Unknown Beginnings

Chapter 9: Final Goodbye

"There has to be another option!" Rose begged.

"The only other option is to change her."

"I'll do it." Jasper's chin went up slightly.

The idea of living with this pain forever was the worst thought I could imagine. I took as big a breath as I could get and spoke.

"No." The word came out barely a whisper, but they all turned to look at me.

"Bella?" Esme's voice was soft and confused.

"I… said… no!" I said between gulps of air.

"What do you mean no? You are going to die!" Jasper flew back over to the bed.

"I… can't… live like… this."

"Bella, the venom will heal you. You won't be sick anymore," Rosalie's explained.

I shook my head weakly.

"Not… that. I… don't… want to… feel… this… emp…tiness… anymore." I collapsed back completely worn out.

A fit of coughs erupted from my chest and I winced at the pain in my throat.

Nobody spoke. They seemed to all be exchanging glances.

"Bella, Jasper needs to explain something to you before you make that decision. It is your decision to make though. We will be out in the hallway to give you guys your privacy," Carlisle said.

They all filed out of the room and Rose shut the door behind her. I stared straight ahead and concentrated on my breathing, which was getting harder.

"Bella, look at me." Jasper's voice was soft and patient.

I turned it slightly and looked at him out of the corner of my eye.

"I love you." That wasn't what I had been expecting.

My head snapped the rest of the way toward him so I was looking him straight on.

"I know you are confused, but you have to listen. I can't let you die. I love you too much."

"You… love… Alice."

"You are right. I do love Alice. What you do not realize is that it is not like that. I will never stop loving her or forget about what we had together. But things have changed. I love you now. I want to be with you. Alice met someone while she was being held over there. His name is Stefan. She didn't announce it right away because she wasn't sure how I would react. He seems nice though."

"She met… someone?" I was totally confused.

"Yeah. She wants to spend the rest of her eternity with him and I am too happy to oblige. I've found someone I want to spend my eternity with."

He reached out and ran a hand down my face. I closed my eyes and leaned my face into his hand.

"Please let me save you. You know I won't do it unless you say it is ok."

I opened my eyes and looked at him again. His eyes were pleading with me. I could feel the worry he was pushing toward me. I reached my hand out and grabbed his that was lying on the bed. He looked down at it and twirled his fingers into mine.

"Fine… but because… of the family. I can't… take… another child… from Esme," I said releasing his hand.

"What do you mean only because of that?"

"You and…Alice… will… work it… out."

"Bella…"

He stopped talking as my mouth fell open. I tried to take a breath, but nothing came. My lungs burned at the need for oxygen. I brought my hands up to my throat trying to breathe. Nothing. Black dots started to appear in my vision.

"Carlisle!" Jasper yelled as he leaned over me. "Bella, come on baby, breathe."

I tried, but was only able to get in a very unsubstantial amount. Carlisle's face appeared next to Jaspers.

"Bella, stick your tongue out."

I did as he asked as the blackness enveloped over me.

"Her airway is closed. It is now or never. Did she decide?" Carlisle's voice was beginning to fade.

I heard mumbling, but nothing coherent. My lungs were screaming at me. I felt my arms thrashing.

"I love you." Jasper's voice filtered through the blackness and I felt a calmness creep over me.

My arms stopped and I gave in to the fact that this was the end unless they turned me. The thought of being alone for eternity hurt, but I would find a way to deal for Esme and Carlisle. They did not need another loss.

People always say that your life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die. It's rather beautiful. Charlie and Renee. My room in Forks at Charlie's house. The first time I saw Edward. For once it didn't hurt to see Edward's face in my mind. He smiled at me from our biology table. His lips brushed against mine softly. The familiar tingles shot down my spine. The first time he took me to meet his family. The first time I saw him in the sun. Seeing his beautiful body standing in the alley ready to step out into the sun. I saw him standing in our meadow. To my surprise he looked up and smiled at me.

Go back, Bella.

His words echoed in my head and I reached out to him with my mind. I screamed. I don't want to. Take me with you.

It's not what is meant for you.

Please!

Go be happy. Jasper loves you. I will be here watching you.

I don't want to live without you.

You don't have to. I will always be here. I will always protect you.

How? If you are not here, how?

I'm doing it now. Jasper already bit you. I'm protecting you from the pain.

My mind spun. I was already in the process of turning.

He is stronger because of you. The whole family is. Go take care of them for me.

A sob escaped my lips.

I love you Bella! This is how it was meant to be. I will love you for eternity and I know you will do the same. You will never forget me. Jasper won't let you. Keep my pictures around and think about me when you need comfort. Look in the little wooden jewelry box I gave you before your birthday. I put my mothers ring in it. Wear it. That way I will always be near you.

Edward please!

