Chapter 10: Who Are You?

Lily started writing out what she wanted to say to James in letters. She always managed to explain things better when she wrote them down but for every letter she started...Lily couldn't finish any of them. Most of them started and stopped with 'Dear James' and she could never bring herself to go beyond that. Instead, crumpled up pieces of paper lay forgotten under her desk, a sign of her distress at the situation. Scarlett, her owl, had taken to pulling the wadded papers into her cage with her, playing with them. Lily tried writing at least one sentence every night but her heart just wasn't into writing anything.

She felt so empty.

Even worse, James' wand was started to fight against Lily's use. It started by shaking violently when she tried to dry her hair with it, like Lily had asked it to fight the dark forces themselves instead of her unruly hair. Pudding exploded in her face right in front of Anni, who laughed for the next twenty minutes as Lily furiously tried to scrub chocolate from her work robes. It was like the wand wanted Lily to become so frustrated. Lily could practically see James' proud smirk as she tried to use his stolen wand, could hear him making fun of her. James and his wand would be the death of her.

Even now, as Lily tried levitating a holiday wreath onto the beams of the shop, the wand was fighting her every flick. Lily couldn't even perform a simple levitating charm without the spell backfiring. The fifth time the wreath missed the nail, it crashed to the wooden floor. Lily let out a little scream of frustration and stomped her foot like a child.

"Fine!" Lily threw James' wand on the counter dramatically, "I'll do this the old fashioned way then…"

Instead of fighting the wand, Lily grabbed a large step stool and stood on top of it on her tiptoes to hang the wreath. While wobbling around, Lily accidently knocked against the portrait of Lyra hanging on the wall. Lily cursed as the portrait went crashing to the wooden floor and Lyra's glass covered frame broke into three large pieces.

Lily flew off the stool, cursing as an older woman looking at broomsticks eyed her incredulously. Lily scrambled to pick up the pieces of frame all over the floor before anyone tried to walk in the direction of the glass. Lily wished Anni were here but she didn't get to the shop for another two hours. Time wouldn't fly when she needed it too. Lily reached for the last shard of glass and accidentally grabbed it too fast.

Lily hissed when the glass cut her finger open. Scarlet blood dripped down her finger and she sucked on her thumb gently as she stood up balancing the shard of glass in her clean hand, dumping them in the bin. Still sucking at her thumb, Lily knelt down and collected the frame itself, slipping her stepmother's photo between it. Her thumb was still bleeding slightly so she wiped it on her robes. With a heaving sigh to compliment her down disposition, Lily looked up where the portrait had been.

Lily almost hung the frame back up but words written in her father's messy gold scrawl make her heart stop.

'don't let the fear of losing the snitch, keep you from scoring the quaffle'

Lily's father always said not to focus on the higher prize because someone could be just as successful winning little points along the way.

"I'm going to tell you a trick," he used to whisper to her, "Don't be like a seeker, always searching for the biggest score. The trick is to celebrate the little wins that all add up to something much larger and rewarding."

Lily touched the wall where her father had painted the words that he'd told Lily every time everytime something went wrong.

Her father would've encouraged her to send a hundred more copies of her article on Marieka Corber to all the magazines. He would've reminded her that, at the end of the day, everyone had to work hard to get what they wanted and everyone failed at least once. Lily knew that if he was there now, he would be disappointed in her behavior and reprimanded her for not finding the good in the situation. Lily's reality was falling to shite, sure, but her father would've been quick to remind her of all the positives in her life.

Lily stood up slowly, both James' wand and Lyra's framed portrait gripped in her left hand. Lily placed Lyra's broken frame under the counter, she'd fix that later. Instead, Lily got some cotton trimmings to wrap the cut on her finger that wouldn't stop bleeding. Lily wasn't about to try and use James' wand to try and clean her finger. Knowing the wand, it would likely slice her thumb off. Lily didn't fancy scrubbing blood from the floors all afternoon or explaining her missing thumb to Anni when she came in for her shift.

Lily left James' wand in front of her on the counter as she nursed her finger back from it's encounter with glass. Lily was so caught up in wrapping her finger that she didn't notice her stepmother's willowy form in the doorway of the shop. It took the door slamming behind Lyra to capture Lily's attention. Lily looked up from tying the cloth around her finger with her mouth and instantly soured at the sight of Lyra.

