Marga's side, but as the warmth of the liquor and the fire began to kick in, her eyes kept wandering over to the other side of the clearing to look at Eve. The woman was sitting next to her parents, looking so terribly out of place; the smile on her face was forced and Varia didn't understand why until Gabrielle tried to coax her adoptive daughter to get up and dance with her; to relax and to have some fun.
But Eve declined with a polite shake of the head and suddenly Varia understood; the other woman didn't believe she had a right to celebrate or dance with the Amazons. And perhaps she was right about that, but in that moment something in the pit of Varia's stomach twisted uncomfortably, because Eve looked lonely.
And quite frankly, she had had enough of that to last her a lifetime.
So without much thought Varia crossed the clearing until she stood in front of Eve and extended her hand. Eve looked up at her in surprise, as though she would have never thought in a million years that Varia would ever ask her to dance with her. In her peripheral she saw Xena and Gabrielle share a knowing look, but Varia ignored them; they could think whatever they wanted about this, but Varia just didn't want to watch the other woman feel like she didn't fit anywhere because it reminded her too much of a past that she knew they both would rather forget.
She was being kind. That was all.
"Come on; everyone has to dance at least once," Varia encouraged once she noticed Eve hesitate. No doubt she was wondering why Varia was doing this when she implied before that they probably needed space from one another. She did eventually take her hand though, letting Varia pull her to her feet. Eve smiled shyly at her, using her free hand to gently push hair behind her ear, and Varia's stomach did a little flip that she quickly attributed to the amount of liquor she had consumed.
They danced for a while around the fire, the warmth and the music flowing through them as they both began to smile and have fun. Varia took the other woman's hand in her own, lifting it above their heads as she tried to twirl her. Eve's foot got caught on a rock though and she practically fell on top of her, laughing. It made Varia feel good, to see her that way; it was probably madness and maybe even a little masochistic, but a couple drinks and a couple dances later all Varia could even look at was her.
Because they were drawn to one another, there was no denying that. And while Varia doubted it was healthy for them to find something comforting in the familiarity they gave to one another due to the horrible past that they shared, in the end, did it really even matter? Varia had been so concerned with not allowing herself to get wrapped up in it that she failed to realize that it wouldn't change anything even if she did.
Eve was leaving in a day or two anyway, and it was doubtful they would ever even see one another again. Whatever consequences Varia was fearing would never come to pass, as they wouldn't have time to. The only thing she truly had to worry about was any of her tribe finding out about Eve's past and thus far it had been rather easy to hide it, so what was she even concerned with?
She wasn't going to fall for her or anything. It was just… magnetic. Chemical. Frivolous. She was just having a bit of reckless fun, because everyone deserved to every now and then.
Whatever the definition though, one thing it definitely was was obvious. After Varia had been showing Eve how to do one of their traditional dances she asked Eve to show her something and Eve smirked a little as she closed the space between them, her hand delicately cupping the side of her head as she whispered in her ear, "You know the only dance I know is too sexual for an Amazon gathering."
Because Varia had served Roman parties before; she knew they were practically orgies. The women danced lewdly, everyone was half dressed with their faces painted and their bellies full of wine. Varia remembered how Livia danced to get the Emperor's attention and while that disgusted her back then, now, with her belly full of wine and her cheeks flushed a light rose, there was something very appealing with having Eve dance for hers.
She knew this was treading a dangerous line but there was just something about not caring about what was smart or sane for a moment that was beginning to pull her in. Varia placed her hand over Eve's that was in her hair, tangling their fingers together for a moment before she brought them downwards, her face turning to only be a breath away from the other woman's as she softly requested, "…Show me." Eve's brow rose a little, but Varia's gaze shifted, taking in the amount of stares they were getting. "Just not here."
She understood the gossip aspect of it, of course. It was fascinating that their Princess seemed interested in a stranger, but that didn't mean that Varia wanted to be the center of attention either; especially due to her and Eve's past. So she took the other woman's hand in hers and led her away from the celebration, trying not to notice the hole that Eve's parents were practically boring into her back.
They walked down to the edge of the lake where they were relatively alone. On the other side of the bank, Varia could see two bodies intertwined as they kissed one another, but since they definitely seemed much more into each other than their surroundings, Varia didn't really concern herself with the company. Instead she just looked back at Eve with a playful smirk, telling her, "Here."
The way Eve looked at her was somehow both in wanton anticipation, yet it was also cautious… careful; no doubt because she wasn't entirely sure what this was or why it was coming about. Her brow raised, needing clarification as she asked, "You… want me to teach you?" But Varia just shook her head as she bent down, settling herself in the grass at the top of the slope leading down to the water's edge. She looked up at the woman standing over her then as she stretched out her legs before her, leaning back on her palms.
