Midnight Sun Continued

by ForksVampireGirl

I went about this in the same way Stephenie Meyer had started Midnight Sun. All the dialog originally from Bella's POV is directly quoted from Twilight. This is Edward's POV, picking up where she left off, midway through chapter 11.

10. An Impasse

A/N: Woohoo! 100 reviews! You guys are awesome. :) So this one turned out a lot longer than I expected, I got really caught up in Edward's internal angsting. Only the epilogue to go after this, though I promise when I'm done I'll go back and write the chapter bridging the gap between where SM left off and where I started. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

"An Impasse – EPOV"

The drive to the hospital seemed endless but it couldn't have been more than thirty minutes. Carlisle sat in the back seat beside Bella monitoring her heart rate and breathing as she drifted in and out of consciousness, though I felt confident I could detect the subtle changes better than he could. All his years of medical knowledge had nothing on the countless hours I'd spent listening to and learning the rhythms of Bella's body.

Jasper had gone back to the hotel with Alice to watch James's tape with her. She was both excited and nervous by the prospect of learning about her past, and it was something they needed to share together. Always the protector, Emmett had elected himself Designated Watch Vampire, and taken it upon himself to circle the hospital for any sign of Victoria. I assured him that Rosalie and Esme would let us know if they'd lost her trail, and that if she did somehow manage to get within a mile of us I would hear her.

Leave it to me, he'd insisted. I don't want you wasting your time listening for Victoria. Bella deserves your full attention...and you deserve a break.

I grew increasingly nervous as we pulled up to the emergency room entrance. I wished we were back in Forks so Carlisle could have taken care of Bella himself, but with her head injury and the amount of blood she'd lost, there was no choice but to check her into the Phoenix Memorial Hospital.

"What are we supposed to do about the bite mark?" I whispered softly.

Don't worry. The shape may be obvious to us, but I can assure you that no human is going to see her hand and think, "vampire attack."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Yes, normal people thought of vampires as nothing more than legends, stories. It was only my Bella who thought there was nothing strange at all about the events in her life since she'd met me.

Carlisle hurried on ahead to get Bella checked in while I carefully scooped her up and carried her inside. She stirred a little, mumbling my name and I smiled at the peace hearing it brought me. Then she said something that sounded like "safe," though how she could still say my name and that word in the same sentence, even in her subconscious was beyond me. Instinctively I held her closer, wishing more than anything that I could keep her safe like I had promised, but fearing I'd never truly be able to. Although I had conquered the monster inside myself, her staying with me and being a part of my world would always bring her too close to danger. What if the next time she was threatened, I was too late?

"Edward," Carlisle called to me, the calm in his voice momentarily ripping me from my worries. He was pushing a wheelchair towards us and my grip around Bella tightened, unwilling to let her go yet.

Edward, appearances...he warned, and I reluctantly set her down. Still sleeping, Bella's head rested back against my stomach as I pushed the wheelchair and followed the doctor to her room.

As soon as she was placed on the bed, Bella was being strapped to monitors and given oxygen. Carlisle kept silently assuring me that everyone was doing exactly what they were supposed to and that Bella was in very good hands – but I'd never felt more helpless. There had to be something I could do for her.

"Why don't you check in with Alice and Jasper?" Carlisle said gently, sensing my anxiety. "They're probably on their way by now. You can let them know what room we're in." There's nothing either of us can do for Bella right now, and Alice might need some comfort.

I nodded and stepped just outside the door, though I made sure to keep Bella in my sight. Obviously not too distracted to have heard my intentions, the phone started buzzing after I'd dialed the first number.

"Honestly Edward, you're so predictable," she teased, and I was grateful for the smile it brought to my face.

"Only to my psychic sister," I grinned, making sure my voice was far below the ranges of human hearing.

"At least you find my little gift useful. Apparently my own family didn't quite see it that way." Her voice had turned acerbic and the smile left my face.

"What happened Alice? What did he say?"

"Oh, I'll fill you in on all the lovely details later, but basically I was thrown into the nut house for having visions. Apparently shock treatment was enough to disintegrate any human memories, and James killed the vampire who changed me. You know, just for fun."

