Author's Note:

Hey y'all.

If I have successfully finished this tonight (it's only eleven o'clock but way past my bedtime), then hopefully this is the second chapter I'm posting today to make up for the week or so of deadness. Woo hoo! Perhaps I'll get a third in, otherwise watch for another one (or two) to be posted on Friday.

So hopefully I can edit this in the wee hours of the morning during nonpeak data hours (when I have access to spell check and am hopefully not so tired), but I apologize in advance for any mistakes. I will have another crack at editing sometime this weekend when I go in search of free wifi. In the meantime, please don't judge too harshly.

Limited internet sucks.

Enjoy!

He didn't have any answers. His head was spinning and his heart ached. He didn't know how it would all work out but laying there staring at his ceiling he felt the pull, and he knew he couldn't stay away.

Chapter Ten - Mark

Mark had skyped early, wanting to see how the dinner went. She knew he was checking up on her, making sure she was okay.

"So, how'd the big dinner go? Any new friends?"

"Well, actually...it didn't happen."

"No?" He sounded surprised, but more concerned than before.

"Embry came early and found me in the midst of one my panic attacks"

"Oh Als, I'm so sorry."

"He cancelled the dinner with everyone, told them I was sick. He said we could do it any other time. He was very nice about it all, I think it made him nervous though," Alex admitted.

"Well, at least he was nice. Did you...explain it to him?"

"Yes and no. I told him what it was, but I didn't think he needed to know more than that. I don't need his pity."

"Alex, sweetheart, I know this is a sensitive subject for you, but not everyone is going to start treating you like an invalid if they know. I don't."

"I know you don't, but you're different."

"Maybe you should start giving people a chance."

In college, Mark had always pushed Alex to get to know people. Someone. Anyone. He didn't like how shut away she was, he thought it might make her unhappy someday. He knew people made her nervous, but he'd always thought that if she took it slow she'd be okay. One friend at a time, he'd always said. She had tried, but an increase in panic attacks made him back off.

"Maybe."

"You look like my wife, you sound like my wife, and yet my wife would never agree to that." Mark smiled at her, his adorable lopsided smile.

She grinned back and stuck out her tongue, "I'm capable of change."

"Of course you're capable, I just never thought I'd see it happen," he teased. "La Push must be agreeing with you."

"Who knows. Everyone has been friendly and Nana is happy to have me here. She's been so sweet."

"She's missed you, of course she's happy you're there."

"I think she's been lonely, with no family here. It's good we're doing this. Thank you, by the way. I don't think I've said that."

"I'm just glad you're happy. You seem...better."

"I don't know about that, but it is nice to be out here. It rains constantly, of course, but it's pretty and I've missed her. Other than my now having to miss you, this was a great idea."

Mark had been the one to suggest their move to La Push, though she'd protested. It wasn't that she didn't want to be near her grandma, and she didn't have anything against rain, but Mark had been her rock for years, and the idea of being away from him was unsettling.

"I miss you too. I'll be there soon, I promise."

She'd asked him about work and how everything was going and watched him talk animatedly. He loved being a lawyer, and not just because his father was a judge and had also attended law school. He loved what he did. Especially this new case.

Originally, they had planned to move to La Push together in June. Then a file came across his desk one day in February and she could tell he wanted to work it. She'd told him he should take it, that the plans weren't final and they could make some adjustments. So they'd moved to an apartment in New York, selling their home in Illinois. They'd agreed on a fixer-upper on the outskirts of La Push, and hired a construction crew to do the work. While he worked, she designed their house.

He seemed incredibly excited about the case, but had been worried about Alex. The sheer number of people in New York City was overwhelming for her. He'd offered to catch someone else up on the job and move once the house was finished, but she couldn't let him do that for her. So they'd compromised. She would stay with him in the city until the house was done, then go and get settled in and everything set up, and when he was done he would follow.

Neither had been thrilled about the idea of living apart again, him being away for law school had been difficult for them, but it was only a few months. So when the house was done at the beginning of September Alex took a few weeks packing up her things before heading across the country. Listening to him talk about his job, watching his green eyes sparkle as his hands moved frantically through the air - she knew they'd made the right decision.

"- and I mean you should have seen his face. Of course a lot of people are really excited about this, it's giving a lot of people hope. But just to see his face, Als, it was great. He was thrilled, he almost cried. I'm so glad I get to this."

"That sounds amazing, I'm glad you're helping them."

"Thank you, for everything, Als. I know this is hard, and I know you've sacrificed a lot for this. I miss you, and I know is can't be easy for you either. But thank you for everything."

"Of course. I just want you happy, Mark."

"You too, Als."

Something passed between them then, and neither could put a finger on it. It'd been happening a lot more recently, these moments of...something. They never mentioned it, and hurried to move on, but neither could say what exactly it was.

"So, are you going to reschedule that dinner?"

"I think so. I mean Nana will be there, and of course I'm perfectly fine with her. Embry will come, and I'm becoming more comfortable with him. Sam and Emily, who I'm not sure about..."

"Well, Sam should be fine. I mean think about how much time you must have spent calling and texting him while redoing the house."

"That's true. And then Jared and Kim. I've never met them, but all in all that's six people. Hopefully the next attempt will go better."

"I'm sure it will, Als. You're stronger than you think."

"You have to say that, you're my husband."

"No, I don't. Listen, Als. I know it's hard for you to think about, but you've made it through a lot, and survived. You don't seem to think that's because of you, and who you are, but it is."

"No, it's because you saved me. You and your dad."

He shook his, "Alex, how long did you make it before you even told me? It was years before you said anything. You didn't tell anyone, but you still got through. That's strength, Als. I know you don't see it, but I do. And I know you think your panic attacks somehow make you less, but they don't. I know I push you, but it's not because I think you're weak. I push you because I know how strong you are, and I know you can do it. I push you because I think you'd be happier if you could learn to let people in. But honestly, Als, you could take on anything."

"Thank you."

"I know you haven't told anyone else. I know, it's just Carrie and I, but maybe you should think about not hiding so much. There's nothing to be ashamed of, Als. None of that, not any of it, is on you. I know you don't want to advertise it, and I understand, but you don't always have to keep it under lock and key. Like tonight, with Embry. If he saw your panic attack...well it would have been natural to tell him why. He's probably curious."

"And if I had told him and he -"

"No. Not everyone is going to react the way you think. Sure, maybe some people will pity you, treat you like you're made of glass but not all of them. And if they do, Als, then they aren't worth it. You're such an amazing woman, and if they can't see that, they aren't worth it."

She'd known him since she was two, but he still managed to surprise her. He was always so sweet with her, always understanding but never careful. He never treated her like she was broken. And for as many times as he'd pushed her, encouraged her to make friends, he'd never put it that way before.

"I love you, Als. Every piece."

"I love you too."

As she closed her laptop, she was struck again with how much she missed him. The court dates were set for the middle of December, and then it would take him a few weeks to pack and get everything in order, but the new year would be theirs.

Note and Disclaimer:

So this kind of came out differently than the other with the perspective and all. I wasn't exactly expecting it, it just kind of happened, so let me know what you think.

Also, sadly I still haven't found a fairy that will give me a life swap with Stephenie Meyer so Twilight and any characters you recognize from it still belong to her.