When All Else Fails, Hit the Fangirl – Chapter Ten: Snakes
"Careful planning will never replace dumb luck."
-=-=-=Neko's POV=-=-=-
"Remember to be completely silent, Neko."
"Yeah yeah, but I'm allowed to fight Orochimaru, right?"
"Of course. I'm counting on you fighting him, in fact."
"Good, 'cause I'm planning to use some of my new jutsu. Wait, are we letting Chicken-kun get the Curse Seal?"
"Not if we can stop it."
"Okay."
"Here they are, now quiet."
I nodded at Cho and looked down. The two of us stood in some of the highest branches of the trees and I could see Team Seven walking on the ground far beneath us. A scream could be heard in the distance and I listened to the conversation going on below.
"That was a human scream, right? I'm… getting a little nervous."
"This-this is nothing, Sakura-chan… I gotta take a piss."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN FRONT OF A LADY?!! DO THAT IN THE BUSHES!!"
"Ouch!"
A moment passed in near silence as Naruto could be heard walking off a little ways and then coming back a minute later.
"Man!! So much came out! I feel great now!!"
"I SAID NOT IN FRONT OF A LADY AND-!"
There was a solid smacking sound as Ducky-kun punched the fake Naru-chan.
"Sasuke-kun, you didn't have to go that far…"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Where's the real Naruto?"
"What are you saying?"
"Your shuriken holster is on your left side, Naruto is right handed. You're a fake loser who's worse than Naruto at transforming."
A puff of smoke surrounded Fake-Naruto. The smoke cleared to show a Rain Nin.
"That's unlucky! You figured it out. Oh well! Which one of you has the scroll?!"
Pinkie and Chicken-kun both got ready to fight, choosing not to reply.
"I'll just take it by force, then!"
As the Rain Nin ran towards Pinkie, Chicken-kun went through some hand seals ending with the Tiger seal.
"Katon: Housenka no Jutsu!" Fire Release: Phoenix Immortal Fire Technique!
I could see lots of little balls of fire fly towards the Rain Nin.
It briefly crossed my mind that it was maybe dangerous to use that kind of fire technique in a forest that could burn down on top of you. My inner optimist, however, decided to ignore that thought.
I watched as the battle continued, itching to step in and use one of my kick-ass new techniques. Chicken-kun threw a kunai that freed Naru-chan and avoided an explosion note.
"Sasuke-kun!"
The Rain Nin was behind Sasuke-teme, but of course Naru-chan saved him.
After a battle that admittedly made Sasuke-baka look kinda cool (if you tell him I said that I'll sic Gaara on you), the Rain Nin ran away, the coward.
The team sat down as Chicken-teme came up with a sort of plan.
"If we get separated next time, even if it's one of us, don't trust them. This could happen again."
"Then what do we do?"
"We'll make a codeword, just in case. Listen… if they get the codeword wrong; assume they are the enemy no matter what they look like. Listen carefully; I'll only say it once. 'We thrive in the chaos of the enemy tide, ninja do not need dens to hide, all we need to do is watch and wait, until the enemy lowers the gate.'"
"Okay!"
"Wait… that's impossible to remember… can't the codeword be, well, a code WORD?"
"Are you stupid? I already memorized it."
"Hey… is this poem thing really-"
"I'll hold the scroll," of course Duck-chan would want it; he thinks he's sooooooo amazing…
I held on tightly to the branch as a powerful wind came tearing through the trees. Looking at Cho, I was kinda disappointed when I saw she looked like she hadn't even tightened her grip. Heck, she even took a hand off of the branch to brush a blown strand of her hair back behind her ear!
…Stupid girl with stupid chakra control.
I saw the three Grass Nin, one of whom I knew to be Oro-teme, standing down below us.
"You guys just play around over there… I'll take care of them myself."
'Good luck with that, Snake-baka. Hmph.'
Cho jumped to a different tree and I followed her. I was confused for a second before I saw Chicken-kun and Pinkie.
"Sakura…"
"Sasuke-kun!"
"Stay away. First say the codeword."
"Oh, yeah! We thrive in the chaos of the enemy tide, ninja do not need dens to hide, all we need to do is watch and wait, until the enemy lowers the gate."
"Good."
"Oww… you guys alright?"
