Chapter 9

He stared at the ceiling,he wasn't able to sleep. The happenings of the evening didn't want to go out of his head, nor the words that his best friend had said to him.

Were they true? Was he really starting to become like... them?

He never had thought that someone would say that, nor had he believed that it would be true. But now,after what Charles had told him, he began to wonder if it was true.

What if I really become like them?

Should he be angry? Or, was there no reason to feel angry? Was it true, or wasn't it? He had been angry with Charles, he had hit him, yes. But, he would never let his anger take control over him again, not like this..

He hadn't meant to hurt Charles, but the things Charles said, they had hurt him. Charles couldn't imagine what he had said, what effect his words had had. They had hit Erik like a fist into his face.

His gaze wandered from the ceiling down to his arm, and he gulped. He couldn't see the numbers, because his arm was lying on the bed, but he could almost feel them. He could remember every second of the engraving. He could remember every horrible minute that he had spend in the concentration camp...The horrible treatment of Shaw,the fear, the pain,the..anger, the smell of burned flesh,the screams, the helplessness..Those memories would never leave his mind.

He never ever would become like them. Maybe Charles had been right, but there was enough time to stop the process. He didn't have to become like them. He could still stop this all.

But, it wasn't easy. There was still the hate inside of him, the hate for Shaw and those stupid humans...

He would try everything not to be like them. But still, Shaw was his target now, he would kill him, no matter what. Even Charles couldn't stop him from doing this.

Charles...He sighed when his thoughts returned to the telepath. The evening...He had almost attacked the younger man with kisses. Charles had seemed a bit shy and unconfortable, Erik had felt , he hadn't stoped, and he couldn't tell why.

Maybe it was because he had feared to lose Charles. When Charles had turned away from him, with this sad and hurt gaze, he had thought he had lost him. Never in his life had he felt so desperate.

The fear to lose him, to lose Charles, his only and best friend, had overwhelmed him. Never in his life he would have been able to be happy again.

In the end it had been right that they had stopped. Not that he was regretting anything ! No, he...Well, he was in love with Charles, and he really wanted to be with him, but Charles had been right. Not under this circumstances.

It was weird, but true. He loved him. It was as simple as that. He never had loved a man, or, anyone else. Of course he had been with women, but he never had really loved any of them... True, he had loved his mother, and his father,...his sister, but that was something else..

Erik closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of the late night, or better to say, of the early morning. It was almost four o`clock. He should sleep now,it was late.. While trying to calm his mind, he breathed slowly in and out , trying to relax.

It was still not easy for him to sleep properly, because the nightmares held him awake most of the time. There were many times when he awoke, dripping with sweat and panting, his eyes wide,the images of his memories in front of his open eyes.

But,it was better now. Now,that he lived here,under people.. It almost seemed as if he hadn't enough time to have nightmares, because he needed to be ready for the next day. The kids,the training ,and all the other 'humanly', problems...It was as if his brain was to full to have nightmares. He smiled ,realizing that he maybe wasn't only a weapon made by Shaw, but also a person with a soul.

Alone..I m alone..Erik opened his eyes,confused. Help me...I don't want to be alone anymore..I'm cold.. He furrowed his brow. That weren't his thoughts..

He sat up, his gaze wandered around in the room. The room was empty, the clock on the wall was ticking loudly, the light from outside dim and greyish. He held his breath, trying to listen to the thoughts again.

Not this time, I have to...- Mommy,daddy,where are you,I ..- I hate you,hate you! Leave me alone I..- Milk,eggs,sugar..-

They were sounding as if they came from far away, there was always a static noise between the individual thoughts, as if the connection between them was really bad.

Erik was a mutant, but no telepath, and the only telepath who was here in this house was Charles. Whatever he was doing, it was distracting his mind and his telepathic shields.

Erik sighed and stood up. He wasn't able to sleep if someone projected thoughts in his mind, so he would go on the search for the cause of the problem- Charles.

He quickly crossed the room and opened his door,slowly. The hallway was quiet and dark, only the moonlight shone through the windows.

Erik stepped out of his room, closed his door, and turned around, to begin his search, when he stopped. He didn't need to search anymore. The cause of his problem stood in the middle of the hallway.

My teddy,I want my teddy..- Oh,look, it looks so nice, I...- Worthless piece of shit, I gonna beat the hell out of y..- Gina,what's wrong, you look so sad..- I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't...-

He was staring at him, or better, right through him. His blue eyes were wide and glassy, and he seemed to be far far away. The moonlight made his skin even paler and the circles under his eyes looked even darker.

He just stood there, one of his pillows under his right arm,in his checkered pyjama, looking like a lost,little boy, his hair messy and his face emotionless.

Maybe this would have looked cute, maybe weird, but for Erik it was almost scary. The way Charles looked right through him... Then,suddenly his gaze seemed to focus on something, and Erik relized, too late, that is was he himself.

What are you doing in my house? Who are you? What do you want? Leave me alone ! I don't know him I don't ,do you know him? No, no,that's wrong, it's wrong !

