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The Angel's Queen

Chapter IX: Complicated

Sephiroth had left Tifa alone in her bedroom. She'd allowed him to cradle her while she continued to cry, eventually she fell asleep and he put her to bed. He'd lingered only long enough to make sure she was comfortable and sleeping soundly, before he went to his study.

He found his mother there, sitting in her usual spot. He looked at her warily, knowing she'd start with her ranting. And she did.

"I heard it all."

"Of course you did." He swept across to his desk where he sat quietly.

"I told you she'd never come to you, didn't I? She's nothing more than a parasite, my son, a filthy…human…."

"Mother please, just shut up."

Jenova was utterly stunned. Sephiroth had never spoken to her that way before. Never had he so blatantly told her to quiet herself. She stood from her chair and looked like she about to attack him, but he shot her the most murderous glare he'd ever given and she backed down. She was completely at a loss. So with a lack of what to do, she turned to leave. But of course, she had to have the last word. As she reached the door, she turned back to him.

"She is a human…you are an earthbound god."

Sephiroth turned his eyes up at her.

"You can try to hold onto her for eternity…but unlike you…one day she will grow old…and she will die." She let him be.

The realization struck Sephiroth hard. He'd never thought about it before, but his mother was right. One day Tifa would grow old and die. What then? Somehow, he knew he'd feel the same for her even when she is old and grey, but when she dies…he'd be all alone again. Sephiroth dropped his head and began to cry once more. Tifa was a human, but she was magical. She made him feel like a human again…and it was a breathtaking feeling.

After he dried his eyes, he began to think about her one request. To have true, unconditional love. The only thing was that he didn't know what love was. So what does one do when they don't understand a word? Look it up in a dictionary. It seems almost laughable that a god such as he should need aid from a human-made object, but it was a human word after all…and once he'd believed himself human too.

"Love."

Love (verb) 1. To feel tender affection for somebody. 2. To feel romantic and sexual desire and longing for somebody. 3. To like something very much. 4. To show kindness to somebody. 5 To have sex with somebody.

Love (noun) 1. Passionate attraction and desire. 2. Very strong affection. 3. Romantic affair. 4. Somebody much loved. 5. Strong liking. 6. Something eliciting enthusiasm. 7. Beloved. 8. Term of friendly address.

And the list went on…

Sephiroth closed the book. He'd never thought there were so many different types of love. He definitely knew he felt the sexual kind…loving her that way would be easy. But she said unconditional, so she wanted love with no limitations or conditions. Sexual love wouldn't be that; it could be deemed as a selfish act. To feel tender affection. That must be the one. She wanted him to feel affection regardless of her qualities or actions. No matter how she is, he must love her. It was so aggravating. And…she'd called him a monster. He looked up that word too just for the hell of it.

Monster (noun) 1. An ugly terrifying being found in mythology or created by the imagination, especially something fierce that kills people. 2. Something extraordinarily large. 3. Offensive term for a person or animal that is undesirably formed. 4. An evil person; somebody whose perceived humanity or vicious behavior terrifies and disgusts people.

It was true, in all respect of the term he was a monster. He thought about his horrific upbringing, his vile nature….his wing. He clenched his fist and gnashed his teeth as he stared at the word. He hated himself. That's all there was to it. Perhaps if he'd ever had pure love he'd not have been the monster she perceived him to be. But love was something he'd never known; not even his own mother showed any real affection toward him. Only when he'd do what she wanted of him did he receive any kind of care.

No. He was wrong. As he stretched his memory out to his childhood, he remembered one person who did show him kindness. A woman named Lucrecia. She was one of Hojo's associates. She would always be there for him. He remembered when he'd been sleeping in his room; he'd had a nightmare and began to cry. He had not wailed loudly, but she came to the room, somehow knowing he was in need. She'd held him all through the night. Lucrecia gave him gifts and toys without care if he returned the favor. She taught him his manners and proper etiquette for different occasions purely out of the goodness of her heart; even though Hojo insisted he didn't need to know any of it. His pain was her pain, his joy was her joy, it seemed. But then she disappeared. One day she just didn't come back to the lab and he never saw her again.

Sephiroth reclined back in his seat. He stared blankly into nothing, just thinking about his dear sweet Lucrecia. She, he believed, was why he felt such an attachment to the opposite sex. Women were far gentler than men could ever be, and to be around a woman made him feel at peace. Even though he was a man, he felt a certain amount of animosity toward them. A malice fueled by the fact that all the ill-treatment he'd received as a child had been administered by men, and all the comfort provided by women. It was one more thing he hadn't thought of until then, another thing Tifa had awakened in him.