"Naruto! Wait a second, the codeword!"
"I know, I know… We thrive in the chaos of the enemy tide, ninja do not need dens to hide, all we need to do is watch and wait, until the enemy lowers the gate."
Sakura looked relieved and I snickered at her blatant stupidity. Cho gave me a sharp look and I shut up. It's not like I was being loud or anything, but whatever.
Duck-chan threw a kunai at Fakie-Naru-Chan, which Fakie-Naru-Chan dodged, while Sakura remained happily (or not so happily, more like confusedly) oblivious.
"Sasuke-kun, why…? Naruto said the codeword perfectly…"
"So this time it's someone good enough to dodge my attacks…"
"What are you talking about, Sasuke-kun?!"
"Impressive that you knew…" I shivered at that creepy voice.
"What?"
"How did you know? That I was a fake..?"
"I knew you were listening to our conversation from under the ground. That's why I made the codeword like that. There's no way Naruto could remember a poem that long, so you had to be a fake."
"I see… not lowering our guard at all, are we? This will be more fun than I thought. You want my 'Earth Scroll', right? Since you guys have the 'Heaven Scroll'…"
Even though I knew it was coming, I couldn't help but be creeped out when Orochimaru-Grass-Shinobi-Guy swallowed his scroll.
"Now, let's begin the battle for each other's scroll… with our lives on the line."
Suddenly I saw my own death flashing before my eyes, images of blood and terrible pain. A little like what I figure Akuma imagines when she's threatening me.
The images abruptly ended and I wondered when Cho had put her hand on my arm, I hadn't noticed when she did it.
I guess Killing Intent is a genjutsu…
…Who knew?
I looked down and saw Duck-chan struggling with the Killing Intent and Pinkie completely frozen in place. Hah, Cho pwns Chicken-teme. Doesn't Ducky-kun have a Sharingan?
"Sakura…" Wow, Ducky's saying Pinkie's name a lot, isn't he?
"Hehe… you can no longer move…" I could just hear the unspoken 'You're not so confident now, are you?' behind Snakey's words.
Sasuke stabbed himself in the leg with a kunai and got away before Orochi's own kunai impaled him. Cho and I followed, being as silent as we could what with Orochimaru feeling homicidal.
"Sasuke-kun, are you alri-"
I grinned and snickered as Duck-chan covered Pinkie's mouth to get her to shut up. Yay Duck-chan! Now if only he'd thought of doing that weeks ago, it would have given us all some peace…
"Ouch! Cho! Why'd you hit me?! I was being silent until you slapped my arm! That hurt!"
Pinkie and Chicken-kun both looked up to where Cho and I were and I could feel Cho's glare on me as I deliberately looked elsewhere. At least, I assumed it was a glare… Well, Cho's equivalent anyway. So it's probably not an actual glare what with her mostly-emotionless personality and all.
I turned back to Duck-chan and Pinkie with something between a smirk and a smile on my face. "You guys might wanna pay less attention to the two of us and more attention to your situation. You're about to be eaten by a giant snake."
'Mwaha! I sounded so cool right there!' I had to congratulate myself for sounding informed and ninja-like.
Ducky-chan grabbed Sakura and jumped to a different tree to avoid said giant snake. After dropping off Pinkie somewhere, Ducky avoided the snake a few more times before throwing some shuriken at its mouth.
Sasuke-teme was breathing hard as the huge snake landed against the tree, dead.
I shuddered as Orochimaru-as-creepy-Grass-Nin came out of the snake. It was just plain weird. Orochi-teme is just plain weird.
"You guys shouldn't relax for even a moment. Prey should always be trying to run away when in the presence of a predator."
'Seriously, what's with the predator metaphor?'
Orochimaru then used his freaky snake powers to wind himself around a large branch of the tree and move towards Sasuke, but he was stopped by some kunai and shuriken and I grinned as Naruto arrived.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke! I forgot the codeword!"
Yay for cool Naru-chan! Saving the day!
"Great job, Naruto!" See, even Sakura could appreciate Naru's awesomeness.
"Naruto! I know you think you're cool and here to save us, but forget it!! Run away! This one is on a whole other level!"
I interrupted before anyone else could say anything, "That's what I'm here for! Cho's just here to make sure I don't get myself killed, but I'm here to help fight Snake-Freak!"
