It's the time that you totally screwed up
Still you're trying to get it out your brain
It's the fight you had when you didn't make up
It's the past that you're dying to change
It's all the money that you're saving
While the good life passes by
It's all the dreams that never came true
'Cause you're too damn scared to try.
Hit the lights
Let the music move you
Lose yourself tonight
Come alive
Let the moment take you
Lose control tonight
"Hit The Lights" – Selena Gomez
Chapter Ten: The Sweater
Bella POV
"So you just…" I laughed as Mitch poured flour from the bag into the bowl sitting on the counter...managing to get it all over the floor. I stood laughing beside him, flour all over his front. He has been coming by almost every day to "hang out" but I had a feeling there was more to it. Usually a pack member dropped him off and Paul would pick him up later that night.
Paul and I…well I still wasn't necessarily fond of him. And it was clear he felt the same. We had a mutual respect for each other though and that helped a lot. Right now though I was standing in my kitchen on Tuesday July 9th …three days since our run in with Victoria, showing Mitch how to bake banana chocolate chip muffins. He gave me a cheeky grin and I handed him a measuring cup and a spoon.
"You spoon it from the bag into the cup. It's much easier." I told him laughing and he "ooh-ed". I took the liberty of pouring the flour that made it into the bowl back into the bag, mentally patting myself on the back for using a new bowl just for flour so it wasn't mixed with other ingredients. As Mitch measured out four cups of flour I heard a knock on the door. I looked to the clock, 4pm. Way too early for Paul to be picking Mitch up. Opening the door I revealed Jake, Nigel and Paul. Nigel and Jake laughed immediately seeing my flour covered front and I just stuck my tongue out, leading into the kitchen.
"Holy man…what are you guys doing!?" I watched as Mitch blushed a bit, adding the third cup of flour into the bowl.
"Damn it! Was that three or four…" He asked desperately looking into the bowl, begging it for the answer. I laughed and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Relax, that's three." He sighed in relief and measured out the fourth cup.
"Well…I'm teaching Mitch to bake banana chocolate chip muffins." I told Nigel in response to his question and Mitch laughed.
"Yea but we decided to wear the ingredients instead." I laughed along with the guys as Jake and Paul sat at the table.
"So you're becoming a housewife." Paul asked, mocking his brother.
"Hey I'll take it!" Mitch laughed.
Paul POV
Mitch gave me a wink that Bella obviously missed and I shook my head. He's been telling me how great Bella is every night I pick him up from here, and now he's trying to get under my skin…in a way I'd only ever let Mitch get away with. Bella laughed and carefully rubbed her cheek, which was even darker today than yesterday. The bruising would start to fade soon but it's pretty black. No wonder…she basically slapped her face off of marble.
"Alright. Never let anyone interrupt you while you count because it's a total pain to recount. Ok?" Mitch nodded and Bella showed him how to mix together all the dry ingredients and then add the wet ingredients.
"Ok now we need the big muffin trays we bought today." He nodded and went to grab them from the dish rack and I laughed.
"You take him shopping too?" She smiled and shrugged.
"We needed a few things." She said and he turned to me.
"Yea don't be jealous." He told me and I just laughed. They began filling the huge trays as Nigel grabbed a drink from the fridge.
"So what are you guys doing here so early?" Bella asked and I looked to Jake. He just looked thrilled to be here. Nigel shrugged.
"Well we were patrolling but we really have nothing much to do right now. We could hear all the fun in here so we decided to drop by." She nodded.
"Ahhh so that's why you're all half clothed in my kitchen." She said dryly and I chuckled.
"It's also warm outside. Could be that!" I told her and she rolled her eyes.
"They're gross aren't they?" Mitch added and Bella laughed nodding.
"Just pitiful." She commented and we all laughed.
"Ok. So we put these in for 25-30 minutes but it's a good idea to check them at the 24/25 minute mark just incase your oven cooks them fast or slow. You can always add more time, you can't fix them if they're burnt." He nodded and sighed, brushing off his shirt.
"Man I should have brought a change." He said and Bella laughed, nodding.
"I'm sure we could find you something." She told him as she sat on the floor. I laughed and shook my head.
"You know, one of us could move if you'd like." I told her and Jacob jumped up immediately offering her seat. She looked at us and smiled kindly, shaking her head.
