A/N: Hello! It's been forever, and I'm sorry. But this chapter is twice as long as the others, so I hope that makes up for the long wait. It's mostly in Edward's POV, and covers most of chapters 8 and 9. I hope you guys enjoy it! I appreciate every review, so let me know what you think!! Criticism is welcome and totally valuable, so don't hold back! :P
Oh, the other characters mentioned that belong to other people don't belong to me. And the quote is from the Merchant of Venice.
The ride back was interesting, to say the least. We took the same car Emmett had used to pick me up, but somehow it seemed smaller, more confined, with Edward in the driver's seat. If I was thinking logically it made absolutely no sense, considering Emmett's physical shape was much larger than Edwards—but that was how it felt.
I spent the first few minutes staring out the window. It wasn't raining just then, but the darkening sky was still coated with thick clouds. There would probably be a storm overnight. The setting sun reflected off the fluffy barrier, painting the horizon a disarray of oranges and reds. I was watching the colors shift in the rear-view mirror when Edward spoke.
"How are you holding up?"
I couldn't help the shiver that ran up my spine at the sound of his voice. I hated that simply hearing him speak was satisfying on some deep level—like my body craved every little part of him, no matter how miniscule. His question was, of course, just an altered, less obvious version of the one I'd heard numerous times in the past: 'what are you thinking?'
In truth, I was thinking so many things at once that I could hardly comprehend any of it myself. There was no way to put the turmoil inside my mind into words—at least, not without completely breaking down and likely having a panic attack. Instead, I chose to put all my thoughts on the back burner for the time being. If Alice saw correctly, I'd have a fair amount of time for freaking out by myself when Bryant left to follow Edward.
"I'm as well as can be expected, I guess." I tried to answer his question without lying, but without giving anything away, either. "I think it's all still sinking in." Well, that part was definitely true.
"That's understandable. We've challenged your take on reality, it's only normal that you should be confused." He sounded entertained, like he thought it was amusing that I was finally reacting in a way that he expected.
But he was wrong. I wasn't confused at all. The confusion was behind me, now I was just… chaotic.
"I'm worried," I admitted, keeping my eyes fixed on the shadows growing outside. "It sounds like anything could go wrong. What if Bryant doesn't turn around like Alice expects him to? What if Nathan decides not to bother with coming to Washington? Do we just let it go then? Will I see you again?"The last question popped out before I could stop it. Since there was no chance of turning back time, I blushed, bit my lip, and awaited his response.
Each passing second seemed like hours of silence. My doubt grew as they ticked by, bringing no response from Edward. It was coming, I could feel it. The moment when he would squash my dim, building hope. Even if everything went well, what would happen then? Would any of them deign themselves to stay in my life when it was no longer in mortal danger?
When he finally answered, his voice was quiet and I thought I could feel him looking at me. "None of the possibilities, or the setbacks, or even an entire change of plans could keep me from seeing you again. I don't think even you could stop me."
Stunned, I couldn't keep myself from glancing in his direction. The familiar sight of him in the driver's seat gave me an odd sense of nostalgia. We could have been on the same road, eight years in the past, driving in the opposite direction after a very eventful night in Port Angeles. The seriousness in his expression was the same I remembered from that night. The tightness of his lips, the deep crease between his worried eyebrows, they were the same.
I couldn't help but wish that the last eight years hadn't happened at all. That we could still be in that moment, and Edward was simply dropping me off at Charlie's house and would be back in the morning to pick me up for school.
There was a very large part of me that would have gladly gone back to relive my time with him, even knowing it would end as it had. That was just the power of first love; people in literature and films suffered for it, they died for it, and never did they seem to regret it.
But I was worse than Elizabeth—if the arrogant Mr. Darcy had left her after just beginning their relationship, she wouldn't have harbored any more kind feelings towards him. I was far weaker than Catherine, and nearly as dense as Juliet. Perhaps even denser. I had no way of knowing how Juliet would have reacted to being abandoned by Romeo, but I didn't think she would pine over him for eight years. Not when Paris was waiting in the wings, and everyone around her wished for her to be married to him. She would have moved on.
I was an idiot for not having done the same, but here I was, practically swooning at the first hint of Edward wanting me back. I needed to grow a backbone, and quick. Florida Bella really needed to come out of remission and assist me, because I was turning to putty in Edward's hand without her.
"Bella?"
I flinched and faced forward as my face flooded with heat all over again.(A/N: Yes, I like alliteration. Can you tell?) That was it—no more looking away from the windows.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I'm sure you guys have it figured out pretty well." I could barely recall what we'd been talking about before I'd zoned out.
Edward laughed quietly beside me, and then we were silent. I glared out at the darkness, angry and embarrassed with myself. I thought I had learned from my experiences. My relationships in Florida were all distant, kept at arm's length because of what I had learned from the Cullen's.
Feeling too strongly about a person could mean getting hurt. It was simple concept, one I had applied to every single connection I'd made in the last eight years. But the amount of good it had done me was laughable—because I couldn't change a thing about the connections that were made before the concepts application.
Edward's POV
I'd had the longest night of my entire existence. The internal struggle I endured was second only to the way I felt the first nights after leaving Forks. Bella was so close; I could have driven to where she was in a matter of minutes. But I couldn't go. Not even just to watch her sleep, as I so dreadfully—almost painfully—wished to do. My presence would not be accepted, not by Bella, and most certainly not by the wretched vampire who had permission to be near her.
