Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all things Twilight. All of the references used in this story in relation to Brown University and its rowing team, and all of the regattas and other rowing organizations and brand names mentioned are only used here for entertainment purposes; no copyright infringement intended.

Thank you to Barburella and Hez Pixie, who so nicely helped me think out the plot for this silly little fic. And thanks as always to Barbi, Megsly, Forever_Liz and Hez for letting me send them my rough drafts to get their skittles in return. We're heading back to the world of rowing, my loves. I couldn't stay away too long, you know.

Glossary:

C.R.A.S.H.-B Sprints – an indoor rowing competition held in the winter in Boston. Competitors row on ergs in a 2,000 m race for the best times.

Scull – a boat built for a single rower, with two oars

Chapter 10: Pain is your friend

That was so not how I'd pictured that going.

All I could do was thank my lucky stars that I'd stopped drinking hours before I took Bella out of that dive. If I'd been anywhere close to the neighborhood of drunk when she heaved all over herself and my shoes, I probably would have reciprocated. One of us was bad enough. So after I cleaned her up, changed the sheets and tucked her in safely, I texted Alice to let her know her roommate was home and in bed, and let myself out. Feeling a bit like a dirtbag for the whole evening, I even made sure Mr. Ex-Navy SEAL saw me leave.

Tomorrow was going to suck.

Friday morning, Bella didn't show for practice. Alice told us Bella was sick - no shit - so Coach put us in the weight room and had us work on our erg tests instead of being on the river. None of us appreciated the detour from rowing, but since some of us planned to compete in the C.R.A.S.H.-B Sprints in Boston in February, it was a good excuse to practice. Practice rowing our asses off the seat and then puking in a trash barrel, that is.

After our morning punishment session I texted Bella to determine how she was feeling. Thirty minutes later, I had to give up and get on with my day. Maybe she was sleeping it off, I reasoned. It shocked me that she'd given up practice to stay in bed. True, hangovers sucked, but we'd all rowed and coxed with them. All part of the pain-pleasure principal. You play, you pay. But we all understood the system and partied anyways - but only when appropriate. And not before a big race.

When my classes were over, I texted Bella again, beginning to worry. Was she avoiding me? Had I done something wrong? Besides getting naked with her in her drunken state? Did she regret the entire night? Asking myself these ridiculous questions would get me nowhere, so I went to the second most-reliable source.

Alice – how's Bella feeling? Was she ok when you came home?

Hi, E. Thanx 4 helping her. She was passed out. Had to check her for breathing!

Pls tell me ur joking, Alice. I've texted her 2x, but nothing.

Kidding. Promise. ;) I talked 2 her after practice.

Why hasn't she replied? She mad at me?

Why would she b? Eddie, did you do something dumb?

Don't think so.

Why doesn't that make me feel better?

I was just worried, Alice. Things got…heavy…before she got sick.

I knew that text had ventured into the realm of way too much information, but Alice was Bella's friend, and I was a man starved for information.

Just how heavy, E? Did you guys…do it?

NO, Alice! Bella was drunk and it would have been wrong.

The silence killed me. What was Alice doing? Purposely torturing me with her Blackberry? Maybe Bella had told her roommate something entirely different about our night together. Horrible scenarios swirled through my brain as I painted myself as the criminal. But I'd done nothing wrong. I'd stopped us from going further; it had been the right thing to do. Surely Bella wouldn't find fault with that. Right? Finally, my pocket buzzed.

You're a good man, E. I knew it. B's memory is a bit foggy. Think she's a bit embarrassed.

Thanks, Alice. Shit – I don't want her to b.

Give her some time to get in touch. She'll come around.

With a mounting sense of helplessness, I sighed, slid the phone back into my pocket, and made my way back to the Volvo. Bella had the whole weekend - if she wanted - to avoid me. Coach asked that we practice during the weekends, but on our own. So with a heavy heart, I turned my car in the direction of the boathouse. No sense in letting my frustration go to waste. The ergs and weight machines beckoned.