"Lyra?" Lily said, cooly dropping her hand and hiding it behind her back so Lyra wouldn't ask why she was nursing her hand, "What are you doing here?"

"Where's Petunia?" Lyra demanded, eyebrows furrowed together as she walked right over to the counter.

Lily eyed her stepmother warily, "How should I know?"

"You're int he room acrossfrom her," Lyra said, "Clealry you must've seen her go somewhere!"

"I've been here since early this morning." Lily said, "Besides, I'm not her keeper."

Lyra huffed, "Did you see her leave the house or not?"

"I don't know," Lily lied flatly

Lyra dismissively waved, "Bricks checked every corner of the house, she's gone someplace."

"Did you check the library at the house, she likes to hide in there when you're being particularly annoying." Lily said moodily, not knowing why Lyra felt like coming to harass her for Petunia's choices.

"How dare you, girl." Lyra seethed, "Everything I do is for Petunia."

Lyra's eyes were wild when Lily looked in them and a chill went down Lily's spine. Before Lily could react, before she could jump, Lyra reached out with her long fingers and snatched James' wand from the counter. Lily's eyes widened as she watched her stepmother grab and hold James Potter's wand tightly in her hand. Horror flooded her system and Lily's heart was in overdrive. It was like she was living in one of her nightmares. Lily didn't dare move, she was unsure what to do. All she knew was that Lyra had grabbed James' wand and it was currently out of reach.

"I know you know something about her, you're a horrible liar." Lyra said nastily, "You will tell me where she's gone."

"I don't know anything." Lily swore, "I haven't seen her all day!"

"We'll see." Lyra turned on her heel and started walking away with James' wand.

"No!" Lily scrambled over the counter as Lyra started gliding to the front door of the shop, "no, Lyra, wait!"

Lyra tucked James' wand into her robes and Lily slipped, falling against one of the display posts as Lyra continued to walk away from her step-daughter casually, as if they had just discussed the weather. Lyra's hair, in a tight bun atop her head, barely moved as Lyra opened the door and a startling chilly breeze flew through the shop.

"Lyra, please, not the wand." Lily felt like throwing up as she pushed herself up off the display, "You don't understand, I need that wand! I can't lose it!"

Lyra turned halfway to glare at Lily, "You may have your wand back once you find out where Petunia went, and why."

Lily shook her head, "Lyra please, I don't know anything. I swear!"

"Then I suggest you start asking some questions." Lyra said coldly, "And getting some answers or you'll never see this wand again. I'll make sure of it."

Lily's hands slammed to her forehead and her back slammed against the display case as she watched Lyra disappear out the shop door with James Potter's wand in her grasp. Lily's heart was still beating frantically as she pressed her fingers to her cheeks and reveled in her problems. Lily's feet dragged her back over to the counter where James' wand had been resting. Lily hopped over the counter and leaned beside the cash register.

Literally nothing could've gone worse...James was due back in England any day now and he was going to need his wand back. What was she supposed to say?

"Hey James, so sorry about all the lies I told, and by the way, my demonic stepmother took your wand from me because she thought it was mine"

Groaning, Lily let her forehead hit the wall. Behind her, the bell above the door rang out through the shop and she assumed the customers had left, but then, it rang again. Lily whipped around, her hair hitting her face.

"Five minute warning." Sirius waltzed towards easy-as-you-please, "James is on his way here from Ollivanders and he's on a mission."

Lily stood corrected, things had gone from bad to really, really bad in a matter of minutes.

"Sirius!" Lily stuttered, her hands flying to clasp at her own neck, feeling overwhelmed, "Sirius I need you to stall James!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "We've been through this Lil..."

Lily could feel her breathing start to match her heart in pace, "Sirius, Lyra was just here and she took his wand."

Sirius tilted his head, "she what?"

Before Lily could explain, before she could convince Sirius to give her more time, The bell above the door rang as James walked through. Sirius whipped around, his robes tangling around his ankles. Lily stayed readily behind Sirius, unashamedly using her oldest friend as a wall to block her from James' wrath. The counter between them was also quite helpful, a blockade against James' possible retaliation.

"That was fast." Sirius commented lazily as Remus walked in behind James, "I told you to give me a five minute head start."

"I was impatient," James said, eyes flickering behind his glasses.