"Hn. As if you could do anything."
"Did you seriously just refuse my help? Boy, are you stupid or what?"
"He's much stronger than any of us!"
"I know his name."
"What?" It almost looked as if Sasuke thought I was an idiot that didn't get the meaning of 'powerful opponent'.
I sighed.
"It means I know more about Snakey-teme than you do! Future-knowledge, remember?"
Sasuke glared at me. What did I say…? Don't tell me he already forgot about the future-knowledge?
I sighed again. Really, Sasuke was an idiot. "Look, Duck-chan. We will fight Snakey. You will not give Snakey our scroll, that's not what he's after, anyway. You will not be an idiot. Pinkie will not join the fight. Is that clear?"
Pinkie looked vaguely offended but didn't argue. Chicken-kun, on the other hand, glared at me until Cho interrupted him.
"Just do it, Uchiha."
Ah, the pressure of two determined girls.
Unfortunately the effect was lost when I started laughing. Loudly. "Haha! Damn! Cho, when we get to the third part of the exam, you have to save me from Neji! I bet he SOOOO wants to kill me right now. But it was SO worth it!!! Kyaaaa!" I couldn't hold in the final fangirl squeal. Even if Neji wanted to kill me, he was still amazingly awesome.
"Neko… I take it you assaulted him with a shadow clone which you had following Team 10?"
"No… it was more like, I don't know, closer to five shadow clones," I was grinning like an idiot and enjoying every second of that idiot clone's memories, "Neji isn't last year's top rookie for no reason, after all…"
Cho looked at me with what may have been an annoyed glare. She definitely wasn't happy, "You're an idiot, Neko, you do know that, right? I just hope you don't have a run-in with Hyuuga before his fight with Naruto."
"Yeah, I guess I should probably be careful about that. But it was SO worth it!"
"Neko, I think that at the moment 'death by snake' is more probable than 'death by irate Hyuuga'."
"Yeah, yeah," I was still grinning, though. 'Irate' meant angry or something, right? Haha, I'm sure Neji is so pissed at me and wants to murder me in a very painful way. Kinda like Akuma.
Before we could do anything, though, Naru-chan rushed Orochimaru-teme.
Snakey bit his left thumb and swiped it on his right arm where his summoning-thingy was. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu." Summoning Technique.
The size of the summon tossed Naru-chan into the air and he began to fall.
"Hehe… go ahead and eat him." Orochi-teme told his huge snake friend.
"EAT CRAP!" Naru-chan punched the nose of the giant summon snake and there was the sound of a large impact. Naruto's eyes glowed red.
Snakey-teme used a powerful wind technique to throw Naru-chan against a tree.
"Hehe… Sasuke-kun! Now it's your turn!" Oh yeah, Snakey, just ignore the three girls…
The giant snake launched itself at a petrified Sasuke but was stopped by Naruto-kun who copied Sasuke's taunt back from… was it the wave mission? I'll need to ask Cho later…
"Hey, you alright… scaredy-cat?"
I took this chance to launch my own jutsu on Orochimaru-teme.
I quickly created a shadow clone, and started forming a Rasengan. Of course, Orochi expected it since he saw me before the first exam, and he punched me in the stomach, slamming me into the trunk of a tree.
Pissed off I started flipping through hand seals for a jutsu that Cho helped me make. Rat (Nezumi)… Snake (Hebi)… Horse (Uma)… Dragon (Ryuu)… Bird (Tori)…
"Suiton: Mizu no Kokyuu!" Water Release: Water's Breath!
It was essentially a water version of Chicken-kun's Gokakyuu no Jutsu, or Grand Fireball Technique.
The giant spinning orb of water was about to hit Oro-teme when he used a wind technique to send the water right back at me. Suffice to say I was coughing up water for a few seconds.
"I am SO gonna KILL you for that, TEME!"
"Gyah! Let go of me!" Naruto's voice cut through my homicidal yelling.
Apparently while I was coughing up water, Snakey picked up Naru-chan with his tongue.
"Gogyou Fuuin!" Five Elements Seal!
Snake-teme rammed his hand into Naru-kun's stomach. Naru-kun's eyes turned back to blue.
