--

Over the next few weeks Alex felt Bobby pulling back. There was a slight shift in his mannerisms and she picked up on them immediately. He was more restless than he had been lately. He was quieter, too. She wondered at first if she was imaging it, but when he started having trouble making eye contact with her she knew that there was definitely a problem.

They had just left a deli, after having interviewed a witness to a shooting, when Alex decided it was time to see what was wrong. "Being in that deli made me hungry for lunch, you wanna grab something on the way back?" She asked him as they walked back to the SUV.

"Uh, no. I'm not hungry." He sounded distracted to her.

She put her hand on his arm to try and slow him down but he kept on walking. "What's up, Bobby?" She had to struggle to keep up with him.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

She stopped walking but it took him a few steps to realize she wasn't along side him anymore. He stopped and looked back at her.

"Fine? You're fine?" Her frustration was flaring.

"Alex, c'mon…let's not do this here." He had the nerve to sound impatient with her.

By then she was pissed off. She took a deep breath, put her head down and made her way past him. She knew he was right about one thing; wrong time and place. They didn't speak to each other the rest of the afternoon.

--

It was close to 4:00 when Bobby announced he had a meeting. Alex watched him as he tidied up his desk then stood to put on his jacket.

"Olivet?" She was doing her best to sound civil.

"No." He gave a quick scan of the room then settled his eyes back on Alex. He saw the pain in her eyes; it made him feel like he was kicked in the gut. "It's with a lawyer." He turned to leave then stopped and looked at her again, "See you later?"

She put her head down to look like she was interested in the file on her desk. "Doubt it."

"Alex."

"You better go…don't wanna be late." She kept her head down the whole time.

He walked away feeling awful. He was doing this to them. He knew he was reverting back to his usual way of dealing with things but he couldn't stop himself. He wrestled with his guilt the whole way to the meeting.

The lawyer was his union rep. Bobby had a hearing schedule for the next morning regarding the recovery of his lost pay. He and the lawyer went over the information regarding the Testarossa case as well as the one that got him suspended in the first place. After a few hours Bobby left the office and went straight to Alex's.

He realized how unfair he was being to her. He didn't want to bring up the issue for a few reasons that were related to each other. He didn't want to talk about how broke he was because he was afraid that conversation would lead to Alex offering to help him out financially. He did not want that. But he was also avoiding the subject with her because it would bring up the subject of Testarossa and Tates; something he never wanted to speak of with her again.

--

Alex heard him unlock the door. She was lying on her couch in the quiet living room. She had been thinking about them and trying to figure out what he was up to. She listened as he relocked the door then hung up his coat.

"Alex?" He called softly, he wasn't expecting the house to be so quiet. He knew she wasn't asleep because all the lights were on. He was surprised to not hear her moving about as he came inside.

"Good move letting yourself in." She didn't sit up. She heard him walking toward her.

"What if I had knocked?" He asked as he settled into the chair across from her.

She shrugged her shoulders. He could see that she either had been crying or was fighting the urge.

He knew he had to come clean. He leaned forward in the chair, resting his forearms on his thighs. She noticed he was wringing his hands.

"I had a meeting with my union lawyer. I have a hearing tomorrow. I'm petitioning to recover my lost pay due to the fact that I…that I was undercover for part of my suspension." His voice was soft and serious.

He watched her study him. He could tell she had a lot of emotions and an equal amount of questions stirring around in her head. He decided that he should continue and try to answer the most obvious ones so she knew that he was aware of how much he screwed up.

"First of all, I didn't tell you because I'm not sure that this is going work, and I didn't want to get your hopes up… and I didn't want to get my hopes up as well." He looked down, the hard part was next.

"Bobby."

"No. Let me." He was afraid of what she was going to say.

"I also didn't tell you…because…well, because I'm afraid you're going to offer to help me out financially if it doesn't work…And let me tell you, I would not appreciate that." He closed his eyes because he realized that his words might have came out a lot harsher than he had anticipated.

She let his statement settle over them for a minute, then she spoke. "What makes you think I would do that?" Her tone was even but filled with emotion.

She watched him put his head down, then peak at her like a shy little boy. She could tell he was struggling. "Be…because I thought you might think you needed to help me."

"And why would I think I needed to help you?"

His brain was connecting the dots she was drawing. His eyes fluttered a little and his mouth hung open slightly. "I guess because you care about me?"

"You mean…because I love you, Bobby?"

"Yes." He whispered. He was feeling slightly embarrassed. He realized that his assumption of her offering him money was based on the fact that she loved him and would want to help him because of it. He never thought of that before. She would have only done it to help me because she loves me, not to emasculate me, he silently berated himself.

"I'm an idiot."

"Ya think?!"

"I'm so sorry."

"But, Bobby…there's more, isn't there."

"What makes you say that?" He sat back in the chair and Alex took that as a defensive move on his part so she knew she was right.

"I know you. There's more."

He shifted uncomfortably and let out a deep sigh.

"Bobby…this has something to do with your suspension, doesn't it?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and he heard his conversation with Olivet replay in his head…"There's nothing to be skeptical about. I mean…we talked…we hashed everything out."…"Everything, Bobby?" He answered out loud, "no…not everything."

"What?" Alex was trying to figure out what she missed.

"Oh, sorry. Um…well…yeah, I guess it does." He swallowed hard and ran a hand back and forth over his closed mouth.

Alex got very nervous. She could see that he was doing battle with himself over how to present what was on his mind. Something told her that no matter how he decided to say it, it wasn't going to be good.

He cleared his throat, leaned forward again, and looked at the ground as he wrung his hands. "The events…leading up to…my suspension." He paused as he cast his eyes upon Alex then quickly back down. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head. "I - I can't…I can't say this…not right now." He stood up and he shoved one hand in his pocket while the other tapped against the side of his thigh.

Alex stood and moved toward him. "Bobby, I really want to know." She was being gentle but she could feel her anger building again.

"Look…Alex…I can't do this right now. I - I need to be…alone." He watched her face as he said that and he saw how much he hurt her with his words.

She took a few steps back. "Then leave," she said coolly.

He went to the door and got his jacket. He heard her footsteps as she made her way to her bedroom, then the door slammed shut. He winced as he visualized her heart doing the same thing.

He opened the front door than closed it. Before he knew it he was standing in the now open doorway to her bedroom but he didn't enter it. She was lying sideways on the bed with her back to him.

"I know I just hurt you…but I need you to understand that what I could have said to you…what you really want me to say…would have hurt you so much more. It will most likely crush you. And I can't get myself to say the words."

He waited in the doorway for a response but after a couple of minutes it was clear he wasn't getting one. So he left.

--