The Bonehead and the Brain - Chapter Ten - Bliss and Tell
Please note: this chapter contains some mild references that are suggestive in nature
and may not be suitable for younger readers
Harvard Campus, 12pm
Hunter was making reservations for Sacha and Seth's first date during Hayworth's science lecture. He had decided to invite the entire DX family and spoil any chance Sacha and Seth had of having a good time. MacKenzie had called him the day before and made her case for why she would be a better girlfriend than Sacha Banks. Hunter was pretty convinced by her argument, mostly because it included her being in bed with Seth before midnight the next day. Hunter's biggest goal was to make sure Seth had taken at least one woman to bed before the end of year.
The chances of that being Sacha Banks were not good and Seth had so much on his mind, he needed a sure thing and MacKenzie was it.
This of course enraged the rest of his DX family but it wasn't anything Hunter wasn't already used to. Amy and Shawn protested the loudest and it was very similar to how they sounded before they fell in love and became the talk of the wrestling world.
"Don't worry Hayworth, you can date McKenzie in three years when she's had a third divorce and is deciding which reality TV show to promote her fourth divorce," Hunter said as Hayworth tried to focus on the subject at hand and his father's immoral perspective on Seth and Sacha as a couple.
"Dad, I know that this is asking a lot but wouldn't it be wise to perhaps listen to the rest of your family instead of shipwrecking a perfectly nice pairing for no real good reason other than for Seth to lose his virginity to a whore?" Hayworth said and everyone in the lecture hall gasped.
Hayworth had spoken directly into the mic on his desk.
"We're writing a play based on Romeo and Juliet, we're just deciding who should play the part, a whore or a virgin," Hunter said.
"I think they were both virgins," Kendrick Alexander said.
"Yeah but then why did they get drunk and end up doing it in Mercutio's Ford sedan?" Hunter said.
"I don't think Ford was around in the 15th century," the lecturer said shaking her head. "Hayworth please stay after class I need to check your head to make sure your father hasn't damaged it with his stupidity,"
"I'm immune Ms Alexander, my mother passed on some really good genes, otherwise I don't think I'd be able to walk in a straight line by now," Hayworth replied and Kendrick Alexander laughed.
Hayworth turned the mic away and went back to their conversation about Seth and Sacha, "Sacha's nice, she'll be worth the wait. MacKenzie seems a little expensive,"
"She's not a real whore son," Hunter said. "Why does everyone give Mac such a hard time? She's beautiful, she's talented and she works really hard,"
"She's dated Cameron, Uncle Shawn and both Nashes, why would you inflict such an unscrupulous woman on a guy like Seth Rollins?" Hayworth replied. "She's not the right person for him,"
"She is so, plus she never actually slept with Shawn, Tristan Nash or Cameron, she just wanted to have a shot. If I remember correctly Shawn wsa demon possessed at the time for all three of those relationships. That's the guy you want me to listen to when it comes to setting Seth up?" Hunter said.
"Why don't you let Rollins decide for himself? He's a smart guy he'll choose the right girl," Hayworth said.
"He's not smart when it comes to women. He's turned down more females than chambermaids turn down bedsheets. Its time for him to grow up and get laid like the rest of us," Hunter said and Hayworth rolled his eyes.
"I'm so glad Uncle Shawn is my Uncle Shawn, otherwise I'd think that casual sex was a commandment," Hayworth said.
"Hey, if it wasn't for casual sex you wouldn't be here and neither would LC or Aurora. You should get down on your knees and thank God for making me the man-whore that I am Hayworth," Hunter said and Hayworth tried not to lose his temper.
"Dad I'm not starting an escort agency so you can just rip up that proposal you're writing," Hayworth said.
"How'd you know about that, I hadn't even asked Shawn to finish proof-reading it for me," Hunter said.
"Why are you still here?" Hayworth said exasperated by his father's degenerate Brain. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to ruin Seth and Sacha's first date?"
"Yes I should, make sure you show up tonight Hayworth. I want you to have a front row seat on the worst date in Boston history," Hunter said.
"I'm bringing Kendrick, I told her it would be a good study in human depravity," Hayworth said and Hunter smiled.
"I'm so proud of you for dating your Chemistry lecturer," Hunter said.
"Well I am part Degenerate, fortunately for me she likes me for my Brain not my family name," Hayworth said as Hunter nosily left the lecture hall.
