I'm pretty sure the next one will be the last chapter, but right now I'm hoping you like this one =) As always, R&R.
Chapter 10
I wasn't thinking. I've confirmed my suspicions and my anger got the worst of me. I hate to admit it but it's the truth.
After I saw Quinn talking to Puck about the disease I told her about, I knew, but I needed her to tell me. After we chose the ballad, I pull Quinn aside and everyone was too busy talking to Mercedes to care about us.
"You promised." I first said more sad than angry.
"What?" she was confused.
"Don't play stupid with me, Fabray!" I still don't know what came over me, it's like I was the mean Cheerio this time. "Puck is the father and everyone knew but me! You didn't trust me, you lied to Finn and more importantly you lied to me" In the middle of that, she said something I didn't hear, but it was something like "everyone?"
She began to cry and I couldn't handle the sight of it, this time I couldn't hear her, it all hurt too much. "Rach, I tried, I wanted to-"
"No. I don't care, okay? You didn't. You broke your promise." I walked out of there and Finn followed me so I told him as soon as we were out.
But telling him calmed me down a little, and it hit me. She tried to tell me, she really did and we were interrupted. Maybe she tried to tell me more than once and I didn't pay enough attention because I was too worried about myself and my feelings.
So I regretted it immediately. And when my brain got back to the school Finn was nowhere to be seen. Without even thinking I ran back to the choir room. It was bad, Finn punching Puck, Quinn crying her heart out, myself feeling guilty…
"I'm done with all of you!" Finn stormed out of the room better than I ever did and Quinn looked at me so devastated that I wanted to die right there. She ran off and after a minute or two I went to find her.
I have found her now and I don't know what to tell her, I do know, though, that my behaviour wasn't good so I should apologize.
"I'm so sorry. I fully understand if you want to beat me up. If you can, just try to avoid my nose." I close my eyes expecting something but knowing she wouldn't punch anyone, ever.
"I'm not mad at you." I look at her and I can't believe her words. "All you did was what I wasn't brave enough to do… tell the truth"
"I was selfish when I told him. I wanted to break you two up, so he would want to be with me." Wait, what? I hate how my brain works sometimes, I know I'm lying to her because I was about to tell her 'so you would want to be with me' and it's so not the time, but I still feel awful because I'm lying to her, that's never good, especially after what I told her earlier about the promise.
"And now neither of us has him. I have hurt so many people…" I can't say anything, we both have hurt too many people, starting with each other, we were both so stupid and it's time to put an end to this. That's why I don't argue when she asks "Can you go now? I just really want to be alone."
----o-o-o-o-o-----
I'm not surprised I'm sitting alone in the bus on the way to Sectionals. I screwed up bad and now it's finally all in the open… well, almost, but no one needs to know about my feelings for Rachel.
"May I sit or do you still need to be alone?" It takes me a few moments to realize she's standing beside me waiting for an answer.
"I'd love some company right now" I try to smile but fail miserably.
"Quinn, I'm still sorry, even if you're not mad at me and I need for us to be okay before the performance or I'm not gonna be entirely there and we both know this club needs me 110% there now more than ever."
I do chuckle at that, only Rachel Berry. "We are okay, Rach"
"But I lied to you too"
"What?" It comes out angrier than I intended, it was more shock and confusion in my head.
She doesn't look at me, she's staring down at her hands. "I… did tell Finn for selfish reasons, but it wasn't because I like him. I mean, part of me did tell him because he's my friend and I thought it was fair for him to know the truth. But the selfish part of me wanted to finally break you two up, because if he found out from you, then maybe, just maybe you guys would have work things out and I couldn't… I can't…" she starts crying, trying hard not to.
I feel lost. I don't quite understand what she's trying to tell me, why would she care if we're together if she doesn't like him. But before I can say anything she finds her strength again and keeps talking "I know you don't really like him so I didn't want you to settle for him again, because you deserve so much better, Quinn, you deserve someone who feels the exact same way about you that you feel about them, you deserve someone who takes care of you even when you're too afraid to ask, you deserve someone who knows that your eyes light up every time you see a bird through your window, someone who knows exactly how to hold your hand to make you smile, because there's a spot there that is like a trigger, you know? Your smiles comes up instantly at the touch" I'm crying ever since she said I deserved better, but now, she's proving her last point by reaching my hand, and I didn't really notice this before but I feel the smile on my face and it's incredible.
She looks at me now and we both smile as she continues "We both know I think highly of myself but this is the most egomaniac comment you'd ever hear me say: you deserve me."
My eyes are as wide open as they can be and I think they might have fallen out because suddenly I'm not seeing anything anymore, I'm not listening, I'm out of my body for a second before I check back into reality. "What?" It seems I can't say anything other than that during this ride.
