Title: The Wrong Emotion

A/N: I apologize for the cliff hanger last time. But let's kick up the angst a little, shall we? I know this story barely has any Mergana moments, but I promise you, they're coming... Just maybe not in this chapter. R&R!

-McDiggin'It

...

Chapter Ten:

They called it selective memory loss. Something that was an onset of the subarachnoid hemorrhaging, but ultimately came down to Merlin's brain subconsciously choosing which memories to forget.

And he chose her. To forget her completely. He remembers Arthur, Uther, Gwen, Freya and even Lance! But he forgot entirely about her.

She doesn't want to admit it, but it hurts. Like hell. He looks at her like she's a nuisance to him, treats her like its her fault that he's in the hospital, and speaks as if she's not there. He doesn't even speak to her unless he has no choice at all.

Of course, Gaius, Gwen, and even Arthur had tried their hardest to try and help him remember, but he says he remembers nothing about her.

Gwen had gotten angry and asked him who he thinks his assistant was. Merlin had blinked, trying to remember who had been his assistant, then had mentioned someone they didn't know by the name of Gwaine, save for Gaius who sighed and informed them that Gwaine was his assistant before Morgana took the job. He turned to Merlin and informed him, "You fired him because he went AWOL for a month and called you from Thailand to inform you that he had gotten drunk and ended up there and that he woke up married to a stripper by the name of 'Sunshine'."

Merlin's eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and then in thought. After a few moments, his eyes widened. "I remember!"

Hopeful looks were exchanged in the room. Gwen spoke again, asking "So do you remember hiring Morgana shortly afterwards?"

Merlin sighed and shook his head. "No."

"Well try!" Arthur snapped. Morgana stayed silent the whole time, watching Merlin's face as it changed from a contemplative look, to an angry frown.

"I don't know why you're all so adamant about me remembering her." He looks at Arthur, shaking his head. "You're an odd man, Arthur. Why must you join in on this ridiculousness? Isn't she your girlfriend?"

Morgana bit the inside of her cheek and looked away. Again, he's speaking of her as if she weren't there. It was Arthur who had been angry then, yelling at Merlin to pull his head out of his ass. "She was. But we decided that it wouldn't work out because of you!"

Merlin blinked, looking around at all of them as if they had lost their bloody minds. "What the hell are you talking about?" He paused to look at his uncle, "Gaius, what the hell is the clotpole talking about?"

Arthur looked offended. What the bloody hell is a clotpole?

Gaius looked at Morgana, who again, looked away. "Morgana is your assistant, Merlin... You were the one who insisted that she was your favorite assistant... And you may have told me a few other things about her that you... favored."

Morgana looked up then because that was news to her. Merlin scoffed, his cheeks reddening. "No. I assure you, I don't favor anyone." He gave Morgana a pointed look. "Especially not someone who seems so desperate. It's annoying."

Arthur's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he clenched his jaw. "That's it! I'm killing him." He lunged forward, but Morgana stopped him before he could strangle Merlin on his bed.

"That's enough." She said sternly to him and then looked directly at Merlin. "If he doesn't remember, we won't force him to." She left after that with her heart aching inside her chest.

...

After the doctors cautioned against forcing Merlin to remember things, they had been rather reluctant to try again.

Days go by, and Morgana is slowly losing hope of him ever remembering her. She would spend almost everyday with him after work, hoping he would somehow remember her.

She makes him sushi because he decided that he suddenly likes raw fish. She doesn't tell him that she made it though. For some reason, he doesn't trust her, so he never drinks or eats anything he knows she made.

It annoys her to no end because is this how he treats people he doesn't know? The thought repulses her, so she chooses to ignore it, figuring it's only fair since he doesn't "know" her.

He sleeps a lot. Those are Morgana's favorite times because at least then, he's not glaring at her like she just kicked his cat and stole his last grain of rice. It's rather ridiculous, but those times when he's asleep and she's alone with him, she holds his hand and tells him how she feels about him. She tells him how she used to think she hated him, but just recently realized that she never actually hated him. She just disliked him a lot because she misunderstood him and judged him. And for that, she's sorry.

