I don't have anything to say tonight. Enjoy this chapter. Big thanks for your reviews. Don't forget to leave one at the end ^^
Eomyn

(Finn)

Dad, meet Rachel. 5'2, slim, shiny dark hair and mahogany eyes, olive tan. A gorgeous voice and an even more beautiful smile. Sagittarius, I think. Always believes in me. Even when she shouldn't. My best friend. And I without a doubt feel more than friendship for her. Not sure what exactly. Not feeling guilty about it either. She helps me deal with the messes Quinn keeps punching me in the gut with. I'm sure that if Quinn hadn't gotten pregnant, I wouldn't be with her anymore. Maybe I would even be with Rachel by now, I don't know. She's so beautiful, dad, I can't take my eyes off her. Or stop thinking about her.

I wish I was in a perfect world... right now, I'm no way near that. I have to pay doctor's appointments. I owe Quinn 685 dollars. Probably more by now. I have to find a job. And something is up with Puck. Like I said, life s less than perfect. Life is a mess. But let's go back. I feel like I'm beginning with the end. Not good. So, let's go back a week.

The first thing I did the weekend after coming back to glee was to get back into Rachel's good graces. And she could have definitely made it more difficult for me. I'm still makings trips to Dayton, because Quinn keeps asking for fruits that I can't find here so now I directly drive those 75 miles. I don't even remember what I brought back this time. I asked her on Friday to go with me on the one I was supposed to take on Saturday (I only go there once a week now) and she said okay. I wasn't sure she would, because of the last kiss we shared. The one I still think about. When I discovered I felt more than friendship. But she was very understanding. And she went with me.

On the way in, we sang along with the radio. Like we did the last time. Once there, we stated talking. I was very hesitant, not willing to feel the pain and the weird feelings again. But I had to know. So, I began.
"So, with Puck?"
She hesitated a bit.
"I broke up with him. It was for the best. He was nice to me, and respected me, but it could have never have worked out. I think he has feelings for someone else. And so do I." I almost didn't catch the end of her sentence, she spoke so low. Puck has feelings? I wasn't sure of that, but she's more perceptive of me. It could be true. Not only girls have those. I do too...
"I didn't like it much. I know him, and I was scared you would get hurt." Yeah, so I didn't tell her everything. And?
"Thank you, Finn, for being concerned with my feelings. But I am perfectly fine now." I'm sure she said more, but I got lost.
She must have seen it wasn't finished. "Finn, what it is?"
"I thought you didn't appreciated me anymore because I wasn't popular anymore." Okay, so I rant. I was nervous. "We shared a wonderful moment a few days earlier and the minute I get slushied for the first time you turn to Puck. That hurt a bit."
I could see the beginning of tears in her eyes. Don't cry, Rachel, please.
"Don't ever think that, Finn. Your popularity doesn't make me feel any different about you. I just liked the attention, even if it was coming from Puck. I'm sorry if it made you feel like I had let you down, or didn't appreciate the boy behind the football jacket. I like you for you, Finn. I thought you would have understood that by now. What I didn't understand is why you went over to the jocks that easily."
It was my turn to hesitate.
"Well... seeing you with Puck and believing you only cared about popularity made it easier. Plus I have a sensitive girlfriend who didn't take her first slushy very well. I had to protect her. She had never known the unpopular side of school before. So I thought that if we weren't gonna get shushied anymore, it was worth it. I did that for my kid. And for myself. She's bitchy enough as it is. Being popular helped a bit." I wondered what she was thinking. I was worried she couldn't accept it.
"It' okay, Finn. In your way, you took one for the team too. But I'm so glad you're back."
"Me too, Rachel. Me too."
I paused a bit and asked my last question. The one that burned my lips the most.
"So, we're still best friends?" I said playfully. She didn't need to know how hard it had been to think that I had lost her friendship
"Of course, Finn. I would not have it any other way." She smiled at me big time.
When we got back to her house, we were still singing. And I was happy again.