Thankfully, the weekend was a low-key couple of days. It appeared that Emmett's drinking had made him a quieter man in the aftermath - either that, or the anticipation of his date with Rose had shifted his nerves in overdrive, which directly impacted his ability to ball-bust. Jasper spent much of the two days with Alice - in his bedroom - which forced me out of the house on more than one occasion. To pass the time, I went down to Thayer Street and ended up at one of the coffee shops with my laptop and book. Despite having papers to write and a book to read, my mind was filled with thoughts of Bella. I did have it bad. And not knowing how she felt about the previous night - hell, how she felt about me, period - had me climbing the walls.

Bella had said she'd wanted me, apparently for a while. But booze made fools of us all; could I take anything she'd said the night before as truth? And how much of my confession did she even remember? I groaned at the idea that all of it might have been wiped from the slate. There was no way in hell I was going to go backwards with her.

What I needed to do was focus, and get Bella out of my head for now. No good would come of me being so distracted; and she'd come to me when she was ready. Alice had said so, and I believed it. I texted Jasper quickly to have him meet me down at the boathouse if he wanted to work out, and exited the coffee shop. When I arrived, I parked in front and grabbed my gear from the trunk. After a quick change, I walked up to the weight room and started my warm-up. Someone had left in my mix CD of good 80s tunes, so I cranked it and got to work, scrubbing Bella from my mind with every rep, clink of weights, every burst of carbon dioxide from my lungs.

My favorite song came on again, as it always did. I hummed when I could, using the steady rhythm to push me. After weights, I moved to the erg, which looked out the set of windows onto the balcony and the Seekonk below. It was a picturesque view - a scenic, natural vista in the most unlikely of places. That was how I saw it, at least. The comforting whir of the machine's fly wheel felt like a second heartbeat. The Marston Boathouse was my home. Not some stuffy old house in Chicago.

Home. Heartbeat. Whir.

Home. Heart. Whir.

Bella. Heart. Whir.

Home. Bella. Heart. Whir.

I pushed with every muscle in my body, every moveable piece, until the display read 2,000 meters and a time of 6:30. Not bad. Plenty of time to get it down for the sprints. Chest heaving and sweat pouring over my prickly skin, I slid back and forth on the seat a few times to gradually lower my heart rate before standing. To cool off, I walked out to the deck and leaned on the railing, watching the gentle current of the river. Since Jasper had obviously chosen quality time with his girlfriend over weight training, I decided to take one of the sculls out. Only the seniors were allowed to take out the single sculls, and I luxuriated in the perk, even though I'd earned the right. After I brought the oars down to the dock, I walked the shell down and gently set it on the water. Once my feet were secure, along with the oars, I pulled my shirt over my head, leaving on my wife-beater, shoved it in the space under my seat, checked behind me for obstacles and traffic, and pushed away from the dock.

Though it had taken hours and many attempts, I found that I excelled at sculling. I alone was in charge here, and only for me. I set the boat; I kept the pace; I decided when to pull hard and how fast. As my blades moved smoothly through the murky water - emerging, turning parallel to the surface on the recovery, turning back to perpendicular, and reentering - I became movement, kinetic energy realized, a human machine.

The motion of my body, fused with the oars in my hands, the shell under me and the water surrounding me, became the same as the blood rushing through my veins to supply my muscles oxygen. Nothing separate now - only unison of one with water and fiberglass. I could no more tell where my hands ended and the oars began than I could tell my own power from that of the river's current.

Pain was inconsequential out here. We never spoke of the pain - not any of us. To do so might magnify it, breathe life into it, and anyways, to speak of it was almost blasphemous. To ignore it always seemed to convince us that it played a less important role in the task. And like every other day, every other race, I ignored it now.

Time was only a suggestion our here, but when the sun faded behind the old buildings and trees, I turned and headed back to the boathouse, exhausted and sated. With my back to my destination, I had to fight the current to sidle up to the dock, but when I glanced behind me, I saw a figure in the distance standing on the dock.

Bella.

Suddenly, the current was no match for me. I made good time, and she surprisingly helped me land, grabbing my outstretched port oar as I lifted it, pulling me closer.

"Thanks."

"Sure."

I busied myself with untying my shoes and unlocking the oarlocks. Then I grabbed my now-soaked t-shirt and stepped out of the scull. Bella seemed unsure of herself, strangely out of place here, which bothered me. She should feel just as much at home here as I did. She surprised me again by speaking first.

"I'm sorry I didn't reply to your texts," she said, studying my wet socked feet. "I…uh, wasn't feeling well."