Sometimes she reads to him. He never asked her to, but she does it anyway and he doesn't protest. He stays silent, staring at the wall or out the window.

He doesn't know, but every time he falls asleep, she sits with him for a while until it's late, and she kisses his cheek before leaving. Every time she kisses his cheek, memories of their last kiss before Arthur found them, invades her mind and it refuses to leave her until the wee hours of the morning. But it's all she's holding onto right now. He just needs to remember.

...

Morgana bites her anger when he asks her to call Freya again for him. Freya had been by to visit him quite a lot, and Merlin was quickly becoming someone Morgana doesn't even recognize. But she will not give up until he remembers her. She stabs her finger into Freya's name on his phone and hands it to him while ignoring the frequented feeling of jealousy in her chest.

She doesn't like the girl. Freya, like she had told Gwen a couple of weeks ago, acts as if she's better than her and Gwen, and even has the audacity to tell them that she always knew Merlin would want her again. But Morgana knows the truth. Merlin's mind has conjured up false memories, much like when he lost his parents in the accident years ago.

He thinks he's in love with Freya. He thinks they've been involved for the past 5 years, and that they've never broken up before. He thinks she's the one who made him all the sushi he's been eating, and Morgana lets him think that. If it'll make him eat, then she's glad. Otherwise she would've confronted Freya about lying when Merlin had asked her if she was the one to make him the delicious sushi.

Morgana just grits her teeth, and goes along with what they say.

Gwen is there, giving her a sad, comforting look from the other side of the room.

"May I have some privacy?" Merlin asks rather rudely, and Morgana resists the urge to snatch his phone back from him and throw it out the window. Getting up quickly, she gestures to Gwen to follow her out so he can have his bloody privacy.

They're silent as they walk to the little waiting room down the hall.

As they take their seats, Gwen gives Morgana a wary glance. "What if we try and jog his memory?"

"That's what we've been doing, Gwen."

"No, we've been telling him to try and remember. Maybe we should try a different approach."

Morgana looks tiredly at her friend. "How?"

Gwen purses her lips as she thinks. After a few contemplative moments, she answers. "It's simple, really."

Morgana leans in with interest, awaiting her friends answer to a question that has invaded her mind since Merlin woke up from his coma.

"Reenact your moments with him before the accident."

Morgana's hopes deflate almost instantly, "We don't exactly have any moments because I mostly ignored him. He would have to call for me to do something, and then I would have to pretend I enjoy doing it or else he'll fire me." She pauses, looking down sadly at the tiled floors of the hospital. "How ironic." She would've laughed at just how absurd this whole situation seems if she weren't hurting so much on the inside. "The whole time I've known him, I've hated him, been annoyed with him, ignored him, and pushed him away... Now I finally admit to myself that I've been feeling all the wrong emotions for him, and he doesn't even remember me."

Gwen looks at her sympathetically, her eyebrows scrunching together. "You know, you never told me exactly what happened between you and Merlin."

Morgana avoids Gwen's gaze and stares at the wall.

"I hadn't dared to ask Arthur." Gwen shakes her head, thinking about the blonde man she's come to absolutely adore. "He now blames himself for Merlin's memory loss."

"I basically cheated on Arthur, Gwen..." Morgana blurts.

Gwen goes quiet before bumping her shoulder gently against her friends. "I know it wasn't your intention though."

Morgana slowly nods in confirmation. "I just- Merlin started acting differently towards me, and he was being nice. Still annoying, but like, with a filter. And he actually started listening to me, saving me from drowning, sending me roses because I told him that my mother used to fill my room with them whenever I was sick, and it was all so confusing."

"Which part?" Gwen asks sarcastically.

Morgana laughs humorlessly, "All of it. The night of the Winter Ball, he kissed me."

Gwen's eyes widen at that and turns, smacking Morgana lightly on the shoulder. "Why is this news to me?"