I really like those little trips. Feels like a vacation. Quinn is okay with it anything because I bring her back what she asks. Maybe she found something else to do, because she even yells less over Rachel. I think i'll ask her to go every week from now on. I pick her up, and we sing, and we talk, and we laugh. I learn vocabulary. We have a great time. I need her so much lately. I'm not sure what I would have done without her. Thanks, Rachel. I'll be forever grateful for that.

Monday, my problem took a whole new form. With mom, we never had much money, and she often has to take double shifts just to make end meet. And it's okay. I mean, it would be better with a bit more, but we're not unhappy in our little house and everything. I never wanted fancy things. And working a bit in the summer was enough money for me for the whole year. I had never though of money as something I needed more than what I had. Until that Monday. When Quinn presented me with a new task. Have money. To pay her doctor's appointments. Well... that was a whole new world.

And I have to pay it all. I know. I already was looking for a job, even if in my mind the bills wouldn't be so huge. Like 685 dollars huge. And she said it's just the beginning. It will only be more. I need a job, and fast. But no one's hiring. There is always something wrong. The hours, the education I don't have, or the 6'3 big-ness. So she said the same things she always does. She told me I was dumb (I'm getting good at detecting that meaning coming from her), and then she pulled the baby thing. She needs to know I'm the right father for her baby. But she can't really change that. I am the father. And I want to be a good one, even if it's just for the months where she's carrying. I know she knows. And she gets me all the time on that. So, I guess I'll have to look harder. Because otherwise, I don't know how I'm gonna pay for all of this.

That's all she talked about all day long. How I had to pay for her bills. She's following my search for a job too. Not happy about it, but at least she didn't yell too much. But I know how her parents are. I know she's in trouble if they find out. This is my kid too. And I know she's clever than me. She reminds me of it every single day. I have to find a job. I do. Really. There was nothing else in my mind. Until I heard of a song dipped in chocolate. I must have missed something, because that didn't make a whole lot of sense.

But now we all have to raise money for Artie's bus, so he can come with us all to Sectionals. I get the together thing, but a bake sale, when am I going to have the time to bake? I'm terrible at it. It's one of those experiments that mom sopped quickly when she saw the damages I made. So I tried to get out of it, but I don't think that worked. Because I still have to hold it with everyone else. When did money become so important?

Karma's a bitch. I don't even know if I believe in that stuff, but after Kurt wanted to sing a girl song, Mr Shue wanted us to realize how hard life in a wheel chair can be. So he made us be in one for at least three hours every day for a week. I didn't even think I could fit in one of those. But I found out I could. And that receiving backpacks and stuff in the face and in the eyes hurt. Going everywhere is hard. The stairs are a nightmare we can't go over. I was very tired. I could barely take my food in the lunch room. I'm tall, but not in this thing. In this thing, we all look like we're the same height. That really sucks. I love to be able to spot everyone from where I stand. But now, I can't barely see three feet in front of me. And no one pays attention to the guys in wheel chairs. This is hard. Really hard.

The next afternoon, I walked on Quinn and Puck covered with raw food. Like they had been playing with it. No time for play though. And they were a bit too close. She told me they were baking. That close? And that covered in food? They must not be that good bakers. But hell, she was smiling. So I let it pass. Puck left the room, and I went back to cook with her. I hope she can cook. I held her what she was asking. That's all I could do to help. No way I'm ever touching that. I don't want to make people sick.

And now, I have to vote. For whoever sings Defying gravity better. Between Kurt and Rachel. I'm not surprized that Kurts wants to sing a girl song, he's Kurt. And he's gay. But I don't think he dressed better than Rachel. His clothes are just more expensive, I can see that. But Rachel's are... I love it. But anyway, before I even heard them perform, I knew who I was going to vote for. Not because I don't want to see Kurt take her solo (okay, maybe a little) but because I can't imagine him singing better than her. Never.