I chuckled softly as memories of the night before flashed through my mind. Bella's nickname for me. Bella's desire to dance in that shitty-ass bar. Bella's bell and mistletoe underwear. I almost groaned aloud at that one.

"I was worried about you," I said instead. Her expression asked me why without words being necessary. "I thought…thought you might have been upset about how - about last night."

She blushed, no doubt from what her memory offered her. I felt the flames lick my own cheeks with the recollection of our two naked bodies pressed together, and used my wet shirt to cover my growing hard-on. Not the best time.

"No. Not upset," Bella said. She looked as if she wanted to say more, but then bit her lip. Then, as if to change the subject, she offered to take my oars for me. After nearly losing one in the river, and a few collisions with the wall, Bella secured them in the rack as I brought in the boat and rested it on a sling. My coxie looked like she might bolt.

"Wait – how did you know I was here?" I asked. "Or was it just a coincidence?"

"Alice."

Please don't run away.

"You're beautiful, Edward."

Huh?

"Huh?"

"Out there, on the water. I've never watched you from shore before," Bella said quietly as her fingers trailed the handles of the oars in the rack. I didn't dare move from my spot across the boathouse bay. "You're beautiful. Like a pulse - like my heartbeat. Amazing."

I ran my fingers through my hair, at a loss for what to say in reply. Before I could stumble through some inept thanks, however, Bella moved toward the door.

"Sorry - I don't know why I came," she said. "I'm so stupid."

"Hey! Bella, wait!" I ran after her, determined not to let this discussion pass us by. We both needed to clear the air and I needed even more to hear Bella say what was on her mind. Gently I grabbed her arm, turning her to face me. We were much closer than I'd realized, and immediately my senses sharpened their focus, fueled by adrenaline and something else. "Come on. Why does it have to hurt so much? Just talk to me. Please."

"Edward, I don't know what to say," she said. "I feel so dumb…about last night. I was an idiot. I can't believe I acted like that. It wasn't me."

"Do you…regret it?" I asked tentatively, keeping my hand on her arm. The warmth of her skin migrated to my fingers, providing me little comfort, given my state of dress and the situation.

"Edward, the only thing I don't regret about last night is what we did and what I said to you just before," she replied, her gaze clear and strong. That melted me. "My memory is a little foggy, though, so I'm not sure if I remember all of it. And of course, my brain has decided to punish me with memories of how the evening ended."

Bella took a shuffle-step closer to me, leaning her body ever-so-slightly against mine. She sighed and then closed her eyes, as if the gesture made her feel more at-ease. Taking the cue, I slid my hand up her arm, skimmed the hot skin of her neck and cradled her jaw with my fingers. Bending down to her level, I put my lips close to hers but kept them from touching her.

"I guess, then, that I'll have to refresh your memory," I whispered, before her lids popped open in surprise. Closing the miniscule distance, I kissed her, willing it to open the floodgates and her heart. Her arms went around my neck almost instantly, and my other hand found the small of her back and pulled her closer.

"This…this I remember," she said breathlessly as she broke the kiss. Bella trailed her hands across my shoulders, down my back and to my ass, which she squeezed. I groaned, instantly hard again. "I definitely remember that, too."

Regretfully, her hands did not stay there, and moved up to rest on either side of my face. She looked into my eyes as if they held all the secrets of the universe. What she was trying to find in them, I had no idea. Once again, I was naked before her.

"I'm so sorry I've shut you out," she said. It shocked me. As if she'd read my mind, Bella was giving me what I'd craved for months. "You deserve so much more. And I know you've given me all of you - on and off the water - and it's time I do the same." All I could do was kiss her passionately and nod for her to continue.

Bella kept my face so close as she spoke. "Vous êtes ce qui est beau dans ma vie. Et vous me rendez beau y étant." You are what is beautiful in my life. And you make me beautiful by being in it.

"No, Bella," I said, completely undone by this woman. "It's the other way around."

Bella shook her head and continued. "You're the first face I see in the morning, and you're the last thing I think of when I go to sleep at night. You intimidate and challenge me, Edward, like no one ever has. But you're also patient, kind and caring. It's the dichotomy of you that I love. The competitor and athlete. The teacher and heart and soul of a romantic. I've never met anyone like you."