She was perfect.

Cloud sat quiet staring at the floor aboard the Highwind. Barret sat across the table from him, staring him down. Cloud could feel the murderous gaze and had no desire to look at him. A few minutes passed between them that felt like an eternity. They were sitting in the tiny dining area in the rear of ship waiting out the ride. The tension was suffocating, especially since it was just the two of them and Marlene, who was sitting a couple tables away, drawing idly on a scrap of paper.

"Why'd ya do it?" Barret asked gruffy, but quietly.

"Do what?" Cloud asked, forcing his eyes up to Barret's face.

"Why'd ya leave her, ya fool?" He barked.

"I uh…" Cloud was speechless. He didn't know how to answer. But under Barret's glare, he spoke up anyway. "I thought it was time to start thinking of myself."

"Whadda ya mean? You always thinkin' of yourself."

"No…I wasn't…not entirely. I married Tifa for two reasons, because I didn't to be alone…and so Tifa would be happy. I knew she wanted to me with me…but after a while, I felt like I was wronging both of us."

"There you go…you are the worst, Cloud." Yuffie muttered from the stairway. They both looked up at her, startled. "Besides, that's not why should marry anyone. You might think you were doing her a service by granting her wish, but you just did her wrong anyway by leading her on. So what? Did you think that it wouldn't all come back to bite you in the ass?"

Cloud returned his gaze to the floor. "I didn't know what I was really thinking."

"Forget it, Barret, he'd just going to make up more excuses. Anway, come on upstairs, Cid is driving me crazy."

Barret just nodded and followed her up the main deck.

Cloud remained, he rested his elbow on the table and held his forehead. He wished he could just turn back time and not even have gotten involved with Avalanche in the first place. He wished he'd have just taken his money and left. Or better yet…if Zack had just left him to die. While he was busy fretting, Marlene had moved to his table with her drawing paper.

"Cloud?"

He snapped his head up at the child's voice and looked straight into her eyes. She looked sad, her eyes heavy with the negative feelings around her.

"What's up, Marlene?"

"Why is everyone picking on you?"

"Well…" He fought for the best way to explain it to her. "I did something kinda…mean to Tifa."

"Like what?"

"Well…it's kind of hard to explain. The thing is…me and Tifa aren't going to be together anymore…"

"You're breaking up?" Her eyes widened.

"Yeah."

"But why?"

"We…just…" He scratched the back of his head. "We just don't love each other anymore. It's just something that sometimes happens with grown-ups. Sometimes we get tired of being around each other and it's just better if we didn't live together anymore."

"Then why get married if you're just going to break up?"

"It's complicated." He rested his head on the table.

"Are you worried about, Tifa?"

"Yeah, I am."

"You know what, Cloud?" She started doodling again. "I think I know why Sephiroth took Tifa away."

"What really?" He lifted his head.

"I heard her while she was staying at our house, she said she wished someone would come and take her away….and I think he answered her wish. And you know what else? I think she doesn't want to be rescued."

"What?" Cloud felt sick. "Why would you say that?"

"Why else would Sephiroth steal Tifa?" She eyed him with a serious gaze.

Cloud gawked back at her in utter disbelief. He couldn't fathom how she'd come up with such a ridiculous theory. Furthermore, how could a child even begin to attempt to comprehend the inner workings of the adult mind? But then, Marlene always was rather wise and mature for her age.

Tifa slept until late in the day, she woke up with a slight headache and a feeling of dread in her gut. She looked around the room with hazy eyes, wondering if he was still there. So Sephiroth was the Angel, and he brought her there to make her happy. What a laugh! She wasn't sure whether or not to believe him. She moaned as she rolled over onto her stomach and cuddled her pillows. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he did want to make her happy. She didn't really want to believe it though.

She found herself wondering why Sephiroth would suddenly have a change of heart. She yawned and buried her face in the soft material. She remembered when Cloud told her about the way Sephiroth was before he went mad. That he used to be a good, righteous, and honorable man. Perhaps his psychosis had been cured? She'd looked out of all the windows at the surrounding land. Mountains. And the chill in the air concluded that they were high in them. Even if she left the house, she'd have to walk across the range. This wasn't the place for legs; you'd have to be able to fly to get up there. So escape would be futile.

"Maybe I should give him a chance." She groaned into her pillow. "It's not like he's exactly tortured me or anything." She could hardly believe herself, but she didn't have many options. So why not try to be friends at least. "But…he's a monster…he killed my dad." She lamented. But then, hating him forever wouldn't bring her father back to life.