Chapter ten – Can you fill the silence

After Scarlett's anger over me bailing out on them in Hogsmeade, I'm not in the mood to run into them again. I think she has forgiven me, but she's still not happy with me. So after my morning shower I leave the dorm for the library. Since it's a Sunday, I only need to share the library with a few Ravenclaws. I think they're warming up to me, I don't get so many ugly looks anymore.

I start on my Potions assignment. Afterwards I read a few chapter in my Defense book, while taking some notes as well. I'm ahead in the class, but it can't hurt. When I've read about three chapters, it's time for breakfast. I put everything back in my bag and go down to the Great Hall.

Not many students come down for breakfast that early on Sunday, so the Great Hall is pretty deserted. As expected, my friends aren't here. I pick an empty spot and make myself a coffee.

Maman wanted to meet at eleven, so we could have lunch together. I doubt Matthieu will come. I can't blame him, even though he should come. I don't think I can make him come. However, I should try though.

After I finish my coffee, I make myself a second one to go. I get up, ready to leave the Great Hall, when somebody calls out my name. I look up to see Severus approach. 'Good morning, Severus.'

'Hi, Violette', and he smiles a little. He looks uncomfortable. He stands up straight, his face is indifferent, but I can see it in his dark eyes. 'I wanted to ask you something.'

I give him a reassuring smile. 'Sure, go ahead.'

Severus bites his lip for a fraction of a second and looks like he want to turn around without asking his question.

Hoping to put him at ease, I sit back down and signal him to do as well. Severus does as I've asked, but he still looks unsure. I've never seen him look so unsecure. 'I don't bite.'

'I know', he replies, but he doesn't look like he actually believes it.

I take a sip of my coffee and decide to wait. I've given him enough encouragement. If he doesn't want to ask me whatever he wants to ask me, then that's fine by me. He should quit wasting my time though.

'I could use some help with Defense', Severus says eventually while inspecting the table.

Part of me isn't convinced that this is what he wanted to ask me, but I don't push him. 'Of course.' I check my watch, it's twenty past nine. I still need to drop off my books, get ready and change and try to persuade Matthieu into coming. 'I don't really have time today though. What about tomorrow evening?'

'Yes, sure, thanks', he confirms, looking relieved.

If I wasn't sure he wanted to talk about something else, I'm sure of it now. 'Great. I'll see you in the library after dinner then', and I get up.

Severus nods once and gets up as well. I say goodbye to him and watch him sit down a little further, by himself. I have no clue as to what just happened, but I do know that I don't have time to waste on this.

I go to the dorm, to find the girls still asleep. Quickly I grab some clothes and go to the bathroom to get ready. First, I inspect myself. I have gained a little bit, or that's what the scale told me during my last appointment with the nurse. My stomach looks bloated. I should be careful of what I eat, I don't want to gain fat.

After trying on some outfits, I decide on a dark blue knee-length dress. I put on a brown leather jacket and high boots of the same colour. A little bit of make-up and I'm ready.

It's just a little past ten o'clock, that means that I have about fifty minutes left before I'm expected at Professor McGonagall's office. Plenty of time to try and persuade Matthieu.

During the game that I played with my fellow House mates, I leaned the location of the Gryffindor Common Room. The entrance is supposed to be behind a portrait of a rather large lady on the sixth floor. It takes me some time, but I find it. The portrait is empty, but it's the right size and place. I decide on just knocking on the empty portrait. Eventually a small girl with blonde pigtails opens the door.

'Can I help you?' She asks in a small voice, squinting her eyes a bit. Since I'm not wearing robes but regular clothes, she doesn't know what House I'm in. And so she doesn't know if I'm a supposed enemy or not.

For a moment I weigh my options. I can take advantage of her and ask to let me in. It's probably going to get her in trouble though. Besides, once I'm inside I still have no idea where to find Matthieu. She'll notice, or somebody else inside is going to recognise me.

I give her a kind smile. 'My name is Violette Leclair, I'm Matthieu's older sister. Could you get him for me please? I need to talk to him.'

The girl, her eyes wide, nods. 'Of course, I'll be right back.'