"No that's alright. I like sitting on the floor actually." I shrugged and let it go, the imprint telling me she really had no problem with it. I hated the connection I had with her…but as I watched Mitch sit beside her fiddling with her radio I seemed to not care what connection we had. For once…my man and my wolf seemed to be in balance. Mitch was happy and safe…my imprint was healing and socializing. I could keep an eye on both of them…it was like my two halves were finally in harmony and I couldn't help but sigh. She looked to me concerned and I just smiled. She could tell through the imprint that something needed her attention…and her eyes naturally found me. I didn't want her to depend on me though…that I was certain. No woman should ever think it's a good idea to depend on a Lahote. They'd get burned.
I mean…I make sure she's tended to and safe whether I'm the immediate cause or it's another pack member guarding her home but I force it to end there. I still go out and see other girls…I still have my fun. I don't let my mind get all caught up in what people think the imprint represents because I don't believe in it. As long as she is safe and my wolf is at peace, I live the bachelor lifestyle happily. Last night I was a bit late picking Mitch up from Bella's because I had been stopped by…Sharon? Suzy…Sandy? Someone like that. But…when Bella answered the door my wolf ached. He…he felt guilty. Looking into her deep brown eyes he knew what my man was doing wasn't necessarily right but I never asked for this choice to be made for me. And neither did Bella. I have the right to fuck who I please.
Of course…Sam spoke to me about my "womanizing" as he put it. He was surprised that the guilt wasn't crippling until he realized that Bella and I don't really have a strong connection. She's never asked me to be her anything. Not a lover, a boyfriend…not even a friend. We are acquaintances really…and that's where the imprint obligations ended. I'm not committed to her in any way shape or form…other than to protect her from harm. Now that her and Mitch have hit it off so well it's a lot easier on me to keep them both from harms way so I don't mind that part. I just don't appreciate the looks my pack brothers give me when I live like the single guy I am. Sam speculates though that it will get a lot harder once Bella establishes a connection. Friendship or whatever. I don't really see us being chummy though so I'm not too concerned. Bella jumped in shock as Mitch turned the radio on and music filled the kitchen.
"Mitch no! Turn that off." Jake instructed and he looked at us confused.
"Bella doesn't like music, Mitch." Nigel told him gently and Bella shook her head.
"Let him be guys. Mitch if you want the radio on, I'm ok with that." Jacob looked to her shocked. Apparently I was out of the loop. Was it that big of a deal? Mitch looked to Bella uncertain and she smiled to him and nodded.
"It's alright Mitch, really." He nodded and stood, helping Bella up as well and they got to cleaning up the mess they had made.
"Those muffins smell pretty good guys." Nigel said, breaking the tension. I could tell Bella was relieved to be off the topic of music and her distaste for it.
"Well we may or may not have baked them for the pack." Bella said coyly and we all tensed.
"Don't…don't joke about that woman." I told her and she laughed.
"You guys act like food is the be all end all." She said and I stood up, watching her seriously.
"Isabella Swan. Are those muffins for us." I demanded sternly and she laughed even more.
"Depends on how nice you are to me." She said, sweeping up flour. Nigel went over to her, grabbed the broom from her and handed it to Jacob while I picked her up and put her in the chair I had just vacated. We began cleaning up the kitchen for her and she just laughed.
"Wellllll alright. They're for you." I grinned to Nigel and Jacob did a dance.
"Can't lie Bella. I've missed your cooking." He said and she laughed without humour.
"Yea I bet you do." She told him and even though it sounded pleasant, I could tell there was annoyance behind it. I laughed at Jake's face and Bella sighed.
"Relax Jacob. You're growing on me again. But you're still on the list." He chuckled and shook his head.
"Ahhh the list." He said.
"What's the list?" Mitch asked and Jake shrugged.
"A list of people walking on thin ice with her patience." I laughed as I wiped the counter down.
"And top of that list?" I asked. Nigel laughed.
"Paul Lahote maybe?" Nigel said and she laughed this time shaking her head.
"Nah…he's third." I chuckled.
"Only third? Who's above me?" She sighed and put her feet on the chair beside her.
"Well second is anyone that listens to talk radio." I had to laugh at that.
"And first is Edward Cullen." She told us and I stopped laughing. I knew she didn't need to be coddled but I was just as surprised as the guys to hear her say his full name.
"Can you really hold a grudge on a vampire?" Mitch asked and Bella laughed at that.