Morgana shrugs, "It didn't mean anything." She pauses at Gwen's raised eyebrow. "Okay, fine it meant a lot, but I was with Arthur then and I didn't want to be that girl who cheats, so I tried to pretend it never happened."

"And yet you still ended up being that girl." Gwen says jokingly.

"I thought you said Arthur didn't tell you anything."

"He didn't." Gwen shakes her head as she explains. "But I put 2 and 2 together and figured it out myself... Figured he must've seen something drastic to storm out of the office that made Merlin go after him."

"How do you know Merlin went after Arthur?"

Gwen shrugs, "Because Arthur blames himself for what happened, but mostly because Arthur was there during the accident."

Morgana sighs, shaking her head as well. "It's not his fault. And I don't blame him for one moment. If anything, this whole thing is my fault-"

"Don't you dare blame yourself, Morgana. You weren't even there during the accident!" Gwen chastises her friend, then quickly gives her a soft smile. "I think we need to stop focusing on who's fault this is, and start focusing on how to help Merlin regain his memories of you."

"I don't think he actually wants to remember me." Morgana says dejectedly.

Gwen snorts, "Nonsense!" She waves a hand dismissively, "If there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen... Both inside and outside. If Merlin isn't blind, then I'm sure he's at least physically attracted to you."

"And?"

Gwen rolls her eyes at her friend, "And I'll bet he can't stand not being able to remember all the juicy little things you did together."

Morgana's eyes widen and she playfully glares at Gwen. "We've only kissed, Gwen. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Yes of course," Gwen begins. "But don't tell me you've never wanted to do more with him." Morgana's silence enough, and Gwen smiles triumphantly.

"I rest my case." Morgana mutters softly.

"And we should start on getting his memory back."

The other girl gives her a questioning look as she bites her lip. "What did you have in mind?"

Gwen thinks for a long moment, staring off into the distance before suddenly getting up and looking at her friend. "We have to get his life back."

Morgana blinks incredulously at Gwen. "What are you talking about, Gwen?"

Gwen laughs, "It's perfect! I mean think about it. He's always complaining about how he hates the hospital and wants to go home and back to work, right?"

Morgana nods in confirmation, still not sure how this would help Merlin remember her.

"Well we can put in a request to take him home and continue his therapy there! We'll also take him to his office every now and then."

Morgana rolls her eyes at that, slumping forward. "And how is that going to help Merlin remember me?"

Gwen snorts as she waves a hand dismissively at her friend. "We're going to force him to relive his memories with you. Maybe if he starts doing all the things he used to do before the accident, he'll remember. Because clearly, he's missing huge chunks of his memory, and he's also made up some memories he never actually had." She says, and knows that Morgana picked up on the hint at Freya.

Morgana doesn't think it'll work, but it's not like she has any master plan of her own, so she agrees. No harm, no foul.

...

There's something strange about the girl. She both annoys him and comforts him in a way. But she mostly annoys him with her constant hovering and odd looks.

And it's not like she's hideous or anything. She's beautiful, actually, and quite distracting, which further irritates him. If he is to recover, he needs all distractions removed from his room. But she absolutely refuses to leave or even listen to him.

"Would you like some water?"

Merlin scrunches his nose and glares at her. "No. I would like some sleep."

The girl frowns at him, but nods. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything."

He rolls his eyes and turns away from her and onto his side to stare at the wall. He doesn't know what it is about her that makes him feel so sad, and he hates it. A few moments later, he hears footsteps approaching, and he turns to find Gwen entering his room with a smile. "They're letting you go home, Merlin." She says cheerfully. He thinks she's kind of odd. The whole lot of them is odd. But the news she delivered is quite welcome.

He absolutely hates having to use a wheelchair. It makes him feel incompetent. He had fractured a bone in his right leg during the accident, but it's almost fully healed now with the help of the annoying cast around it. But the doctors had specifically instructed him to stay in his wheelchair for a little while longer.

