Hello everyone! This one is a long chapter, I just kept going and going. There is Shules in this!
I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.
-"Back To December" by Taylor Swift
Santa Barbara: 2019
Juliet sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair with her foot bouncing on the tiled floor. Carlton was sitting next to her talking away on his phone to some person. Juliet was paying no attention to him or to Shawn's uncle who was snoring loudly with his head tilted back. Henry, Maddie and Zuri had left around twenty minutes before and were still gone. Juliet's eyes went to the coat laid out over the chairs Zuri had been sleeping on. She still couldn't believe Shawn was a father. A very good one at that. Not that she had ever doubted he'd be a good father, she'd always known he would be an amazing father. She just always pictured his daughter with blonde curls like her or untamable messy brown hair much like himself.
Juliet shook her head to get out of her daze. She was engaged to a man. A very nice decent man who loved her with all of his heart and she loved him, didn't she? Well of course she did. She said yes when he proposed, when he bought her the ring on her finger and when he rented out an entire hall just for their wedding. She had to love him, she just had to. Then why was she feeling doubt? Maybe because Shawn had only been gone not even a year when they started dating. Juliet hadn't wanted to date. She still held hope that Shawn would bounce in through the door with his amazing smirk and 'come to bed' eyes he always flashed at her when they were alone. Shawn leaving had been the hardest thing in her life.
When she was younger and her father disappeared she had waited for him too. Everyday sitting by the window waiting for his car to come into the driveway and to hug her tight when he came inside. Even though he never showed up Juliet had gotten over it. She loved her father as any little girl would. But he hadn't been around much when he was with her. Always on the phone or out with his buddies. She wasn't that close to him, not like she was with Shawn. She had loved him more than anything, more than the little girl who loved her father. They had spent many hours just talking to each other about their hopes and dreams after making love. Shawn would cuddle her into his embrace and rub random patterns into her back as she lay on his chest. Juliet couldn't stand being away from him for more than a few minutes, believing that he wasn't coming back had broken her heart.
She'd been weary to begin dating again, but she couldn't wait for Shawn. Not when he wasn't coming back. Her fears had been proven true when Henry delivered a letter to her. A letter he said Shawn had made him promise to give to her. That letter was in her jewelry box, tucked away and still sealed shut. Why open it when Shawn would come back and read it to her himself? But he hadn't. Psych was closed down and soon enough any trace of them was wiped away. Gus moved on to get married and advance in his career; he seemed to forget all about his childhood friend. The station was no different. Life went on except without pineapples all over the place and the smile on everyone's face as Shawn dazzled them with a joke or retort. He was gone and she had accepted that fact. Her heart had closed up to him and opened to her fiancé.
"O'Hara." A nudge to Juliet's shoulder made her jump.
"What?" She asked Carlton. He motioned to the hall as the figures of Henry, Maddie and Zuri made their way into the room. Zuri was clinging to her grandmother with her grandfather holding a trouble looked upon his face.
"Everything okay Mister Spencer?" Juliet stood up next to Carlton.
"I don't even know." Henry replied honestly. "Shawn was awake but he was in quite a bit of pain." Henry stuck out his foot and kicked Jack's leg. Jack jumped up and looked around. "We're going home. You want to come with us?" Jack nodded.
"We can stay and look out for him." Juliet said.
"You can stay O'Hara. I have to go to the station." Carlton told her looking at his phone. Juliet's body tensed, she wasn't sure if she was ready to be alone with him yet.
"Then I guess I'll call you with any changes." Juliet responded.
"We appreciate that Juliet." Maddie reached a hand towards her. Juliet shook her hand and gave a small smile. Henry gave a nod before leading his family down the hall, Zuri giving her a wave before she went out of sight.