"Same here," I answered lamely. "Do you remember any of what I said to you last night?" Bella nodded and smiled.

"You said you'd row naked for me every day if it made me happy," she replied. Then her face grew serious. "And you said you'd do and be anything for me."

"I would."

"I know. I'm sorry I went about this the wrong way," she said, her fingers gently rubbing my stubble. "You are kind of an imposing person. And perfect and beautiful and amazing. It's just that I wanted - have wanted - you so badly, I think it made me a little crazy."

"A little, coxie?" I joked, punctuating my sarcasm with a kiss. She replied with a gentle punch to my stomach, but then gathered my wife-beater in her fist. "Well you have me, so now what?"

"Well, Strokeward, I've been thinking about that dance you owe me."

"Ohhhh…."

"I'd like to collect on it," she said. "As soon as possible."

"I think that can be arranged," I said, the wheels in my brain turning furiously. An idea occurred to me, and I decided to run with it. My housemates owed me a night anyways, I figured. "Why don't you come over tonight for dinner? We'll see if we can arrange for some music and dancing. This way, if you step on my toes, no one will be the wiser."

"Shut it. I'm a good dancer," she said, playfully pouting. "But dinner at your house sounds nice. Will Emmett and Jasper be there, too?"

"No. Just us. I'll see to it."

"Good." Bella pulled me to her and kissed me again, and the contact zipped right along my spinal column and exploded in my groin. There could be no denying what she did to me.

"How's seven?" I asked, mentally calculating how long it would take me to shop for dinner, get home, kick everyone out and then clean. Man, I was really starting to sound like a girl. Whatever. Bella was worth it. We agreed on the time and after a few more really frustrating minutes of making out, we parted ways for the remaining hours.

Emmett was already gone when I got home, on his way to pick up Rose. And thanks to Alice, it didn't take much coaxing to convince Jasper to relocate for the evening. I thanked them both and got working on dinner. Not much of a cook, my repertoire was limited, but I could cook a mean baked ziti, so I went with it. With the ziti in the over with the garlic bread and a salad made, I jumped into the shower and shaved.

By the time seven arrived, I'd set our small kitchen table and was clean and dressed – in a shirt and nice pants, thank you very much. I figured if this was our first date, I wanted to look the part. I cued up the appropriate date-worthy music and lit the candles. Hopefully, Bella would approve. Eight nerve-wracking minutes later, she knocked on the door.

She looked amazing. Bella wore a simple, short black dress that hugged each of her curves as if the dress loved her. Her shoes had to have been six inches high, which brought her closer to my chin, rather than my chest, but they were hot as fuck. I stood there gaping like an imbecile for god knows how long before she giggled and cleared her throat.

"Hi, Edward. Can I come in?"

"Of course. Sorry," I stammered, stepping aside to let her enter. I took her sweater and realized when she turned around that the back of her dress dipped low - almost to her ass. Holy shit. This was going to be…interesting. Regaining some of my senses, I followed her into the kitchen. "You look amazing, Bella. Absolutely beautiful."

She turned and blushed as she took the time to ogle me as well. "And you, Edward, look good enough to eat." Bella closed the distance between us with two sultry steps in those fuck-me-good high heels and kissed me like she planned on putting the shoes to use. Damn. In a move that was becoming a habit - not that I would ever complain - Bella's hands slid down my back and grabbed my ass. I stifled the groan that threatened to spill forth and cleared my throat instead.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Ravenous." Damn right. As I ushered Bella to her seat, she stumbled in those giant heels and, if I hadn't caught her, would have used the table - along with the table cloth, bottle of wine, candles, plates and silverware - to break her fall.

"Alice," she said simply and with a grimace as I eased her into one of the chairs so she could rub her ankles…and discard the killer shoes. I nodded and chuckled as I served two helpings of dinner and brought them back to the table. Bella's eyes popped open as I set the plate in front of her, and she closed her eyes as she took a whiff of the ziti and bread.

"Edward, this smells wonderful," she said with a sigh, picking up her fork immediately. She moaned when the ziti hit her tongue. The first bite tasted pretty damn good to me, too. We ate quietly for a few minutes, and I used the time to watch Bella eat. Although she seemed intent on inhaling the meal, my coxie still managed to look sexy while doing it.

"So, what are your plans for the holidays?" she asked me, snapping me back into focus.