"I want you to dance for me," she told her, voice suddenly much lower as her intoxicated gaze began to drink up the curves of the Thracian's form. Still, Varia knew better than to push for something, especially because this was probably utter madness. She still didn't really know why she was doing this, but that was probably due to the fact that she stopped thinking a while ago. "That is… if you want to."
Eve licked her lips a little in trepidation as she stared down at the woman below her, no doubt trying to gauge what exactly this was supposed to be. It was clear what Eve wanted it to be; her desire for something like this was written all over her face, now that she was too drunk to try to hide it. It seemed there was a still a part of her that very much desired the Amazon, despite how very long it had been. "You mean like how I used to for—?"
"Exactly like how you used to," Varia interrupted, knowing what Eve was asking. And perhaps it was going too far, to ask for something like that, but the Amazon was intoxicated and Eve was looking at her like she wanted to and Varia knew that there would just be something so powerful in having Eve be the one to do something like that for her, considering their history. Because it wasn't just a dance; it was, but the ones in Rome never ended with her being entirely clothed and it was far more sexual than the two of them should be entertaining, and yet Varia watched Eve's gaze darken a little as she lightly bit the inside of her cheek and nodded her compliance.
She started slow with just a light sway of her hips. The moon was behind her and it made her form almost look like a silhouette as Eve's body rolled to the soft sound of music still coming from the village clearing. It was different from Rome, yet still very much the same; she may not be covered head to toe in makeup to make her skin paler and her lips much too dark, but her body's movements were all too familiar to Varia. Despite not wishing to watch Livia do this stuff for Augustus, she had seen her do some of it before and always found it fascinating how the woman could almost separate her hips from the rest of her body. It was like her entire body was still save that part of her, and it was mesmerizing to watch.
Eve didn't break eye contact as she continued to move to the music, allowing her body to slowly get closer to the ground in almost this wave-like movement. When her knees hit the grass she began to slowly crawl over Varia's body, her movements strong and precise like a panther as her gaze bore into her prey's. Varia felt her breathing shallow at the look in Eve's eyes as her face grew closer to hers, because it was familiar. It was sexual and it was absolutely predatory; something Varia had once known all too well, and yet this time Varia wasn't afraid to just fall into it, because Eve was a different person now.
She was different, and this was fleeting. Temporary. Meaningless.
Or at least she hoped.
Varia hissed softly as Eve allowed her hips to land heavily on her thighs before she began grinding them against her, getting closer and closer to her lap until she was directly on top of her. Varia still didn't move though; her fingers were starting to curl into the grass behind her as she stared up at the woman on her lap but she still wouldn't move because now Eve was slowly untying the red cropped shirt that covered her breasts, a small smirk tugging at the side of her mouth before she brushed one of the ties against Varia's parted lips in offering.
Varia's gaze flickered up to meet the other woman's gaze, just wanting to make sure she understood what she was being offered. Eve was giving her a playfully seductive look though, and with one quirk of an eyebrow Varia leaned forward, took the fabric between her teeth and pulled.
The top fell away from Eve's body, exposing her breasts to the cool night air. And it wasn't like Amazons were shy about sex or anything (nor Romans, obviously, considering public sex seemed be the theme of most if not all of their parties), but for one brief moment Varia was thankful that they were relatively alone as she knew she didn't want anyone to see the way she was now looking at Eve. And it was stupid because it wasn't as though she had never seen the other woman topless before; she had seen all of Eve many different times in many different ways, but something about this time was just… so unlike all the others.
Suddenly, Eve wasn't dancing anymore; she wasn't cocky or predatory, she was just… just sitting there, her chest beginning to heave as her breathing picked up substantially due to her unexpected onset of nerves. Varia hadn't really noticed that she had moved but one of her hands was now hovering over one of Eve's breasts before the Amazon swallowed, not knowing how far to actually push this, and placed it on the other woman's rib cage instead. She could feel Eve shudder slightly beneath her touch.
The air around them felt heavy.
"I just realized I've never really… touched you before," Varia breathed, her gaze meeting Eve's briefly before falling back down to her breasts, watching the other woman's nipples begin to tighten in the cool night air. "Not like… this." Her nails gently raked up the Thracian's side then, causing Eve to whimper softly and close her eyes. She still didn't touch her breasts though; didn't go too far, as she still wasn't certain whether it was smart to indulge that much.
Could they really cross that line now, and have it not matter as much as the last time they had barreled right through it? They were both different people; one of them much more than the other, granted, but was it enough to make it alright this time?
Once Varia had stilled her hand once more, Eve was silent for a long moment as she carefully watched the woman beneath her, noting the expressions that passed over Varia's face as she began to really take in every inch of the body atop her. Eve's tone was low, curious, when she finally dared to asked her, "…Do you want to?"