If she was talking in her sleep, it was he who heard it. It was he she woke to that morning, and probably his voice that she last heard before slipping off to sleep the night before.
Jealousy was no longer new to me; I'd had my fair share of the emotion since getting to know Isabella Swan. But jealousy had never been so quick to converge into fury. I wanted to destroy Bryant, who didn't even know he had offended me. His intentions might have even been pure, but that was beside the point. I didn't know him at all, and so I couldn't judge. It wouldn't really matter in the slightest, though—just that he was currently in my place was enough—in my opinion—to justify the plotting of his final death.
"Edward, stop it." Jasper's agitated voice interrupted my contemplation for the eighth time since returning from the fundraiser the night before. The words were perfectly clear, regardless of the fact that they were spoken from the floor below me. He'd probably been thinking at me for awhile, but I was too wrapped up in my own morbid thoughts to take heed of anyone else's.
"I can't." I tried to sound at least the tiniest bit apologetic. Jasper couldn't block his power as sufficiently as I, and my anger was likely taking its toll on him.
I should have started to focus on clearing my mind at that point. Actually, I should have done that hours ago. Upsetting Jasper wasn't going to help anything—he was getting fed up, and would soon start radiating my anger out on everyone else.
Usually I would have attempted to prevent that. But not today. Today Jasper's empathetic ability served to heighten my resentment; I loathed sharing such intense feelings with anyone, despite their closeness to me. These feelings of abhorrence and grief, they belonged to me—it was a pity that they compelled Jasper to pick a fight with Alice downstairs, but that would not keep me from suffering what was mine to suffer.
Though, perhaps it would have done everyone some good if I were to bear my thoughts elsewhere, alone. This frustration that had been building every single second I knew Bella was alone with Bryant was only intensifying; it wasn't going away anytime soon. Not until I could see her again, and see that she was well. I could go to my meadow—the one I'd shared with Bella for a brief time—and wait the time out there.
No sooner had the thought had crossed my mind than the door to my room was thrust inward and Alice flew to my side. Incredulity flickered through her golden eyes as she glared up at me.
"We're all downstairs waiting for Bella to arrive, and you're planning on leaving? I thought you wanted to see her." She rested her hands on her hips, taking on a very human defensive position.
"I do." But I didn't see why I should make my family go through hell in the meantime.
Why they were all gathered downstairs was beyond me—Mario had been unable to reach Bella, he'd called on his way back from the office to tell us so.
Alice smirked at me, the disbelief in her expression melting away to somber amusement. I could have reached for her thoughts, but I didn't want to. "For a mind reader, you sure don't have a clue what's going on. Bella called Mario back this morning, and she called again just a half hour ago. She'll be here in ten minutes, tops. Haven't you been listening at all?"
I shook my head, only slightly surprised I'd missed so much of what was going on around me. It was easy to do when one's own thoughts were complex enough to keep them occupied. I'd been incredibly unobservant in the week after having met Bella Swan, and then again for the better part of a year after forcing myself to leave her. It only stood to reason that I would be the same now, after seeing her for the first time in close to a decade. Eight years might not seem like a great length of time to the rest of my kind, but eight years without Bella might as well have been a century.
"I'll leave you alone, but come down soon, okay?" Alice didn't wait for my response before bouncing from the room, her dark hair springing behind her.
I let down my mental block gradually, catching each of my family member's thoughts in succession. The first voice I heard belonged to Alice, as she was closest to me, and the rest joined from there.
Oh, I hope she doesn't actually get sick. That's one human trait I don't mind not remembering… Edward, I know you're listening. Quit being unsociable and get moving.
A small smile crept to my face, which widened upon hearing the tenor of Esme's thoughts. Both she and Carlisle were delighted to reacquaint themselves with Bella, but Esme was by far the most thrilled. Carlisle remembered this night was not going to revolve around the joy of reuniting with a loved one, but something much grimmer. My mother—kind, caring creature that she is—had allowed herself to forget the dire basis for our meeting. There were when times I wished I could see the world from her perspective all the time, but then I would realize that all of the optimism would eventually drive me to madness.
Welcome back to the realm of rational emotions brother. I was hoping you'd return quicker, but better late than never, right? Jasper had already caught on to the change that Alice's visit invoked on my mood. His thoughts then shifted as Alice strolled into the room and sat next to him, and I moved on to the next member of my family.
This is absolutely ridiculous. And Emmett jumped at the opportunity to go see his 'little sister' when everyone else was just as capable of picking her up. Asshole. We should be leaving her alone like we're supposed to. If Nathan wants to make her like us, that's between the two of them. He could kill her off for all the difference it would make. Edward already acts like she's dead.
As usual, Rosalie's thoughts were unpleasant. I'd learned long ago not to pay much attention to the shallowness that was my self-centered sister. I had thought her resentment towards Bella was fading with time, but apparently I'd been mistaken. Rosalie could never stand it when anyone took attention away from her—especially Emmett's attention.
Forget my feelings of self-loathing; how could Jasper put up with all of the jealousy that Rosalie was broadcasting?
I started down the hall to join my family, deciding that I'd have to ask Jasper about that later. Now wasn't the time; Bella would be arriving in less than eight minutes. Thanks to Alice—and my regained awareness—I could already see her entering the house, her clothes and hair matted with rainwater. The sight was lovely enough to keep my mind from wandering off track.