"Well…you can try." She said as he sat across from her.
"Hey Bella, where is your little fan you keep around here?" Jacob asked and internally I hated that he knew her house like the back of his hand. It was innocent on her part…not as much his. Not that I cared…my wolf did though.
"Uhh…it's in my room, why?" He nodded.
"It's getting a bit warm in here from having the oven on. I'll go grab-" but I cut him off.
"I got it." I said in a definitive tone. No way my wolf was letting Jacob Black put his scent in her bedroom. I went up the stairs and followed her scent to her door and opened it. It was kind of a mess…which I liked. It was lived in. The sheets were tangled to one side of the bed, showing me that she had another nightmare last night. I sighed, seeing the fan. I went to grab it and saw something that made me pause. My sweater…the navy one I had given her a few weeks ago. There it was up by her pillow. I picked it up and smelled it…it hung heavy with her scent. It made my wolf falter a bit and I couldn't help but sit down on the bed, looking at the sweater in my hands. It no longer smelled like me…but one thing I knew. She slept with it…every night. She had to for it to smell so strongly of her. I felt my wolf howl for joy and my insides flutter a bit. I soothed her…or at least…I did when the sweater smelled like me. I sighed, putting it back in its place, getting an idea. I grabbed the fan and closed the door again, going back down the stairs.
"This one?" I asked and she nodded. I plugged it in and placed it so it was blowing the hot air out the open window on the kitchen door.
"Well boys. We should get back to work. These muffins better be waiting for us when we're done!" Nigel said and Bella laughed, nodding.
"They will be. You guys did a fantastic job on my kitchen! Thank you! That calls for extra muffins." She said as she pulled more batter out of the fridge. Jacob did another dance and I gave Mitch a nudge.
"Don't eat them all. I know where you live!" He chuckled and shoved me from the kitchen.
"Whatever, get out of here." He joked and I ruffled his hair, which still hung thick with flour, and left the house with the guys. We jogged to the tree line before we phased.
"Someone's becoming awfully nice." Nigel thought and I just huffed.
"Shut it." I told him. They just chuckled as I pushed myself faster than them. Couldn't a guy catch a break?
Bella POV
"So what's up with the music Bella?" Mitch asked me as we put the second batch of muffins into the oven. I sighed, hearing another song come on the radio.
"I don't know Mitchie… it's a long story." He nudged me in a comforting way and gave me a smile.
"You know…you're right. I'm tired of the little things I always feel I need to hide. They aren't here anymore… I deserve to confide in someone." He kept his eyes on the muffin tin he was filling, which I appreciated. I sighed.
"See…Edward. He…he was very musically gifted. He wrote me this song on his piano…it was called Bella's Lullaby. I just…I used to play it on repeat…it was beautiful. Music was something we could share and enjoy together." I finished flatly. He nodded silently, knowing there was more to be said. But in truth…I wasn't sure what else to say.
"I miss it." I whispered. He turned to me and sighed.
"See what you just said?" I looked at him blankly. He smiled softly.
"You miss it. Not him…not them…it." I thought for a moment…did I miss Edward? Yes…of course I did.
"You never speak kindly of him. You always talk about what upsets you or frustrates you…but never the good times. So…what could you possibly miss?" I thought for another long moment about it. We filled the trays and put them in the oven, putting the other muffins on a rack to cool. We sat down, Mitch with a fresh, warm muffin in front of him.
Am I happy? Yes…to an extent. Could I be happier? Absolutely. I wish Victoria wasn't a problem…I wish the pack didn't need to protect me and put themselves in danger. I wish I could stop having nightmares every night and stop worrying my dad. I wish Jake and I were on better terms…I wish I had a life plan…I wish I could forget them…I wish the navy sweater upstairs still smelled like Paul…
"I miss feeling like…I'm apart of something more. I've never had a big warm family…and I guess…when they were here I felt loved." I confided and I heard a sniffle from across the table. I looked up from my hands and saw Mitch's eyes had clouded, though he refused to give in.
"I…uh…I-I can understand that." I put my hand on his and gave him a curious look. He looked like he was debating with himself for a few moments but finally something in his eyes clicked.
"The Lahote residence isn't a very loving one, Bella. It's…it's just hollow and empty." I stayed quiet, like he had done for me and let him continue.
"I just… I guess I can relate." I thought for a moment.