Lily couldn't see his face but he sounded annoyed. Lily's chest felt like a weight was pressing against it and suddenly, the shop felt like a furnace. Lily's hands were wrapped in her red curls, her nails digging into her scalp as shock overcame her system. She was slowly counting to three in her head, wondering if she ought to go pack a bag and run for Sophie's (or the circus) immediately.

James tries peeking over Sirius' shoulder, "is she here?"

Sirius awkwardly side stepped and Lily felt her face heat up as she came into view of all three boys. Lily dropped her eyes to the counter, suddenly finding interest in the things presented on it. It felt like James' eyes were sending electrifying shivers up her spine and into her head.

Lily chewed on her lip and she nervously played with the wrapping paper beside the register. James' footsteps were dragging closer and she could hear him clear his throat. Lily tucked her hair behind her ear, staring dutifully at the floor just as he was. The silence between them was stick and uncomfortable. She closed her eyes and prayed he'd leave without saying anything.

"Nothing to say?" he was only a step away from the counter, and her skin was on fire.

Lily rocked back on her heels and snuck a glance up at his face only to find that he was staring intently at her. Lily tucked her hair behind her ear and lifted her chin, trying to be brave. Even for Lily, a Gryffindor to the end, she had trouble owning up to her mistakes. When her eyes met his, he snorted mirthlessly and d his fist hit the edge of the counter. Her brain screamed at her to abort the conversation because he definitely knew who she was. James was feeling her out, to see if she had any remorse.

Little did he know, she was filled to the brim with it. She dropped her gaze and fiddled with the buttons on her robes awkwardly. Behind James, Remus cleared his throat and Sirius shuffled his feet. Merlin help Lily if Lyra decided to come back at that moment. The shop walls seemed smaller and closer together as Lily figured out what to say.

She was still staring at the floor as James leaned over the counter so that their faces were inches apart. Lily dutifully stared at her robes, not daring to look into his face and see the hatred there. Her eyes closed and she counted to three, readying herself to the inevitable.

"Look at me." he demanded.

Lily opened her eyes and when she lifted her chin her eyes met his. James' eyebrows shot into his hairline and his jaw clenched so tight that a muscle flexed near his ear. Lily felt fresh heat flash across the bridge of her nose as James' mouth opened in surprise. His head shook slightly ,as if he hadn't believed what the wandmaker had told him.

"Those eyes." he hissed, ears going red, "I've seen those-shite-how did I not realize this?"

"James-"

James' tone was icey as he cut her off, "So, I have this crazy story for you."

Lily winced, "I don't think-"

James cut her off, "I was just at Ollivanders with a wand, a wand he said it registered to you, Lily Evans, and do you know where I found the wand?" he didn't wait for Lily to answer, "I got it from a mix up with this shady witch at my parents masquerade ball."

"Shady!" Lily's expression hardened and Sirius put a hand on his forehead as if he knew James' comment was a hand off, "Shady? You weren't thinking that while snogging me!"

"Yeah well," James said irritably, "You were in a mask and had dark hair! You kept your identity a secret the entire time!"

"It was a masquerade!" Lily half laughed, "Sorry for not coming with a name tag!"

"How was I supposed to know it was you behind all that flair?"

"It's not my fault you're generally unobservant for a cursebreaker." Lily shot back snottily.

The color drained from James' face and he stared at her in disbelief, "I'm a fucking idiot! It's been you! It's always been you!"

Lily shrugged, "You weren't supposed to know! That was the point!"

"You dyed your hair!" James snapped and Lily bristled, "did you want to play me as a fool?"

Lily's blood was boiling, "of course not!"

"Then why did you do it?" James demanded, "Who are you?!"

"I told you! Hell, the wandmaker even told you!" She exclaimed, "My name is Lily Evans."

"No," James shook his head, "I don't beleive it."

"I'm sorry you can't accept the reality." Lily crossed her arms, "but this is who I am. I'm not some fancy Ministry witch. I'm not some quidditch professional. I'm just me. Sorry if that's such a disappointment!"

James opened and closed his mouth before sputtering out, "No, I met the Evans' family at the ball. You are not a part of that family."

"Did you ever stop and think that maybe there were two daughters in the Evans' household?" Lily asked unhappily, "instead of one?"

"Lily's telling the truth," Sirius stepped forward, earning James' tortured expression, "Lily and Petunia Evans. I grew up down the street from both of them."