If she still acts like that shell… I don't know what I'm going to do. I might shake her. Maybe a broken bone will put the Bella back in her.
I didn't catch Mario's thoughts until I'd stepped into the room with him; probably because I wasn't quite used to hearing his 'voice' along with everyone else's. I could hardly stand to listen to him now—now that he doubted our ability to help Bella. It was an easily determined fact that he wanted what was best for her, as I could read his thoughts I was sure of it, but knowing that didn't keep me from getting angry.
I nodded at Carlisle, smiled at Esme, and took a seat. Alice grinned enthusiastically, her eyes twinkling.
Five more minutes.
It was exactly four minutes later when a car slowed on the highway and made the turn into our drive. Alice squealed in anticipation and Rosalie rolled her eyes—and then I stopped focusing on my family as the familiar rhythm of Bella's heartbeat entered my earshot. We all assumed silence when Emmett cut the engine and the two of them got out. I stopped breathing altogether.
Bella took a few steps towards the house, her shoes crunching against the wet, near-frozen soil. "What happened to your jeep, anyway?" she asked, in a voice that was much less timid than I was somehow expecting.
Emmett's steps were soundless, but his voice was closer to the house than Bella's when he answered. "I traded it in for a newer model last year. This is Edward's. It was faster."
There was no reply from Bella. The crunching resumed as she followed Emmett to the porch. I took in a deep, deliberate breath just before the door pushed inward and Emmett stepped aside, grinning as he waved to an unseen Bella.
It was just like in Alice's vision: Bella came in with a smile on her face, as if she were actually pleased to be here. Hope stirred in the back of my mind, rising from the restraints I'd unknowingly put in place. I was truly afraid that Bella would want nothing to do with us, with me. I was afraid to hope for anything more than her actions allowed. The way she'd dismissed me last night had been anything but encouraging.
Everyone's thoughts exploded in different directions; I heard a dozen questions, a dozen sentiments—but no one said a word out loud. Emmett closed the door behind him, creating the only audible sound to be heard. The movement pushed a waif of air into the room and, even though I was holding my breath, I could taste the change that Bella's presence brought. The air tasted almost floral—lavender and freesia, the sweetest, most tempting concoction I'd ever encountered.
Mario shifted on the couch across from me, sitting up to his full height. "Would it have killed you to carry an umbrella on your walk?" He asked the question loudly, and then laughed even louder—attempting to dispel the awkwardness that had settled upon Bella's arrival.
Alice leapt up in a fraction of a second, thoughts of dressing Bella in some of her favorite designers flashing through her mind. But the offer was barely spoken before it was shot down, courtesy of a very calm and collected Bella.
She was different from the night before. Her composure had been more forced then, tense around the edges. That tension was gone today. And it wasn't just since she'd walked into the house; I watched Emmett's memory of her getting in my car, thankful that he was replaying it for me, whether it was intentional or not. She'd been poised from the beginning, even when she was absolutely drenched and shivering with from the cold.
Was it possible that yesterday's unease had been no more than a side effect of shock? Could she actually be as untroubled as she appeared?
I didn't contemplate long before seeking out Jasper's thoughts.
…get that, Edward? Are you okay over there?
Breaking my gaze away from Bella, I shot him a questioning look.
Did you hear anything I just told you? Jasper's 'voice' sounded exasperated.
I gave a slight shrug and shook my head. Bella took the coat that Esme had retrieved from the closet behind her and commented on the house. Jasper rolled his eyes.
I just went through every feeling coming off of her. Could you possibly pay attention this time?
I nodded and kept his thoughts in the front of my mind as Mario stood and called our little meeting to order.
She's not as comfortable as she looks, first of all. I'd known that was too good to be true. There's nervousness coming off her in thick waves. It's strong, but not as strong as I'd expect, and certainly not enough to bother me. Strangely, it all but abated when Mario spoke to her—but then spiked when Esme asked how she'd been.
That didn't seem too strange to me. From Mario's thoughts, I'd discerned that he had come to care about Bella. Yes, he was tired of his existence under Nathan's command—but he'd been tired for a long time. The motivation that finally pushed him into leaving was Bella's safety. It was no surprise that she was able to draw comfort from someone who had been close to her for so long.
I'm getting quite a bit of anxiety, like she…
I lost my concentration on Jasper's thoughts when Bella turned to meet my gaze. She didn't smile or frown, or even change her expression in the slightest; but her eyes held an unbalanced light that was entirely familiar. In those fleeting seconds, I didn't need Jasper to tell me what she was thinking.
Somehow I'd managed to dazzle her without even meaning to. It was surprising, and unexpectedly satisfying, that I still had the ability to do so.
"Come and sit down," Mario advised. His voice made Bella flinch and glanced down, her short hair caressing the rose colored skin of her cheeks. Blood rushed to the surface of her skin; it was nearly enough to have me opening my mouth to better taste the air, but I resisted.
Now that was interesting, Jasper thought.
Bella took a seat on the far end of the couch and I shot Jasper a look that demanded an explanation.
But he wasn't looking at me.
Through his thoughts—and with my own eyes—I watched Bella's face light up with an expression of pure kindness. It was the most open smile she'd offered yet. I had to acknowledge the spike of jealousy that jabbed me in the back when it was meant for him and not me.
