Authors Note: Oh my days! I know, I know it's been ages, years in fact but I've finally decided to write this again. For those who are new to this PLEASE don't take it too seriously this is my personal fluff, my little bit of crazy anime you know? I was watching this Japanese show called "Hana Kimi" and I died laughing through out the series and it reminded me so much of the fuckery I wrote in here that I just had to update again.
So enjoy and remember, this ish is just for laughs.
Thank you for your time.
Griffen
"Linn?"
Thorn clutched onto her arm in obvious trepidation as they stood in front of the entrance to Platform 9 and ¾. Trey and Ronny were staring at her with slack jaws as they tried to comprehend what she had just said.
"Just walk through it"
She repeated with a huff. Trey shook himself out of his stupor and stepped infront of her with his hands on his hips.
"I'm been in this train station more times than Thorn has had sex"
Thorn giggled quite shamefully at the thought but he continued.
"And I have never seen anyone walk into a this bloody column, just how in the dark are us muggles huh? What exactly have you wizarding folk been hiding from us?"
She sighed in annoyance and looked at him square in the eye, he stiffened at this not really ready to face crazy Hermione just yet, he had forgotten who he was speaking to it seemed.
".. OR WE'LL MISS OUR BLOODY TRAIN!"
She screeched. Thorn had already abandoned her side and had latched onto to Ronnys the moment she raised her voice, and Trey now stood in front of her quite sheepishly trying to ignore the laughing gazes of the rude Londoners that passed them by.
"Alright, alright don't get your knickers in a twist"
"Bet you she's not wearing any" Thorn snickered into Ronny's ear and they both shared a forbidden moment of joviality that was quickly destroyed by Hermione's thunderous gaze.
"Walk through it, we got it"
Thorn jumped out from behind his shelter and flicked his long dark hair over his shoulder and repositioned his LV messenger over his shoulder. He cocked his hips to the side and begun to sway towards the column, without a word to the rest of them he dived and promptly disappeared from sight.
Ronny sighed in exasperation and followed muttering.
"Always the fucking fairy"
Trey looked from Hermione to Ronny's disappearing form, shrugged and jumped into the wall without a moments hesitation, leaving Linn alone with herself. She stared at the wall with a small smile as all the memories of the past school years came rushing by her.
It's going to be so different.
Are you sure you're ready for this?
What I'm sure of doesn't matter, I don't have any more time to ask questions, if I want to be happy this is the right path.
Fine.
It sounded upset, almost disappointed, but she was grateful it didn't put up more of a fight. A spilt personality was not something she warned to add on to the list of things that ailed her. She stepped through the portal with an even wider smile and took a large breathe in the change of air.
She could practically feel the magic crackling around her and eagerly grabbed Thorns hand and boarded the empty train. Finding a compartment was almost no trouble at all seeing as though, they were sure to be the only ones riding the train to Hogwarts this evening. As she sat next to her new guardian she couldn't help but giggle at his apparent nervousness, Thorn was a star wherever he shone and always seemed to be full of unnatural magic but going into a situation where the was a large amount of ACTUAL magic somewhat intimidated him.
He looked back down to his newest charge and a small wave of pride overcame him, she was taking this so well.
"I can't believe you conned me into this"
His smile quickly turned into a scowl and he snarled at the blonde sitting across from him.
"Can you not keep that lesbian trap shut for more than 5 fucking minutes Ronny?!"
Ronny only glowered in response and turned her attention back to the now moving landscape beside them.
Trey looking quite smug offered.
"I don't think you can call her a lesbian anymore"
Thorn raised a delicately trimmed eyebrow and retorted.
"Oh? You had a sex change?"
"Why you fucking-"
"Excuse me"
All 4 heads whipped to the now open compartment door and stared at the intruder. Hermione's eyes widened considerably when she recognized the dark hair and billowing cloak and the ever presumptuous and pompous air that belonged to the one and only Severus Snape. He looked down on them all in obvious disdain and Hermione's eyes widened even more when she felt Thorn stiffen beside her.
"What the fuck are you looking at?"