"I'll check on your later." Carlton said following the Spencer's. Juliet sighed heavily and walked in the direction of Shawn's room. She found it easily enough and knocked lightly on the door. When she received no answer Juliet walked in and sat in one of the chairs next to the bed. Shawn's eyes were closed and his skin was pale. Being in a car accident and in the hospital could do that to you.
She looked over his body and took mental notes about his well-being. She was satisfied when she saw nothing to be particularly worried about. A white bandage covered the gash she'd pointed out to him earlier. Juliet touched him softly being careful to not hurt or wake him. Her hand trailed over and ran down his arm, it was ice cold. She stopped for a second when her hand reached his; she gave a tiny squeeze before withdrawing her hand.
Juliet felt utterly helpless watching him lying so still in the bed. He was usually a bundle of energy nothing could calm, or at least he used to be. With what little interaction Juliet and Shawn had had the last few days Shawn seemed calmer. He wasn't as jumpy and was more alert to his surroundings.
"Nice to see you too Lassiter."
The words rang in her head. Lassiter. Shawn never called him Lassiter unless it was a dire emergency or he was angry. Shawn had been neither of those things. Lassiter had popped out of his mouth without a stutter; Shawn hadn't even considered calling him 'Lassie'. He was different alright. He had not only matured emotionally but physically. His stomach was thinner and firmer then Juliet remembered. His arms were laid with muscles he'd developed wherever he had been the last few years. His hair was cut short and he had traces of stubble on his cheeks and chin. He looked professional. Juliet was once again startled when a hand grabbed hers.
"Juliet?" Shawn asked groggily.
"Shawn." Her voice caught in her throat, she would have to get used to being called Juliet from him.
"What're you doing here?" he slurred, his voice was hoarse and pathetic. His eyes were closed and his chest was heaving with the big steady breaths he was taking.
"Your family went home and Carlton has things to do. I'm staying with you until they come back." Juliet answered. Shawn was quiet for a few seconds as he processed what she said.
"You don't have to be here." Shawn finally opened his eyes and landed them on her.
"And leave you alone?" she scoffed, "No way in hell Shawn." She shook her head.
"What are you doing here Juliet?" he asked again.
"Shawn I already told you." Juliet watched him closely. She felt his palm press against hers and she took a deep breath.
"I know. But they could've put an officer in here; you didn't have to be in here. So why?" Shawn looked at her with his eyes wide open.
"Because I care about you." Even if she wanted to Juliet didn't think she could stop her hand from going up to his hair and stroking it back away from his face. Shawn's eyes closed as he felt the soothing movements. "How have you been Shawn?" she whispered.
Shawn chuckled, "Besides getting hit by a car? Fine I suppose. You?"
"Well enough I suppose." She shrugged. Her hand moved down from his hair and stroked the side of his head. "What do you do now? Work I mean."
"I, uh, I work with an insurance company. How do you like being head detective?" He responded.
Juliet shrugged again before remembering he couldn't see her, "It's… different. I miss having Carlton with me in the field, but Buzz is an amazing partner…" She trailed off. Shawn nodded and opened his eyes once more.
"Your family? They're okay?" Shawn titled his head to view her better. Juliet's hand fell away and gripped his shoulder.
"Yeah. Ewan is still doing whatever he does; he comes around on my birthday." Juliet said. Shawn's body tensed as he tried to sit up. Juliet stood and linked her arms under his to lift him. She grabbed a pillow from the end of the bed and placed it behind him to add support. "Better?"
"Thanks." Shawn shifted around. He looked down at his chest and covered the white bandage with his hand.
"Does it hurt?"
"A little," Shawn nodded, "But as of now I'm on pain killers so I don't really feel it." Shawn yawned and smacked his lips. His head turned towards the window as a bird flew by, "Nice day, huh?" Juliet followed his gaze. The sun was still out and shinning in the middle of a clear blue sky.
"Yeah. It is." Juliet agreed.
"How's the wedding going?" Shawn asked.