Maybe she won't care as much as we think she will. The thought caught my attention. I glanced towards Mario, where it had originated. His expression was grave as he watched Bella greet Jasper. She's being plenty nice enough, but this quiet thing is not Bella. I've seen her more at ease herding humans in for dinner.
He might have been thinking the truth, but that didn't make it any more bearable. The doubts that had risen in Mario's mind since we met with Bella at the benefit were agonizing, mainly because he knew her well enough to be a reasonable judge of her reactions. He was beginning to wonder if she'd bottled up her past, not to savor it by keeping it to herself, but in order to escape it for good.
It was a terrifying possibility. One in which I refused to place any credence, no matter how substantial Mario's doubts became. And when his thoughts strayed too far from our objective, I was quick to help him get back on track.
"Stick to the plan," I hissed the words under my breath, stopping just before growling for emphasis.
Mario shot me a look of displeasure but sat down and focused his thoughts. It was a good thing too—if I had to hear 'she might be better off with Nathan' one more time, I was going to do something I'd probably end up regretting later.
Nathan didn't plan on giving Bella a choice in the direction of her own life. He would take everything from her without so much as asking her opinion. It was time for her to fully understand what had taken her so long to grasp in the first place: a life intertwined with my kind meant a life of constant danger.
Mario sighed mentally and began, speaking with reluctance. "We need to talk about Nathan, Bella." There's no easy way to do this. She's going to hate me for not telling her as soon as he came to me.
Bella had leaned back into the couch and taken on a more relaxed air--due in part to my brother, I was sure. "What about him?" she asked, appearing indifferent.
I'm going to ease up a little so she can think. Hopefully she won't look at Edward again; I almost grabbed Alice and held on to her for dear life. If I could cry… yeah, I don't know if I would have cried, but I'm amazed that she didn't. All that love and agony battling against each other can't possibly be healthy.
Jasper's silent words reinforced my belief that we were doing the right thing. If Bella were as indifferent as she appeared, her emotions would not have been so intense or conflicting. I barely listened as Mario voiced the first of many premeditated questions. My attention was focused on the constant flow of information that Jasper was so generously providing.
She doesn't feel that bad at all. Honestly, it's as if she's determined not to let me feel any anxiety. There's discomfort, but it's miniscule. I feel a lot of confidence. Is it possible she already knows what we're going to tell her?
I broke concentration when Bella spoke up. "He knew I lived in Washington. He thought I'd run off and lead Bryant to the… people I used to know here." She was confident, even waving off the direction of Mario's question with a shrug of her shoulders.
Mario wasted no time before throwing out the next clue. "And? Why would he be so interested in your past? You're just a human, like Lorie. He doesn't care about where Lorie came from, does he?"
Bella shrugged again, maintaining her indifference. She'd been clever as a teenager; I could only assume that her intelligence had blossomed along with the rest of her. It only made sense that she would have come to her own conclusions over the matter a long time ago.
She proved me correct with a poised explanation that was all but entirely accurate. However, she was missing the most crucial element—the one that regarded her life.
And the confusion unfolds. I guess she doesn't know. Jasper kept his monitor on Bella's feelings and I kept my monitor on his, while also catching the other thoughts in the room.
This is so not going to be pretty. Too bad there's not enough time to ease her into it a little more gently. Alice was worried about Bella—no surprise there. I was sure she'd spent the afternoon with her visions, following all of our possible decisions to their outcomes in attempt to weed out the things we should avoid saying. But editing would only do us so much good; the conversation would still be difficult, and my Bella was still going to be in pain.
Now she's upset. I think he offended her somehow. Insulted and confused—not a great combination.
I frowned and paid closer attention to what Mario was saying. "Just think for a moment, will you?" His tone wasn't quite unfriendly, but it was apparent he was running low on patience. "Think of how Lorie feels about Nathan, and of how Nathan treats her. Think about how he regards Kim, the only human he's ever called family. And then think about how he acts towards you."
He wasn't really asking that much of her. At the age of seventeen, Bella had been the most observant human I'd yet encountered--observant and accepting. Granted, Nathan been successful keeping his motives secret from every member of his coven for several years now, but somehow I expected her to catch on. Bella was special; she was the exception to human blindness.
Stop thinking about everyone else and focus on yourself for once! Haven't you learned by now to recognize a threat when you see one? These were my thoughts. It would be better for her to understand on her own, without us having to spell it out. She was more apt to believe us if the answer had already presented itself to her.
She's not going to figure it out. Alice might as well have read my mind. The unhappy words seemed like a direct reply to my thoughts. Bella would never guess that he could be infatuated with her. She's far too self-conscious for something like that.
I believed Alice was right, but who was I to know? Bella had defied even Alice's visions the night before—what more proof did we need to see that we might not know her as well as we thought? Either way, we would give her all the time she needed to think about it, even as time was of the greatest importance. This sort of thing couldn't be rushed. We wanted her to trust us and not act rashly when everything was brought to light, as some of Alice's more disturbing visions were predicting.
After an eternity of mere minutes, Bella stirred. I delved into Mario's thoughts as her gaze lifted and met his.
Did she actually solve—oh. No, I guess she didn't. Hell.
