"You're such a fucking idiot, Eren," I stated simply, watching the young boy sprawled about on the ground in front of my feet, his chest heaving up and down to peek over the tall, unkempt grass of the field. He didn't say anything, but through the thin abundance of blades I saw his head turn to me, a green eye glancing upwards at me. I couldn't tell if it was with distain or regret- perhaps it was neither of the two. This expression was completely new to me.
"I didn't expect it to hurt that much."
"You fell out of a fucking tree. What did you expect? Pillowy softness?"
"Not exactly…"
I pinched the bridge of my nose, setting about finding the ability to ignore the growing urge to kick him right in his idiot head. "The ground here hasn't been farmed in ages," I started, relinquishing my nose from my forefingers, "not to mention it's already packed in tightly because of the titan infestation we have going on."
Eren sat up, cautiously. Whatever had been broken was now fixed, and currently his only affliction with the wounds was to gain some hint of sympathy from me. "I don't see many around anymore," he said, pointing to the mountainous pink blob in the distance. "That's the only one around for miles- besides me, that is."
I sighed and sat down beside him in the tall grass. As I thought, the earth was hard. For a brief moment I thought of how injured he would be if he wasn't this being with regenerative powers of a titan lurking beneath his skin. "How many times do I have to say it- you're not a titan, you're human."
The horses tied around the tree beside us whinnied softly, gaining well-deserved shelter from the blaring sun from the black shadow that crawled along the floor to meet them. They had brought us all the way out here, after all.
"I don't feel like it sometimes," he said quietly, tensing instinctively as my fingers briefly touched his shoulder as I plucked a fallen hair from his jacket. "I just wish the world wasn't so cruel. Al I wanted was to walk along a beach- or what I've read about people doing on this 'beach' with you beside me. I want to know what it feels like, what it smells like."
I let out a breath of a laugh. "Sounds to me you want to do a lot of things; and lots of them involve me." He turned to me and blushed softly, his tan skin turning a light shade of red. I wished the colour would permeate into his skin and never leave my sight again.
"O-Of course it does."
"Why? And I don't just mean on an 'I like to fuck you' level."
"Because I love you," he said, placing his hand on mine without the hesitation he so often carried around me.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." His hand squeezed tighter around mine.
"How can you be when every time I go to touch you, you cringe? Or when you can't even decide that whether you are truly human or titan?"
His eyes looked down sadly, thinking about the truth to my words. Suddenly, his head perked up, his hands gently turning my head so I could see him, the feeling of his fingers on my skin making me shiver. His kiss landed on my cheek, travelling closer and closer to my lips in small increments.
"Eren," I spoke softly, watching his closed eyes as he smothered me. Before he reached my lips, I turned away, speaking into the forgiving palm of his hand. "Oh, Eren," I repeated, cupping his hands in my own. I felt my heart retreat into the unfathomable coldness, a guilty tension sweeping over it and holding me in its grasp.
He wretched it from my clutch, letting out a grunt of confusion. "Do you not love me, Levi?"
"I do," I answered, watching the angry tears swell in his eyes, "but I don't want to."
"You don't want to?"
"If I do, I'll have no choice but to think of you always. I'd put you first over my squadron. I'd let myself die rather than see you in my place." I held a hand over my face, not wanting to let the faltering expression of loyalty to the Corps be scoured over by his eyes. Something this different than what I had always conveyed shouldn't exist; it shouldn't have this conflicting moment to even piece together a life of its own. Not in this already crumbling rendition of my tainted world.
"Then let me make the choice for you."
"Eren, I don't think it's best-" His hands pulled mine away, cutting off my words with a skillfully placed kiss. His cheeks were wet with escaped tears. I wiped them away impulsively, not wanting them to belittle the image of the strong Eren I held so dear. "Eren, please... Please don't."
"Let me show you this love is worthwhile." He gasped under each lingering kiss. I kissed him back, the feeling of benefaction for his actions clouding the better judgment of my mind. I closed my eyes as he did his, feeling his travelling hands searching me for a reaction- a gasp of air, a waking swell, a shivering bodice- all of which he so thoughtlessly received.
I pushed back, thoughts contradicting me with every moment. I can't let myself dirty you more than I already have. I shoved him back as he regained a seat on my lap, taking him by surprise.
"Levi…?" I shut him up by pushing my lips back against him, taking pleasure in his lack of air. Softly, I lowered him onto the ground in front of me, my hands roaming without my will. As his back touched the ground, I felt a faint rumbling across the earth against my knuckles. I knew Eren had felt it, too by the way he looked at me.
We both stopped, looking beyond the distant veils of land to the outskirts of this town that once was. The titan was gone, now lying in a field far into the aftermath of destruction. Its body, once tall and looming, was faltering into nothing but a thickening cloud of heated air, swirling into the sky like a fire signal for all to see.
"They're coming closer," Eren whispered, standing upright, his eyes following the movement of tiny specks of darkness against the green hillside. I stood, too, knowing full well an expedition wasn't scheduled for today. A green flare rose into the blue sky, pointing in our direction. "I wonder what they want?"
The thunderous clap of hooves on solid earth grew deafening until soon, they were upon us, surrounding us with the angry voices of all the districts of men and the unnerves whines of horses. They were all of the King's guard and the Survey Corps. Why are they encircling us? I eyed my horse carefully beyond them, but to my dismay, they had already been rounded up by someone in the crowd.
"What's going on?" I asked, yelling towards Erwin, sitting tall and dismayed on his horse. He refused to look me in the eye as he pulled out a paper and threw it at me.
"The King has given orders, Heichou-Levi."
"What orders? I didn't hear about any orders," Eren emphasized, his scared eyes hidden beneath ones of false bravery.
I unraveled the paper and skimmed it over with my eyes, my heart squeezing with faintness.
"He's calling for your death."