"I probably don't deserve you, but I'm asking you Quinn Fabray, can you be my Quinnie Pooh again? Can we try to be more than friends?" She's looking at me hopeful and I'm completely speechless…
"Okay kids, we're here!" Everyone but us screams and starts to get up and get out. I take her hand and she makes sure to touch me in that spot. "Come on, we'll talk about this after we win Sectionals" I say smiling to her and we get out never breaking the contact.
----o-o-o-o-o-----
"This is your chance, don't screw it up" Finn is the hero of this thing and I really wish his words would help me to relax but they don't. He goes to Brittany and the rest of the group to go over the steps but I'm freaking out, walking from one side of the room to the other. I have been working on that song since I was four, but I also had stopped singing it about two years ago.
"Hey, listen to me" Quinn grabs my arms and holds me still, looking intensely in my eyes. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna sing that song I love so much, right? Don't Rain On My Parade?" I only nod, her eyes are captivating and I can't do anything else because I'm lost in them and in her words. "Then listen to me carefully, I've listened to you sing that song thousands of times, I know you do it flawlessly each time, so don't worry about it. Get out there and show them the star that you are. You are and always will be my Rigel, but now it's time for you to start becoming the Rigel of Earth" She wipes away the tear that escaped my eye after I heard her say that nickname again. God, it's been too long. And this is it. I somehow got my answer from the bus, I'm hers and she's mine and she just gave me all the strength I needed to get out there. I smile at her as widely as I can. "Thanks, Quinnie Pooh"
"Okay guys, let's rehearse this choreography at least once before we get on the stage" We hear Artie say and we get to work.
Being the professional that I am I couldn't risk the choreography so in many occasions I had to stop the urge to hold her hand and sing to her in the middle of the stage. Especially during Somebody To Love. But we did manage to glance at each other and smile more than once.
---o-o-o-o-o----
We're in the bus back to the school now, we're all too excited, singing and congratulating ourselves.
"Hey guys, we should do a number for Mr. Schue" We all immediately agree with Finn.
"Oh, I know the perfect song!" Rachel beams. She's standing in front of me between two seats,
"No!" Mercedes shocked everyone. "You've been choosing songs since I don't know when, it's time to let someone else do it, you're probably gonna sing the lead anyway"
"But I- How do you know?"
"Every time I tried to make a suggestion to Mr. Schue, he told me you already had given him a song, you chose 'Keep Holding On', 'Defying Gravity', 'True Colors'…"
"Lean on Me" Tina adds and Rachel looks down embarrassed and I can't believe it, she did that for me, all of those songs, she chose them for me and suddenly my heart beats faster, she tried, she tried hard to mend it and now I know she has. We're really okay now, we can start over and we can try because I love her too damn much not to.
"Well, I have a song…" Rachel looks at me even more surprised than everyone else.
I smile at her and I'm telling her everything with my eyes.
"Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You" and she smiles back. They agree and start talking about the choreography but neither of us is listening, too lost in ourselves and the words we're saying to each other via telepathy.
The bus stops and we all get down. Some of the kids go to their cars and others run to their parents who are waiting for them and I see Finn, with his mom, and it hurts too much, I can't go back there, Finn would never throw me out but I can't do that to them. I'd slept at Brittany's last night, maybe I could stay there for a couple of days...
"Quinn?" I can't believe I've forgotten Rachel was next to me. I look at her, trying not to cry. "You know…"
"Is my house too? I know...but, Rach…" She waits for me to continue, she has no idea what I'm about to say. "I… I want to take this, us, slow... and moving in with you it's definitely not slow"
She smiles at me because I'm finally saying out loud what I said to her through looks all day. "I see your point and normally I wouldn't argue, but right now, Quinn, can you think of a better place to go?"
I get closer to her, suddenly not caring we're in the middle of the street and some of the Gleeks are still there, and with their parents, I let my hand touch her face "And what about us?" I whisper.
She takes my hand off her face, kisses it and holds it firmly between hers. "What about us? We can take it slow, we can, it's not like we're gonna share the bedroom... and knowing us, we'll probably be most of the time together anyway, but we could do an extra effort not to rush things"
Louis and Sam come happy toward us "Congratulations!" they both hug and kiss us. "Are you girls ready to go home?" Picture me confused.
"You already know?"
Rachel looks at me with her I'm-sorry eyes "I told them last night. After Finn's reaction well, I figured…"
"It's okay, and I'm perfectly ready. For once, I can't wait to get home" I smile, Rachel takes my hand and we leave.
And I really can't wait to get home and be alone with Rachel because as slow as I want to take this, I've been dying to kiss her for years and I'm pretty sure she gave me a greenlight today.