James accepted Sirius' intercedence but when he turned back to Lily his expression was still frustrated, "Where's my wand?"

"Uh," Lily swallowed and looked to Sirius for help who made a point to shake his head, "That's another situation..."

"What the Hell are you playing at, Evans?" James barked, "My wand, please!"

"James. Temper." Remus, placed a hand on James' shoulder but James shrugged it off, his eyebrows tight as she glared down Lily.

Lily chewed on her lip before apologizing profusely to James, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to get this far!"

"What are you talking about?" James demanded, "What the Hell is going on? I want my wand back!"

Lily flinched away from his anger, "Uhm, I can't give it to you yet." she said moodily, "But I will, if you'd just give me a little time."

"Why would I do that?"

Lily coughed slightly and managed a shrug, "Well, my stepmother has it."

"I'm sorry," James blinked furiously, "your stepmother has my wand?"

Lily held up her hands defensively since James looked like he wanted to curse her within an inch of her life, "Look, she thinks it's mine and she took it to punish me after I talked back to her."

Sirius spoke up from where he was shaking his head, "Oh, that doesn't sound like you at all." he groaned sarcastically and Lily shot Sirius a glare.

James shook his head too, "I don't believe this." he looked at Sirius, "Do you believe this?"

Sirius shared a look with Lily before saying softly to James, "My cousin, Lyra Evans, is a piece of work. I wouldn't put this past her."

"Lyra wants to to figure out where my step-sister has been disappearing too." Lily explained, "After that I get the wand back."

"Your sister?" James looked overwhelmed, "bollocks."

"No it's true." Lily said, brushing tears from her eyes, "I'll get your wand back, I swear!"

"Oh Merlin." he whispered, hands shooting to his hair, "this is a fucking mess."

"I'm sorry!" Lily repeated, "I really didn't mean to take your wand!"

James shook his head, "What kind of fucked up game are you playing Evans?" he asked, "Who do you even work for?"

"No one," Lily swallowed, "I mean, I work in this shop, but I won't work for like, dark wizards taking revenge on you or anything."

"How did you get into the ball?" James asked as his fingers pushed his sliding glasses back up his nose, "If not with the invitation I sent the Evans' family?"

"I got a different ticket." Lily said, "From my friend."

"Sophie?" James' eyes flickered.

"I mean she helped but-" Lily huffed, "it was a group effort."

James snorted and his hands ran through his hair again, "fucking hell, and I thought-" whatever he thought he didn't finish his sentence out loud.

"I just need another day," Lily begged James, "Then I'll get your wand back and you never have to see me again!"

James' face fell suddenly and he turned his whole body in Lily's direction, looking hurt, "I have to go." he mumbled suddenly, backing away and throwing his hood over his head.

"What about my wand?" Lily asked desperately, "James, I need it!"

"Not my problem." James snapped moodily, "Until you get mine back, you don't' get yours back. Fair is fair."

"James," Sirius said, warning in his voice, but James ignored him as he turned away and headed for the door.

"Your being childish!" Lily shouted after James' retreating back, "How am I supposed to get your wandback without mine!"

James glared over his shoulder, the hood framing his face, "No, Evans. Childish, is dressing up in a disguise and flirting with the Minister's son all for some laughs and a clever story to tell at afternoon tea with Sophie Turner."

"James!" Sirius barked, like a father would discipline his father but James flipped Sirius the bird and walked out, "I'm gonna fucking kill him."

Lily's jaw dropped open as James walked out and entered the rainy Diagon Alley streets. Lily watched him go, shock induce tears still streaming down her cheeks. Remus looked awkward, frozen in the middle of the shop like he didn't know who to comfort or what to do. Sirius, meanwhile, whistled.

"Well, that went well." Sirius said out loud with disgust and Remus shot Sirius a glare.

"This is your fault." Remus snapped, "We should've told him last week." he eyed Lily apologetically, "Sorry, it's just-"

"It's fine." Lily wiped her tears from her cheeks, "I deserved that, all if it. I've been awful."

James thought, well, he thought Lily had been flirting with him as a joke.

He thought she didn't enjoy being around him.

He thought this had all been one big joke to her and Sophie.

He thought she'd done it to get back at him for breaking Sophie's heart.

