"Ready?" Jerry asks. I nod and together, we head out of the classroom and down the hallway. The bell rings, but we are already in the commons, away from the mob of students in the hallways. It's Wednesday and I've been both uneasy and excited about seeing Rachel; seeing her is all I've thought about all day.
We quickly exit the school, and Jerry slows to a walk beside me. We talk about nothing in particular as we near the parking lot. Suddenly, there is a monstrous roar of thunder, causing Jerry and I to jump. Even the ground shakes slightly. Shortly following, a heavy sheet of rain plummets to the earth. Bitter rain bites at exposed skin and I pull my hood up, though it is quickly soaked.
"Jerry! Code red! Code red!" I screech. "Code red" is the phrase I use when I need him to push me. We don't use it often, but in rain like this I want to move faster for obvious reasons. Jerry chuckles and grabs onto the handles of my chair. I glance back at him and laugh upon seeing how thoroughly soaked he is-rain attracts to Jerry like paper clips to magnets. Today is no different. In fact, it's managed to make him look like he has naturally curly hair.
We reach his car, so I quickly hop out of my chair and slide into the passenger seat. Jerry puts my chair in the back, and then slides in beside me. He messes with his hair, using a comb to brush it back.
"How do I look?" He asks me, turning his head so I can study him. When I do, butterflies seize my stomach because let's face it: he is hot. But no way am I telling him that.
"Great." I answer truthfully. Jerry smiles and hugs me and then pulls away. He looks at me for several seconds, his gaze so focused that I can't look away. My heart pounds faster when he does not look away after what must be a full minute of staring at me. It pounds even faster when he starts to say something, but stops. This happens several times. I wait impatiently, my fingers tapping on my knee nervously. Finally, he speaks.
"I…um, I brought your crutches." He stammers. I get this sad feeling, but I'm not sure why. What was I expecting him to say? Why'd I get butterflies in the first place?
"Thanks dude." I turn to look out the window, the questions swirling around in my mind. Jerry starts the car and backs out of his spot. Fortunately, we make it out of the lot just before buses pull out.
"So are you glad to see Rachel?" He asks, turning the radio knob to our favorite rock station. The volume is very low, so we have background music as we converse. Just a little over a year ago, Jerry had his permit, but his anxiety kept him from being able to drive. The thought of him taking someone other than Kimi and talking to them never crossed our mind. But Jerry was determined to get his license, so he drove for hours with his aunt. He even passed the test the first time, although it was a few months before I came with him in the car alone. So to say that he can now drive, talk, and listen to music, is incredible. Jerry has improved so much since I've known him.
"Yeah…"I trail off and stare out my window. Rain droplets stream down the glass in different directions, and several move into the shape of a heart. The heart quickly falls apart, but I can't help but feel puzzled by what I just saw. Is it supposed to mean, and what? After all, since when do raindrops make an actual shape? Most of all, why a heart of all things?
Looking up, I catch that Jerry is singing under his breath. His voice is nearly inaudible, and my ears strain to catch the lyrics.
I recognize that he's singing Broken by Seether, one of my favorite songs. I sway back and fourth to his voice, not even caring that the fact it is a love song could mean something. I glance at my best friend when he takes a deep breath, and gasp: his eyes are painted with sadness and he's frowning. He is tapping his fingers repeatedly, a habit he does when troubled.
I lay my hand on his, ignoring the weird sparks that shoot up my arm. Instead of relaxing, Jerry takes my hand, squeezing it gently. I flinch and pull away out of instinct. Why does he want to hold my hand? Why did I do that in the first place? What was my gesture supposed to mean?
"Jerry?" I whisper. He doesn't respond, but I can tell he's still agitated. He pulls into the parking lot of Blue River Rehabilitation Center. Jerry turns the car off and glances at me briefly, not allowing our eyes to meet.
"Let's go in, shall we?" He says softly, his expression dark. I nod and we get out of the car. Once I'm situated with my crutches, the two of us head into the building.
xxXxx
Rachel is sitting on her bed, staring blankly at one of the white walls that surround her rom. The door creaks and she jumps, but upon glancing at Jerry and I, her expression lights up.
"Ava!" I move over and sit down in one of the armchairs. Rachel crawls into my lap and I hug her in greeting, knowing words are not necessary. She leans against my chest and I stroke her long brown hair. Right away I notice it doesn't have the usual soft feel; instead, her hair feels greasy and uncombed. The smell that radiates off her tells me it's been a while since she has had a shower. I press my hands against her sides and guess it's been a day-or more-since she last ate. Before I know it I am shivering, something that happens when I get really scared.
"Rachel, hey buddy. How are you?" I say, trying to keep my voice calm.
"Fine." The tone in her voice is hard and cold; her expression has changed once more. It doesn't take a genius to know she is lying.
"You sure?" I press. Rachel nods, but within seconds she is crying. I rub her back and murmur soothing words to her, all the while wondering how such pain can be in her heart.
"Are you Ms. Ava?" I freeze when a French accent breaks Rachel's soft whimpers and my words of comfort. Looking up, I recognize the woman as a nurse. Rachel, who also gathers this information, buries her head into my shoulder. Outside, another loud clash of thunder sounds, giving the room a gloomy feeling.
