Chapter 10: The Green Eyed Monster

Alex

It was meant to be a secret.

It was meant to be a distraction.

It was meant to be brief.

Funny how so few things ever turn out how we initially plan.

Without paying much thought to the eventual consequences, I set out to make things obvious in the least obvious way I could.

It didn't take long for Olivia to catch on. She's not obtuse, and I wasn't all that surreptitious .

I started in conversation. Making idle, passing comments about Casey, gauging the other woman's reaction. Olivia was nothing if not cagey, but there was still a spark, something flickering behind those ambivalent dark brown eyes.

Olivia didn't want to give anything away, still, I saw how her teeth set on edge when I mentioned Casey's name. When she asked me why I looked so happy in the morning and I made it known it was the salacious events of the night before which had imbued me with that tell tale glow. But things were moving too slow.

Impatience is one of my few vices.

I decided Olivia needed a… "visual aid" so to speak.

I recall Casey stood in front of my floor standing mirror, muttering hushed obscenities as she tried in vain to rub off unmistakable red brands my attentions had left on her neck the night before, calculatedly high so as to thwart easy cover up with a turtleneck or scarf. I had commented that she hadn't protested so hard last night when I was making those marks. She shot back a taut smirk from the corner of her lips, and I knew if it wasn't for my elevated position in our joint workplace hierarchy, she would have complained more ardently.

That was phase one of, shall we say for lack of a better analogy, 'marking my territory'.

Phase two. Well, that was a little less subtle.

Alex thought it was adorable. It seemed almost a shame to distract her.

Casey's face was a study in concentration as she crouched, poised, bat tightly gripped in a practiced stance. An abrupt 'pop' sounded, the ball moved so quickly Alex didn't even catch a glimpse of it before Casey swung, connecting with the luminous yellow sphere, sending it careening back to sender.

The batting cages were empty spare herself and the other lawyer at this hour, meaning no one else was around to witness her staring, but as much as Alex was tempted to just hang back and keep watching, it struck her as slightly voyeuristic. And alas, she had a plan (which had been thrown together quickly due to opportunity) to set into action.

"Casey!" She called out. The red head started, lowering her bat and looking about puzzled before sighting Alex. She nodded her greeting, and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a word, the pitching machine fired again, taking Casey unawares.

"Shit!" Casey spat, followed by a string of progressively less ladylike epithets as she swiftly brought a hand up to her ribs, which had taken the brunt of the force from the unexpected softball.

Alex gave an embarrassed wince as she jogged over as quick as her heels would allow. By the time she had reached the cage, Casey had exited it, perhaps to avoid any further injury.

"Sorry," Alex said, affecting her most ingratiating smile, "I…uh…didn't think I'd distract you so much."

Casey was still scowling and rubbing at her side, "hey, don't flatter yourself, you called my name, I turned around."

"Someone's grumpy," Alex said, taking a step nearer, slipping her hands up Casey's shirt and soothingly petting her injured ribs, "tough day at the office?"

The other woman seemed to soften her deportment, relaxing with Alex's gentle touch, "it's my boss, lately she's just been riding me non-stop," Casey said with a cheeky smirk.

Alex returned the smile, giving Casey a playful squeeze, "what, Cabot? I've heard she can be a total bitch. Though I've heard she's hot. And amazing in bed,"

"I wouldn't believe those rumours, apparently she's not so hot in person" Casey said, "and one of the girls in the office slept with her, she described the experience as distinctly average."

Alex's eyebrows shot up, "average? Hmmmm, lets see if we can't dispel that particular rumour…" her words trailed off as she pushed Casey up against the wire fence, taking the younger attorney's mouth with a rough, dominant kiss.

Olivia let out a long, satisfying yawn as she coasted through the Manhattan streets in her beat up old Volvo. As per usual, it had been a damn long day. Elliot was already at home, having pulled several consecutive all-nighters. Despite both living, and working together (same department, no longer as partners, Cragen had put the kibosh on that the second he got wind that there might be something between the two) Olivia felt like they barely saw each other. In a lot of ways, that had been a blessing. Just lately, she and Elliot hadn't been getting on. Not rowing, so much as having so little to say to one another that things got tense.