I don't understand Quinn. Or Puck. I know we all lost popularity. But I don't think we're losers, because we are good at something. So, continue to try to sell those, and stop whining. But then, I watched Brittany give Becky money to buy a cupcake. And I was wondering witch one was the stupidest. Brittany lost her wheel chair. And never took a test without cheating. And Becky is different, but it's not her fault. No one was buying, so I told them my idea. And Quinn called me an idiot, told me I wasn't worthy of anything. I lost it. A bit. I can't take her attacking me all the time. Tearing me down isn't going to help me get a job. She really should stop. Because she makes it harder for me to stay with her by the minute. I feel like one day, I'm going to blow a fuse. I can't forgive her every mood anymore. I won't leave her, because that's not the right thing to do. But after our baby is born and put out for adoption, I'm getting the hell away from Quinn. Forever. She's way too mean. And trying to apologize for a minute isn't going to cut it. I don't love you anymore, Quinn. And I think you already know that. Don't make it any harder, for both of us, please.

Something is definitely up with Puck. Not because he took Quinn's side, throwing up all that 'bros before hos' stuff right out in the garbage. Or for calling me an idiot (is there only one person in this school who doesn't think I am one?). All of he sudden, he chooses Quinn over me, accusing me to do nothing to take care of my kid. If only he knew. But we don't talk about these things. He doesn't have to go to Dayton, or hear the pretty much constant flow of yells and insults coming from Quinn. I'm not like him, I don't steal. I want to find a good way to take care of my kid, and good ways don't come as easy as the bad ones. I want to be able to tell that I did the right thing, to look at myself in the mirror. It's like my old friends are turning on me. Like I don't have any value anymore. I do what I think is right, and he can go to hell for it. I have to take care of two human beings now. It's so easy to be on the side and tell me all I do is wrong. But I'm Quinn's boyfriend. I have to take care of her. So I lost it, again. And I don't even regret it. Mr Shue stopped our fight. And Puck let us off the hook. But I'm not sure we're best friends anymore. There is a lot I'm not sure anymore. But I didn't say anything. I just made a face and left Mr Shue. It was not a good week.

Rachel was nervous, when I was repairing her chair. Nervous that she wouldn't get the solo back or something. And that no one liked her. So I told her not to be and she began one of her long sentences I get lost in. But I know she's gonna win. She's the best singer I ever heard. She's beautiful, and she needs to work on people skills but I like her. But she knows that. I feel very good when she's around. I know I probably told you this a million times already, dad, but it's true. And I need it. Badly. I felt better than usual when Quinn ran in the room yelling because she had received a past due notice for the bill. Not the first one I see. We get those often. Rachel was still there, I think a bit embarrassed. Quinn is putting all this pressure on me all the time. I do my best but it's never okay. But this time, it wasn't as bad as the others. Quinn said she would kill me if I didn't pay her bill on time (that is a new one). And that she would broke up if it happened again. And she left. I was shocked. I felt like I was screwed. And then Rachel had an idea. I'm really glad she was here.

The day of the diva off, when she entered the choir room, I went to her to wish her good luck. She was sure to get my vote. I know Quinn was watching me. Too bad I don't care, Quinn. Anyway, Kurt began. I had no idea he could actually sing it. But I think something went wrong. Something was off in the high notes. I'm sorry for him, but I'm not going to be sorry that she won. She has this amazing voice... I was like transported somewhere else. And I don't ever want to hear her yell in high notes. She seriously can hurt our ears.

The next day, I spotted Quinn and Puck talking in the hallway. So I called her, and he moved to see me coming. And then I handed her my pay check. Because I got a job. Okay, Rachel got me one. I was really impressed. She was being herself, speaking fast and using big words but the manager understood all that. I got a good part of it, but I played dumb kid like she told me to. And it worked! It pays good and I get to keep all my tips. So I have to stay in a wheel chair for a little bit longer, but who cares? I finally can take care of Quinn, her bills and our kid. I'm gonna stay in a wheel chair until I can find another one. I will finally have something good to write in my resume. Puck didn't seem happy, now that I think of it. Whatever. I was happy. Quinn was smiling at me for once. And I got to give her a lift in my wheel chair.