I felt a stab of pain listening to Alice, a bitterness in her tone I'd never heard before. She'd always been so carefree, so happy with our existence, and I was concerned that learning the atrocities of her past would change her somehow.

"Alice, I..."

"No, Edward," she interrupted. "Don't spend one second grieving over things I can't even remember. I'm certainly not going to. Now, about Bella's cover story..." she said impishly. I breathed a sigh of relief. I should have known it would take more than that to bring down our Alice.

"Yes, I heard some of your plans but I'd like to get all the details for when Bella wakes up."

"It was quite enjoyable, actually. Got out some of my frustrations."

"And watching James get torn to shreds didn't do that for you?"

"It would have been better if I could have done some of the tearing myself. But no, I got to sit around making sure my stupid brother managed not to kill my best friend."

"And how did I do?" I asked, smiling at how quickly she seemed to have gone back to her normal, joking self.

"Well, so far you've managed to sidestep both visions. Keep it up and you may just have me doubting my own skills."

We laughed together for a moment and I reveled in the fact that I had indeed kept Bella safe from both unthinkable outcomes. She was alive and she was human.

So far.

I hated to think about what needed to be done in order to keep her that way, and although it was torturous to think such a thing, a part of me hoped that Bella would hate me for having allowed her to bear so much pain. No matter how difficult the next step might be however, I would always take comfort in knowing that I had kept both her and her humanity safe.

"Alright, Alice. What's the official story?" I asked, desperate to get my mind off of what had to be done.

"Why don't you let me show you myself?" she asked slyly, and in the same instant I felt her arm lock through mine. Amazingly, I was actually startled.

"Okay, how did you sneak up on me?"

"Easy. Jasper is outside running around with Emmett, and you can bet neither one of them is thinking about anything interesting enough to get your attention. And I've only been thinking about what I was telling you, so here I am."

"Alright, little genius, now show me what you did. Is the hotel still standing at least?"

"It's perfectly fine," she sighed. "Nothing insurance won't cover." With that she closed her eyes and let her mind wander through the destruction of the hotel that was the stage for Bella's supposed accident. She'd had far too good a time banging up the staircase and hurling herself through the window. She always did have a flair for the dramatic.

"How is she?" Alice finally asked after the last details were done playing out for me.

"About the same, I guess," I said, staring back into the room toward her. "Alice, they're sticking tubes and things into her. It's difficult to watch, even though I know she's still asleep and probably can't feel a thing. Still, I can't help thinking this is all my fault." And she'll be better off once I leave, my mind added unconsciously.

"Edward, you have to stop thinking like that. She chose you. Goodness knows you tried to stop her. We all thought you were crazy, running off on us that first day. And I've seen you agonize over whether or not you should stay with her, but you have to accept that being with you...that's her choice. You're what she wants."

"Is this what she wants?" I snapped, pointing at Bella, bruised and broken. Alice flinched and I felt instantly remorseful.

Edward, cool it, Jasper thought, suddenly coming into view behind Alice. I could feel that outburst from outside. I know you're upset, but you have no right to take it out on Alice. She's had a rough day too.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly to both of them.

"Edward," Carlisle said, stepping out of the room. "They were trying to delay until family arrives since she's still a minor, but I thought it best to have tests run right away to see the extent of the damage. Alice was able to get Charlie on the phone to give his consent. She also called Renee and she'll be here as soon as she can. You're...not going to be her favorite person," he added, looking at the floor before he continued.

"They're going to take her for x-rays and she will probably need a blood transfusion. She's heavily sedated, but I've always believed that patients can hear those around them on some level, even when they're asleep. I've convinced the doctors to give you a few minutes alone. Go talk to her, give her strength."

"Thank you," I whispered, and I watched as Carlisle led Alice and Jasper down the hall.

"Tell her I love her too", Alice called over her shoulder.