I might have found his aggravated state amusing, had the cause been something—or someone—less significant. It was rare to catch Mario without completely coherent thoughts. Like most of our kind, he was typically composed and quite sure of himself. This was a side of our new brother that I had yet to behold, but it made sense that I would get to see it now. My Bella was capable of making the best of us behave out of character.
As if to prove my point, Jasper visibly flinched and then went rigid, the hand that wasn't holding Alice balled into a tight fist. Whoa—her emotions just spiked through the roof. She's terrified of what we're going to tell her. Dread and impatience, confusion, fear. The other humans are two celled organisms next to this.
I trusted his judgment. If he said Bella's emotions were in turmoil, they were in turmoil—no matter that her face showed no hint of it being true. The imitation of a smile her lips formed was but another example of the differences that time could create. From a dreadful liar to a skillful illusionist; I had to wonder if the average human being could have achieved such a thorough transformation.
I felt bad for the person who had served as practice to perfect Bella's art of deception. But—surprisingly—I did not regret that she had picked up on the skill. It made her that much greater of an enigma. Plus it couldn't hurt a danger attracting human like Bella to be proficient at fibbing her way out of a bad situation.
But would she lie to me? Would she be able to? Was she not already, with this pretense meant to dupe everyone in the house?
I wanted to consider it further, but nothing could hold my interest when Bella and her confused eyes turned to focus on me. Her posture was stiffer now; leaning forward with her hands pressed into her knees in a firm way that didn't look natural—or comfortable, for that matter. The mask of unconcern was still in place, but I thought that it might be wavering. It no longer reached her eyes; they were filled with apprehension and unease, and seemed to be pleading with me for answers.
There was no way not to feel pain because of her pain. The only pain I had ever felt in this life was pain for Bella. Nothing else could affect my emotions in the way that she did. Without her, nothing was worth feeling.
She seemed to realize she was staring and quickly looked away, turning back to Mario. "Just get on with it already. We haven't got all day. What is this about?"
She's not impatient, she's scared. Does she think she can fool me? I really didn't want to do it like this, but what choice is she leaving? She's going to be pissed. "Bella, surely you can see where I'm coming from. Why do you think you haven't been asked to provide in the same way?"
Bella shook her head. "Umm…"
I tried to swallow back my anger, knowing what was coming. Mario had a lot of good in him, I had to remember that. He wasn't the same as those he associated with. He'd been willing to change.
"Do you think Bryant has gone this long without requesting permission to taste you? Do you think I went without asking?"
It didn't matter that I'd prepared myself to hear it. The idea of someone wanting to cause Bella harm—whether it was in the past or not—was enough to make my nonexistent blood boil. The urge to tear something apart leapt through my body, sending a growl tearing out of my throat. Mario—who had truly urged Nathan to allow him a chance to drink from Bella, a memory I'd only been subjected to once—was a mere six feet away, and a perfectly justifiable outlet for my wrath.
Whoa, lose the antagonism there, Edward. Jasper caught on to the change in my emotions at the same moment Alice's thoughts shouted, Don't do anything stupid now! He's about to tell her; don't ruin it!
Her vision was of me leaping to the other couch and ripping Mario from his seat, and then the movements became so fast I could barely make out who was tearing what from whom. Bella's screams provided the music for our deadly dance. Needless to say, a quick peek into that future was enough to keep me from choosing it.
I can't take back what I've done in the past, Edward. Mario's thoughts were repentant, as if he wished the statement were untrue. I would apologize, but what good would it do? I understand your anger, but there's really no point in disturbing Bella further, right? Let's at least pretend to be civilized.
He was right. But the urge to kill him was still fresh. I focused on remaining in my seat and, with Jasper's help, managed to calm myself to some extent. Mario turned his attention back to Bella, visibly steeling himself in order to say what needed to be said. I hoped Bella was steeling herself, too.
"What I mean to say is this: Nathan has special interest in regards to you, Bella. And he seeks to know your past—but why?" His voice was emotionless as he went on to answer his own question. "Would you believe that Nathan thinks you are a slave to your old life, and that to have your full interest would mean severing all ties to what you used to know?"
I watched Bella carefully, keeping an eye out for the signs of shock—or of anger, as Mario was expecting. Fortunately for him, Bella seemed far from angry. She was still hovering around confused. "A slave to my old life?" The words were spoken like she was repeating something in a foreign language—something she didn't understand.
Mario nodded and spoke slowly. "What do you think all of our assumptions were about that scar on your hand? And the fact that you came to us with every idea of what we were, and a history you refused to speak about?" He tried to get her to see reason one last time before proceeding. The thoughts of most in the room had gone silent; I ceased breathing, torn between letting the conversation continue and saving Bella from the pain she would inevitably feel if it did. Mario continued before I'd really made up my mind. He made himself glaringly clear this time, and Bella finally seemed to catch on, if not doubtfully.
"Wait, let me get this straight. Nathan thinks that I can't get over my past, and so he wants to eliminate it?" Mario actually sighed in relief as the rest of us nodded. "But why would he want to do that?"
Mercy, Bella! You'd better not misunderstand this. Mario leaned forward and spoke softly. "It's really quite simple. Nathan wanted the two of you to have the opportunity of starting over fresh once he's changed you."
Two seconds passed in silence, and then the silence was filled by Bella's laughter. I clenched one hand into a fist and pressed it into the sofa by my leg, frustrated. We were discussing her humanity, and Bella found it funny.