"What do I do?" Lily whispered to Sirius, her head felt like it was spinning.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "get that wand back." Sirius cracked his knuckles, "meanwhile, I'm going to go have a nice little chat with James over a flask...or five."

Sirius started for the door and Remus groaned, following right behind Sirius, whispering something urgently into Sirius' ear. Sirius waved Remus off him before offering Lily a tilt of the head.

"Everything's going to be fine, Lily." Sirius told her before he was pushed out the door by Remus, "I promise."

Lily closed up the shop a half hour early but she didn't even care, her stomach was in knots from James' confrontation. She knew she'd have to catch the muggle bus and while walking through the Leaky Cauldron she tried to not panic. It took Lily over an hour to get back to her father's house because of traffic and slow muggle cars. The door the the house was locked and Lily cried out in frustration, knowing Lyra had probably locked it knowing Lily was wandless.

Lily sat on the edge of the house on top of an overturned pot. Most of the snow from the other day had melted in the rain and Lily's feet squished into the soft ground as she awaited someone to open the front door. Her cloak barely kept her warm and she was debating climbing to the second story when Petunia walked up the road in a pretty periwinkle trench coat. Petunia looked startled when Lily waved from the side of the house and even stopped when her sister met her halfway on the sidewalk.

"Petunia." Lily said with exhaustion dripping from her voice, "Where were you?"

"On a walk." Petunia said, "Why?"

"Your mums been worried," Lily said, "And she took my wand because she was mad at you."

"What do you mean?" petunia brushed her slick blond hair back into its ponytail.

"Where have you been sneaking off to at night?" Lily urged, "Just now, where were you?"

Petunia's face reddened, "Why does it matter to you?"

"Because your mum wants to know," Lily said evenly, "Petunia, she came storming into the shop worried sick about you."

"I can take care of myself." Petunia stood up straight, "why are you helping mum anyways, you can't stand her."

Lily placed a hand on her hip, "Look, Lyra took my wand and I need it back."

"Pity." Petunia's eyes were cool, "I'm guessing that's why you were sitting out here like a homeless witch?"

"Petunia please," Lily didn't know how to express her desperation other than pleading, "this wand, it's special."

"It's a wand." Petunia rolled her eyes haughtily, "How special could it be?"

"Petunia," Lily bemoaned, "I won't get the wand back unless I have an excuse to tell your mother about where you've been and I need the wand back before tomorrow afternoon."

"Guess you aren't getting the wand back then," Petunia brushed past Lily, "because I'm not going to let you tell mum where I've been or how I've been sneaking out. It would ruin everything."

Lily turned after her step sister, "Fine, I'll get that wand back without your help!"

The front door to the house opened, Lyra preparing in her dressing gown, "Petunia!"

Both Lily and Petunia flinched. Lily followed her stepsisters shuffled steps to the front door where Lyra waited with her hair in curlers. Lyra's arms were crossed and her eyes were glaring daggers at them both. Lily brushed her hood back so that Lyra could see how angry and frustrated she was.

"Where have you been?" Lyra demanded, helping Petunia up the steps and patting down her coat, "Bricks had dinner ready an hour ago!"

"I was out for a walk." Petunia lied to her mums face, not even blinking, "I lost track of time."

Petunia pushed past her mum before Lyra could say anything else and that's when Lyra's attention turned to Lily. Lily was coming up the stairs drenched from head to foot from the soggy English air. Her hair was in ringlets around her face and she felt like a wet dog. The cold was still cutting through her skin but Lily could feel the warmth coming from the inside of the townhouse.

Lyra's nostrils flared at Lily as she passed, "I thought I smelled something awful."

Lily bit her tongue to keep herself from saying anything totally regrettable. Instead she also pushed past Lyra and walked up the stairs, purposely skipping dinner just so she wouldn't have to sit and listen to Lyra reprimand Petunia for three and a half hours. Lily shut the door to her room and fell back into the sheets, letting more sobs be pulled from the depths of her lungs.

Anni had been wrong when she said Lily had hit the pitch and the only way to go was up because Lily hadn't hit the pitch yet, she was still free falling.

Next Time:

"James is embarrassed that he yelled at you so much."

"He is?"

"He is since I hit him for it." Sirius grinned.

BUM BUM BUM.

Sooooo, what'd y'all think of this chapter? You all were so excited to find out James' reaction!

See you soon for chapter 11

xxx

Petals