Chapter Ten

They came for me at 10:00am on the dot. There was no forewarning, no prelude ‒ just a volunteer with a simple yellow note and a gesture from Mrs. Uley, my government teacher.

Bella Swan to the guidance counselor.

They couldn't have disguised it if they wanted to. Everyone knows the pink slips are from the office, and the yellow are the 'We need to talk. You're emotionally fucked up' slips.

The class looked at me in pity, staring at me as I gathered my backpack and pride. One was heavier than the other.

I followed the volunteer, some geeky kid with acne and an aversion to water down the hall and into the sanctuary of doom. You can walk in, but you may never leave. Rumor is this girl named Angela went there once, and no one ever saw her again.

"Hello, Bella." Ms. Clearwater sat her desk, a plump woman with glasses and little to live for. The guidance counselors were never married. They were unfortunate women trying to give advice to unsuspecting teens and explore any emotional garbage you may be carrying. She wasn't getting anything from me; I'd sent it on a one-way trip to Peru.

"Hi." I slumped into the nearest chair, trying to not mentally organize her chaotic desk. It was the first day of school, for crying out loud.

"I'm Ms. Clearwater. I received a suggestion from your parents to speak with you." I cut my eyes at her. Oh, so the mighty Swans sent you, did they? Of course they did.

Birds liked to hover.

She ignored my exasperated expression and continued. "I'm here to talk about anything you may be feeling regarding the incident with Edward."

I frowned at her choice of words. Incident? An incident is when you get into a fight with the fatass trying to cut in front of you in the lunch line. An incident is getting caught cheating on a test. Having your soulmate get charred alive is not an incident. It's the fucking Holocaust of teenage love.

I crossed my arms in protest. "I have nothing to say. It happened. He's alive. That's all."

"How are you feeling about that? That he's alive?"

What kind of fucked up question was that? I was beyond happy, grateful, and appreciative to be given a second chance with him. I glared at her, refusing to answer.

"Sometimes, Bella," Ms. Clearwater began, folding her hands together. "Even in the midst of a miracle, we find ourselves angry at the situation. While you can be comforted that Edward lived, you can have a range of feelings about the circumstances themselves. I want you to know that it's okay to feel anything you want. You can be happy. You can be sad. You can cry and laugh and mourn all at the same time. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I glared at her. I wasn't some cold-hearted soul. I knew I had the right to feel. That's what I'd been doing all along ‒ feeling and feeling and then feeling some more. I was tired of it. I wanted to not feel. I wanted to not wake up in the middle of the night with sweat pouring down my body. I wanted to not imagine the fear Edward must have had, trying to escape and watching his family die. I wanted to start over and pretend this never happened and have my old Edward back.

Ms. Clearwater sighed and handed me a laminated slip of paper. "This is an excuse to come see me at any time. No matter what class you're in or what time of the day it is, you show this to the teacher and you leave. Even if it's just to escape and sit here and do nothing. Got it?"

I stuffed the pass into my backpack and headed for the exit. She was sadly mistaken if she was expecting me anytime soon.

Reaching for the doorknob, I turned around. "Whatever happened to Angela Weber? You know, the shy girl with braces?"

Ms. Clearwater pushed her glasses up her nose and smiled.

"In my dungeon, of course. Now get back to class Miss Swan."

I scooted closer to Edward, trying to balance my textbook on my lap and write at the same time. "Homework on the first day. Can you believe this?"

Smiling, I showed him my paper that was only halfway done. "So guess what? Some new girl showed up today, Cullen, and I'm telling you. She's got a nice set of tits. Emmett tried to have first dibs on her in the cafeteria, but she shut him down. Hard. It was embarrassing to watch. Her name's Rosalie. I think you two would get along great. She's a smart aleck, just like you."

I erased the last line of gibberish I'd written and chewed on the edge of my pencil. "At the end of the day, they had some special assembly in your honor. They mostly talked about what a great football player you are and how they're gonna raise money for your medical bills. Dad's paying for everything, so I figure you can just pocket the cash. We'll take a trip to Disney World or something. Oh, and then…. This was so freaking funny. So they asked if anyone wanted to say any kind words, right? I didn't volunteer, if that's what you're wondering. I'd only brag about your cock, and then… Well… Nevermind."

"Anyways, Jasper raises his hand and goes running up the stage." I chuckle at the images in my head. "He flies right up the stairs and steals the microphone from Principal Black. Principal Black just stands there, and Jasper takes a deep breath. This music blares on. You know that song by Christina Perri, "A Thousand Years"? So it starts playing, and it's the saddest fucking song ever. And we're all thinking, 'Oh, this is just great. Now the whole auditorium is gonna flood with our tears.' We all figure he's gonna say something sweet about you and how you're such a good friend, but he points to someone in the back, and suddenly, lights flash and all these images pop up on the screen behind us. Let me tell you. The auditorium starts cracking up laughing."

"He had made some slideshow from that weekend we all went to the beach. Do you remember that? There was that picture of you all drunk and passed out on the sand. And another where you mooned Alice next to the pier. I mean, imagine your ass, only ten times bigger. Principal Black is just standing there, letting the song and pictures play, but his face went so pale… You would have loved it."

I giggled a few more times and then put my book to the side.

"You don't have to do it now, 'cause I know you'd be in a lot of pain, and you have another surgery tomorrow, but I'm going to keep praying that you'll wake up soon. You don't even have to talk. Just wake up, look me in the eye, and let me know you're okay, that you hear me. Can you do that for me, Cullen?"

3 weeks, 18 hours, and 45 minutes later, every star in the universe betrayed me.

I got my wish.

Bella is so loving. And so I am. Click on for another chapter... :)