Calm down, man. Jasper sent a command along with the thought, forcing me to do just that. We don't have time for dramatics. She's having a hard enough time absorbing all this without you causing any more emotional havoc.
Alice, her thoughts bursting with compassion for the woman we all loved, spoke in the most solemn voice she could muster. "He wasn't joking, Bella. I can't see it happening—but that kind of makes sense, when you think about it." Well, yes; if all went according to his plan, we'd be nonexistent when Bella was changed. "I have seen Nathan coming here, though. And he doesn't come alone."
Bella's air of unconcern was fading fast. Anyone with the least bit of perception wouldn't need Jasper's power to read her expression and know that she didn't believe us. A familiar defiant light sparked in her eyes and she shook her head forcefully. "He has no reason to come out here. And he has no special plans for me, either. If he were going to change anybody, it would be Lorie."
Leave it to Bella to make things harder than they need to be. We're going to be here all night talking history. Mario was offended by her doubt, but he managed to keep a level tone without any assistance from Jasper as he shot down her flimsy argument. He'd known Bella long enough to appreciate that expressing his anger would only make things more difficult.
They argued about the human girl Lorie for several minutes. Bella was obviously close to the girl in question; she spoke passionately, refusing to accept Mario's logic until he was forced to change the subject. "You cannot imagine the position you put Nathan in when you refused, time and time again, to give him the information he sought. He waited years for you to trust him. And when you never did, he came to me with a proposition."
Bella's interest was sparked, though she still frowned with skepticism. "What sort of proposition?" she asked in a dry voice.
Now we're getting somewhere. "This one," he answered, spreading his arms to indicate the house and everyone in it—or maybe the state in general. "He wanted me to trail you around Washington and find out what I could. His plan was exceptionally simple. I was to take note of anyone you seemed friendly with—so they could be dealt with later, after your return to Florida. I'm sure that Bryant has the same instructions, only he wouldn't know why he's doing it. Nathan didn't want anyone else to know the full extent of his plans."
"The full extent being to murder my so-called friends in Washington, and then change me?" Bella's voice was hard, devoid of nearly all emotion. The sound of such words coming from her, in such a careless tone, was devastating. Mario nodded and she continued, her voice raising an octave to better express her doubt. "And then what? Let me loose to depopulate southern Florida and expose his business for what it really is? Why would he do that?"
Her inability to be persuaded was gnawing on Mario's nerves. "You're not thinking, Bella," he declared. "Listen to me now—you don't have long to process all of this, and I know it's come as a bit of a shock."
I tuned out his next explanation, knowing what he said would only add fuel to the fire burning in my stomach—the fire that urged me destroy anything that posed a threat to Isabella Swan. Determination to control my monstrous side—and Bella's presence—was all that kept me fastened in place. But I wasn't sure how much more I would be able to take; the conversation at hand was more agonizing than I'd been anticipating.
Mario finished speaking and silence took the place of his voice, stretching the length of several minutes. At least, it was silent for everyone else. I had plenty to listen to, but none of the voices were the one I longed to hear.
I hate that we only get to talk to her when it's about something like this. It would've been nice to see her when she was happy. Alice's thoughts were cheerless, and I couldn't help but suspect that they were directed towards me—which she quickly confirmed. I hope you know that nothing you can say will make me leave her a second time. We're going to be friends again when all of this is over. You will not change that.
I might have been offended by the commanding quality of her address, had the circumstances been altered, and had she not been absolutely right. But she should have known better. Leaving Bella again wasn't even an option anymore—it hadn't been since the day I learned about her life in Florida.
Apparently Bella was determined to live in the presence of deathly company, and I fit that role better than any other could. Nathan would not be allowed to claim her; and I was unwilling to stand by and wait for her to cross paths with another coven—which would undoubtedly happen, were we to leave her alone. It was rare for a human to happen upon more than one vampire in their lifetime, but not Bella Swan. No, she attracted us like moths to a flame.
I think we're witnessing a breakthrough. She's starting to believe, but it's still vague. We may have put too much on her at once. She's only human, after all.
I nodded at Jasper, partially agreeing with him and partially thanking him. I'd have to do it properly later; it was harder for Jasper to be around Bella than it was for the rest of us. And yet he stuck it out, because he knew that I was desperate for a glimpse at how Bella really felt, and because he wanted to help however he could.
Mario's thoughts were hopeful, worried, and just conflicted in general. His eyes were fixed on Bella, mentally picking out all the signs of her distress: tight shoulders, drooped gaze, and tensed muscles throughout her entire body. I watched from his viewpoint as Bella eyes popped open wider and her heart rate increased considerably.
"Wait a minute," she whispered. I jerked my head in her direction, anxious to hear what thought had caused such a sudden physical and verbal reaction. "What would he want with Charlie?" Of course her first concern would be for others and not herself. At least she was being true to character. Bella continued, "why him and not Renee too? Nathan knows where Renee lives; she would have been his easiest place to start. If he's erasing my past, she's a pretty large part of it."
Mario's thoughts were grim. Had you mentioned him more often, had you told us anything about him… He was disturbed; hurting Bella was not something easily done. I could empathize with him on that point. Somehow he managed kept his voice level as he replied, offering a clarification that even he felt was flimsy.