Erik flinched as he heard the uncontrolled thoughts of someone,someone who wasn't the friend he knew. It was as if several voices spoke together, everyone of them confused.

Erik didn't know what to do. Should he go to his friend? Should he leave him alone? Should he call for help? "Charles.." he said, his voice calm and steady "I think, you should calm your mind.."

The eyes of the younger man narrowed, the pupils changing from very wide, to almost nothing within every few seconds, so that Charles eyes became almost black, and then almost only blue.

Don't know what he want's, what is he talking about? I don't know, don't know.I want to go home...

"You can't help him now." Erik almost jumped and turned around, only to meet Raven's eyes. She wore a light blue pyjama, her hair was tied into a knot, her face calm.

"What is the matter with him?" he asked her, his eyes moving back to Charles, who stood as unmoving as before. Raven smiled, though it looked a bit sad " He is sleepwalking." she answered.

Erik raised on eyebrow "Sleepwalking?" he asked "Well, he is sleeptalking , but not walking.." Raven rubbed the back of her head and nodded slowly " Yeah.."

"He often did that when he was younger. He had never been able to sleep well, because of all the voices and thoughts of other people. That's why he used to take sleeping-pills. Well, but he got tired of all this stuff, so he decided to sleep as few as possible. You see, even he has to sleep. " she sighed "The last time when he was sleepwalking wasn't that.. bad... This time it is much worse. The others can hear the thoughts as well."

Erik looked at his friend, a weird feeling inside him. Was it concern? Maybe...

"And, what can we do?" he asked quietly. She smiled up at him "It's okay, I had to help him through this many times. You can go back to bed, if you want." she didn't wait for an answer, she just walked up to her 'brother'.

Erik, however, didn't walk back into his bed. He watched them.

"Charles." Raven laid a hand on Charles's shoulder, who stayed unresponsive "Charles, you should go to bed now. It is late."

"I don't want to.." he sounded like a little, stubborn child, not like Charles at all.

"I know, c`mon, yeah? " she took him by his hand ,carefully "Wake up, Charles. " she said that so gently, so lovingly , that Erik narrowed his eyes. Like a mother.. Like a caring sister...Like someone who loves you.

Slowly, Charles's gaze steadied and returned to their normal state. "Raven?" he asked, tired and surprised. She smiled at him and nodded " Yeah."

"Was I.."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry.."

"You don't have to. Headache?"

"Yeah,.."

They understood each other, because they knew each other for so long. Because they loved each other..Charles leaned his head against Raven's shoulder, who turned around to look at Erik. "Erik?" she asked "Would you be so kind? " Erik shrugged his shoulder, looking as if he didn't care about anything, but in fact there were a lot of emotions battling inside of him. "Would you go to the kitchen and get some painkillers for Charles' headache?"

"Sure." he answered, and she nodded thankfully. He turned around,but from the corner of his eyes he could see Charles' face. It was blank, and for one moment Erik thought he could see a red gleam in those blue blue eyes..

...

The whole evening had been weird, but Erik wouldn't ask Charles about anything of what had exactly happened. He didn't do that because he wouldn't like it, if he were Charles.

He didn't like it when other people tried to understand everything of him,nor when they tried to look into his past,or when they sniffed around in his private life. His life was his own life, no one had to know everything about him. If he wanted to tell anyone anything, then he would do that.

So, that was the reason why he wouldn't ask Charles, simply because he was respecting his privat life.

It was late midday, and he was walking down the hallway, on his way down to the others, when he heard the music. Someone was playing the piano.

He stopped, and listened. It came from somewhere of the westside of the mansion.

Actually he wasn't curious, but he would like to see the person who was playing it, because it was sounding really nice. Somehow he had the feeling that he would meet Charles, and ,indeed, it was Charles who was playing the piano.

Erik stood at the open door of the room, watching Charles, who either didn't seem to notice him, or who was too lost in the music. He crossed his arms in front of his chest,listening to the music. He almost closed his eyes, when Charles began to speak "Hello,my friend,what are you doing here?"

Erik hastily opened his eyes again, pretending as if nothing had happened, and gave Charles a toothy grin "I've heard that someone was playing the piano, so I came here to see who it might be."

"Really?" Charles leaned back, turning his head to his friend "Do you like piano music?"

Erik blinked, a bit confused, and shrugged his shoulders "Yeah.. Well, I've hardly listened to any kind of music."

"No way !" Charles shook his head, almost upset "Come here" he patted at the free space on the piano stool,next to him. Erik hesitated , but Charles glared at him, his bright blue eyes demanding. So, Erik sighed and walked up to his friend, though, he didn't sat down.

It was weird, to act as if nothing had happened. He would like to ask Charles about the kiss, but he wouldn't ask. Not now.

Charles looked better than he had in the evening. His blue eyes were already bright again, and he wasn't as pale anymore. The dark circles under his eyes were still there, but also the typical smile on his lips.

Fool.

Erik had seen the medications in the kitchen-cupboard. Painkillers,sleeping-pills,medication agains asthma,medication agains headache,...

"Erik,are you listening to me,hmh?" Erik blinked,and looked down at Charles, who looked up at him with an reproachful gaze. "Sorry, what?" he asked, sounding bored.

