Moving so close to a person you thought you once knew, but never truly did, it was something that would never stop to hurt. Alyn felt it like a stinging thorn in his foot, with every step close to the prince.
He hadn't thought Elara would ever let him out again, not this time, not after she had felt him pull a gun at her and himself. But she did.
And it didn't take long to understand the simple reason why.
She hadn't kept him locked up because she was afraid to get hurt. She was afraid he would hurt himself in his utter devastation.
But now, with Vael Gliacon being friendly, nudging and smiling...whatever they were ...and the truth behind all the hopes and dreams unraveled, she had no more reason to keep him locked up or separated from Maven. In fact, she just seemed to make them meet more often now.
And after her taking over, her demonstration of pure control, she could be certain he wouldn't try to harm any of them.
Defiant was not the word Alyn Velx would use to describe himself.
Not anymore.
Even if he had wanted to. He could not change a grain of Maven's character.
Spirits knew he tried, pressing his consciousness against the rotten cracks of Maven's soul. Trying to find a way to mend whatever he could. The results were all the same. Nothing changed.
The wolf prowling in the dark, the monster rustling in the bushes, it remained unsatisfied. It did only drain his energy off him, giving him headaches worse than ever.
Maven seemed to notice his meddling. Once or twice he saw the head of the prince whip around, locking eyes with him. But he didn't recognize him. And their inner turmoil did not change a bit. He was suspicious, for that Alyn couldn't blame him.
Help, was, as Alyn had recognized before grabbing Vael gliacons gun, useless. And maybe even unwelcome.
He would shove me away no matter what, Alyn thought. Because he wasn't in need of him anymore. He had the false Titanos now.
He recognized the strangeness and absurdity of being jealous of someone he admired. He knew he behaved like a scorned lover.
All this pain, bottled up, all the tears and the distress. In vain, as it seemed. He had no tears anymore. He just carried on, somehow.
Maybe it was the strings that Elara Merandus had woven around him. Maybe it was because he wasn't able to do anything else.
"You look like shit." Vael Gliacon whispered when they met after his last attempt to temper with Maven's feelings.
Alyn felt the bitter taste in his throat as his mouth twitched into a familiar thin smile.
"Thanks. You don't look like the sunshine yourself." He felt the uncanny resemblance of their restless minds. "We share the nightmares, it seems."
Vael seemed taken aback by that recognition, bristling before giving an answer.
"I don't think we dream of the same thing. Or did you ever pull a trigger on someone?"
"I did more terrible things to people than simply killing them." Alyn said, void of any feeling."Torturer Velx, they called me."
"Well, this went dark fast." Vael put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. His ashen blond hair was tousled, his coat crumbled. Alyn reached up, patting it.
"Don't worry. I wouldn't hurt you like I did back then."
"Reassuring." There was a twinkle of humor in Vaels eyes. " Murder Tales are my favorite bed time story, by the way, so go on."
Alyn chuckled, feeling a strange feeling blossoming in his chest as he continued to smooth Vael Gliacons collar.
"I see how it is, then."
Blue eyes, but not freckled with silver, smiled at Alyn.
"How is it?"
"I got a lot of murder tales to tell." Alyn didn't know where the spunk came from that made him grip the other one's collar."I would be glad to share them if they get me to your bed."
Vaels eyebrows shut up. And Alyn let go of the collar."Whoa. Velx. Are you flirting with me?"
"Forget anything.I just-" Spirits, Alyn, what is wrong with you? All dark and gruff one second and now THIS?
"Because that was-eh-" Vael was still smiling. Alyn turned around. "Don't leave me hanging. That WAS flirting, wasn't it?"
Alyn ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. "I-it's all this love shoehorned in one place."
"Al, seriously, no reason to be ashamed. I just didn't think you were that way."
For the first time forever, Alyn felt embarrassment. And something else and new happened as well. Alyn Velx cheeks flushed bright silver.
"Were that-oh, please. You are making it worse."
Vael chuckled. "All right. No big deal."
"I am not good with that kind of feelings, Vael Gliacon."Alyn confessed, voice and face bare in the most vulnerable expression Vael had ever witnessed. Alyn felt it prouded him as much as it worried him. "It was- I-"
"Yeah, I get it. I see the way you stare at Maven like a kicked puppy. It probably didn't end well."
Kicked puppy?
Great, Alyn thought. Even though I wear a mask people seem to be able to make me out in a second.
Be glad, the inner demons whispered. It is people you can trust for now.
"I wasn't-I was NEVER-" Lies, the demons whispered. Lies, Alyn Velx. What was is you called him? My bright prince? What did you think when he was all tears and sorrow the day Thomas died?
"It is complicated." What a response. Complicated didn't hit the mark AT ALL.