Orochi threw Naru-chan aside. Without waiting for Pinkie to throw the kunai that would pin Naru-chan to the tree, Cho leapt out and grabbed Naru-chan and set him on a lower, thicker branch.
"Sasuke-kun!! It's true that unlike you Naruto is clumsy and can get in the way, but at least he's not a coward!!"
And I find my solid proof that Sakura has always been better than Ino. Seriously, what are the chances that Ino would say something that awesome.
Duck-chan then spurred into action, taking out multiple weapons and throwing them at Snake-teme from all sides, bouncing around Snakey like a ping-pong ball.
Orochimaru managed to dodge them all, obviously, but Chicken-kun had attached a string to a couple of the weapons and sent a fire technique down the string, melting Snakey's fake face.
"Able to use the Sharingan at this age… you truly are the man that carries the Uchiha blood. Just as I thought… I want you. I had fun testing your powers. You really are brothers. I sense power in your eyes that surpasses Itachi."
"Who are you?!"
"Yo, Duck-chan. He's Orochimaru. I told you I knew who he was." I wasn't amused with Chicken Butt's stupidity. Is this how Akuma feels about me?
Orochi then spoke, "If you want to see me again, then survive to pass this exam. Of course defeating my men, the Sound Nin trio, on the way."
Pinkie voiced my thoughts, "What are you talking about?! We'd never want to see your face again!"
"Hehe… It won't go that way…" Orochimaru set his hands into a strange jutsu seal.
'Come on, Cho, tell me what I need to do. Or are you going to do this one yourself?'
Orochimaru's neck began to extend the same moment that Cho jumped from her branch towards Sasuke.
-=-=-=Akuma's POV=-=-=-
"Aren't you that girl…"
I slowly opened my eyes from where I was sitting in the sun, my back against a rock. Lo and behold, the Sand Siblings were there in front of me, Kankuro apparently remembering me from our last encounter.
"If you mean the girl that is friends with both the near-emotionless girl who is possibly smarter than a Nara and the girl who seems to have made it her goal in life to die from sheer stupidity, then yes, I'm 'that girl'. If you're talking about something else, however, then I am probably not 'that girl'."
"Where is she?" Kankuro asked.
"Neko or Cho?"
"The loud blonde one."
"Heh, I wonder how many times that description has been used for Uzumaki Naruto… But Neko," I glanced at the sun to approximate the time, "Right about now… I'd say she's trying to get herself killed by Orochimaru. Either stupidly attacking him or stupidly taunting him. Either way, I'm sure she's doing something very unwise."
Kankuro looked like he was going to say something else but we were interrupted by the faint sound of a distant yell which all four of us turned towards.
"I am SO gonna KILL you for that, TEME!"
I turned to Kankuro, "Yep, definitely fighting Orochimaru. No one else in the vicinity could piss her off that thoroughly, not even Sasuke or Kabuto."
"Aren't you afraid she's going to die?" Temari asked me. It was almost as if she expected me to care about my teammate. Hah.
"Nah, Cho's there. If anyone can keep Neko from getting herself killed in a stupid way, it's Cho."
Temari had to ask something I figured had been bugging her for a while. "Why are you here, instead of with your teammates?"
"Ah, you see, I am supposed to get a scroll for our team. Unfortunately my future knowledge only tells me the vague locations of people, and only people that are supposed to pass this second test. So I'm camping out here close to the tower where people are sure to come so I don't have to wander the forest aimlessly and so I can make sure that anyone who's not supposed to pass DOESN'T pass."
Kankuro beat Temari to the question, "So I take it we're supposed to pass?"
"Do you think I could stop you, even if you weren't supposed to? But yes, you are."
Temari nodded in farewell before the three of them continued walking towards the tower.
I closed my eyes. It would be a while before any other teams would get this far, much less any that weren't supposed to pass.
-=-=-=Neko's Flashback=-=-=-
I was sure Shikamaru noticed me and my four.... quintuplet? clones but didn't particularly care that we were following them. That was fine with me, I just wanted to stick with them until tomorrow morning so I could pounce Neji.
It was a flawless plan, no?
Unfortunately it was going to be a few hours of waiting for me and my fellow shadow clones. Rock-Paper-Scissors, anyone?
-=-=-=-
"I'm thinking of a number between 327 and 46,981."