"Yes, nice to meet you. That's my friend, Jerry." I nod at Jerry, who is sitting quietly in the corner of the room. He smiles politely and receives a nod in return. Looking back, I eye the woman in suspicion. Why is Rachel so scared of her? The nurse has friendly green eyes and a tired but kind smile. So why is Rachel cowering in fear? The nurse moves closer to us, though she only goes to a cabinet. I watch her pull out medicine bottles and start to prepare something. Not looking at us, she speaks once more.
"You as well, Ms. Ava. My name is Lucy. I'm Rachel's main nurse." Lucy turns around and watches Rachel for a minute or two. Furrowing her eyebrows, she walks toward me and kneels next to my ear.
"Would you mind coming out in the hall for a second, dear? I need to talk to you." There is urgency in her voice so I accept and leave the ten year-old in the chair. Jerry comes over, knowing to watch over. Before leaving, I murmur to Rachel,
"I'll be right back, Hun. Jerry's going to be with you for a little bit, mkay?" Rachel signals that she heard and grabbing my crutches, I follow the nurse out of the room. I shut the door behind me.
"Why is Rachel afraid of you?" I demand before she can say anything. Lucy sighs.
"She's…afraid of us all. But Ava, it's not just that. Here's the thing: Rachel won't eat, she won't bathe, and she won't talk. We tried to force-feed her and she found a way to throw it back up. We are going to start injecting medicine into her because she refuses to take her pills. All she basically does is sit on her bed, getting up only to use the bathroom. It's scary, and we're going to take new steps to try and help her.
"However, Rachel talks to you. You're the first one she's talked to while here. She let you hug her. Alice and Lydia, her parents, didn't even receive that trust. I don't know what it is Ava-I have no clue why you're different-but you need to realize that it's crucial." Lucy stops for a second, probably to let me take this all in. Needless to say, I'm stunned, but I focus on Lucy and wait for her to continue.
"I know this is a huge request of me, but could you try and convince Rachel to do all of what she isn't-talking, eating, bathing? If she starts doing those things, then we will have taken one mighty step to recovery. Plus, it might have her open up to say, a doctor, and that will be the best thing. Of course, you can stop once that happens-though I think you will keep going- but right now you are our only hope, Ava." There is desperation in the nurse's voice. I don't even need to consider her request, nor do I hesitate.
"Of course I'll try." I promise. Lucy sighs with relief.
"Oh thank you so much. This could potentially save her life. Now, my first task for you is to make her eat. She's barely eaten a thing since she got here-heaven knows why-and it's making things so much harder. We're thinking she has a potential eating disorder, but it's hard to tell yet. Anyway, I'm going to have somebody bring up something in a little bit and I won't be in there since, ya know, she doesn't like me. If you can get her to eat this meal alone, then you have a victory right there. If you convince her to start eating again in general, you deserve a damn medal. Good luck sweetness and thank you so much. I'll be in this hallway-there's a button on Rachel's bed you can press if you need me." Lucy hugs me real tight, and I accept her hug reluctantly. Did I really just let them set Rachel's life in my hands?
I re-enter the room and spot Jerry sitting in one of the two chairs instead of on the floor this time. He's watching Rachel curiously. But the ten year-old is doing nothing. She's simply curled up on her bed, brown hair hanging over her face. She glances up at my arrival. I make my way back to where I had been sitting, pulling her into my lap again. Rachel seems less relaxed this time, almost like she doesn't want to be with me. I can tell she wants to say something, so I wait for her to speak.
"What did you talk about?" Inwardly I flinch at the bitterness in the ten year-old's voice.
"Well…Rachel, Lucy told me you haven't been doing anything since you came here, liking eating and talking. Is there a reason for that?" Rachel doesn't reply, nor does her expression falter.
"Rachel, listen to me. You need to eat and talk. You need to listen to them. That's the only way you can get out of here sooner, you here me? Don't you want to get out?" I must have said the right thing because Rachel bursts into tears again, and I figure it isn't because I was too harsh. I wipe away the tears gently and wrap my arms around her.
"Ava, I hate it here. Everything is so miserable. The doctors all say they understand, but they don't. They are lying. Ava please, can I leave with you? Please?" Rachel chokes these words out, her sobs overcoming the ability to speak.
"Shhh sweetheart. It'll be okay. They might not understand; most of them probably don't. But they want to. They want to understand; more than that, though, they want to help you. More than anything. Myself, your parents, the nurses-we all want those thoughts to leave, the thoughts that you can't seem to rid of. We all want the feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness to go away. Of course, we want you to come back as well. The only way that's going to happen, though, is if you do what they say."
"All I have to do is what they tell me to?"
"Yes, but don't lie. If you aren't feeling better but tell them the opposite, you may get out of here sooner, but it won't make you feel better. I want you to feel better, though, and so do the doctors. And it won't be easy, Rach, but I know you can do it. You are stronger than this. You will beat your depression." I tell her softly. Rachel looks at me. Her brown eyes are big, clouded with trust and love.
"Promise?" She whispers. I let go of our hug and place my hands on her shoulders. Looking straight in her eyes, I murmur the two words that will hopefully change her future.
"I promise."