"What's wrong with your name?" Hunter asked.
"The fact that its your name is what disturbs her I think," Haywoth said. "I'll see you at 7pm,"
"LC and Cameron will be there with Faith Star. I'll try and talk Shawn and Amy into being on their best behaviour so they don't spoil it for everyone, especially Seth and Sacha with their Anointing," Hunter said.
"If it wasn't for the Anointed Couple, we would all still think Mom was dead. When are we going to get answers from Uncle Randy and Aunt Trish on getting her out of the Atlantic and back up here with us?"
Hunter sighed, he hadn't spoken to Randy and Trish in days.
"I don't know son; something's not right about all this. I feel like Randy and Trish are hiding something from me,"
"Dad that's impossible, they can't hide anything from you. They can only tell the Truth," Hayworth said.
"Yeah well, they better tell me the Truth about Joanie, or they'll be more bodies in the Altantic that will need to be rescued," Hunter said referring to The Ortons.
"There's probably a lot more to Mom's so-called death than we know Dad, the Ortons are probably just protecting us. Didn't Seth say it was best if we never found out the Truth about what happened to her?" Hayworth said.
"Seth will tell us a lot more after he's had sex with the Preying Mantis," Hunter replied and Hayworth frowned.
"I don't think those two things are related at all, maybe you should wait until Trish and Randy fill you in before you go masterminding this whole thing," Hayworth suggested.
"The day I take advice from a virgin is the day I die," Hunter said and Hayworth's mouth dropped. "I'm sorry son, its just a fact, virgins are stupid,"
Hayworth's mouth dropped even lower as Hunter left with his son feeling more like a Bonehead and less like a Brain for the first time he could remember.
"Does being a virgin make me stupid?" he wondered to himself until he remembered that his father wasn't a virgin and he was the dumbest man he'd ever met. "Get a hold of yourself Hayworth," he encouraged himself and he went back to listening to his date teach chemistry, which was so much easier now that his father was on his way to ruin what could otherwise have been a delightful date for The Boss and The Architect.
Olive Garden, Boston, MA,7pm
Hunter arrived bright and early but when he got to the restaurant there was no-one there except him and a bunch of disappointed fans. News of Seth and Sacha's first date had gotten out on the Internet and the Northeast region of the WWE Universe invited itself along to share the moment. This was all thanks to one person, the ever concerned and always diabolical Alexa Bliss, who was the only person at the restaurant aside from Hunter himself. Even Hayworth got the news that Seth and Sacha had cancelled the date and were heading back to Harvard with the DX family.
"What happened where is everyone? Sacha and Seth are late but I expected everyone else to be here by now," Hunter said.
"The date got cancelled due to a leak on social media," Alexa Bliss said.
"I'm so pissed, I've been planning this for hours!" Hunter said chomping on a garlic and herb breadstick. "Now how I am supposed to spend the rest of my evening?"
"You could sit down and let me tell you what happened to your wife in New York City," Alexa Bliss said and Hunter looked at her seriously.
"That's not funny Alexa, do not be saying things that aren't true espcially where Joanie's concerned," Hunter said.
"Hey this is a sure fire headline. I know what happened to her, well at least I know why she ended up underwater. I suggest you sit down because you are gonna wanna hear what I have to say," Alexa Bliss said.
Hunter decided to hear Bliss out so he sat down opposite the former Women's Champion and listened to her explain what happened to Joanie. After she had finished talking Hunter pulled out his cell-phone and called Stephanie. When she didn't answer he took Alexa by the hand, called for his driver to bring the DX Machine around and they drove straight to the airport and headed to New York City. Since he couldn't get Trish and Randy on the phone, he was going to pay a trip to them in person and they were going to either confirm what Alexa told him, or give him a solid gold reason to fire Miss Bliss on the spot.
"If you're lying Alexa, your career is over - O-V-R, OVER! Do you understand me?" Hunter said and Alexa frowned.
"You forgot the E," she said.
"No I didn't, I left it out on purpose because that's how quick I'm going to fire you if you're lying," Hunter replied.
"I'm not lying boss, but let me ask you when Trish and Randy confirm what I told you, will you fire the Shield for not telling you what happened to your wife?" Alexa asked Hunter.