It was strange, Olivia had been able to talk to Elliot for hours when they were partners, and the time they spent together always seemed too short. These days, she was glad of a distraction, and the excuses work afforded her. She figured that was how marriages went. Spend enough time with anyone and you'll exhaust most conversation topics. Not that she had anything to compare it to. Elliot had been married before, but Olivia figured broaching the topic "is marriage supposed to be this dull?" with him might raise alarm bells. Nonetheless, it was a thought for another time. Technically, she was still on the clock, and likely wouldn't be heading home until Elliot was on his way out again, further delaying the need to address the issue.

She checked her cell as she pulled up outside the sports complex. She'd got the address right, but she was puzzled as to why Alex had requested she meet her at this location to discuss a running case. She had never figured Alex for the sporting type, that was more Novak's bag. And what was wrong with a coffee place? God, she didn't need to start thinking about coffee…

Jamming her cell back into her jacket pocket, Olivia trudged into the complex.

After getting Alex's voicemail twice, Olivia figured she'd just take a walk around the place and try to manually locate the absent attorney. It wasn't a huge complex, and if she didn't run into Alex within five minutes she fully intended on walking straight back out again.

If whatever development was so damned important, Alex would have to learn to answer her cell.

She wandered into the batting cages, and at first, she thought it was empty. Then she heard a sound, hushed voices. Familiar voices.

Olivia walked quietly, following the source of the sounds.

Casey managed to make a space between herself an the other lawyer to catch her breath,

"Alex, I don't think we should be doing this here," Casey said breathlessly, sounding as firm as she could with Alex's body pressed against hers, her lips redirecting their attentions to her neck.

"I think we agreed that I would select the place and time," Alex said, in her best school teacher voice, which, to her considerable consternation, Casey happened to rather like, "and I choose here, and now."

"But it's a little public, plus I don't exactly feel sexy in my softball gear…"

Alex shrugged, "well, sweatpants do have their advantages…like, no zippers to fumble with…" Alex's words trailed off as she took advantage of this easy entrance by sliding her hand down the waistband of Casey's blue cotton joggers.

Before she could get any further, both were shocked by a loud, deliberate,

"Ahem!"

Alex jumped back from Casey, revealing Olivia stationed behind them, hands in pockets, staring dutifully at the ceiling.

"Olivia, hi," Casey rambled, "we were just…um…Alex needed something so she came down here to…um…find it."

"Was that something in your pants Casey?" Olivia asked, cracking a slight smile, "if I've interrupted something, I can come back later."

"Sorry Liv," Alex said, likely realizing Casey had turned bright red and mute all of a sudden and likely would not be contributing much more to the conversation, "I forgot I'd called you, you needed a warrant, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm guessing you don't have it…" Olivia said, roughing the back of her hair furtively.

"Sure I do," Alex said, remaining remarkably unabashed despite the other two womens obvious discomfiture.

Alex withdrew a folded blue document from her jacket, handing it to the Detective.

"Thanks," Olivia said, tucking the papers into her jacket before hurriedly turning on her heel, "I better get going, see you both tomorrow," she called back over her shoulder, without looking back.

Casey watched the Detective depart, puzzled.

Sure, the situation was awkward, multiplied by infinity. But Casey knew Olivia. It normally took more than a couple of lawyers engaging in what likely constituted public indecency to rattle her.

Almost accidentally, she said aloud, "what was that about?"

Alex shrugged, "what's the matter Novak? Hoping she's stick around, maybe join in?"

Casey narrowed her eyes, "humour: not your strong point."

"Oh unclench Casey, I'm teasing you," Alex said with a wicked smile.

Olivia

Alex and Casey.

Casey and Alex.

The two names together stuck in my throat as I rested my forehead against the steering wheel that night.

I must have sat in my car in the parking lot for half an hour after my sojourn with the lawyers, my head spinning.