He would've used his crutches anyway, but the green eyed girl he doesn't remember wouldn't even let him, saying something about staying off his leg so his leg can fully mend itself. He rolls his eyes at the thought.

Recently he's been trying to remember some of the things that they've told him he forgot, but nothing comes to him. The only thing about the girl that seemed familiar to him, are her eyes... But a lot of people have green eyes. Maybe he's thinking of someone else.

Sitting back, Merlin closes his eyes and tries to conjure up the image of her face. His chest tightens for some reason and he doesn't know what to make of that. He's never felt that before... Well, not since he lost his parents. And yet, there's a feeling, sort of like a tug in his chest, telling him that he's felt that before. Except his brain can't remember.

It's all so frustrating. Sometimes, when he's sleeping, he thinks he hears her. But when he wakes up, she's not there, and there's another feeling he doesn't recognize. Disappointment maybe? Again, it's irritating.

Merlin sighs heavily as he sits down on the arm chair in his home. He's glad no one is there at the moment because then no one can tell him to use the damned wheelchair. Gaius is out shopping for groceries, Gwen and Arthur won't be by to visit until tomorrow, Freya is probably still at work, and Morgana is... Well, he heard from Gaius that she had stopped by earlier to say goodbye while he was sleeping before leaving to go out of town for a bit to check out a new place she's looking to move into since her current home is infested with roaches or something. She won't be back for another week.

He smiles, leaning back and closing his eyes, but his smile quickly turns into a frown as images of green eyes flash before his minds eye. He sits up and opens his eyes again as his heart rate speeds up. He doesn't know what it means, but it's unfamiliar. He doesn't get that with Freya. He doesn't suddenly start thinking about Freya's eyes, or feel his heart beating hard against his chest at the thought of her. Yet another thing that irritates him.

He wants to remember, but at the same time, he can't help but feel like there's a reason he doesn't remember. He just doesn't know what that reason is.

Sighing again, he gets up, grabbing his crutches and placing them under his armpits. He moves towards the kitchen, and smiles as he spots a familiar tray on the counter. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he shoots Freya a quick message.

I didn't know you stopped by today.

Several minutes later, he gets a text back from her.

What are you talking about? I haven't been there since yesterday.

Frowning, Merlin moves closer to the counter and looks at the tray of sushi rolls. Same tray, same kind of sushi rolls. He takes one out and pops it into his mouth, chewing slowly. Same taste. Furrowing his eyebrows, he dials Gaius' number. On the 3rd ring, his uncle finally picks up.

"Yes, Merlin? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Gaius." He replies, eyes still trained on the tray of sushi rolls.

"Oh good." The old man sighs. "Was there something you needed?"

"No... I- Gaius, who came to the house today?"

There's a short pause before he replies with, "Just Morgana."

Merlin feels his chest tighten again.

"Why? Is something wrong?"

He shakes his head even though Gaius can't possibly see him. "No... Nothing's wrong. Errr, just asking." He hangs up without saying good bye as he takes another piece from the sushi roll and stares at it. Why had she never told him she was the one who made the sushi? Why did Freya lie to him? It's just sushi!

He sets the sushi back down, suddenly feeling tired again. He hobbled back to the living room and takes a seat on the couch. He thinks back to when he would wake up to find a fresh tray of sushi rolls laying on his bedside table. He had assumed it was Freya who left it there, and had thanked her for it the next time she stopped by to see him. She had looked a little confused but then she had said it was no problem.

Merlin bites his lips as he stares at the wall of his living room. What the bloody hell else is he missing?

...

A/N: Hellerrr! Okay, so I know this chapter is a little boring, but I'm trying to let it flow out in a way that makes sense. Anyway, the next chapter should be good. I'll add in some more Arwen and their progressing relationship, a bit of Merthur bromance, and also a little more interactions between Freya, Morgana, and Merlin. And those Mergana feels will probably be in the chapter after that. So stay tuned! Thank you again to all the readers for your patience. And to those who left wonderful reviews, I love you! I seriously really appreciate it! Anyway, let me know what you think of this one!

-McDiggin'It