"But you and Paul seem so close." I told him quietly and he nodded brightly.
"Oh we are! I don't know…he puts on this rough exterior. I know he comes off like a total asshole most days…but inside…he's just as lost as I am...don't repeat that. You didn't hear it from me." He told me aggressively and I stifled a smile. "But…he's all I have. We never really had parents…or a home…we've never really experienced love." He said quietly…embarrassed almost. I gave his hand a squeeze, causing him to look up to me.
"Hey. You are always welcome here…both of you. I mean that…if you ever need anything..." He just kept his gaze down. I got up from the table and knelt beside his chair.
"Mitch. Any time. If I've ever met anyone that deserves to feel wanted…it's someone as sweet as you are. Alright? Just call me…or show up…you're always invited." He smiled to me as the oven beeped and I winked to him. He got up to take out the muffins and I remembered the cd that was still in my radio/cd player. I switched the settings and the cd began to play and smiled. Singing along as I helped him put the muffins onto a cooling rack.
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath / Scared to rock the boat and make a mess / So I sat quietly, agreed politely / I guess that I forgot I had a choice / I let you push me past the breaking point / I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
I gave him a sideways glance and smirked as he shook his head laughing. I nudged him.
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) / Already brushing off the dust / You hear my voice, you hear that sound / Like thunder gonna shake the ground / You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) / Get ready cause I've had enough / I see it all, I see it now
I watched as he started to loosen up a bit and laughed as I sang and pranced around the kitchen, putting more batter in the muffin tins.
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire / Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar / Louder, louder than a lion / Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / You're gonna hear me roar
I started bumping into him as I sang and to my surprise, he knew the words. He sang along in the next verse.
Now I'm floating like a butterfly / Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
He sang, unbelievably well, pointing to the scar on my wrist.
I went from zero, to my own hero / You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) / Already brushing off the dust / You hear my voice, you hear that sound / Like thunder gonna shake the ground / You held me down, but I got up (HEY!) / Get ready 'cause I've had enough / I see it all, I see it now
We both grinned as we maintained the full on dance party erupting in my kitchen as we belted out the chorus. I laughed and turned to him.
"Wow! Where'd the voice come from!?" He blushed hard under his dark skin and threw a little bit of batter onto my exposed arm.
"Don't get bashful!" I told him and tossed a bit of batter at him. Before you knew it…a full-fledged muffin batter war had broken out in my kitchen as we screamed lyrics at each other as we let out some pent up aggression.
Roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or, roar-or
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire / 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar / Louder, louder than a lion / 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / You're gonna hear me roar / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / You'll hear me roar / Oh oh oh oh oh oh / You're gonna hear me roar...
Paul POV
I came to pick Mitch up at about 10:30 tonight…which is much later…but this time my wolf liked my excuse. I pulled into the driveway to see Mitch and Bella sitting on the front step talking and laughing, Charlie's cruiser no where in sight.
"Whatcha doing sitting out here? Don't you know it's raining?" I laughed as I jogged to the covered porch. Mitch beamed up to me…kid looked like he'd had a cleanse. Bella just laughed.
"Wellllll it's better than being inside right now." She told me and Mitch busted up laughing.
"Yea, yea, you started it!" She nudged him, only to produce more laughing.
"She's right!" I just watched the two interact confused. Bella sighed.
"Want a muffin?" She asked and I couldn't help it as my face broke into a grin. She just laughed, standing up. I now noticed that she was covered in…something. So was Mitch.
"What are you…holy shit…" I trailed off as I followed them into the kitchen.
"What happened in here?!" Bella just laughed as she handed me a muffin.
"Mitchie started it." She said bluntly and he grinned to me like he had made some big accomplishment.
"Mitch…what did you do to Bella's kitchen?" He just laughed.
"Mitch it's not funny. You need to clean this up…" but Bella only scoffed.
"Are you joking? It was fantastic. I mean…less muffins for you guys…but more fun for us!" I just looked at her in disbelief.
"Bella. Your kitchen is trashed." I told her and she waved her hand at me.
"No matter. It's a project for tomorrow. Right kid?" Mitch nodded, taking another bite of his muffin. I just laughed and took a bite of the muffin Bella gave me. It was fucking good.
"You women did a good job." Mitch nudged me.
"Hey whatever. You're just jealous because you had to work while we baked muffins and had dance parties." My eyes widened as he walked past me to get his bag.