"It's alright I guess." Juliet twirled the ring around her finger, "Been really busy with work and planning it the last few weeks. But you know how busy is, having a daughter and work, must get pretty chaotic."
"You don't know the half of it." Shawn said not looking at her.
"Shawn, I want to say that I'm…" She started but was interrupted.
"Don't Juliet. You have nothing to be sorry for." He told her.
"You have no idea…" She mumbled under her breath. Shawn let it go and they said nothing else. Shawn's body was tense and he didn't look at her unless he had no choice but to see her. Seeing her in the room was causing an ache in his chest he didn't want. He wanted this feeling he'd spent so long trying to expel to stay away, but she was bringing it back. She was always his kryptonite. Even when she was a new detective, years before they'd gotten together, one look of her eyes and he was putty, willing to do anything to make her happy. He would sacrifice anything and everything to make her happy, just for a second. He felt Juliet put a hand on his shoulder. Where her hand touched his skin he felt warmth spread through his body.
"Juliet…" he moved his shoulder and shrugged her hand off.
"Shawn-?" She started but was cut off by a loud curse. Both their heads turned towards the door. Carlton walked into the room with a scowl on his face and a large red stain on his shirt.
"I swear. Can't people watch where they're going?" he huffed walking into the bathroom and grabbing some paper towels.
"Dab, don't rub." Shawn said earning a glare, "Just saying…" Shawn looked down at the blanket covering his legs.
"What happened Carlton?" Juliet walked over to her partner and grabbed the towels from him. She dabbed the shirt just as Shawn had said.
"Some idiot ran into me with a snow cone or something." Carlton smacked Juliet's hand softly. She gave him an icy look and he stopped trying to push her away.
"Uh, snow cone? You mean a child ran into you?" Shawn asked remembering a nurse talking about the little treat they had planned for the kids in the ward.
"And?" Carlton hissed.
"It was a child Lassiter. They run and play, it's what they do." Shawn sighed shaking his head.
"Children are people with eyes; they can see where they're going." Carlton pointed a figure at Shawn.
"Alright, alright." Shawn held up his hands in surrender. When he moved his hands up his side protested with a sharp pain. Shawn groaned and put a hand onto his side. "What's wrong?" Juliet asked suddenly leaving Carlton's shirt alone and rushing to Shawn.
"Just my side." Shawn groaned out.
"Do you want some medication?" she held up the little remote with the red button.
"No." Shawn nodded.
"Good, stay lucid," Carlton took a pen from his jacket, "I have more questions." He flipped his little note pad to an empty page.
"Can we do this later Lassiter? I'm really tired…" Shawn shut his eyes and rested back into the bed.
"No." Carlton grumbled.
"Stop being so insensitive Carlton, he just woke up." Juliet turned to face him. Even though Carlton was now technically her boss neither saw it that way. Carlton was still her partner in her mind and she would talk to him as such. They were great friends and she went to him with any help she needed on a case. However they remained professional in the way Juliet never talked back in front of the rest of the station and she never asked for favors; such as extra days off.
Carlton rolled his eyes, "The faster I get these done the sooner we can leave him alone."
"Ask them." Shawn barked from the bed.
"Well… I um… did some looking into what you said and Woody found large amounts of Diazepam in the victim's blood work." He stood closer to Shawn and waited for a smug look to cross Shawn's face. When one never showed up Carlton frowned. "You're not going to say I told you so?"
Shawn shrugged, "Lucky guess."
"Alright. I had Woody relook into the past victims and they all had traces of the same drug in their systems. It's murder." He confirmed.
"Serial killer?" Shawn opened his eyes and looked at Carlton.
"That's the weird thing. Serial killers usually like to boast about their kill. This guy is hiding it, keeping it on the down low. Drugs are very effective but not messy."
"I'd say that car crashes are messy." Shawn pointed out.
"Drugs are also unpredictable." Juliet reminded them, "I mean, people react differently to the same drugs. One of the victims could crash but not die, or in another the drug could take hours to even kick in." Juliet snapped her fingers to add affect.