It's time to go now Bella. You are exquisite looking. Vampire life will fit you well. You are going to be amazing.

Please don't go Edward! My mind screamed for him to stay, but he started to fade.

I love you always and forever. Remember that. Tell Carlisle I didn't mean to hurt him. He was my hero. Tell Esme I will always love her and she was the best mother ever and I will watch over her. All of them. Tell Alice thank you for trying to save me. I will always love her more than anything for risking herself that way. Tell Emmett to keep you laughing and laugh for me on occasion. Tell Rose I forgive her. I know she didn't mean for it to turn out like this. And tell Jasper to care for you like there is nothing left in the world. Tell him I love him and am glad he is my brother. Can you do that for me Bella?

Of course! Anything! I promise!

I have to go now Bella. I am happy so do not think I am not. I can hear your thoughts now so think of me and know I will hear you. I love you and you made my life worth everything. It is my turn to rest now. Take care of yourself Bella. Live for me. I love you.

The darkness closed in around me and he faded away. The last thing I saw was my favorite crooked smile and that familiar twinkle in his eyes. I reached out for him to stay, but he faded away. I wanted to scream and chase after him. I wanted my mind to give him back.

The feeling came back in my body and I felt myself jump up.

"EDWARD! NO! Come back!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

The difference was that my voice rang out like music. I scanned the room and saw my entire family standing around looking very cautious. The memories of Edward flooded back in my head and I crumpled to the ground.

"NO! Come back! Please please please come back!"

"Bella! What is wrong?" Carlisle was kneeling in front of me.

"Edward was there. I want him to come back!"

"Edward was where?"

"He was there in my mind. He said he was protecting me from the pain. I didn't feel anything. He said I was already turning."

At this I looked down at my hands. They were paler than normal. Carlisle's hand was resting on mine and they were warm. I looked up at him.

"I'm so sorry I took him away! I wasn't fast enough to save him."

"Oh Bella, we do not blame you."

"He told me to tell you he loved you and that you were his hero and he didn't mean to hurt you by what he did."

I looked up at Esme.

"He said you were the best mother ever and he loved you so much." Her hand flew to her mouth and I heard a sob come from her.

I turned to Emmett who had a heartbreaking look on his face.

"Em, he wants you to keep laughing and make sure to laugh for him on occasion and make me laugh."

I sobbed at this, but I had to keep going. I had to keep my promise. I looked at Alice who was standing at the doorway farthest from everyone.

"Alice. He said thank you for trying to save him and for risking yourself for him. He loves you."

I looked at Rose who looked petrified. I think she thought I would have a bad message for her from the look on her face.

"He forgives you. He knows you didn't mean for this to happen."

Rose crumpled to the ground and Emmett was instantly by her side. I turned my entire body toward Jasper who was sitting just a few feet away.

"Jasper."

My voice caught in my throat and he took a few steps toward me until he was right next to me holding my hands.

"He said he loves you and he is so glad you are his brother. He said to take care for me like there is nothing else in the world."

Jasper released my hands and covered his face with them and I saw his body shaking with dry sobs.

"Bella, what did he say to you?" Carlisle's voice was soft.

The memory of the jewelry box suddenly flashed in my mind and I was up and at the closet before I could think about it. The movement startled me. I had forgotten about the whole speed thing. I flung the door open and grabbed the box, which was stored on the shelf. I sat it on the dresser and opened it as softly as possible. There inside was a single ring. I had never opened it after Edward left. I picked it up. It was old. The diamond was beautifully cut. I slid it onto my right ring finger. I figured it was the right place for it. The other hand had to stay reserved for whatever life brought me.

"It's his mothers ring," Carlisle said from next to me.

"He said he loved me and this would help me remember him. He said I would never forget him because Jasper wouldn't let me. He said he loved me!" I collapsed to the ground again in sobs.

"I want him back! Bring him back!" I screamed into my hands.

"Bella, he is happy it seems. He has a soul. You told him that didn't you? He knows you are right. He wants you to be happy. He wants you to live your life and know that if anything were to ever happen to you that he would be waiting."

"I promised him I would tell you all that."

"And you kept your promise. He did the last thing he could for you in your human form. He protected you from that pain. He kept you with him so you wouldn't have to feel those days of burning. He loved you more than his own life. You have to live for him. Show him that you do not take it for granted." Carlisle's words struck a cord.

I stood and ran! I ran down the hallway, down the stairs, out of the back door and collapsed on the back lawn.

"I'll do it for you Edward! I promise you that I will live my life and if something were to happen, I will be right there beside you. I love you!"

Just at that moment the clouds opened up and rained sunlight down. I looked at my hands and saw them sparkle in the light.

I love you too.

I looked back up and smiled. I wasn't sure I actually heard his voice, but it faded away with the wind anyway. I stood up and slowly made my way back to the house.