I grimaced without thinking and replied, "Spending them, of course, with my parents at home. I'd love an excuse to stay in Rhode Island, but rowing is not adequate, apparently." When Bella looked confused, I elaborated. "Lizzy and Eddie plan elaborate dinners and invite all of their high society friends. They task me with playing the role of dutiful son. I play along. But underneath it all, we're anything but the perfect family."

"No one's family is perfect, Strokie," she said. "They can't be all bad. After all, aren't they paying your tuition and rent?" I balked at the suggestion and shook my head, taking a gulp of my wine.

"God, no. I'm here on a rowing scholarship, thanks to my years of prep school and rowing there," I explained. "As for my rent, well, I have a few odd jobs to keep me in the black, and it also helps having two housemates whose parents are paying for those things. And have you seen my Volvo? Poor thing - she's on her last legs."

Bella seemed nonplussed with this information. "But why, Edward, don't they help you? Are they really that cruel?"

I shook my head. "Bella, I don't want anything from them. When I finished prep school, I told my parents that I was done with them forcing a life on me that I didn't want. I'm paying for everything that isn't covered by the scholarship, and my life here is on my terms."

"Though you still ended up at an Ivy League school," Bella mused quietly. She had me on that one. Perhaps some small part of me still hoped to make them proud. Someday.

"They have one of the best crews in the northeast," I said.

"Mmm-hmm," she answered. "Ever heard of a little school called Yale?"

"What about you, coxie? What are you doing for the holidays?" I asked, desperate to bring the subject back into focus. Bella told me she was spending Thanksgiving with her dad, and that she'd worry about Christmas later. Her face, however, suggested that she worried about it even now. But Bella didn't offer more, and I didn't want to push her. When we were finished, I cleared our plates and asked Bella if she wanted dessert. I'd picked up a cupcake from LaSalle Bakery for us to split.

"No, I think I'd like that dance now, if you don't mind," she said, walking into the living room to the iPod dock. Jasper had downloaded some good "date music" for me earlier, and I watched as Bella scrolled through the selection. Finding one she liked, Bella set the iPod back in its cradle and extended her hand to me. "Come 'ere."

As soon as the sultry slow tune crackled over the speakers, my feet moved on their own toward her. Bella called to me like a siren. I was powerless to resist. My hands wrapped around her waist and her arms went around my neck. We swayed gently and slowly, blanketed by the liquid sex of Portishead's "Glory Box." I could have sworn my heartbeat changed its rhythm to match the baseline. Bella seemed equally enthralled with the mood it set, and began kissing my neck, teasing and torturing.

I closed my eyes and simply felt Bella. Her perfume invaded my nostrils; the excited thudding of her heart thundered against my own; the softness of her dress seemed to melt under my fingertips. And her skin beckoned to me. I dipped my head to her shoulder and kissed the exposed skin there. But it wasn't enough. The music surged again and I spun her around so her back was pressed to my chest. The heat from her skin seeped through my shirt, but still I needed more contact. And as I ran my fingers under the neckline of her black dress, Bella tilted her head to the side, reached behind her and grabbed my thighs. Fuck. Double fuck.

"God, you smell amazing, Bella," I murmured against her skin. "Taste good, too." She moaned in reply and ground her ass against me. Then her hands were in my hair, tugging me to her neck again, and I willingly complied. My fingers skimmed over the swells of her breasts and Bella's breath hitched and then sped up. Fuck, she was panting. Then again, so was I. Her hands were on the move again, first to my ass and then - I realized on a sharp inhale - to the front of my pants. In reply, I slid my hands down until I found her nipples, taking them between my fingers. My mouth needed to be in on this.

"I need you, Bella," I half-growled as she palmed my hard-on through my pants.

"Yes," she murmured as she turned to face me. The moment our lips met, the fire that had simmered and bubbled beneath the surface exploded in a brilliant volcanic display. Without breaking our kiss, I reached down. Bella caught on quickly, jumping into my arms and wrapping her legs around me. Stumbling backwards, I narrowly missed the pile of free weights before falling onto the couch with Bella in my lap. The detour didn't seem to bother her in the slightest as she attempted to blindly unbutton my shirt. Talented fingers, this one. Bella managed to get my shirt off with one hand, while the other yanked on a fistful of my hair.