"I said, you shall sit down, else I'll force you."

Erik grinned, though it didn't quite reached his eyes "Sure, as if you could force someone."

"You know that I can, if I want to." he tapped his indexfinger against his temple, but Erik knew that Charles would never use his powers against his friends.

"You would never do that." he said, a ironic smile on his lips, and sat down next to his friend. "I know." Charles agreed "But , at least I can say that I would. Sounds somewhat groovy."

"Yeah,totally." he couldn't hide the sarcasm in his voice, and he was sure that Charles had noticed it, but his friend stayed calm. However, how could he be so calm, after the evening, the kisses..

"See,it is easy to play the piano. All you need is love for the instrument."

"Love?" Erik asked, and couldn't suppress a grin. "Yes, Erik,love." Charles rolled his eyes " But, I don't want you to kiss the piano. I want you to lead your feelings into your play, into you hands..." he trailed off, and noticed the grin on Erik's face.

"Yeah, I always lead my hands with love.."

"Erik! That-...That wasn't what I meant, you know that!" Erik nearly laughed at the upset expression in Charles' face, but he managed to stay calm. "Anyway.." Charles looked back at the piano, then he began to play, slowly "See. I'm not thinking about what I am playing. I just play."

Erik raised an eyebrow, while watching his friend playing the piano "You..just play?"

"Yes." Charles nodded "I had piano lessons when I was younger, though I never really liked the songs that I had to play. So I came up with my own ones." he stopped,his hands mere inches above the keys "It was my mother who had wanted me to play it. "

For split second there was something like sadness in those blue eyes, but it was quickly replaced with joy "Now, it's your turn." Erik wasn't able to disagree, because Charles grabbed his hands and placed them on the keys "Just feel the music. Try something out,it doesn't matter."

The master of magnetism furrowed his brow, his eyes fixed on the keys. Slowly, he pressed on of the keys down. It was a long, low tone.

"No,don't try that one, try this one." Charles pointed at the other keys on the right side "They are higher."

So he leaned towards Charles, his fingers slowly pressing down some keys. It didn't sound bad, but not near as good as that what Charles had played "Wait, let me help you."

First, Erik thought that Charles was about to go into his mind and he was surprised as he felt the hands of his friend on his own hands. "See, you can use that keys together, but not those, because than it sounds wrong. That's fis, this a,and c'. You can also try c,e,g. Try them for the left. Now,just try something with the right. Noo, not like this,with more feeling. Yes, like this. Good."

He played, though it sounded a bit weird. Charles, however, seemed satisfied "You have nice hands" he told him "They are long, that's good to play an instrument. " his fingers stroke absently over those of Erik, almost like in trance "Say, can you play any instrument?"

Erik cleared his throat , and nodded "Yeah..." he said "My father had a violin, and he tought me how to play some pieces.." he trailed off, his thoughts wandering back to his father. Yeah, those had been some of the happy times back then...

" Violin ?" Charles asked, his eyes glistening with joy " I love violins! Do you want one?"

Erik was a bit startled "Sorry?" he asked, because he thought he had missunderstood his friend. "Do you want a violin?" Charles asked, again, a grin on his face.

"Well,I..." No, no he didn't want to have one ! It would only remind him of his past, it would hurt to play it, no...

"I'll buy you one, okay?"

Erik cloughed and shook his head "No! No,I...I don't want one,really, it's okay." But it was too late. Charles was already obsessed with the thought to buy Erik a violin. He jumped up,and Erik was almost falling backwards, because Charles jumped up to quickly, full of enthusiasm " We can drive into the city. That would be good for the kids as well. They could have a bit of fun, feeling like normal teenagers, and we could buy you a violin."

Charles didn't wait for an answer, he grinned and walked to the door "Great! I'll tell Moira and the kids that we'll drive into the city tomorrow. " and with that words he was out of the door, leaving Erik alone on the piano stool.

A violin... Why? Why did Charles want to buy him such meaningless thing? They were about to fight against Shaw, they had to train...There was no time for any pianos or violins , or other fun.

Right?

Erik let his hands slid over the keys of the piano, which were cold and polished. An instrument..It had been such a long long time that since he had played an instrument. He wasn't quite sure if he should be happy, or angry.

So,they would go into the city. It was supposed to be a funny day tomorrow, and Erik had to admit, he was positiv about it. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad has he always thought. Maybe he should try to look at things a bit more optimistically.

Yes, Erik Lehnsherr was trying to be a human again.

However, the trip to the town wouldn't end as well as he hoped...

He yo,Orangneto is back in da house :D
So,well, I have an info for you :

I won't be able to uplade/write anything in the time from 10.7 till 17.7, couse a friend of mine will visit me :)
So, don't worry if I don't upload in this time, or in some time afterwards( I try to upload again in this week, and in the week after the dates). You know me, I'll try to update as soon as possible ;)

Whoho, and thank you again for all the alerts and favs, and reviews,of course!
I never had this many alerts *_* Or favs... xD So,thanks again^^( could say that every time,again and again ,couse it makes me really happy :D)