Thorn shot out instantly. Snape almost fell at being attacked so promptly but quickly composed himself.
"I was told to introduce myself to my new colleagues, but seeing as they are not here I shall take my leave"
Hermione shut her eyes in fear. This was not good; this was not good at all.
Contrary to his words Snape still stood in the threshold of the compartment entrance a smug smile on his oily face. Thorn snarled and turned his head as if he was dismissing him. Ronny stood up and made her way to the door.
"Then fucking leave you oily git"
And with that she slammed the door shut, never minding the fact that she had closed it on his hand and Snape still remained howling on the other side. Hermione looked to her fallen Professor back to her friends as newfound fear injected itself into her system. Ronny sat back down without a word and busied herself with her loves hair, running her small hands through it casually as they bantered back and forth.
"BOMBARDA"
The compartment door was blown to bits and as the debris covered them completely Hermione could barely make out the shaking silhouette of her potions professor holding his wand quite threateningly in their direction.
"MY HAIIIIIR!!!"
Thorn screeched. Hermione quietly whipped out a wand and ushered a spell to clear the smoke. Thorn now stood, he was only a few inches taller than Severus himself but he was a menacing figure nonetheless. His once long and beautifully straight hair was now entangled with bits of wood and dirt from Snape's panic attack. And his crystal blue eyes held such hatred they all knew to keep their mouths shut.
Hermione's eyes darted from Snape's to Thorns, her dainty mouth shaped into a perfect "o".
Oh shit…
Snape took a step forward, his swollen hand pointing a menacing wand in Thorns face.
He must not know he's a muggle…double shit…
"I am the Potions Master at the school you have been employed at and you will treat me with respect!"
"Bitch what the fuck is this in my face?"
Snape looked thoroughly confused for a moment and seemed to question his actions and this moment of hesitation was all it took. Thorn looked from the twig in his face to the hook nosed bastard sneering at him so unattractively and without a second thought snatched the wand, slapped Snape to the ground and snapped it into to two.
"You were fucking saying?"
Trey looked to Hermione with a questioning gaze and asked.
"Don't you think we should step in?"
She nodded but made no move to get in the angry Queens way, she liked all her limbs were they where she decided. Trey nodded and seemed to understand her sentiments. No one wanted to fuck with the angry Thorn right now.
Snape was now cradling his bleeding nose and staring at the two pieces of his wand in Thorns hands in shock.
Thorn threw the pieces down in disgust, rummaged through his bag and pulled out a small compact mirror. He flicked it open and shrieked at the reflections.
"This is only gonna get worse Linn"
Ronny whispered, nudged safely behind Trey. Hermione nodded and jumped to Thorns side now baring her own wand in an attempt to appease his anger.
"I can fix it, don't worry"
He was whimpering now, his eyes never left his reflection, his beautiful hair, it would take hours to get all this mess out. He didn't notice Hermione waving her wand quite feverishly in his direction but only saw his bushy main lengthen and straighten itself out as the debri all but disappeared.
He cooed and flirted at his reflection and all seemed right again. Ronny, Trey and Linn all blanched at this, for someone so formidable he was certainly an easy person to tame. Hermione then turned to her fallen professor not quite sure what to do or say.
She couldn't help gleaning some small amount of pleasure from seeing the ass so wonderfully incapacitated. He was muttering to himself in anger, his entire body was shaking. Hermione took a step back from the fallen man when out of the corner of her eye she saw his dark mark, an angry death eater was the last thing she needed right now.
Thorn stood his ground and flipped his hair as he knelt so he would be eye level with him, smiled and said.
"You know you wouldn't be so bad if you washed every once in a while, I'd even give you a go myself if you cut your hair off. Sorry about the stick, my name is Thorn and I'm the new Muggle Studies Professor at your school"
He cocked his head to the side and reached out his soft hand towards Severus. Severus looked up at him mouth agape and stared into the crystal blue eyes in complete confusion.
Their audience remained just as silent and sweat began to form on Hermione's forehead at the scene in front of her.
Snape stood up in an instant and seemed to collect himself as he straightened out his robes and shook his mane of hair. He nodded towards Thorn but made no move to shake the mans hand.