"But she's never been a part of this life. She doesn't know about our world. As far as Nathan is concerned, it's only the life you had in Washington that needs to be purged." The life you insist on keeping from him, he added silently. "If he planned on doing more, it would have been after he took care of everything here."
"Charlie doesn't know anything, either!" Bella asserted, her eyes wide, pleading. It was the loudest and most forceful thing she'd said yet.
The urge to comfort her—to somehow do away with all of her pain—was almost overpowering. I actually started to close the distance between us and take her in my arms, but stopped myself at the last possible second. Such an act would likely cause her more grieve now, rather than relieve it.
Jasper sensed my troubled emotions and spoke up for the first time. "Bella, don't worry. Nothing is going to happen while we're around. At least, not anything that Alice can foresee." He knew as well as I that his wife would be keeping close tabs on Charlie's future, just as she was Bella.
"They won't touch him." Alice was quick to back him up, offering Bella what peace of mind she could.
Bella's expression softened for a split second, then she made a small noise in the back of her throat and turned to Mario. I could tell from the defeated look on her face that she believed us, and was now concerned for the future.
"Say this is all true," she said, her voice soft. "Say Nathan has this whole other heartless side to him that he's somehow kept completely under wraps—what am I supposed to do about it now?"
I only heard the end of her question vaguely, because Mario's thoughts had abruptly taken the majority of my attention. She could fix all of this so easily. She's been happy with Nathan for years. If she can just talk some sense into him, tell him everything, tell him she's willing to start fresh without the whole violent prelude—this could all go away.
I snarled under my breath and fixed the other vampire in my stare. "Absolutely not," I declared, much louder than I'd intended. Everyone heard, including Bella, who I felt flinch on the opposite end of the couch. "Just tell her what she needs to do," I continued in a relatively calm voice, thanks to my ever-helpful brother. Jasper was sending enough soothing emotions to tranquilize a herd of elephants, but only succeeded in taking the edge off my fury.
Mario glared back at me, his thoughts frustrated and not nearly as fearful as they should have been. You cannot say that it wouldn't be the easiest solution. Bella has been safe with Nathan for the better part of a decade. He basically worships her. This is about Bella, not you—and I think they could find happiness together. She deserves the choice.
It took all of my willpower not to rip his angry eyes right out of their sockets. He would pay for this later. "No," I growled, being as final as possible.
You are being absurd, Edward. We can't say we're doing what's best for Bella if we're being as single minded as Nathan. A war between our two covens should not be the only answer.
I didn't respond aloud, reminding him with just my expression that he should not step out of line. He couldn't make this any more complicated than it already was—I wouldn't allow it. Mario seemed to comprehend that, because he didn't press the issue any further.
He turned back to Bella and spoke in a dull voice. "This is going to require some acting on your part, if we're to do this correctly. Of course, we could do it the sloppy way too, but that might not be in our best interest. Not if you want everyone you love to stay alive." He smirked towards the end, and Bella laughed, even though he wasn't joking in the slightest.
"By all means, on with the un-sloppy plan," she permitted.
Mentally, Mario prepared to be shouted at—which sort of surprised me. Had Bella really become such an outspoken person? She'd been on the quiet side during the all-too brief time we spent together in the past.
"We have to give Nathan what he wants. And then you're going to go back to Florida and play ignorant—that is the key, Bella. He cannot suspect that you know, or else he may decide to do something unexpected. When he leaves, you have to stand by as you would in any other circumstance. It doesn't matter if he calls in a dozen favors or more—if you protest in any way, it could cost you your mortality, or Lorie her life. And then we'll see to the rest from there."
He said the last part hurriedly, dropping his voice so that it seemed less important than the rest. By doing so he hoped Bella would ignore it, but we both knew she was more observant than that.
"See to it how?" Bella's voice was just above a whisper. Her heartbeat was drumming out an uneven cadence, letting on to just how uneasy she was.
She's going to do something drastic, but I'm going to tell her. There's no way for her to make a rational choice if all of the facts aren't put out on the table. Mario glanced towards me as he thought, lifting an eyebrow in question. I responded with a nod of approval—Bella was under a lot of stress at the moment, but there was still more that needed to be said. This would be our last chance for strategizing as a group before Bella returned to her home; there was no time but the present.
"Nathan's not going to stand around and talk to us, Bella. You know that. We'll try to discourage him, but… The only reason I'm asking you to wait with Lorie in Florida is because he probably won't be coming back."
If Alice's visions were anything close to how reality would play out, there was no probably about it. She'd only seen two possible outcomes thus far, and neither of them ended with Nathan walking away. We couldn't really trust the finality of that yet, though. The future was apt to change at any moment. Nothing was ever certain until it came to be.
I watched as Bella struggled to come to terms. Her eyes took on a glassy quality and dropped downward again, hiding from my view. She seemed to draw into herself, breathing shallowly and ignoring all of the concerned gazes aimed in her direction.
Out of nowhere, Jasper emitted a muted grunt that sounded like someone in pain. I glanced up, automatically scanning the room for any sort of threat as I reached for my brother's thoughts.
Oh, God; someone help her… Even the voice in his mind was strained and gasping.
Alice reacted before I could piece together what was happening. She took the empty space on our couch and spoke Bella's name softly.
Bella lifted her face gradually, revealing her glassed over eyes and a skin color that was several shades off from the norm. I couldn't remember ever seeing her in such a state.