Careful not to pull at any of the tubes or wires she was connected to, I sat down gently on the edge of her bed. It was so painful to see Bella broken this way, and even harder because I knew I was to blame. If I hadn't taken her out into the middle of nowhere, none of this would have happened. The worst part of all though, was not being able to trust myself when I was the only one who could save her. The taste of her sweet, perfect blood would linger forever in my mind, along with the knowledge of how wonderfully intoxicating it had been, how much pleasure I'd felt as Bella experienced nothing but pain.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered, wanting to touch her but not believing I deserved that joy. "You've been nothing but understanding and forgiving of every wrong I've caused you, every terrible desire I've ever had toward you. I don't deserve you, Bella. But I need you."

I paused for a moment, wishing for a sign that she could hear me. I listened to her heart, even checking the monitor in case there was some flux I somehow missed, but there was nothing. I'd grown so used to hearing her talk in her sleep, I didn't realize how unsettling it would be to so see her lie completely still and silent beside me. I allowed myself one moment to reach out and put my hand over her heart, letting the steady beat and her warmth comfort me. She took one breath that felt a little deeper than the last and it gave me hope that even if she couldn't hear my words, my presence was still helping her in some small way.

"The doctors here are taking good care of you, Carlisle is making sure of that," I said, reminding myself I was here for her sake and not my own, to comfort and reassure her. "Your mother will be here as soon as she can and even though she will probably hate me before she even gets to know me, I want you to know I'm not going anywhere. I'm watching over you, just like I said I would. I'm only sorry I wasn't enough to keep you safe to begin with."

I had been staring at her face, but out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw her hand twitch. Of course. It would be just like Bella to come out of a near coma to tell me to stop being so hard on myself.

"Sleep, Bella. And if you can find a way to forgive me, dream of me. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Slowly, I pulled my hand away from her fragile body and stood up, wishing there was something more I could do. As I stood and watched her, I heard Carlisle outside the door with Bella's doctor. They were discussing her injuries at length and I had to smile. Human perception was coming into play yet again. There was only so much the hospital would tell a seventeen year old girl's teenage boyfriend, but even though he wasn't family, being a doctor himself Carlisle was getting every detail of her condition. There was a strained smile on both of their faces as they entered the room.

"Edward, they're going to take Bella for some x-rays now. Why don't you try to get some rest?" It's not like they're going to let you follow her around everywhere, but if you sit down and relax you can do the next best thing...follow her by listening closely. No one will bother you if they think you're sleeping.

I nodded and sat down in the chair beside Bella's bed, leaning my head against the wall and closing my eyes after watching them wheel her out of the room. I listened closely as time passed, seemingly more slowly that usual, until finally Bella was brought back to me. She had about as many broken bones as we had guessed, though I was reassured that they'd found no sign of internal bleeding or hemorrhaging. Because of her severe loss of blood, transfusions were still necessary. Carlisle suggested I leave the room for the process, but I'd made Bella a promise and I was determined not to break this one.

It was hard to watch, seeing foreign blood taint her perfection, and for awhile she began smelling like all the other humans who surrounded her. I was relieved when after several hours the familiar burn returned to my throat, proving once again her complete and total resilience.

I stayed with Bella through the night, both concerned and comforted by how little she changed. Her heartbeat was regular, her breathing was steady, and she showed absolutely no movement. Occasionally one of the nurses would come in to check on her, and they always eyed me curiously before leaving the room. Eventually I decided to feign sleep any time I heard someone approaching. If they still stared at me at least I didn't have to see it.

The next morning Alice brought me an empty tray with a few wrappers and a dirty plate on it. Don't want everyone to think you're starving yourself, do you? she thought with a grin. A few hours later I heard Carlisle's warning voice from down the hall.

Edward, Renee is here. You might want to give her some time alone with Bella. When several moments passed and I didn't leave the room, I heard him sigh. Then will you please pretend to sleep, at least for a little while? Let her have a moment to take it all in. She really doesn't need to be any more upset that she already is. The doctor and I will be in soon, you can "wake up" then.

Of course he was right, so I stared at Bella for one more moment before closing my eyes and leaning back in the chair, making sure to keep my breathing deep and steady. A few seconds later Renee burst into the room and I could hear her gasp as she took in her daughter's appearance. She didn't move for several minutes, but I could hear her muffled sobs as she tried to build up the courage to go to Bella's side.