"Could be new at killing. Like he's still trying to get a hang of it." Shawn suggested.
"No. If he was trying to get into a rhythm the killings would be different." Carlton side and put his pen and note pad back into his jacket. "I hate to say it but we could use your help Spencer. You're the one who got us onto the right track of them being connected."
Shawn immediately shook his head, "I don't do that anymore."
"It would just be for one case." Carlton said.
"I don't care Lassiter. Okay? I can't get back into this… this… game. I have a daughter to worry about." Shawn looked away from him and down at his hands resting in his lap.
"So? Plenty of cops have kids. They go to work every day." Carlton's voice was deep and rough.
"It's his right Carlton. We can't force him." Juliet put a hand on Carlton's arm.
"Fine. Then stay out of it, got it Spencer?" Carlton snapped before turning on his heel and walking out of the room. "O'Hara!" he yelled a few seconds later. Juliet looked flustered at the thought of leaving.
"Just go." Shawn encouraged her looking back to the scene outside the window.
"I promised your family I'd stay here with you." Juliet told him.
"If anything happens the hospital will call them, I'm a big boy. I can be by myself." Juliet opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She was stuck. She knew she should leave and follow Carlton, for work and personal reasons. She was engaged to another man, she shouldn't be staying at her ex's bedside. Despite that fact Juliet didn't want to leave Shawn alone, she didn't want to leave him period. Seeing him and talking to him again was like putting a balloon into her chest and slowly inflating it. She was happy to have him back in her life even if it was only for a few days. If she left him Juliet knew she'd have that same feeling as the time Shawn had left her. She remembered the heartbreak and the intense burning for him.
Juliet walked over to Shawn and ran her fingers through his hair, his body tensing at the contact. "Thank you for letting me talk to you, I've missed you Shawn." She said honestly.
"You should go, you need to go." He responded a few seconds later.
Juliet licked her lips and nodded, "I want to see you again." She waited for his response. When he didn't reply Juliet bent down and kissed the side of his head. "Please Shawn." She begged in a whisper.
"Juliet-!"
"There's something you have to know." She blurted grabbing his attention away from the window. "I have to tell you something."
"What is it?" Shawn questioned.
"Not here." Juliet shook her head, "When you're out. The doctor said it wouldn't be long."
"Jules." Shawn protested as she began to walk away.
"Tomorrow." She promised walking backwards until she was out of the room before she turned and rushed after Carlton.
Shawn watched her until she was out of sight, his heart pounding in his chest. Why did she have to kiss him? Even if it was just on the side of his head it sent his heart racing. Shawn relaxed back into the bed and closed his eyes. What did Juliet have to tell him? What was so important that she looked scared by just mentioning it? Shawn ran his hands down his face and groaned. After years of their separation and she still drove him crazy. Shawn's hands dropped and his mouth opened when he realized why. He was still in love with her.
Santa Barbara: 2011
Shawn looked around nervously at all the people surrounding him. It was Valentine's Day and couples were on his left and right. Shawn gripped the single rose in his hand as he compared himself to the other men. They were holding full rose bouquets and boxes of chocolate. Shawn's breath caught in his throat. This was his and Juliet's first Valentine's Day as a couple. Sure in the past years he could get away with a single chocolate or nothing at all. This year he couldn't. He had to get something better. Shawn looked around frantically before sighing when he saw a flower shop across the street. Checking his watch he saw he still had ten minutes before Juliet would be arriving late from work. He didn't look for cars as he rushed across the street and into the shop.
"Hello sir, if you're looking for flowers I'm fresh out." A man greeted Shawn with a smile.
"Whoa, wait, what? This is a flower shop. How can you be out of flowers?" Shawn motioned to the decorative flowers around him.
"It's Valentine's day. Every flower shop in the city is probably out." The man explained.