The Game said nothing, "If you don't fire them, what will you say to Joanie when she comes back to you? Are you really going to let them get away with it?" Alexa continued but the Game remained silent. He was silent because he was praying that it wasn't True. For the first time in a long time, he hoped God would do a miracle to stop anymore people in his life from hurting him and the people he cared about.
Meanwhile back on campus...
Seth looked at his phone and saw the number of messages that MacKenzie had left him. He decided to pay her a visit and officially end it between them so that he could move on with Sacha free and clean.
Free and clean weren't two words Charlene MacKenzie was used to hearing when people spoke about her and tonight she was going to give Seth a lot to talk about.
As Seth entered MacKenzie's hotel room, he lost focus when he walked towards a figure laying on a bed covered in rose pink silk. Mac sat on top wearing one of her famous skin tight dresses and a beautiful smile. Seth opened his mouth to speak but the sight of MacKenzie was too breathtaking, he couldn't form a cogent sentence.
"I leave now," was all he could say and as he turned to leave MacKenzie grabbed his arm and slid her hand under his shirt.
"Leaving so fast? I wanted to show you something you can really get your hands on," she said and she pulled off her dress and revealed her underwear, which was also rose pink and quite impressive considering how little of it there was to look at.
"Wow," Seth said. "I've never been so wrong about a person in my life,"
Mac smiled in delight, "You mean you were wrong about leaving me for Sacha Banks?" she said hopefully.
"No, I was right about that. I was wrong about Hunter. He was crazy for thinking I should be with you. Did you really think this was going to impress me Mac? I've seen better underwear on WWE Shop," he said and MacKenzie scowled.
"Are you crazy? This is quality stuff Rollins, not the cheap stuff girls from Boston are accustomed to," MacKenzie said.
"You're right the underwear is high quality, its just the girl that's wearing them that's cheap," Seth Rollins said shaking his head.
"Oh I've heard enough, this playing hard to get crap is getting old. I know for a fact that you haven't been with a woman in a long time. Hunter gave me a breakdown of every girl you've ever dated, I know the height, weight and hair colour of every girl you've ever dated and based on that list I am doing you a favour right now buddy. Now get over here and get in bed right now!" MacKenzie said and Seth kissed her on the head trying not to lose his cool.
"I leave now," he said feeling his courage leaving him. Everything he said to Mac was true but he was still human and he was about to turn away from one of the most beautiful women in the world. "I want my first time to be with someone special, not some-one Hunter asked to sleep with me dressed up like a 1930's showgirl,"
Mac started to laugh, "Wait-a-minute, did you say your first time?" she said and Seth rolled his eyes.
"What did you think I was like you? I don't think its wrong to wait Mac, I wish you were the type of girl to wait. You're living proof that we should all wait," Seth said and he tried to leave but Mac pressed herself against him and stroked his chest. Her touch was as soft as the silk underwear she was almost wearing and she smelt just as pretty. The smell of coconut and rose filled his nostrils as her fingertips played with his chest hair.
"How much longer can you wait Seth? You're way past puberty.
If you really wanna be with Sacha, that's gonna be another two years, plus the engagement. Seems like a long time to wait when you can just turn around, come over to this bed and make love to me right now," MacKenzie said and Seth felt his heart racing the way Ember Moon felt at the Shield table in San Jose.
"You're right Mac, it is a long time to wait. That's why I have to make sure Sacha knows I'm serious and that I will wait.
Let go of me Preying Mantis, I don't want my first time to be with you," Seth said and Mac let him go.
"You know what I changed my mind, I don't want to be disappointed. I've always preferred to be with men who know how to make love to a woman and not just any woman, Charlene MacKenzie. I'm not interested in being your test drive before you go wondering on over to the Boss. When you're done with her, then you can come back to me and I can show you everything she did wrong, then we can do it properly. I can't believe you're a virgin. Seth Rollins you're pathetic!" Mac said before she fell onto the bed laughing.
Seth felt like crying, Mac was so mean and beautiful, which for some reason made it worse. Sacha would never laugh at him for waiting before he slept with someone. Now that Mac was off the table he had more confidence that Sacha was the one he wanted to be with.