Varia didn't answer; at least, not verbally. Instead she wet her dry lips and began to slowly move her hand to her destination. Before it could get there though Eve snatched it in her own, garnering the other woman's full attention as she looked up in surprise. "Do you want to?" Eve asked her again, apparently needing a verbal answer. The former Roman swallowed a little uncomfortably then as she finished, her tone a little dejected, "…or are you just drunk?"
"It matters?" Varia asked stupidly because yes, she was drunk, but she still should have known better. Eve's expression crumpled a little and she turned her head away from her as she grasped for her red top off the ground. She tried to get off of her then but Varia reached out with an apologetic, "—Wait, Eve," as she grasped onto her wrist, because she didn't mean to hurt her.
"You must know that I feel something for you," Eve suddenly told her, the bluntness of the statement taking Varia aback for a moment, because she really didn't expect it. "And maybe it is just another fabrication, or leftover remnants of our fucked up past, or maybe just the fact that I feel that you helped me in some way, but I… do. I don't know why, and I honestly hated when you asked me that last time because you and I both know that I'm not the most articulate or understanding when it comes to emotions, but you know what? I do at least know that if you asked right now, I'd certainly give you a much longer list of reasons other than your beauty this time. Still, regardless of why it is, I just… I just do, and so I can't— I won't take advantage of you, Varia. Not again."
Eve got off of her then, taking her top with her as she stood. Varia was frozen on the grass though as she watched her, not really knowing what to say, how to feel. Her stomach was all tied up in knots and suddenly everything hurt and she wished she knew why. Maybe it was just because she was drunk. Maybe it was because of something else. But whatever it was, Varia wasn't ready to stop feeling it because even though right then it was awful, it was intense, and that meant that it meant something.
"Eve, stop—please," she begged as she pushed herself off the grass and stood, not wanting the other woman to just run and hide on her. Eve had already tied her shirt back on but thankfully she didn't move to leave after Varia's request; instead she looked back at her with the most vulnerable expression the Amazon thought she had ever seen on the other woman's face.
It did something to her.
Varia didn't really know what to say. She didn't know how she felt, she didn't know why she was doing this or even if it was a good idea, but the urge was there and she was too intoxicated to know how to stop it, so she crossed the distance between them. A gentle hand rested on Eve's cheek as Varia's lips met hers in a hesitant kiss. It didn't last long and it wasn't more than a soft press of the lips, but the feeling that erupted inside of Varia was more than she would have ever expected for something so simple.
And fuck, did it scare her.
Varia's breathing shallowed as they parted and Eve must have seen the look of panic in the Amazon's eyes, because she reached out to take the other woman's hand into her own, her brow etching in apology; somehow, some way, she was still managing to blame herself for this mess, but it wasn't her fault at all. This was all Varia's doing.
The Amazon immediately untangled their hands though as she stepped away, suddenly feeling incredibly sober. "I'm sorry," she apologized softly, feeling foolish for allowing herself to get so caught up in this. Varia knew it was a bad idea, and yet she did it all the same. Apparently, she never learned. "I shouldn't have brought you down here. You should go back; enjoy the rest of your night with your parents."
Because Varia didn't at all feel like it was Eve who took advantage of her. After all, she wasn't the one who was asked to dance topless and then almost get groped. Varia could tell that Eve was still attracted to her; she knew it ever since she saw the other woman watch her while she was bathing, and even if she hadn't, the subtle, yet hesitant flirting didn't leave much to interpretation. But that's honestly all she thought it was: attraction. It was just supposed to be something physical, but it wasn't, was it?
And the worst part was that Varia knew it wasn't for her either.
It didn't make sense given who they used to be and yet there they were, the slave that became a warrior and the warlord that became a religious pacifist. Things were different now and despite it only being a very brief time, Varia couldn't see the monster that Eve used to be anymore when she looked at her. Instead all she saw was this brave, lost young woman who was still so broken inside and yet was trying so very, very hard to be better than what she had been the day before. She was strong and she was beautiful and she was hopeful despite having every reason not to be, and Varia liked that.
She liked her.
But that was foolish, that was dangerous, and so when Varia told Eve to go back and rejoin her parents she didn't react to the crestfallen look on the other woman's face, despite how badly she wanted to. In the end, it was better for Eve to believe that she regretted what they had done down there than realize that she might want to pursue some misguided attempt at romance with her, because how could they?
How could they, when it wasn't safe for Eve to be around her tribe for very long? They were already flirting with a dangerous line and there were only so many times they could get away with it before someone found out and they both ended up dead.
It just wasn't worth it.
No matter how much it hurt, it just wasn't worth it…
TBC…