At least one thing turned out fine. Our bake sale suddenly tuned very, very popular. Thanks to Puck. He saved us all. Quinn was smiling. He saved the day. His cookies had brought 1200 bucks into glee's pockets. He was the hero around the auditorium. And then Artie chose to use the money for a ramp there. He was the hero of us poor dudes who have to carry him in. I think everyone was a hero today, in their own way. As a bonus, we really had a good time in that wheel chair number.

And it's decided. This week end, Rachel comes with me again to look for Quinn's next frivolity. And yes, dad, she taught me that word. She has to drive because I'm still supposed to be handicapped. I'm so glad. I feel like I could go on those vacations every day.

(Rachel)

When he came back to Glee, one of the first things he did was to make amends to me personally. He asked me on one of his trips to Dayton again. And I think he knows I could have said no, and not have gone with him for one of Quinn's weird demands. But at least it's fruit. It's healthy. Anyway, it felt good to go, so I didn't hesitate to say yes. He picked me up the next day and we really had a good time.

We sang. To the radio, over the radio, without the radio... everything. We laughed a great deal and we talked too. He was nervous, and hesitant. Thinking I would not have forgiven him? There is nothing worse than losing Finn as a friend. He didn't even have to male amends. But I'm so glad he did anyway. I thought he was a bit jealous, because of his dislike of my two-days relationship with Puck. I told him the truth, that we dated for the wrong reasons, and that Puck and I both had feelings for someone else. My voice was so low, I don't know if he heard it all. He was genuinely worried for me, I could see it on his face. That warmed my heart. He was looking out for me. And I thanked him.

I realized that it had hurt him too. He thought I only liked him because he was popular. Now way, Finn. First of all, I'm way past only liking you, and second, it's the boy I fell in love with, not the football jacket. Finn is sweet, and kind, and attentive. And he didn't seem to regret our last kiss one bit. The one I still think about every day. In the auditorium. I feel very proud that even then I helped him in some tiny way. I don't care about him getting a slushy in his face. I get one every day. It has only slowed a bit before their fall from the popularity pedestal. And then I realized that his belief in my not liking him anymore only made it easier for him to choose the other camp. So now, I feel guilty. For what happened to Kurt too. I don't think he would have joined them otherwise. I'm sorry, Finn, that you ever felt that you lost me in any way. I understand the other reasons behind it. He wanted a better situation at school, since he had already lost his best friend. And I know how hard Quinn is taking the ice syrup showers. We all do. I must be important to him, now. Like a real best friend. I feel more, but that's okay. The simple fact that he has such a high opinion of me made up for everything he can't reciprocate. So, are we still best friends, he asked me. I could see on his face that he was happy. Always, Finn. Always.

On Monday, I heard him and Quinn talk about bills he had to pay. And he doesn't have a penny to his name. So, I'm gonna help him, when and if he asks me. I'm gonna help him find a job. I prefer a happy Finn. And if supporting Quinn is going to make him feel better, then I'm gonna do all I can to help him achieve that. We're not together, I know, but at least I can help him not being miserable.

My thoughts were still hanging on that when I heard Kurt saying something about Defying gravity. Glee was doing it and I really wanted that solo and the high F that goes with it. He seemed way too enthusiastic. But Mr Shue gave it to me. He didn't want to rearrange it, and he was right. I am perfect for that song. On another hand, we also have to raise money for a bus that can take Artie with us to Sectionals. The fact that the school wouldn't pay for it is completely outrageous. And more outrageous is the reaction my fellow glee-clubbers had. Like Artie could come with his dad. I don't think so. Being all together is part of it all. But this time, I didn't want t be the only voice saying he had to come with us. So I didn't say anything, I just felt bad for him.