"Yeah?" Her voice was unnaturally weak.
I saw the action play out in Alice's mind before she actually reached over to touch Bella's discolored cheek. She's clammy, Alice thought, concerned. I guess I saw this part right, after all.
Before I could ask what she meant, I was presented with a replay of a vision I'd missed at some point during the evening. Bella, kneeling over the toilet in the downstairs hallway, coughing violently— and suddenly everything made sense.
"I think I should help you to the bathroom," she told Bella, speaking with deliberate sweetness. "Otherwise we'll have a mess on Esme's carpet, and she wouldn't like that too much."
Take her, please take her. Jasper was in agony. I could only imagine how Bella was feeling, and I didn't like what my imagination came up with.
Alice didn't wait for a response before sweeping Bella to her feet and gently hauling her out of the room. The tiniest voice in the back of her mind was telling her to walk with excessive slowness; if she stalled for about eight seconds, Bella would mess up her shirt and agree to let Alice give her a new outfit to wear. Thankfully, my sister was capable of ignoring the fashion bug that ordinarily consumed her undivided attention.
"What the hell was that?" Mario was the first to speak after the awkward change of events.
Jasper took deep breaths to calm himself—something I'd never quite understood why we did. For creatures with no need of oxygen, we sure did rely on it a great deal. "It was too much for her," he muttered, not bothering to put any volume behind his voice. "She got sick. I don't have a very high tolerance for nausea."
"If she can't handle Nathan's demise, we should go back and rethink our plan." Mario spoke firmly, turning his head to look at me. "We were supposed to help her, not cause her more anguish."
My anger returned in a red-hot rush, giving me the feeling like blood actually coursed through my veins. "Whose side are you on?" I demanded, attempting to keep my voice low—without much success. "Do you propose that the best way to help Bella would be to watch her be killed? To watch her mortality be taken away, without her consent?"
Mario's expression was carefully guarded, but I didn't need to read his features. I knew his thoughts. Bella does not act like this. Whoever this girl is, it's not the same Bella I have come to know. She's far too weak. Getting sick at the thought of Nathan dying? Please! Bella slept peacefully for three weeks while Nathan indulged himself among the blood-thirsty vampires of Romania. Where was this reaction then?
He was more confused than angry, which helped to ebb the frustration I was feeling. "Bella's safety is our number one priority," I continued. "But we can't just protect her life; we need to defend her right to live it. None of us were given a choice. Do you wish this existence on her?"
Mario's thoughts were still confused, but now they were also angry. He was not the type that enjoyed following orders, nor did he easily do something he disliked doing. It was for that reason he was sitting in front of me, no longer under Nathan's ruling. But now, after witnessing what he believed to be Bella's downfall, his thoughts questioned his actions.
I knew he was wrong, I just didn't know how to make him see it. Mario was well informed about Bella's time with us. So well informed that he knew she had, at one point in time, wanted me to change her. And that I had denied her request. To be speaking about choices now made me come across as the worst type of hypocrite.
I don't wish anything on Bella that she wouldn't want for herself. But we don't know what she wants, because we haven't asked. I think it's pretty obvious she doesn't want Nathan to be killed, unless humans usually get sick when they're happy.
"We knew she wouldn't be happy. But at least this way she won't be forced to become a monster." I got up then and left the room. I refused to argue with Mario, not when it was he who came to us for help. And not when it was Bella's life at stake.
Alice's thoughts beckoned me into the kitchen as soon as I was on my feet, as if she'd known I was ready to get away from the conversation—which, being Alice, she probably did. She was standing by the counter with a tall glass in her hand when I entered.
"Is Mario getting to you?" she asked, tilting her head slightly to one side.
I shook my head, uninterested in discussing the source of my aggravation. Instead, I asked about the subject I felt was most important. "How's Bella?"
Alice's lips twitched downwards at my evasion, but she allowed it. "She'll be alright. She wants to talk to you."
That seemed rather unlikely. A quick peek into her thoughts confirmed my suspicion: my sister was hiding something. An in depth narration of Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice—while sufficiently entertaining—was not usual Alice-thought.
"Did she--"
"It doesn't matter if she asked or not," Alice cut me off, already knowing what I was about to ask. "I can tell if she wants to talk to you, and you should trust me."
"Then why are you--"
"Oh, quit asking questions and go already. It'll just ruin everything if I show you what's going to happen." She handed me the glass. "Bryant will be back in forty-five minutes and Nathan's going to call the room ten minutes later, unless he gets distracted again. He planned to call twice earlier, but they weren't as clear as this time."
She was changing the subject, trying to distract me from the fact that she was hiding the future from me. There was no point in attempting to have a conversation with her when she got like this—she wouldn't let me finish a single sentence.
Alice grinned, sensing that I'd given up. "Take her the cup and then take her back to Port Angeles. Everything's going to work out, Edward. You'll see. Bella is on our side."
She gave me an unneeded push towards the hall and stepped around me, heading back to the living room. As she left, her thoughts jumped ahead in Shakespeare's play to Act two and to one of the rare lines spoken by Lorenzo.
Beshrew me but I love her heartily,
For she is wise, if I can judge her,
And fair she is, if that mine eyes be true,
And true she is, as she hath proved herself,
And therefore, like herself, wise, fair and true,
Shall she be placed in my constant soul.