"Fuck," I managed when she bit my lip. Where the hell was the zipper on this damn dress? Frustrated, I pulled it off her shoulders in one rough motion. In trade, Bella yanked my t-shirt over my head and then nearly tore off my belt. The leather made a satisfying slapping sound as it slid through the belt loops and licked the front of my pants on its way to the floor.

Bella's eyes were wild. Her gloriously bare chest heaved with the burden of her desire, as did mine. With one hand pressing her to my mouth, I twirled my tongue around one firm nipple and then the other, savoring her body's response. Bella's hips rocked, seeking friction, her fingernails dug into my shoulders, her head lolled back and her mouth opened. Absolute, feminine perfection. Magnificent in all her disheveled eroticism and undone with want.

As if she knew exactly what I needed to hear, she whispered to me, "Edward - bed. You and me. Now."

Abso-fucking-lutely. Utilizing some buried reserve of coordination, I stood us up and made the eight steps to my bedroom without incident - with the exception of Bella unbuttoning and unzipping my pants en route. I kicked off my shoes and set her down to turn on the light. As I turned back to her, a blur of brown hair, pale skin and black attacked me, divesting me of my pants. Standing her up, I gently pulled the dress the remainder of the way off, and it pooled at her feet like a mysterious and yet-undiscovered liquid.

"God, you're perfect," I said, only vaguely aware that I might have sounded like a broken record. Bella reached for my hand and pulled me with her onto the bed. As we landed, her legs wrapped around me once more, aligning our bodies flawlessly. I groaned as my cock pressed against Bella's body, the heat driving me to consume her as she consumed me. Our mouths desperately crashed, fought, met and played, dancing in time with the rest of our bodies. It seemed now that while we needed this, neither felt willing to rush it.

With painstaking deliberation, I worked my mouth down Bella's body, pausing to pay homage with my lips in my favorite places: her collarbone, breasts, ribs, belly button. Gently I pressed a kiss into the only fabric still covering her, again glancing up for permission.

She nodded.

With two fingers in the waistband, I eased them off her, down her thighs, past her knees, around her ankles and onto the floor. Then I pressed another chaste kiss to the newly exposed skin and thin strip of hair before moving back to her. Bella moaned into my mouth and kneaded my ass under my boxer briefs. Then she pushed them off my hips.

"I remember this, too," Bella said quietly with a smile and a furious blush when she took in my arousal. I answered her by pressing my cock against her, heat on hot and wet. So wet. As I rocked my hips, sliding up and down, my coxie arched into me and a rush of wetness milked me. It took every ounce of restraint not to plunge into her.

"I…have…protection," we huffed in unison. With a breathless chuckle, I reached into my nightstand and produced a foil packet. "I'm closer," I said, "and I'm not letting you out of my sight." Bella giggled and nodded. Sliding the latex down my aching cock, I kissed Bella again and then positioned myself at her entrance.

"You sure?" I asked, realizing at this stage it sounded rather ridiculous to ask. But instead of poking fun, Bella bit her lip and nodded emphatically, pulling me closer and forcing me just inside her.

"Oh, god," I said as the air rushed from my lungs. Slowly, oh so slowly, I pushed farther, stopping to gauge Bella's reaction and to let her body adjust. She smiled and kissed me, encouraging more. I gradually withdrew and then slipped inside her fully. Hot, tight, slick and perfect. As I established a steady rhythm, Bella met me with every thrust – hands roaming my skin, lips needy on mine, breasts colliding against my chest. Heaven.

"Heaven."

"My thoughts…exactly," she said. "You feel so perfect inside me, Edward. You…are everything…to me."

The sound of my name on her lips and the words that followed drove me toward my release. I doubled my efforts and was immediately rewarded by a mini-earthquake, courtesy of my Bella. We drove each other on, our breathing ragged, our bodies overheated and sweaty, and the world slipping away beneath us. Everything that was important at that moment radiated from the place our bodies were joined. I melted into Bella; she took me inside her and claimed me as hers as we both jumped over the precipice and came.

And I was hers.

A/N: Okay, gang. No highwire acts for their first time, but that's sex for ya! And I think our Bella is doing quite well in opening up to Strokeward. As always, thanks for reading! Hope this was worth the wait! XOXO