Interlude 1: Anguish

Arnav

The knowledge that she could dismantle his defences with just a few words terrified him.

"I've been orphaned again because of what we did today. I asked you to wait ... I tried to tell you ... but you wouldn't listen. And now ..."

He still wasn't sure how he'd gotten here, married to the woman who threatened his sister, but he knew it had a lot to do with what she'd said at the poolside.

"He'll see that I don't want ... That I ch-chose someone e-else."

This was his weakness, his undoing, concrete proof that he was a despicable example of 'brother', because he still loved Khushi Kumari Gupta and yearned for a reality where she loved him too. He wanted to believe her so desperately that it threatened to overwhelm him. And it was this very desperation that made him wary — he was acutely aware that he was no longer capable of rational thought where she was concerned.

His headlights revealed the shadow of a man on the road. Arnav swerved the car around, brakes squealing, and came to a stop just shy of the figure.

Shyam Manohar Jha.

A part of Arnav wanted to destroy this man, to rip him to pieces with his bare hands for daring to hurt his sister, for daring to deceive his family. For daring to touch Khushi. He swallowed down his nausea as he alighted from the car.

"Saale-Sahib," Shyam greeted, "Why have you called me out here? After everything you've done today I should be with Rani Sah—"

"—Shut up! You can drop the act, I know everything."

"You know?" Shyam looked away, "Wh-what do you know, Saale-S-Sahib?"

"I saw you. I saw you with Khushi on the terrace."

The blood seemed to drain away from Shyam's face. He eventually managed a stammer.

"Y-you ... s-saw ... You ... you must be m-mistaken ..."

Arnav inhaled sharply, "I am not mistaken. I saw you. I heard everything."

Shyam's features slipped into a mask of cruelty. Malice shone in his eyes.

"Then there's nothing ... nothing I can do. I can't deny what you saw ... and I don't even want to, Saale-Sahib."

And then, inexplicably, his brother-in-law grinned. The chains holding back Arnav's rage snapped, and Shyam's collar was in his fists before he was aware of making the decision to move.

"How dare you! How could you do this to my Di? She treats you like her God and you've betrayed her! You cheated on her!"

The other man's shoulders shook as he laughed.

"I'm not going to spare you!" Arnav shook him, "You'll have to pay for what you've done! I won't let you go so easily!"

"So you married her," Shyam struggled to speak between chuckles, "You married her knowing that she loves me?"

"I only want you, Khushi-ji. I don't accept Rani Sahiba as my wife. Believe me, Khushi-ji, I love only you, and I love you a lot."

His hands slipped from Shyam's collar with a tremble, "This is not about Khushi Kumari Gupta."

"Oh but it is," Shyam sneered, "What did you think, Arnav? That she wanted you? The dancing, the earring, that kiss by the poolside? Did you think it was real?"

"If that relationship holds no significance for you, then why don't you break your marriage? Leave Anjali-ji."

A weight settled on his chest, making it impossible to draw breath. The sharp claws of betrayal slashed at his insides. He channelled it all into anger, relishing the way it sharpened his focus and lessened the bitter ache of their combined deception. His fist, careening towards the Shyam's face, froze at his next words.

"It was never real. It was all a distraction."

Shyam's laughter seemed to echo in his ears. Arnav's vision turned black and then red.

"You forced her to do it," Shyam continued, "You must have. Otherwise she never would've married you!"

"He'll see that I don't want ... That I ch-chose someone e-else."

Arnav grit his teeth, "Think whatever you want, but the truth is that I married her. She came to me. She told me everything. She's made her choice."

This is my one chance. I have to play the charade so convincingly that Shyam is fooled into thinking Khushi is no longer interested.

Shyam's laughter cut off abruptly.

"And now you can't do anything," Arnav continued, "If Di wasn't pregnant then I would've already thrown you out of her life for good!"

It was the smallest of victories to make Shyam believe that Khushi had truly chosen him. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe it. To believe that she'd chosen him, that she wanted him, that what he'd seen in her eyes over the last few weeks and months hadn't been a lie.

The fantasy, weak as it was, gave him strength.

"But I'm giving you a chance, your first and last chance," he said, "Make peace with your circumstances. Learn to be happy with Di and her child. It would be for the best."

And he should have stopped, should have walked away, but the part of him that needed to protect her wouldn't allow it. Some part of him still wanted her to be innocent, for her truth to be the only truth, implausible and impossible though it was.

"And yes, Jija-ji", Arnav relished the discomfort etched into Shyam's features, "Khushi is my wife. Don't try to hang around her. Don't even dare."

She doesn't want you.

She chose me.

Shyam's enraged glare followed him as he settled back into the car, and for the thousandth time this night Arnav asked himself how they could have all been so deceived.

Why didn't I see it sooner? Di worships him. Nani loves him. And Aakash ...

Arnav baulked at the thought of confiding in the brother whose marriage was built on a bedrock of lies and deceit.

"I just want to know whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl. You won't regret it later?"

"No, Bhai. Never."

His heart shied away, unwilling to consider marring Aakash's happiness.

How will I tell Aakash that his wife's sister ... even if Khushi is innocent, his wife and in-laws have hidden the truth from him. From all of us.

Unwilling to return home, to face the sister who threatened to make him weak, to look at the wife who threatened to destroy him, he drove to the sanctuary of the farmhouse. It was his mother's childhood home, the home Nana had built after his marriage to Nani, and though the family had moved away when he'd built Shantivan, Arnav kept the house in pristine condition. He tended to the extensive gardens himself, carefully planting and maintaining it in his mother's memory.

Mamma.

He let himself in through a side door, pausing on the path to stroke the petals of a red rose, and made straight for the bedroom that'd once been his. He lay diagonally across the bed, his mind still awhirl with the chaos of the night.

"He came into our house as a paying guest and deceived us, saying he was unmarried."

"Chhote will be a Mama, and Khushi-ji ..."

"I will stay, in this house, under this roof, but only if you marry me."

"He'll see that I don't want ... That I ch-chose someone e-else."

"Yes. I'll marry you tonight."

Arnav turned over with a sigh. When she'd stumbled with the weight of her decision at the poolside he'd instinctively reached to steady her, and had only managed to change the gesture into something else in the very last moment. Then he'd been weakened yet again when she'd wept with her sister, his feet carrying him to her side without permission.

Love is destruction, he reminded himself.

"You understand that this is not real?"

Even her stoic acceptance of the arrangement had cut through him. Some part of him had hoped for tears or a lecture on the sanctity of marriage. His resolve had been further shaken by the tremble of her hand in his as they'd climbed the temple steps, her quiet sobs eating away at his anger and determination. And so he'd stood to the side, gathering courage and strength as she'd signed the prenuptial papers, knowing that one tear-filled look would be all it took for his surrender.

It felt real. Something about giving her the marks of marriage, the mangalsutra and sindoor that were so significant to her, had cemented the reality of what they'd done. And it was real, whatever he'd told her at the temple. How could it not be, when every fibre of his being wished that it meant as much to her as it did to him?

"I've been orphaned again because of what we did today."

Arnav grit his teeth against the memory, but another memory rose to the forefront of his mind.

Di's smile as she awaited her groom, her shy smile as he teased her, a gunshot, his mother's prone form in front of him. Then another gunshot. The shrouded bodies of both his parents in front of him as Di wept, still dressed as a bride.

"Fuck."

He rose out of bed and padded to the adjacent bathroom, where he splashed water on his face. Then he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

I'm sorry Mamma. I didn't protect Di like you asked me to.

But I promise you that I'll make this better.

I'll fix everything.