"When is it ever NOT complicated, Al?" Vael gave him a last crooked smile, accompanied with a soft sigh." I'm sorry though." And he really, was, Alyn could feel his honest regret." I like you. But I always ever was into girls...so I don't think..."
"Let us NEVER talk about this again." Alyn decided.
"You could tell me about 'It's complicated'" Vael offered.
"Pass." Alyn nudged his shoulder."Move along, Gliacon." I have to be a kicked puppy.
"Hello, Alyn."Julian leaned close, looking at him almost secretive.
"I underestimated your influence, old man," Alyn said, glad to see another friendly face.
"You happen to have an excellent friend in that young shiver guard."
"The shiver? Yeah, that's Vael. He is a good man"
"Maybe more than a friend the way you look right now."
"It's not like that."
"I happen to know a thing or two about love, so let me disagree."
Love. Alyn shivered in disgust and wonder. "A bit strong. Let's compromise and say attraction."
"It's something considering who I am talking to right now."
"I am glad you came."Alyn said. "Because I trust you to listen when no one else would. I can't tell what, but something is wrong all over Summerton. I suspect the false Titanos in it."
"Mare,"Julian said. "Her real name is Mare."
Mare, Alyn tasted her name on his tongue silently. Lightning girl, saving his little sanity left. Knowing her real name finally made her more substant, even if she would never know of his presence.
"Yes, well, she is feeling odd. They plan something. "
"Just Mare?" Julian was less surprised than Alyn had thought. But he wasn't stupid. Expecting the unexpected, Alyn thought. And considering how well he knows the false- Mare, I shouldn't be surprised.
"Maven." Saying that name burnt almost physical in Alyn's throat.
"I noticed they were close."
Close, what a nice way to put it. He didn't tell Julian about the obsessive gripping feeling mixed with the oddest tenderness.
"I'd keep an eye out,just in case."Alyn remarked, casual.
But Julian could feel the change all the same.
"How curious," he said, hazel eyes burning into Alyn's head as he lowered his gaze."You know, I did my research after we talked, Alyn Velx. You have been in the game almost as long as you are alive. I know you lived in the palace. And I know how close you were to Prince MAven. What did change, to turn your utter devotion into this bitter hate?"
"I suppose being locked in a prison does change one's personality."Alyn spat his words like a big drop of spit on the ground." I hoped for years, his name was my prayer. But what did I find? A twisted tree, growing thorns and poison berries under the facade of pretty blossom. So excuse me for not being exactly joyful."
"He is not like Elara, not completely." Julian did not trust Maven as far as he could throw him. Alyn sensed that very well. He was smart enough. But still...
Alyn scoffed softly."No, he is worse." He makes me want to try to fix him. But is there something to fix?
"Time will tell."Julian said. And wasn't that like him? Watch the story unfold? " For now he and Mare are thick as thieves and I am curious to see where that will lead."
Alyn opened his mouth wide, deciding to swallow the words and smiled instead. "The day you end with a slit throat, Julian Jacos, "he said, calm, looking up to the older man."Remember I warned you."
"The day comes or not, and nothing can change that, " For a painstakingly long moment Julian Jacos looked like the ghost of Alyn's uncle, smiling faintly. "my dear boy."
What was I?
Alyn asked himself.
What were you?
He stared at Maven, locked somewhere between sorrow and hatred. Hatred for betraying the image of a celestial being that guided him through the hell that had been the prison. Hatred for not remembering him a bit. He hated himself for doing what he had done, and he hated Maven for what he would do.
But a part of the boy that was locked in a dusty chamber, lying on a bed, or sitting next to a chair; a boy that had promised to help. A boy that played chess and jested, that held hands with a prince.
That part was branded somewhere deep into his being. And despite having lost all sense of hope. That part loved Maven. Alyn loved the lies, the thorns, the poison berries. Despite knowing the truth, he couldn't help. He couldn't help but bite his lips whenever Mare and Maven were close, couldn't help but curl his hands into fists when he saw them speak, in a familiar way.
Help, his uncle said, a ghostly image in the dim light. Alyn didn't know if it was the loneliness or if he was going to be completely crazy for seeing the dead now.
Curling into a tight ball, Alyn was unable to help anyone not even himself.
Heal, his uncle urged, gently.
There is nothing I can do anymore, Alyn thought.
You were born to heal. To soothe. You are a gentle soul, whatever you tell yourself, Alyn.
"I DON'T KNOW HOW!" Alyn screamed at the ghostly image of his deceased uncle and closed his eyes.
He tried to hide that hurting part as best as he could, concealing it under angry or bitter clouds of thoughts, only for Elara. Succeeding, for now, he waited. For the day whatever those two, Mare and Maven, thick as thieves, had planned, would explode.
He did not know how on spot that description was.