The portrait closes behind her and I'm alone again. I cross my arms and start to tap my foot. After what feels like an entirety, but in reality is probably five minutes, the portrait opens again. It's the girl again, she's blushing a bit and doesn't look me in the eye. I know straight away that Matthieu won't come outside and that he told her that I'm a Slytherin.

'Matt gave me a message for you', the girl says while looking at her feet.

I doubt it will be a pretty message. I give the small Gryffindor a smile to put her at ease. 'It's okay. I understand enough. Thanks for asking.'

Maman is going to be frantic. And I have no idea what excuse to tell her.

'Actually', I say to the girl when she's about to turn around, 'I really need to talk to him. Could you let me in, for just a minute?'

The girl's eyes widen and shakes her head.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, getting irritated. 'Okay, could you get me Lily Evans for a second then?' The Head Girl should be able to allow people in for a moment, and Lily likes me.

This time it's not the little girl that appears again, but the redhead that I was asking for. Lily looks like she hasn't been up for long, her long hair in a messy ponytail. 'What's up, Violette?'

Because it's good to look insecure, it will make Lily want to help me more, I bite on my lip. 'I need to talk to my brother, but he doesn't want to come outside. You know what they can be like, younger brothers. Could I come in, for just a second?'

Lily looks unsure. 'That's not standard policy.'

'I understand completely', I say quickly and do my best to look as crestfallen as possible. 'I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry Lily. I just don't know what to do, I really need to talk to him and he keeps pushing me away.'

'You can come in, if you're quick', Lily says, looking sorry for me.

I knew I was right about Lily, she's way too sweet. I don't give in right away though, because I want her to feel like it's entirely her decision. 'You don't need to do that for me, Lily. I don't want you to break any rules for me.' What an act, Lily would hate me if she knew that I played her.

'Nonsense', and she pulls me inside. 'It's not in the actual rules, so we're not breaking anything. He's sitting there', and Lily points out Matthieu.

'Thank you so, so much, Lily', and I give her a wide smile. 'If there is anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask.'

Lily winks. 'I will. Now, go talk to your brother and enjoy your day. I'll see you in Potions tomorrow.'

I give her another grateful smile and walk over to my brother. The Common Room is pretty deserted, and way too red. It looks comfortable though, warm. I see James and Remus sitting on the other end of the Common Room, as Lily joins them. I wave at Remus and sit down next to Matthieu. 'Hi, you.'

Mathieu first looks shocked, then confused and slowly turns angry. 'You're not allowed in here.'

'Lily let me in', I explain quickly. 'Look, Matts, I know you're angry with me, but Maman really wants to see you.'

'The only person she wants to see is you, Violette. I already told you that', and Matthieu's frown deepens. 'You can't persuade me into going. Nor bribe me, in case you were thinking about that.'

'Matts, I think that Maman is going through something and she needs our support', I say slowly, not sure how much I can tell him. However, I've caught his attention. He leans back into his chair and he has lost some of his anger. 'She's very distracted lately, haven't you noticed?'

'What do you mean?' He asks, sounding so young.

I wish I didn't had to do this, that I could leave him out all of this. After all, he's only thirteen years old. But I can't, he needs to come. I need him to put her at ease, to feel loved. 'We hardly saw her the last part of your summer break. She even failed to drop us off at the station. And now, she told us that we would see her twice every month but it's November and this is the second time she wants to see us.'

For a moment, Matthieu is silent. His face is blank, not because he's hiding his emotions, but because he's thinking. Matthieu isn't that expressive with his face. However, him tapping his fingers on the table tells me that he's unsure. He's tilting his head a bit to the right side, what means that he's considering that I'm telling the truth. Then he looks me in the eye and I can see the hardness in them. I know right away that I shouldn't have come. This might backfire, badly.

'There is something wrong with you, you know that', Matthieu says, his voice ice cold. 'Well, besides being anorexic', and he spats out the last word like it's evil itself.

'Matts, this isn't about me', I try one last time. I notice how desperate my voice sounds, but I ignore it. It might help Matthieu calm down. 'This is about Maman.'

'No, Violette', and Matthieu stands up. With every word he says, his voice turns louder. 'This is all about you. When you're not getting enough attention, you just start to make up stories. You're absolutely insane.'