"Hmm... I like the number 9,918."
"Mwaha, 666!"
"I want number 3, why can't we have number 3?"
"I pick 32,408. Am I right?"
-=-=-=-
"Does it have scales?"
"No."
"Is it a snake?"
"I just asked if it had scales and she said no!"
"It was worth a try."
"No it wasn't, idiot."
"Hey, I'm just as much of an idiot as you are!"
"Is it furry?"
"Yes"
"...Is it a bunny?"
"...Why would I pick a bunny?"
"Because bunnies are soft."
"No, it's not a bunny."
"Is it soft?"
"Yes."
"Is it a penguin?"
"...What the hell?"
"I think it's a cow."
"Well I think it's a porcupine."
"Porcupines aren't soft!"
"But they're cute."
"Is it a giraffe?"
"Is it small?"
"Yes, it's small."
"Is it a baby giraffe?"
"Is it a baby cow?"
"Baby cows are called calves."
"Really?"
"No, it's not a baby animal."
"It's a radioactive chipmunk!"
"..."
"...What...?"
"It's not a radioactive chipmunk."
"So it's a regular chipmunk!"
"It's not a chipmunk."
"Oh, so it's radioactive... what else can be radioactive...?"
"Can chipmunks even be radioactive?"
"I... don't know. Let's ask Cho later."
-=-=-=-
"Shh! Here he is!"
All five of us were hiding behind bushes near where Team Ten was hiding. Sure enough, here was Hyuuga Neji.
"Psst, everyone in position?"
"Yep," I whispered.
"I dunno."
"Un."
"Only Deidara can say 'un'."
"That's not true!"
"Quiet! Number three, what about you?"
"No... wait, yes I am."
"Okay... three... two... one... NOW!!!"
-=-=-=Cho's POV=-=-=-
I sorely miscalculated. I added far too much chakra to my jump in my haste.
I salvaged what I could of the leap, twisting my body so as to shift my momentum when I landed. I was able to shove Sasuke away from Orochimaru's attack, but my misjudgment placed me precisely where the Uchiha used to be: on the receiving end of Orochimaru's Curse Seal technique.
Well, shit.
I could feel Orochimaru's fangs dig into my left shoulder. He withdrew shortly, obviously angered at my interference. "Idiot girl, getting in the way…" he laughed, "I would kill you, but you'll be dead soon anyway."
Pain flooded my senses as I had anticipated: my head pounded and my shoulder felt like it was on fire, burning, stinging, and aching, a searing pain that gradually spread through my body. I didn't trust my balance at this point so I knelt down, hoping my pain tolerance would allow me a little time.
I looked up at Orochimaru, "Heh… I have a ten percent chance of survival… right? I think that's better odds than if you attacked me with the intention of ending my life…"
I never got to hear any reply as the world blacked out around me; all I could hear was the sound of my own heartbeat and my quick breathing.
I could hardly think, much less speak.
'One in ten chance of survival for myself… I'm sure he attacked or will attack Sasuke as well… One in ten chance of survival for him… One in a hundred chance of survival for both of us… One in a hundred. 27. That's my number. I pick number 4 for myself and number 9 for Uchiha-san. And 27… That will be the lucky number for the both of us.
'So, Fate… what will it be? What are the numbers? Was I close to winning this final game of chance?'
I was sure, somehow through the pain, that I felt myself smiling in contentment even as the sound of my own breaths faded, everything blacking out to unconsciousness… or was it death, perhaps?
Heh.
I miscalculated; I made one minuscule wrong move that escalated to a potentially fatal outcome. I can't take it back, and now I'm relying purely on chance.
Looks like this might be game over.
It was a challenge indeed.
I hope you enjoyed. Please review!
I've already mostly decided this, but I'll ask you guys anyway since your opinions often come with really good reasoning. Should the girls participate in the third round of the exams at all? Maybe just two of them? If so, who should they fight? Ino and Sakura is one possibility, Chouji and Dosu is another. They could also fight each other. What do you guys think?
For a while I'm going to try to focus on my other fanfictions, but if I get a lot of reviews again, maybe somewhere close to 6, I will get the next chapter of Hit the Fangirl out quickly. I'm in a writing mood that will probably last a few more days, and I don't really care what I write.