"Dance parties?! Bella. I want to keep my brother." She just smiled, a light in her eyes that wasn't there before. I couldn't keep my wolf from warming.
"Get ready to go Mitch. You need your beauty rest for makeovers tomorrow. And cleaning this kitchen!" I called as he hugged Bella goodbye and ran out to the car. I shook my head and turned back to Bella.
"You…you have batter…" I pulled a chuck from her curled hair and put it on the counter with the rest of the batter. "Everywhere…" I finished lamely and she laughed.
"Yea but it was fun. We both needed to let out some pent up aggression apparently. I just chuckled. I'm sure that was true.
"Thanks…for spending time with him. He seems happier the days he comes here." I told her honestly. When Mitch was involved…I didn't mind opening up a bit. She smiled to me.
"He's welcome anytime." I chuckled.
"Don't tell him that, I'm sure he'd never leave." She just laughed and handed me a large container.
"These are for you a Mitch to share. The rest are for the pack." I looked to her shocked by her kindness.
"I wasn't expecting our own batch." I told her honestly and she shrugged.
"Mitch helped! You guys enjoy them."
"Thanks…" I told her as we walked to the door.
"Oh! Before I forget. Did you have that sweater I loaned you a few weeks ago?" I saw a blush creep onto her face as she nodded.
"Yea, just a sec." She went to her room and I could hear her shuffling around locating it. She was silent for a few moments before coming back down hesitantly.
"Sorry…it must have slipped my mind." I shrugged.
"That's no problem. Here." I told her, pulling my green hoodie over my head. I handed it to her and slipped the navy one on. She just looked to me curiously.
"Thought maybe you'd like a swap." She blushed hard this time and I chuckled a bit. The silence was awkward…but my wolf loved it.
"You…you know more than you let on…don't you?" She stumbled through her words and I sighed.
"Whatever keeps the nightmares away." I told her softly. Her eyes met mine with such intensity as they filled with tears and I knew that was my cue. My man couldn't handle a crying woman this close and there's no telling what my wolf would do when that woman was Bella.
"Get a good sleep. I'll drop Mitch off tomorrow around eleven…like usual?" She could only nod and I said my quiet goodbye as I went out the front door to my car. Mitch sat waiting for me in the passenger seat.
We were silent much of the way home before he spoke.
"You know…I'm not saying an imprint means love…and I'm not telling you to decide your life right now…but…Bella's amazing. And she makes me feel better. A lot better. Just…get to know her. Don't write her off like he did." I looked to him.
"He who?" I asked and he sighed in annoyance.
"Vampire boy. Edward Cullen. He just…tossed her aside like she was nothing. Don't…don't do that to her. If you'd just try…I know you'd enjoy being around her. Even just as friends…she'd be good for you Paul. I know she would." I turned my attention back to the road and sighed. My wolf ached for my man to just give in and spend more time with her but…in truth…she's too good for me. And I'd never ruin her like he did. And the best way for me to keep her safe…is to keep my distance. No matter how amazing my navy sweater smelled…and no matter how much it soothed my wolf. I was ashamed to admit it…but I'd be sleeping with this sweater tonight.
Bella POV
I made my way into bed, fresh from my hot shower. I left the kitchen in the horrendous state it was in until morning. I'd get up early and clean it. I went to put on my pajamas when I saw Paul's sweater laying on my bed where I had left it. I had been mortified to find out he knew I slept with his sweater…but part of me didn't care. It helped…and he seemed to know that too. I tossed my pj tee on the floor and slipped into shorts and the sweater as I curled into bed. The room echoed with the smell of him. Not only had he been in here earlier but…I could smell him on my sheets…and I was surrounded by him in his sweater. He knew he was giving it to me…and yet he still wore it here. 'Bella slow it down.' I told myself…but I couldn't help it. He made me crazy. He made me angry and frustrated…he was moody to no end. But…he made me feel better. He made me feel warm and safe…like I belonged.
That night I slept peacefully with no nightmares to haunt me. I woke feeling refreshed and new…
New in a sense that…my life was full of music again. It was full of pain and despair yes…but also hope…meaning…freedom. I felt alive for the first time in a long time and I knew things would get better. I knew all of this…as I lay here…in his sweater.
There you go guys! Sorry for the delay, I should be able to update more often now that I have a schedule for homework and such! Review, review, review!