"Probably afraid he'll catch some gay"
Ronny whispered behind her.
"Severus Snape"
Severus clasped his hands together on the small of his back and tried to not to falter in his gaze at the man in front of him. Thorn's eyes traveled from the tip of his head to the very bottom of his feet with a coy smile on his beautiful face.
"Nice to me you Sevster"
Hermione choked on air at the nickname and began to cough rather violently behind them, Trey began to smack her back and Ronny just doubled over in laughter at her plight.
Severus Snape was blushing severely at this point. His wand at been broken, he had been accosted by a muggle and was very uncomfortable with the man in front of him. This was not his day.
Thorn took a step closer and their noses almost touched.
"You know…"
He whispered, shockingly blue eyes never leaving the black ones, his long fingers grasped a lock of Snape's black hair and he continued.
"If you let me sort this mop out you'd could be quite the looker"
His lips were to his ear now. The air around the potions master seems to have evaporated and he was struggling for breath.
"That honker and all"
And that was when he passed out.
Thorn looked to the crumpled man at his feet and back to his traveling companions with a smile, then sashayed his way back to his seat fluffed his hair and proudly declared.
"Gets 'em every time!"
No one made any attempt to inquire as to the welfare of the fallen soldier and instead continued on as if he had never even appeared.
"Anything from the trolley dears?"
They peered at the small woman carting a trolley now rolled on top of Hogwarts reigning Potions Master and the three muggles stood up in obvious excitement.
Hermione remained seated and tried not to die at the scene in front of her.
It's definitely going to be an interesting year.
"LIIIIIINNNNNNN"
Thorn was lounging in the middle of the black lake on an inflatable muggle bed, floating quite lazily over the dark waters. He wore a shameless leopard print speedo with a matching bow tie and was drinking some sort of colorful concoction. Trey and Ronny ran along the beach side with water guns attempted to win whatever war they had waged with one another and Hermione lay on her back on the beach with an open book to shield her face from the bright sun.
"What?"
She shouted back.
"Nooooothing, just making sure you're still there"
She rolled her eyes at his words and continued to read her book. Students would not be arriving for another 3 days so she was enjoying what little peace she could with her new family before it was all muddled up.
She glanced up at the Queen with a bemused air. Seeing him so ridiculously carefree in a lake that housed all kinds of gruesome monsters was a sight indeed. Trey threw himself down on the blanket beside her in obvious agony hands raised in submission towards the cackling blonde spraying him mercilessly with lake water
"I give, I give"
He whined and she ran off in the opposite direction towards the lounging she-man.
"RONNY WHAT THE-"
All of sudden Thorn body disappeared but soon popped back up with a screech. Ronny stood less than 2 feet from him, the obvious culprit in his upheaval and was laughing like a true maniac.
"Maybe I should tell them about the giant octopus…"
Hermione murmured as she witnessed the water fight that would obviously awaken the beast. Trey looked at her with wide eyes, then an evil smile contorted his otherwise innocent features.
"Naaaaaaah, he has enough fairy dust to right that wrong"
She laughed at this turned back to him and replied.
"Thorn has enough fairy dust to right ANY wrong"
They laughed at each other for a moment, and Hermione couldn't help but savor the moment, her eyes drifted back to the castle and she began to wonder just how differently this year would be with her team in tow.
She could finally be herself, independent of the responsibility that came with being the brain of the Golden Trio.
She could just be Linn Granger.
She could just be a simple teenage girl.
"OH MY GOD! SOMETHING'S GOT MY LEG, OH MY GOD IT'S A TENTACLE! HELP I'VE BEEN THROWN INTO SOME SICK ANIME PORN! I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH HOLES FOR THIS SCENARIO! NOOOOOO!!!!"
Okay, so not really that simple.
"LIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!!!"
But a teenage girl nonetheless.
Authors Note: Hahahaha, my favorite has to be the idea of someone on an inflatable bed smoking a cigar on the black lake. God I love Thorn. Again, don't take this too seriously, you want the serious? I beg go read Via Dolorosa.
Thanks for your time.