Part of me wants to punch him, the other part wants to cry because he has that little faith in me. I push away all of my feelings and get up. 'Of course, Matts. What do you want me to tell her, since you're not coming?'

Matthieu rolls his eyes. 'Tell her whatever you want, you freak. Now, get out of my Common Room and don't ever come back here.'

Out of the corner of my eye I can see that Lily stands up as well, ready to come over an interfere. Without saying anything, I get out. I don't need Lily to solve this – she can't mend this. On my way to Professor McGonagall's office, I try my best to not cry. I've never felt lonelier.

'Come in', Professor McGonagall says after I've knocked on her door.

I open the door, pretty sure I've concealed most of my feelings. A quick look at the Professor tells me I've succeeded. 'Hello, Professor McGonagall', I greet her and walk over to her fireplace. 'My brother isn't coming.'

Professor McGonagall gives me a searching look over her glasses, but doesn't say anything.

'Thank you for letting me use your fireplace', and I give her a sweet smile.

'No problem, Leclair', and she looks back down at the papers in front of her.

I realise that she's probably correcting our assignments. I wish her a nice day and use her fireplace to go to The Three Broomsticks. The pub is empty compared to yesterday. I try my best to not think about my panic attack and sit down at a table by myself. This time I don't bother looking around for my mother. I order a coffee and take my book ("Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen") and start to read. It can take a while for Maman to arrive.

Half an hour later, and five chapters, she's still not there. I order a second and then a third coffee. Another half hour passes and I'm getting worried. She's usually late, but never this late.

I read some more and order another coffee. Time passes. By the time I'm about to order my fifth coffee, and I've been waiting for nearly two hours, my mother rushes in. She has an agitated look on her face. When her eyes find mine, she smiles, relieved to see me.

'Bonjour, mon chérie', she says as she kisses my cheek. She sits down and takes off her coat.

'Hello, Maman', I greet her and close my book. 'Matthieu is working on a big group project', I tell her straight away, before she can ask me about him. I try to look as genuine as possible. 'He told you that, right?'

Maman frowns and then smiles a small smile. 'Yes, I think so. How are you? You're looking good.'

'I am good', I reply, studying her. Why did she agree to knowing about Matts project that doesn't exist?

Madam Rosmerta comes over to bring my coffee, that I happily accept. My mother orders a tea. 'How come you're late?' I ask her when Madam Rosmerta left us.

She looks at her watch, and then back to me. 'Late? Didn't we agree on meeting at one o'clock?'

She's lying, I can tell right away. Not because I know I'm right, but the way she says it. What I don't understand is why she's lying. What was she doing that made her late? I decide to let it slide, like she let Matthieu's absence slide. 'Oh, I must be wrong then.'

'Yes', and she nods, happy that I bought her lie. Well, at least she thinks I bought it. 'How are your appointments with Madam Pomfrey?'

I smile a small smile. Forced, but I doubt she'll notice. 'They're good. Hasn't she been sending you rapports?'

'Yes, yes', she says as she thanks Madam Rosmerta for bringing over her tea. 'I can't stay long though, Violette. I'm sorry.' She takes a sip of her tea. 'Something has come up at work.'

'I understand', and I give her a reassuring nod and take a sip of my coffee as well.

She gives me a wide smile. 'I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back.'

I watch her get up and go over to the bathroom. I take a sip of my coffee and want to grab my book, but then my gaze falls on my mother's purse. She has a big one with her, not the small one she usually carries around. Why does she need a big bag? Unable to contain my curiousness, I grab it for a quick look.

Her wallet, perfume, keys – I see an envelope and take it quickly. It's a letter from the French court. She has been summoned to court by a certain Laurent Bellamy. It doesn't say why though. I scan the letter quickly, and then put everything back how I found it. Not a moment too early, because my mother comes back just after I've placed her bag back on her side.

I don't pay attention the rest of the conversation. My mother doesn't seem to notice, because she's trying to finish her tea as fast as possible so she can get out of here.

We say goodbye and since it's raining I use the fireplace to get back to Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall is in the exact same spot as that I left her. I thank her again and on my way back to the Common Room I make a short stop outside for a cigarette, while pondering on the letter I read. Who is Laurent Bellamy? And why does his name sound so familiar?