"Look it doesn't have to be roses, daisies or pansies just something! I need more than a dumb single rose." Shawn held up the rose to the man.
"I'm sorry." He shrugged turning back to some papers in front of him.
"This is bullshit!" Shawn yelled stomping his feet.
"Sir please, I'm sorry. But I can't help you." The man shook his head.
"How can you not have another flower? Just one? Of anything! I'll pay ten times the amount that it's originally worth." Shawn insisted.
"I don't have anything, now please leave." The man hissed.
"What kind of flower man are you? You're supposed to help customers. Not shove them out the door. It's not my fault you're a bad flower seller. Get with the demand of the people!" Shawn slammed his fist onto the counter.
"If you don't leave now I'm calling the police." The man began reaching towards the phone.
"Go ahead! They'll arrest you for being a complete and total jackass!" Shawn shouted.
"Fine!" The man picked up the phone and began to dial.
"That won't be necessary." A new voice said walking into the shop.
"Jules…" Shawn said watching as his girlfriend walked over. She was still in her work attire but with her hair down just like Shawn loved.
"I'm so very sorry. He's just a little stressed." Juliet smiled warmly at the man putting a hand on Shawn's arm.
"There's nothing you can do lady, I'm calling the police."
"Again, that's not necessary." She reached into her belt clip and showed the man her badge. "I'll talk care of him." The man nodded. Juliet gripped Shawn's arm softly and led him outside. "What was that about?" Juliet asked once they crossed the street.
"I just needed to get you more flowers. Look around Jules. All those other girls are getting huge bouquets and all I have is this." He produced the single rose. Juliet chuckled and took the rose from him bringing it up to her nose to sniff.
"Shawn it's lovely." She told him with a smile.
"No it's not! I need- you deserve better Jules!" Shawn sighed gripping his hair.
"Okay, okay." Juliet put the rose in her purse and slowly loosened his hands from his hair before he could pull it out. "Shawn what's the matter? Why are you so stressed about this?"
"Because I love you and I want to give you everything." Shawn blurted out. Juliet's mouth opened slightly.
"Do you mean that?" Shawn nodded. Juliet walked closer to Shawn and kissed his lips. "It's a little early in the relationship but… I think I love you too." She said.
"So it's okay I said that?" Shawn wrapped his arms around her.
"Yes." She assured him, "Are you sure you mean it though?"
"Yes, I mean, I think so." Shawn said.
"How about this baby, we can forget this happened. And when you're sure, really sure, you can tell me again. Okay?" She put a hand on his chest. Shawn nodded and bit down on his lip. Juliet eyed his mouth leaning in to kiss him gently. Shawn's eyes closed as he welcomed Juliet's tongue into his mouth. She stroked his tongue gently and the hand on his shoulder tightened. Juliet moaned when Shawn pushed both tongues into her mouth as the kiss deepened. "Shawn take me to your apartment now."
"Okay. But Gus dropped me off so-!" he said no more as Juliet grabbed his hand and began to run in the direction she parked her car. Shawn smiled as they ran with their hands connected. He couldn't wait to tell Juliet for real that he loved her. She may have thought it early but Shawn knew he loved her. He had felt attracted to her since that day in the dinner. He had developed feelings for her after scary Sherry but he hadn't learned that he loved her truly until she told him she was going away with Declan. That had broken his heart. But that didn't matter now as Juliet led him down the street towards her car to go to his apartment where Shawn would make sure they spent the night making love. And when the time was right he would tell her he loved her and wanted only her for the rest of his life and hopefully she would say it back.
Phew, that was long. Haha, I hope you all enjoyed it! I want to thank everyone for their reviews. They mean a lot. Speaking of reviews, in many of the ones you guys are leaving you're asking where Gus is. And my honest answer is I don't know. I don't think he is a big part of this story, he may just be mentioned and may never actually be in the action. I haven't decided yet. Thanks for reading.