Freedom with Forgiveness

Kakashi was cold all of the sudden, shivering despite the long sleeves he wore. Blurred edges of an already swirling reality started closing in on him. The vision was starting again. This time he could feel the quickening in his pulse, the shallow way his breath suddenly seemed to burn in his throat. A fire filled cough tore through his esophagus to bring blood dribbling down his chapped lips. Heat sizzled the cold sweat on his skin. He thought briefly of how Sasuke had endured this, and wondered if the man was living.

Kakashi was indisputably sick. And it was just as indisputable that this man was killing him.

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Sakura held tightly onto Sasuke's cold hand. His fingers were limp in hers, the color long since drained from his cheeks. The clammy sweat that had encompassed his skin in his last days was drying, effectively permeating the room with the rank of lost life. Despite the depression that smothered her heart, Sakura could not help the relief his peaceful face induced. In his last moments, she had been freed just as surely as he had been.

Earlier….

Shizune had crashed through Sakura's office with panicked eyes and shaking hands. Fearing for the worst, the pink haired medic immediately rushed from her desk. As soon as she passed her office's threshold she turned towards Kakashi's room only to be yanked the other direction. It was with dread that Sakura realized it was not her silver haired conundrum that was in danger. Sasuke had gotten steadily worse in his time in the hospital. With few visitors and even fewer improvements, Sakura had been forced by his side on more occasions than she could count.

Most of the other nurses refused to care for him. He was considered at best a traitor, at worst a mass murderer. They felt more than justified to sneer their noses at him and let him rot alone on the bed. Even those that felt obligated to give him medical attention did so without any regards to their bedside manner. His services had been found beyond lacking.

When Sakura had pushed open the curtain that gave him a semblance of privacy it was with the knowledge that she would be unlikely to save him. His groans could be heard down the hallway and his body was already convulsing on his bed. The restraints on his arms were more to protect him from himself than to keep him held anywhere. They had already bandaged his hands and face once when he'd broken the bindings. Despite all the precautions, he had managed to only grow progressively more unstable.

Naruto and Tsunade were already standing beside his writhing form. Naruto's irises were surrounded by the visible white of his eyes, his knuckles wrapped white skinned around the railings that held Sasuke down.

"Sakura, he's so… hurt…" It was strange to see Naruto at a loss. She had managed to ignore the fear in his expression and had maneuvered around him to reach Sasuke. She had forced herself to shove all his transgressions away and place him on the same level of every other patient.

"Tsunade, why haven't you been stabilizing his vitals? His blood pressure has sky-rocketed, his heart rate and his breathing are erratic. Traitor or not, he's a patient of our hospital." She didn't pause to see the tears that had started to fall from her mentor's face.

"Sakura, there's nothing we can do. I didn't call you here to save him. Even if we stabilize his physical body, his mental recovery is impossible. He is already far too gone for even me to reach. I have no family to call in, so I brought the closest I could to make peace and to sign off on the release of his medical care." It was only then that Naruto and she turned to see the clipboard held against Tsunade's abdomen.

"We can save him, Tsunade. This isn't unbeatable!" Hysteria had already clawed its way to cloud sound judgment.

"Sakura, he was already dying when we brought him into the village. The illness had already stolen his mind and attacked his health." Something icy and detached had settled into the usually emotional boy's voice. All fight had left him. "We can't let him suffer anymore. He wouldn't want to live as a nutcase. You know that." With that, Naruto turned and signed the waiver.

Numbly, she watched him walk to the edge of the curtain. Sasuke shook again and a piercing scream stopped her old friend before he had fully left his team. It was no wonder, as the name so desperately cried had been none other than his own. The disbelief and anger that had already began building in her chest at Naruto's lack of faith melted when he turned to reveal a face dripping with silent sobs. In true fashion, he crashed his thrashing friend into a tight embrace. With jumbled apologies and forgivenesses, Naruto settled his turmoil with his childhood friend. It appeared to calm the dark haired avenger, though it did nothing for his vitals.

Tsunade had gotten all she needed. With a signature, she could do whatever she saw fit and humane for the victim. Sakura had no say in the matter now. It appeared that even the Angel of Death had a heart, however. Before leaving Sakura to make her own peace, Tsunade had leaned in and stroked the young man's cheek with a whispered assurance that Konoha would have eventually forgiven him if he had only come home. The screaming and shaking had stopped, though now a pulse that had been climbing began to drastically fall. It appeared the less there was to tangle his mind in the web of disease, the more his tired body let go. Though she hated to admit it, nothing but selfishness and anger petrified her tongue. How could she forgive this man who had done so much? How could she let him escape to a possibly better fate outside of this hell he lived in when he had caused so much hell for her?

A sick feeling welled in her stomach as she remembered his sins. A stolen kiss hesitantly returned. A hand roaming up her thigh, a mouth trailing a wet line down her neck. The fear as she pushed against him. The screaming NO! in her mind and the whimper that slithered from her chords at the grasp invading her most personal space. Rough hands pulled insensitively at her breasts. Even her strangled protests did not bring any relent to the onslaught of unwanted sensations. It wasn't until she remembered her strength; her training that she managed to put her assailant out cold. The alcohol on his breath had been no excuse for the trust he had betrayed. And his cowardly flee from town had done nothing to put him back in her good graces.

She had lost the joy of close contact after that. Every attempt had brought only the feeling of panic and helplessness. As she sat here now, defeated by loss, she wrestled with this memory of him in her mind. They said to forgive and forget was freedom. Yet, she knew without a doubt that that night would haunt her long after he was beyond the reaches of worldly guilt.

Could she live with herself should she let him die without knowing she had at least tried to settle their past? It was solely on her shoulders. He had already been tortured by guilt and images that she could not imagine for months. Could he be punished any more than he already had been?

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to think beyond the moment. To see herself sitting at his funeral, to look Naruto in the eyes, to move on in her life knowing that she had refused to grant him a dying favor. She found a shadow of guilt, a hindrance to every waking moment and every attempt at joy. In her future she saw the shackles of a past mistake holding her prisoner to this moment, this decision.

Though it was hard, she realized the future was much more difficult if she continued on her current choice. So with an unsteady breath and tears in her eyes she turned towards the tormentor of her nightmares. There was a tremor in her voice as she leaned close to his ear, whispering a soothing reassurance. His rasping breath was slowing already, his heartbeat still dropping. He was just seconds from death. To seize this moment she was going to have to scrounge up her courage and face down the demons for both of them.

"Sasuke, I don't know if any of this is reaching you. I just want you to know… I just want you to know that despite everything, I forgive you. I will miss you. Please, rest well." And with the final thread cut, she heard the drone of the heart monitor.

This was how they found her, clinging on to the limp hand of her lost team mate. She had glanced up to see the look of calculation on Naruto's face. He had come with more bad news, she could tell. And she knew there was only one other fate that could bring her down farther.

"Please, tell me there's hope." Her weary and watery jade gaze begged nothing but honesty from her old friend.

"We don't know, Sakura. He's missing. And so is Ibiki." Icy fingers of dread slid down her spine. Ibiki had claimed almost two days ago that he was visiting Kakashi for research. Although it had annoyed her, she had understood and allowed him the briefest of visits. She had decided today that due to his deteriorating state after each scheduled drop in of the torture master of Konoha that he would no longer be allowed. Whatever questions he asked seemed only to distress her patient. She was perfectly within her rights. Besides, something about Ibiki's interest sent a suspicious chill across her shoulders. Now she knew why. She could only hope she wasn't too late.