Daryl sat on the steps just inside the entrance to the cell block eating his breakfast. He was watching Carl sitting at one of the round tables with everyone else, just staring at his food getting cold. The kid wasn't alright. He was trying his best to act like he was, but Daryl could tell he wasn't. He knew that there was nothing worse in the world then losing your mom, especially at such a young age.
It made him think of his own mom. He had been around Carl's age when he'd lost her. Merle had been gone, run away for a while, and his pops was down at one of his regular bars, and so Daryl had been the only one there to see the charred bits of flesh being dragged out of his house. He shook his head, thinking of what Carl had to see. Daryl hadn't deserved seeing his mother like that and Carl sure the hell didn't either. It just wasn't right. And now Rick was being just as much of a help to Carl and his own father had been to him. It was all hitting way too close to home.
Daryl played with the food in his bowl a little more, but thinking of his mom made him loose his appetite all of a sudden. He looked up, seeing Rick standing on the other side of the barred door, all dirty and bloody, just watching them. Once he made eye contact with Daryl he nodded at him, "Everybody Ok?" He asked, swinging the door open.
Everyone stopped eating, looking up and watching Rick as he moved into the room slowly, looking around. Daryl wondered if he was going to ask to see his daughter. She was still asleep in their cell, along with Amy and Serena. The baby had had Serena up quite a few times in the night, and Daryl couldn't ever remember Amy waking them up that much when she was a new born. This morning when the others had gotten up Daryl had let her sleep, knowing she needed it.
He wasn't going to tell everyone else, but taking on another child was taking its toll on Serena. The night before, after they'd gotten both babies to sleep, Serena had cried in his arms, talking about loosing Lori, and how this meant she had to be a mom to the new baby too. It was a lot. He had tried to console her, but she was worn out, and just needed to get it out. He hated seeing her like that, unable to do anything about it. The others would all try to pitch in with raising both babies, but he couldn't promise her that things would get easier, or that she wouldn't have to look after the new born. He felt useless, just holding her close while she cried.
"We're fine." Hershel reassured Rick, "All of us. You?"
Rick nodded, "Yeah. I cleared out the boiler block."
Daryl frowned, "How many were there?"
Rick shook his head, "I don't know. A dozen, two dozen maybe." Daryl shook his head, there was a big difference between 12 walkers and 24. Especially of you were taking them on alone. Rick was being reckless. Rick looked down at his son, who was still staring at his food, "I have to get back. I just wanted to check on Carl." He told them, patting Carl on the back.
"Rick," Glenn said, jumping up, "You don't have to, we can handle taking out the bodies."
Rick shook his head, "No, I do. I can take care of it." He looked over to Daryl, "Does everyone have a gun and a knife?"
Daryl nodded, "Yeah. But we're running low on ammo. A few of us are going to make a run this afternoon, see if we can find more ammo and formula." He waited to see if Rick would react in any way to the mention of formula, maybe he needed a reminder that he had a daughter now, but still nothing.
"Ok. Maybe you could sweep the lower levels too?" Rick said.
Daryl nodded, "Yeah, we were gunna do that later. And we cleared out the generator room. Axel is there now, trying to see if he can get it going, you know, encase of emergencies."
Rick nodded, "Good, good." He then turned, heading back for the door quickly.
"Rick!" Hershel called to him one more time, hoping to stop him. But it was too late, Rick was already gone, slamming the barred door behind him and disappearing into the darkness of the prison.
Hershel shook his head and they all looked around at one another. Of a long time now everyone had been listening and depending on Rick, and they were all worried about him now. Where would they all be if they lost Rick now, after everything? Daryl didn't want to think about it.
/
Serena was awoken by the call of a new born baby, a noise that she'd come to accept was her new alarm clock. Every few hours it went off. She rolled herself over, sitting up in bed. She had placed the bassinette above the head of her bed, close enough that she could grab the baby without having to get out of bed. She wiped at her eyes and pushed her mess of hair out of her face before reaching over and picking up Lil' Ass Kicker.
The little one flailed around, testing out her powerful lungs. Serena held her close to her body and adjusted herself on the bed so she was leaning against the wall with a pillow behind her. Just as she got comfy Amy stirred on the far side of the bed and started crying too, "Maaa! Maaa!" She called, trying to roll herself over.
Serena groaned, "Amy, shhh, just wait." With the baby already in her arms, she didn't exactly know how she was supposed to comfort her little girl too. As Ass Kicker continued to scream Amy's calls only increased too.
