(A/N): Hey you guys, sorry that I uploaded so late! I've been working on a project (which I'll probably be working on tomorrow also, you've been warned) and was having some technical issues or something, that is, unless absolutely no one read my chapter nine? Ooh, which reminds me, I've made it to 10 chapters! To celebrate, review telling me what you want to happen next, and I might just steal an idea for a future chapter! Read, review, and ENJOY! =D

Disclaimer: Glee... that magical word (the one that doesn't belong to me). So you get the picture, Glee isn't mine... what else is new?

(Kurt's POV)

My hand raised to touch my lips for what felt like the millionth time that day. It shouldn't have taken that long to sink in, and yet it did. I was just standing in my basement bedroom, trying to force myself to move past the fact that Finn Hudson had just kissed me. That thought was right around when my brain went haywire, and I couldn't ponder any further. And then the pacing would start.

I'd been through that routine at least five times already, but I just couldn't manage to break free from it. It was too addictive to just let it happen over and over again, because no real thinking was necessary. It was kind of a relief really, just… acting, not thinking. Maybe that was what Finn had done. Just acted, not thought. And he would pay for that in the end, I just knew it. I wouldn't make him pay, no, I was too… well, happy (to be honest) that he'd kissed me.

No, I knew that someone would find out, and his life would be permanently screwed. I just had to ruin everything for him. That's when I finally snapped, throwing myself face down into bed. It wasn't my fault that he'd kissed me! It wasn't my fault that he had a girlfriend, and it wasn't my fault that he'd knocked her up! I needed to stop blaming myself. He was the only one at fault here. Well, that's what my head said anyway, but my heart was telling me something else.

Not that I had any chance of interpreting what my heart was saying – it never made sense, it messages were obscure and difficult. He'd said that he wanted to talk to me after he kissed me… what did that mean? Was he going to ask me to keep that quiet? Was he going to apologize? Was he going to tell me that he'd been stupid – just acting and not thinking?

Well, why did he kiss me? If he was just acting on instinct, then – obviously – he was attracted to me on some level. Then again, that might just have been me flattering myself. Maybe he was trying to make me feel better, because he'd seen how broken up I was, singing like that. That one probably made the most sense. He was my friend, and he knew how sad I'd been recently (Defying Gravity anyone?), and he was trying to cheer me up, to make me happy.

Mostly, though, it just ticked me off. When he was trying to be selfless, he had taken my first kiss (though I'd always kind of wished that it would be with Finn), and he had cheated on his girlfriend – his pregnant girlfriend. Yeah, I knew that I was using that whole "pregnant girlfriend" card way too much, but that was the most important one. He had betrayed her by being nice to me, so how was that a kind thing to do?

He's so stupid. That's the only real answer. He's stupid and addictive. Once you're sucked into his life, you can't get out. That's why Rachel was trailing after him like a lost puppy, why Quinn was still putting up with him not being able to find a job, and why I just couldn't make myself hate him, no matter how much he hurt me.

There was really only one option for an addict – quit, and quit cold-turkey. I had to just leave Finn Hudson behind, get over him; he didn't matter, he wasn't even mine to get over. It would just be easier and less painful for everyone involved. I just didn't know if I could. Sure, logic told me that I really should, but it's a lot easier said than done. I just had to. I needed to find a way. I needed to find my strength and pull from it.

I screamed, finally reaching my breaking point, into my pillow. Screw Finn! He'd screwed around with my heart enough! I was done! Sure, he'd always have a spot in my heart, but that spot would be in the dark part, where only bad memories and harsh feeling were kept. Consider him gone.

I slowly stood up from my bed, my pillow still clutched in my arms (it felt sort of like a lifeline). I brushed my hair out of my face, a twisted grimace on my face. It was a mixture of a smile, and the look of a tortured person. The smile from the knowledge that me getting over him might just hurt him more than me, and the tortured expression because it would still hurt enough.

I looked into the mirror, carefully arranging my features into my most convincing smile, and willing them to stay in that position. I walked out of my bathroom, and up my stairs. If that smile would just stay in place (possibly permanently), then I could survive, the truth masked forever.

(Finn's POV)

I was so confused. Maybe it was how small my brain was, or possibly it was just the crap-load of stress that I was under. Hmmm… it could be both. Yeah, that'd make sense. Anyway, my head was hurting just thinking about what had happened earlier. I knew what I'd done; I'd kissed Kurt, and I didn't regret it. I'd wanted to kiss him, so I did. It was as simple as that.

But apparently Kurt didn't want to kiss me, that's when I started getting confused. I mean, hadn't he always had, like, a major crush on me? I knew that he did, he was always staring at me all weird, and making me really uncomfortable when I had to change in front of him (football). So, if he was so obsessed with me last week, why – the second that I make a move on him – was he suddenly acting like even the thought of me disgusted him?

I mean, just… what? Yeah, I know, real smart question and all, but that was the short and short of all that I wanted to know: what the hell happened? Nothing made sense. Maybe Kurt was like a chick that way (along with many others), you know, how he wanted something until he had it. Like, isn't the word fickle or something? I don't know, but that's what it seemed like to me. And it definitely didn't seem fair.

Just… whatever man. Obviously I'm missing something (like another X chromosome) that made it impossible for me to understand, so why try. Kurt was just gonna go ahead and try and confuse me, or play hard to get, or whatever. But I wasn't gonna play along, I wasn't gonna chase after him like a desperate nobody (I guess kinda like he used to chase me). If he wanted me back (which was totally the only way that I'd still be into him), then he'd have to act like it.

The determination that I thought the last part with made me stop short. Damn. I'd really come full circle. Like, even just yesterday, I totally was denying even slightly gay thoughts. And now I was totally just admitting my feelings (if only to myself) about how much I cared about Kurt Hummel. That could send someone a little off balance (trust me). I mean, its like a total one-eighty. Wait… was I gay?

That was the question I guess, because I still wasn't exactly sure. Maybe it was just, like, denial, but it felt weird to think of myself as full on gay. I guess it was 'cause I still kinda liked some girls. Maybe I was just bi. That sounded right. I liked both… does that make me selfish?

What a stupid thought. No, it made me indecisive (I learned that word from Rachel). That was a stupid thought, too, but slightly less stupid, so I decided to go with it. If people asked anything, I'd just say that I was indecisive, yeah, that's cool.

Well, I knew one thing I wasn't indecisive about; I really liked Kurt. It'd just felt so… real when we were kissing. Not like with Quinn, or even Rachel (who was definitely the best kisser, besides Kurt, that I'd ever kissed). We just… clicked. Or, connected, or whatever. Yeah, stupid, again.

(A/N): Has anyone else noticed anything funky about how I write from Finn's POV? If you have, tell me what you think it is, I wanna see if anyone's noticed. 3 thanks for reading! Your support is amazing!