Renee's mind was clearer than Charlie's, but I was still only catching words here and there rather than hearing her every thought. It was like I was getting the abridged version rather than the full story. It was a fascinating combination that had created the mystery that was Bella.

Eventually Renee calmed her tears and I heard her walk over to Bella. As she muttered soothingly, "I'm here" and "everything is alright," I chanced a peek at her. She looked like Bella, only with much shorter hair and slightly more pronounced features. Her eyes were red from crying, but I could see the warm love and compassion in them that I saw each time Bella looked at me. The way Renee looked at her and touched her so delicately made me ache for Bella to wake up so I could see that look in her eyes once more. If she still felt it. If she still loved me.

As promised, a few minutes later Carlisle and the doctor came into the room.

Wow, she thought and I had to stifle a laugh. Renee definitely wasn't looking at Bella's middle aged, pudgy, bald doctor. Oh well, at least she liked one member of the Cullen family. Renee was given a full update, including the much fabricated details of Bella's accident, at the end of which I made a show of stretching and slowly opening my eyes.

"I'd like to introduce you to my son, Edward," Carlisle said with a warm smile.

"Very nice to finally meet you. Bella talks about you all the time," I said as I walked over to her.

"Uh huh," she said, her eyes narrowing. Carlisle cleared his throat and I watched her expression slowly transform. I could tell it was a struggle, but her eyes softened and she said, "Pleased to meet you."

After Carlisle and the doctor left, she watched me carefully for a long time before returning her gaze to Bella. I wondered if I should say something, but decided it was best to let her speak first. Besides, I was in no particular hurry. It wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation. The minutes passed in uncomfortable silence, until finally she spoke.

"So, you followed her here?" she asked without looking at me.

"Yes. She left rather abruptly and I was worried about her. She wouldn't answer her phone and I wanted to make sure she was okay."

"You know, when a girl leaves you and then doesn't take your calls, that usually means they don't want to talk to you," she said dryly, glancing up at me.

"I understand that," I answered as calmly as I could, reminding myself of the need to keep everything about our ruse believable. "However I also know her reasons for leaving were made very spur of the moment, and I was hoping that given some time to think, she might be willing to reconsider."

"Charlie said she left because she was starting to get too attached...to you...and she was afraid she'd end up stuck in Forks. She told him she hated it there. She really hurt him and it just isn't like her to say something so hurtful. I want to know why."

"She was afraid," I said simply, happy that at least one statement was true. "Everyone gets scared sometimes, frightened by their own feelings and emotions. She left so quickly and, as you said, her actions were very unlike her. That's why I was hopeful I would be able to convince her to come home."

"Home?" she asked, her voice skeptical.

"Yes. I believe Bella considers Forks to be her home now."

"You still think that, after everything that's happened?"

"I'd like to. Although of course I will understand if Bella has truly made up her mind to leave. We...didn't really get a chance to talk, so all I can do is hope."

Renee watched me silently, and her thoughts were jumping around so quickly it was hard to discern what she was thinking.

"She really means a lot to you, doesn't she?" she finally asked.

"More than anything in the world," I told her truthfully, hoping it wasn't a little too much truth for a first meeting. I really wished we'd been able to be properly introduced by Bella, and under considerably better circumstances. There was another long silence, though this one wasn't as uncomfortable as the first had been.

"You're staying?" she eventually asked. It didn't really sound like a question, but I nodded and she nodded in return.

Renee stayed in the room all day, and after our initial conversation she made no more effort to talk to me. When she started to yawn, I motioned for her to take the recliner at the end of the bed, explaining that the plastic chair was fine for me. She scrutinized me for several seconds, but exhaustion must have won the battle because she made her way across the room and leaned it all the way back.

As it turned out, Renee talked in her sleep almost as much as Bella. I felt guilty for listening to her, but I'd promised Bella I wouldn't leave and I wasn't about to break my word. Most of Renee's mutterings were incoherent, but there was no doubt that they were all about Bella. All except for one about Carlisle, which I did my best to politely ignore.

During the night, Alice brought me another tray with a dirty bowl and an empty orange juice box. She smiled as she set it beside me and I eyed her curiously.