Suddenly Carol appeared at the door to the cell, "Hey." She said, stepping in, "Here, I'll help. I can feed Amy. We have some formula ready out there." She reached down and picked up Amy.
Amy turned her head, looking down at Serena. She was used to a feeding as soon as she woke up in the morning, and usually a good long cuddle with her mom. She looked unhappy, frowning at Carol and calling for her mom, "Maaa!"
Serena sighed, leaning back against the wall again and watching as Carol carried her baby out of sight, listening to her call for her. It pulled at her heart to hear her like that, so confused as to why everything was changing so dramatically. Serena pulled out her breast and let the baby have at it. She was starting to feel used. It was nice that she was able to help and provide for Ass Kicker when no one else could, but she kind of just wanted it to go back to just her and Amy. She shook her head. Never in her life did she think she'd miss Lori as much as she did.
"Hey." Daryl said, coming into the cell, "They told me you were awake." He put his back against the wall beside her, sliding down onto the mattress.
"You didn't hear them?" Serena asked, finding that hard to believe.
Daryl shook his head, "I was out in the lower level of the prison, we're clearing it out. Glenn came and took my spot so I could come back and check on you."
Serena nodded. She looked down at the baby in her arms, "Any sign of Rick?"
"Yeah," Daryl sighed, "He came back for a couple of minutes this morning to check in, but then disappeared into the boiler rooms again pretty quick." Serena nodded, but didn't say anything. Daryl put and arm up over her shoulder and she leaned into him, "How you doing, you know, with everything? I was worried about you last night."
Serena nodded and rested her head against his side, "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry about that. I'm just overwhelmed, you know. I guess I just miss my own baby. And I'm starting to feel like the only thing I'm good for around here is my breast milk."
Daryl shook his head. He was worried about her, and it seemed that there was nothing he could say that would bring her around, "Hey," He reached for her chin, turning her face to look up and him and he pressed his lips against hers. She seemed so emotionless, even in their kiss. He finally pulled away, "you have so much to contribute to this group. It's just that right now, Ass Kicker really needs you. We're here to help you too, you don't have to do this alone. Ok?"
Serena nodded, looking back down at the baby in her arms, still sucking away, "Yeah, Ok." She didn't sound too convincing, but it's all she had in her for the time being.
Daryl sighed, but didn't say anything more. He didn't know what else to do. Once Serena was done feeding the baby she'd crash again and then she could get out of the cell and have a bite to eat herself. It was important now more then ever to keep her feed too. He stayed there beside her in silence, hoping that just having him there would be some sort of a comfort for her.
/
Serena sat at the round table alone eating a bowl of cold breakfast. The others had gone off to clear out the prison or do whatever, and Carol had taken Amy outside to play. Ass Kicker had crashed after filling herself up and Serena had her in the bassinette on the floor beside her. The prison was quiet, and still so dark, even with the sun shining in through the windows.
Daryl came in through the door from outside, "Hey," He said, coming towards her, "Why don't you come outside, it's a beautiful day." He looked down into the bassinette, checking on the sleeping baby, "You could play with Amy for a bit while she sleeps." He told her, holding out his hand to her.
Serena smiled, putting down her half empty bowl. She really wasn't that hungry anyways. She reached out and grabbed his hand, standing up. He bent down and grabbed the bassinette and the two of them made their way outdoors.
The sun was already high in the sky and Serena had to cover her brow with her hand to let herself adjust for a moment. It was hot out too, and she looked down at the bassinette, "Make sure you put her somewhere in the shade." She told Daryl.
"Here," Hershel called from the picnic table not to far away, "You can put her under the table and I'll keep an eye on her."
Daryl nodded, letting go of Serena's hand and going to drop the baby off with Hershel. Serena stood, looking out at the grassed outer field. She could see Carol sitting down holding Amy's arms up while the little girl stood in front of her. Serena was happy to see that Carol had put a sun hat on her head, even with a full mop of brown curls she could still easily get sun burnt. She looked over at the cars, where Glenn and Maggie were standing, sorting through the Grimes' old SUV.
Daryl came back over to her side and she pointed over to Glenn and Maggie, "What's going on?"
"Oh," Daryl nodded towards them, "the three of us are gunna make a run to see if we can find some more ammo and formula. I checked the phonebook this morning and there is a supermarket just up the road a ways, probably a half hour or so."
Serena turned to look at him, "You're going on another run?" Hadn't he just gone yesterday to find formula?
