"Get up, stand up..." Harry did a little jig as he climbed through the portrait hole, jumping and landing gracefully in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room, a jump which would make an Olympian proud. "...stand up for your rights..."
Several of those present stared incredulously at him.
He twirled as he sang.
"...don't give up the fight..."
He plopped into an armchair right next to the window overlooking the grounds.
"You're awfully cheerful this afternoon..." Dean raised an eyebrow, immediately suspicious. "Why?"
"First Hermione, now you too?" Harry asked, sounding exasperated. "Why is that when I'm in a good mood, people automatically think I'm up to something?!"
"That's because you usually are." Hermione didn't even bother to look up from the Ancient Runes textbook that she was reading.
"My feelings are hurt, Hermione. So, so hurt..." Harry pouted.
"Where is the lie, Harry? We all know the signs of when you're up to something by now..." Ron piped up.
"I'm not. I'm relaxing. As pleasant as it is watching Umbridge in severe mental distress, even I need a break every once in a while." Harry shrugged. "Besides, I have some studying and homework to do later. I want to be able to rub it in the Ministry's faces that I'm not a delusional, lazy, unintelligent waste of flesh and magic when I pass all of my OWLs with flying colours."
Fred and George looked at him in surprise.
"Well, if that's not an admirable reason to pass your exams..." Fred started.
"...then I don't know what is." George finished.
"Bless his heart!" they exclaimed in unison, hugging him from both sides.
"Geroff me, you clowns!" Harry shoved them both away from him to general laughter.
"Like I said, I have things to do, so if you'll excuse me..." he headed up the stairs to his dorm room.
When he entered, he rummaged around inside his trunk until he pulled out a small, light blue book entitled: 'OWL Study Guide: Defence Against the Dark Arts' by an Abraham Woodrow.
Umbridge and the Ministry refused to teach him Defence Against the Dark Arts properly, did they?
Well, money talked and Flourish and Blotts certainly weren't going to deny him a sale...
Propping himself up in bed, he set the book on his lap and began to read.
The contrast between what was in this study guide and what was in Umbridge's sorry excuse for a syllabus was immense.
He could tell, just by looking at the table of contents, that this was a book that would help him pass his exam.
For he was determined that if he could even pull just one Outstanding in the very same subject that they were trying not to let the students learn, it would be just like giving them a giant middle finger.
Which was much less than what they actually deserved.
Dinner came and went, though it was not without its surprises.
Despite not having any sort of hand in it, he was immediately blamed when as soon as Umbridge crossed the threshold of the Great Hall, her hair immediately started falling out.
Like most of the others already present in the Hall, he was laughing loudly, quite amused by the toad woman's plight.
"You!" her eyes widened as she spotted him laughing with the others.
Harry put down his fork. "Here we go again with the wild accusations..."
"What did you do to me this time?!" she shrieked at him.
Harry stared her down, not outwardly giving any sort of impression that he cared.
"I did nothing to you. All I was doing was trying to enjoy my dinner. Which I actually was, at least until you came along."
He returned to his bangers and mash quite serenely, ignoring the woman's tirade against him.
"Professor Umbridge, what is the meaning of this commotion?" McGonagall had gotten there so fast, nobody had noticed her moving.
"Damn, Professor! Where did you come from?!" Ron, who was sitting next to Harry, asked her, clearly startled.
"Never you mind that, Weasley." McGonagall shushed him. "Professor Umbridge, what is the problem?"
"The problem is Potter." Umbridge seethed, pointing at him.
A few seats away, Harry heard Fred and George chanting under their breath: "Potter Problem, Potter Problem, Potter Problem...".
He fought back the urge to smirk.
"What has he done this time?" McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Or rather, what are you accusing him of this time? He has been here for the entirety of the dinner period, eating and chatting with his friends. Not once did I see him retrieve his wand and use it."
"Are you saying that you keep an eye on him at all times during the meal?" Umbridge asked.
"Are you saying that he could pull his wand and cast such a precise hair removal charm on you without anyone at all noticing? Not even myself or any of the other teachers?" McGonagall wasn't backing down. "In fact, let us settle this. Potter, would you mind handing over your wand for a moment?"
"Take care of it, won't you?" Harry handed it over.
"It will be fine in my hands, Potter." McGonagall gave him the barest hint of a smile. "Priori Incantatem!"
The spell indicated that the last few spells Harry had performed were a Summoning Charm, a Banishing Charm, a Shield Charm, a spell that changed a block of wood into a carving of a wooden duck and an Animation Charm.
"You see, Professor?" Harry spoke sweetly as McGonagall handed him back his wand. "I've done nothing wrong. I spent some time today up in my dorm room practicing some Charms and Transfiguration work. Where's the harm in that? It is not against any of your Educational Decrees..."
"And judging by the results I just saw, you did them quite well." McGonagall nodded approvingly. "Keep up that sort of work and there would be no reason that you should not pass your OWLs in those subjects."
"Thank you, Professor." Harry beamed, knowing full well that his delighted expression would only serve to infuriate Umbridge even further.
"I think..." she spoke as if she was willing herself not to Avada Kedavra him right then and there. "...that I will have my dinner in my personal quarters instead..."
The laughter increased as the woman left the hall, still bald.
Harry could have sworn that McGonagall had a bit of a spring of her step as she walked back to the Staff Table to resume her dinner.
After the DA meeting the next evening, both the Weasley twins and the Creevey brothers stopped Harry separately to ask him about the previous day's event.
His answer was the same for both of them.
"It wasn't me, guys. Honestly!" he exclaimed when both of them looked as if they did not believe him. "I'm taking a bit of a break from that now! Studying and all that. That isn't to say that I've giving up messing with her, but... I've got other things to do, you know?"
"If you didn't do it..." Fred and George had said.
"...then who did?" Colin and Dennis asked.
"I don't know, but it wasn't me. I have no idea who it was either. Lots of people in this school hate Umbitch. I can't... we can't be the only ones who want to drive her barmy..." Harry shrugged.
"Well, then, it looks like we've got a mystery on our hands, gentlemen." Fred said.
"Who is it that did that performed such a hair-raising..." George started.
"...hair shaving, you mean..." Fred continued.
"event?" they asked in unison.
Harry sighed.
"Well if you want to find that out, go ahead. Between studying and planning my next onslaught, I'm not doing anything for now. Feel free to keep up your efforts, however. We could all do with some good laughs. All the better if they're at her expense."
Both pairs of boys left the room with the same question on their mind as Harry.
Who did it?