I saw Renee asking you if you wanted to join her for breakfast and while I'm sure you'd appreciate the gesture, I didn't think you would want to leave Bella. Or try to explain why you weren't eating.

In the morning, Renee stretched and let her eyes adjust. Then her gaze fixed on the empty tray and with a sigh, excused herself to get a bite to eat. I could see the stress was getting to her and I was glad to see she was at least attempting to take care of herself. She hadn't eaten since she'd arrived.

How are you? Carlisle thought, entering the room as soon as Renee left. Wordlessly I shrugged as my eyes drifted once more to Bella. Alice wanted me to tell you she sees Bella waking up soon.

Instantly I moved my chair until I was pressed into the side of her bed. I bent down until my face was touching her pillow, watching her closely and hoping selfishly that she would awaken before her mother returned. I needed a moment with her, to see for myself she was alright and to determine whether or not she could ever forgive me for all the damage I'd caused. I was so torn, both desperate for her forgiveness but also knowing it would be easier if she demanded I leave. I didn't know if I would have the strength to do it on my own.

And Edward...she wouldn't explain what she meant, but Alice also wanted me to tell you, "Don't try to make her choices for her. If you upset her at all, I'll come throw you out a window." I smirked at Carlisle and he just grinned. Her words, not mine, though I have to say I'm in agreement.

"I'll do my best," I said sarcastically as he turned to leave the room.

In the minutes that followed, I allowed myself to think about the implications of Alice's warning. She knew I felt guilty and would blame myself for what had happened. Perhaps she had already seen me leaving and was telling me how wrong that decision would be if I were to force it upon Bella. Feeling a slight reprieve, I decided I would do my best to ensure Bella made up her own mind. For all I knew, she wouldn't want anything to do with me when she woke up and realized just how much damage I'd caused. Until that moment came, however, I would cherish every second I had with her.

Yet again, Alice didn't fail me. Within a few minutes Bella's heart rate started to speed up slightly. She took several long, deep breaths until finally her eyes fluttered open. I didn't make any motion to move, letting her adjust to her unfamiliar surroundings, but when she reached up to pull the oxygen from her nose, I gently stopped her.

"No, you don't," I said softly.

"Edward?" she muttered, turning her head slowly until her eyes were locked with mine. They were still half closed and straining to focus, but as they adjusted they widened in surprise and she shouted, "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry!"

"Shhhh," I whispered, wondering what in the world she could be apologizing for. "Everything's all right now."

"What happened?" she asked, confusion written all over her face. I wondered how much she remembered, and if remarkably she had managed to block out a significant portion of the events, how much I should even tell her. She'd handled the situation with so much grace, but now that she was safe and James was dead the reality of the fact that she'd been bitten by a vampire, knowing she'd nearly lost either her life or her humanity, would surely haunt her forever.

"I was almost too late. I could have been too late," I said quietly, deciding to skip to the only part that really mattered at that moment. It was the truth that I feared would forever change the way Bella saw me.

"I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom," she said, and I cringed as she once again found a way to blame herself.

"He tricked all of us," I assured her.

"I need to call Charlie and my mom," she said, her heartbeat racing with worry.

"Alice called them. Renee is here – well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now." Again feeling miserably selfish, I hoped the cafeteria line was really long. I needed this time with Bella.

"She's here?" she asked, making a feeble attempt to sit up. I noticed her pupils dilate slightly and I knew how dizzy such a sudden movement would make her. Carefully I guided her back to her pillow.

"She'll be back soon. And you need to stay still."

"But what did you tell her?" she asked, looking slightly irritated. Was I already do exactly what Alice had told me not to do? Certainly looking out for her physical well being didn't fall into the category of making choices for her. She was disoriented and lightheaded. I was simply making sure she didn't pass out.

"Why did you tell her I'm here?" she persisted.

"You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window," I said, hoping she wouldn't be too offended by the fact that we had used her natural lack of balance to create a plausible story. "You have to admit, it could happen," I teased, trying to get a smile from her. Instead all I got was a sigh, and a concerned expression as she started scanning her body for damage.