Karma found me. For not having spoken my mind. I don't mean the wheel chair thing, because we all deserve it. We all deserved to have Mr Shue berate us about not being supportive of Artie. We all deserve to spend three hours a day for a week in a wheel chair. And for doing a number in it. I think everyone was shocked. But we still deserved it. Mr Shue he made it clear. We all go, or no one goes. And we have to hold a bake sale.

I can see now where Artie comes from. Being all day in a wheel chair is really, really difficult. I can't reach to my plate in the cafeteria. And when I finally had in in my lap, feeling really good for finally having something to eat, I got showered in it. Like a warm slushy. And it is worse. I spend the rest of the lunch hour cleaning myself in the toilets. And I cheated. I tried to stay and do it from my wheel chair, but as I couldn't reach for the water, I got up and did it the usual way. I was very careful that no one saw me. And I got back on my seat and got out, ready to stay an hour long in that chair for having cheated that time while I was cleaning. I'm so happy to feel everything from the waist down. I'm not sure what I would do without two perfectly functioning limbs. The only time we had real fun in it, was when we sang Proud Mary.

But now, Kurt is also fighting me for the Defying gravity solo. This isn't right. I don't think he can't hit that high. And it is a song usually sung by a girl. By me. And Kurt's dad insisted for us to have a competition. He threatened to sue the school for wrongful discrimination. Mr Shue is unfair. He gave me a part for witch I now have to audition in a diva-off. More like a popularity contest. The fellow glee-clubbers will be the judges. And I will lose because no one likes me. I told Mr Shue he had to stop ruining my life, but he didn't seem really moved. So, I'm going to rehearse that song and I'm going to win back that solo. My solo.

I was rambling to Finn about my being nervous because I wasn't really liked by anyone in the club. But I was doing it for them, for the accessibility a female version of Defying gravity naturally held. He had just repaired my wheel chair and I was really glad he was there with me. I really don't know anything about wheel chair's mechanics. But he does. I was saying I wasn't appreciated and he began by telling me I should work on my own accessibility skills. He didn't say it like that, but the meaning was clear. Thanks, Finn. But then he told me he liked me with that half smile I love so much. So, there it is. Someone in Glee likes me. Finn. He made my day. He made my week.

Quinn suddenly erupted in the room, yelling at Finn. I stayed because she told me to. I was really embarrassed, and I was feeling really bad for Finn. Was it always like that? He had often told me so, but I thought part of it was exaggeration. Not anymore. She did all her usual stuff. Called him a moron, then an incapable, then she was going to kill him. And to go her separate way. I wanted to yell 'don't temp him'. If only that had been true. But I also know he endured it, as always. I'm not sure whether it's real love (so then, why would he ever have kissed me?) or real chivalry and being a gentlemen that made him stay with her no matter what. I was sad. I couldn't let him stay that way. And then, eureka. Finn never asked me to help him. I did it anyway. I got him a job. I stood up in that restaurant and went on full diva-mode on the manager. And it worked! He has to stay in a wheel chair for the duration, but he told me that was something he had to do. I'm so proud of us both.

The diva off arrived. All I can say is that all my work paid off. The hours I put in perfecting this beautiful song didn't go to waste. I loved Finn coming to me in front of everyone to encourage me. I won. But I wish Kurt hadn't blown that high F. I wanted to win because I really was the best singer, not because he couldn't hold that note. I already knew I was the only one with the proper voice range. So, they voted for me, because they couldn't have voted for him. It never felt like winning. It felt like being the best by default. Not rewarding, at all. But that doesn't mean that I'm not gonna enjoy this solo. I really love Defying gravity. And this was my solo to begin with. If I sing it at Sectionals... the judges will love me!

The bake sales was a success, thanks to Puck. And the money, after a few detours, will pay for that bus. Mr Shue told me that Ms Sylvester had brought this about. I wanted to thank her, but he told me it was a bad idea. So I kept my mouth shut. Hoping karma wouldn't get to me again... speaking about karma, Finn has to go back to the store this week end. But I have to drive, because he has to stay in a wheel chair until he finds another job that doesn't make him handy-capable. I can't wait!