"You know she'll probably laugh at you too right? I mean, you're Seth "Freakin" Rollins, how are you going to feel when she rejects you for falsely impersonating a stud?" Mac said wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
"That's enough Mac," Seth said hurt. "I've known Sacha forever she'd never laugh at me like you are right now,"
Mac stopped laughing when she saw how sad Seth looked. She was secretly hurt too, after all, they'd been dating for awhile and it would have been cool to be his first. She at least owed it to him to be honest before he went all in with Sacha Banks.
"You know Seth, you shouldn't get your hopes up," she said and Seth frowned.
"What do you mean?" he asked her.
"Sex isn't as good as everyone makes it seem," she said.
"Everyone? Including you?" Seth said.
"No I'm really good in bed that's no lie. Its a skill that I've spent many years perfecting, why do you think Hunter wanted us to hook up so bad? I'm a legend, at least with me you'd be guaranteed to have a good time. With Sacha, she'd probably be scared of disappointing you, given how disappointed she's been in the past," Mac said.
"You don't know Sacha, where do you get off saying that?" Seth said defending his best friend now girlfriend.
"Girls talk, I know why Sacha turned down guy after guy and its not because she's fussy. She's been hurt Seth, so like I said, don't get your hopes up. If you're looking for your first time to be incredible, Sacha is not the girl you should be going for," Mac said. "There's a lot of scar tissue under that pink hair,"
Mac kissed Seth lovingly, "I'm here if you change your mind, just think about it okay?" she said and Seth turned red.
"I don't think I've ever seen you with so little clothing," he said and Mac smiled.
"Well you could always see me with a lot less, just stay with me tonight and you can see the full MacKenzie in all her radiant glory. Trust me Seth, you will not regret it," MacKenzie said.
"Yes you will," came the stern voice of Shawn Michaels.
"How did you get in here!" Mac said covering herself up.
"Its called Transcendence, now for goodness sake put some clothes on Mac. What are you trying to do, re-create the Garden of Eden?" Shawn said and Mac ran into the bathroom leaving Seth and Shawn alone. "We gotta go Hunter's looking for you and he ain't happy,"
"Well I'm not sleeping with Mac so the deal is off. He'll have to find out what happened to Chyna on his own or through ATM and the DX kids. I'm staying with Sacha," Seth said.
Shawn could see the effect Mac had on Seth, the poor guy could hardly stand up straight. It was a Mac Attack and if not handled correctly, it could be deadly and Shawn had a certificate in damage control were MacKenzie was concerned.
"Forget about Mac, as hard as that will be for the next few days, the effect of the Mac Attack will wear off. Alexa Bliss told Hunter that you're responsible for Chyna ending up in the Atlantic Ocean, you, Dean and Roman," Shawn said.
"That lying Blissh," Seth said trying to shake off the Mac Attack.
"Anyway Hunter's trying to get Trish and Randy to confirm her story, what I need to know from you now kid is the Truth. Were you behind Joanie ending up in the Atlantic Ocean?" Shawn asked Seth as they Transcended back to Hayworth's Harvard dorm where Trish and Randy were waitng for them.
"We'll answer that," Trish said and she smiled at Seth. "Don't worry about Mac, you'll get over her. Trust me,"
Seth frowned at Trish. He'd heard so much about the Truth: Trish Stratus but this was the first time she had given him her advice. If he trusted her there was no telling what would happen in his life. The adventures of ATM were legendary and he was already in over his head with Hunter after what happened to Joanie in New York City.
"I don't trust you," he said and Randy stepped up to him.
"Well you should, my wife knows more than you do. Listening to her is the best thing you could ever do," Randy said.
It wasn't that simple for Seth. He knew ATM were an angelic trio dispatched from Heaven by God to minister to the wrestling world and the world overall. If he listened to one member it would be like believing that God cared about him, and that was something Seth just didn't believe as long as Roman Reigns had cancer.
"I'm sorry but I don't agree, now if you'll excuse me I have to take a long, cold shower," Seth said turning to leave.
"Are you sure you wanna leave now Seth? Because if you decide to ignore me, you're gonna have to face Hunter alone," Trish said and Seth gulped.
"And given how mad he is right now that is something you do not want to do," Randy added and Seth thought about it.
"Okay its been a long night I must be still suffering from the smell of MacKenzie's hair. Let's hear it, what do you guys wanna tell me that's so important?" he said stubbornly and Trish, Randy and Shawn smiled. It was the first step in a long journey they were about the take with the former WWE Champion and proud member of The Shield.