I went home and I let Elliot fuck me. I use that phrasing because I wasn't an active participant. He'd rolled over, placed a hand on my back. His way of testing the water. I'd obliged, encourage, then lay under him while he did what he needed, and made all the right noises, but my mind was elsewhere.

It didn't make sense, I knew Alex was sleeping with Casey, she had made that abundantly clear, in ways so obvious it felt like she was rubbing my nose in it at times.

But I shrugged it off, I guess I've never had the best imagination, but catching those two together irrevocably placed that image into my head.

It stuck.

And I came unstuck.

Weeks went by since Olivia had caught Alex and Casey in a compromising position. And it had been weeks since she could look either of them in the eye. Casey had noticed. Olivia could tell. The lawyer was perceptive. When they conversed, Olivia kept it curt, and Casey had squinted her eyes, pausing, cocking her head a little, the cogs turning. She was trying to figure out what she'd done wrong.

Trouble is, she hadn't. Casey was entitled to screw whoever she liked. It was Olivia who had obligations.

She sat alone in the little house she and Elliot shared, aimlessly flicking TV channels. It was late evening and Elliot was away at a course, some mandatory health and safety bullshit. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Instinctively, she grabbed her cellphone, and cautiously peeping through the window. The instantly recognizable tall form of Casey Novak stood on her porch, fidgeting with the zipper on her jacket.

She opened the door.

"Casey? It's late," Olivia said, stepping aside to let her in anyhow.

Casey strode in, and Olivia followed her to the living room. Casey sat on the sofa and Olivia perched next to her.

"We need to talk," Casey said, looking straight ahead resolutely at the fireplace.

"About what?"

Casey turned to her, green eyes smouldering, "about why we don't talk anymore."

"We're talking now," Olivia said. She knew that was a cop out, but this wasn't a conversation she wanted to have. She wondered why she hadn't just ignored the door.

"You've been off with me, I want to know why," Casey said, voice firm. Olivia couldn't hold her gaze.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Olivia lied.

"Ask me." Casey said.

Olivia stood up, beginning to pace. Her heart was beginning to race, and she begged her mouth to know when to bite her tongue so she didn't spill out the secret she'd been carrying around the last few weeks, "ask you what?"

"You know what, I can see it, ever since you saw me and Alex…" Casey's words faded off.

"Saw you and Alex what? Necking like teenagers in the sports center?" Olivia said, sounding slightly angrier than she meant to.

Casey stood up too, placing herself in Olivia's pacing path, "why Olivia?"

"Why what?" Olivia sighed. This conversation was not meant to happen. What does an ostrich do if it buries its head in the sand, and then someone comes along and digs it up? Casey had the shovel and was quickly digging away at Olivia's comfortable hidey-hole from reality.

"Why are you mad at me?" Casey pressed.

"I'm not mad at you," Olivia said softly.

"Then why can't you even look me in the eyes anymore, huh?" Casey said, "why does it bother you?"

Olivia sighed, defeated, "it just bothers me. I'm not angry though."

Casey moved closer, placing a hand on Olivia's shoulder, "why are you avoiding me then?"

"I'm not mad, I'm hurt."

Casey's brows flexed, "hurt?"

Olivia swept Casey's hand from her shoulder and slumped down on the sofa, "yeah. I know I have no right to feel that way, but I do, I'm sorry."

Casey's expression was unreadable, "so, what? You don't want me to see Alex anymore? Is that it? Is it because she's your friend?"

"It's not that," Olivia said.

Casey flopped down on the sofa next to her, staring at the ceiling fan, "what do you want then?"

"I wish to god I knew," Olivia said, placing her hands over her face.

Casey gave a deep sigh, and then spoke slowly and deliberately, "why Liv. Why does seeing me with Alex hurt you?"

Olivia couldn't hold it in anymore, "because when I saw her kissing you, touching you, all I could think about is how much I wished it was me."

Casey

I hadn't gone over to Olivia's that night with the intention of sleeping with her.

She had been ignoring me, and I wanted clarity.

I got a whole lot more than clarity. I still don't remember who moved toward the other first, but I remember the next morning like it was yesterday. It was one of the best in my life.