He nodded, "Yeah, but you know, we need the ammo, we are running low. Besides, we only found two cans of formula yesterday. Amy will go through that stuff in no time."
Serena sighed, shaking her head. He kept going out and putting himself in danger, and she was left back here at the prison taking care of not one baby now, but two. She felt like she might loose her temper. If something were to happen to him, especially now, she didn't know what she'd do. She'd have no one. He was the only person she could talk to, express herself to. She needed him, and he just kept leaving. Didn't he know how that felt?
She looked up at him, suddenly being struck with an idea, "I've got a better idea," She said, "why don't you stay here and play with our daughter, and I'll go with Maggie and Glenn." She smiled, walking away from him towards Maggie and Glenn.
"Wait, what?" He said, following after her, "No. No. Out of the question. You have to stay here."
Serena stopped, turning to look him in the eyes, "Why? Ass Kicker was just fed and she'll be out for a few hours, and if Amy gets hungry you can feed her some formula. I've got great aim, even Rick has said I'm one of the best. And besides, I think I could really use at least an hour away from this place, and the babies."
Daryl stomped his foot, "You can't go." He said. She had just listed all the reasons why she could, but she was being foolish. She never went on runs. It was always him leaving, and her staying behind, where he knew she would be nice and safe.
She shook her head, "I think I am." She told him, not budging from her crazy idea. She turned, walking up to Glenn and Maggie, who were already watching them. "Hey guys, new plan, I'm coming with you."
Glenn's eyes darted from Serena to Daryl, "Umm." He didn't know what to say.
"Serena, don't you think you should stay? What if the baby needs you?" Maggie said, pointing over at her father, who had Ass Kicker under the table with him.
"I just fed her." Serena said, shrugging, "We're only gunna be gone like an hour, right, and if push comes to shove they can feed her some formula too."
"Serena, be reasonable." Daryl said, standing in front of her with his arms folded.
She turned to look at him, "No, Daryl, you be reasonable. There is no reason why I couldn't go on this run. I've been cooped up in that prison feeling like nothing but a bag of milk for the past 24 hours. I just need some space. Let me get out of here, stretch my legs, not worry about anyone but myself for a little bit. Besides, I'll be back before you know it."
Daryl sighed, not knowing what to say. This was the best he'd seen her look in the last day. Only and hour ago he'd been worried she'd been on the verge of another breakdown, and maybe some time out of the prison would turn her attitude around if she realized that she didn't always have to have a baby on her arm. Maybe all she needed was to contribute in order to feel like she was more then just a wet nurse.
He looked over at Glenn, who shrugged, "I mean, we won't be gone long. And Maggie and I will have her back."
A smiled spread across Serena's face as she realized that Daryl was actually going to let her go. She stepped towards him, getting up on her tippy-toes and giving him a peck on the cheek, "I'll be fine, you'll see. We'll be back before either baby has a chance to notice I'm gone." She turned to the SUV, swinging open the door.
Daryl shook his head. This just didn't feel right. Even just sending her off for an hour meant an hour of uncertainty. He looked back over at Glenn and Maggie, who didn't seem so sure either, "If anything goes wrong, and I mean anything, you get her, and you get out. You hear me?" Daryl pointed at Glenn.
Glenn nodded, "Of course Daryl, ya."
He turned back to Serena who was sitting in the back seat to the SUV already, smiling at him. He tried to force a smile across his face, "You be safe." He told her, thinking about all the times he'd heard her say it.
She chuckled, and nodded, "Of course, I always am." She said, repeating the same thing he always told her back to him. Her saying the words didn't make him feel any better, and his stomach started to turn. She wasn't even gone yet and he thought he might be sick.
"Ok," He nodded, "Get out of here, and hurry back."
Serena shut the door to the vehicle as Glenn rounded the front and jumped in the driver's side. Before Maggie got in the passenger's seat she put her hand out on Daryl's arm, "Try not to worry, we'll be back soon. She'll be Ok."
Daryl nodded, "Yeah, thanks."
Maggie smiled and then turned and got in the SUV too, Glenn starting the engine. Daryl walked along the fence, opening the first gate for them. The vehicle moved out of the yard and down to the second gate slowly. Daryl watched as it went, Axel opening the main gate and letting them out into the danger zone. His eyes didn't leave the SUV until it was out of site, listening to the sound of the motor even after that.
He sighed, shaking his head. He understood that Serena felt like some time away from the prison would cure her cabin fever, or whatever it was that was going on with her, but he couldn't help but feel, in the pit of his stomach, that he'd just made a terrible mistake.
/