"How bad am I?"

I took a deep breath and prepared myself to say the words as objectively as I could manage. "You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lost of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it – it made you smell all wrong for a while."

"That must have been a nice change for you."

"No, I like how you smell," I said sincerely. Didn't she understand yet that any pain being with her might cause me I considered a small price to pay? There was nothing I wouldn't withstand for Bella. Loving her, knowing she loved me, was worth any torture this world could put upon me.

"How did you do it?" she asked, breaking me from my thoughts. She was staring at me with a look of such wonder in her eyes, and in that moment I knew she remembered every detail about the event that had almost changed everything. Unfortunately I was sure that meant she remembered the pain as well. I was foolish to think a little head injury could erase the memory of vampire venom in her veins, even if it had only been there for a few minutes.

"I'm not sure," I finally admitted, unsure of what else I could say. Honestly I was baffled myself, grateful but completely at a loss. Though I'd been momentarily overtaken by the powerful rush of finally tasting her, as soon as I heard her agonized screams all I could think about was saving her. I took her bandaged hand in mine and held it softly, staring at the place where the wound was hidden beneath a layer of gauze. She would have that scar forever and every time I looked at it I would be reminded of two things.

I would always remember that because of my carelessness, Bella had suffered more than anyone should ever have to. However I would also remember that our love had been enough to keep me strong, and that I had saved her life when my very nature was fighting against me.

"It was impossible...to stop," I said sadly. "Impossible. But I did." I met her eyes once more and tried to smile through the guilt I couldn't fully put aside. "I must love you."

"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" she asked in the most adorably teasing voice. I would have enjoyed the gesture more had I not seen the way her face contorted in pain as she grinned.

"Even better – better than I'd imagined," I groaned, as fire ripped through my throat at the memory. I welcomed it. It reminded me what I had accomplished, and of the sheer force of my love for her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and I rolled my eyes.

"Of all the things to apologize for," I said, exasperated by her constant need to blame herself for everything.

"What should I apologize for?" she asked relentlessly. Knowing she wouldn't let it go without my giving her some sort of answer, I came up with the only thing I could ever imagine accepting an apology for.

"For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever."

"I'm sorry," she said. Good. Now that was out of the way.

"I know why you did it," I said gently, wanting her to know I wasn't mad at her for making the decision she did. Her intense love for her mother had driven her to give up everything in order to keep Renee safe. I couldn't blame her for that. In fact now that I had her safely beside me, I realized her choice had made me love her even more. Self sacrificing to a fault, she had an unending capacity to love.

"It was still irrational, of course," I continued, wanting her to understand that the only part of her choice I couldn't come to terms with with was that she hadn't trusted in me enough. "You should have waited for me, you should have told me."

"You wouldn't have let me go."

"No, I wouldn't," I admitted.

I watched her expression closely and her eyes seemed to glaze over. After a few moments of silence, her whole body shook. I felt my fists clench.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked nervously. They were supposed to be monitoring her medication. She wasn't supposed to be in pain now.

"What happened to James?"

I relaxed slightly, realizing it was probably just a manifestation of something resembling post traumatic stress. Bella would probably shake from her memories for quite some time. I hoped she didn't talk about it too much in her sleep with Renee around. That would make for quite an interesting conversation and I wasn't sure Bella was up for that amount of creativity.

"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him," I said dryly. I know revenge is an ugly monster all its own, but a part of me would always wish I had been the one to finish him off.

"I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there," she said, confused.

"They had to leave the room," I hesitated. "There was a lot of blood."

"But you stayed." Her eyes suddenly filled with all the love and compassion I'd been so desperately needing to see. I wasn't worthy of any of it, but I needed it like humans needed air. It was the only thing sustaining me.

"Yes, I stayed," I answered simply, trying to convey all my love for her through my eyes the way she had just done for me.

"And Alice, and Carlisle..." she trailed off, not understanding how deeply they all cared for her.

"They love you, too, you know."

Her brow suddenly pulled together and nervously she asked, "Did Alice see the tape?"

"Yes," I said coldly, recalling her bitter tone as she described the harsh truths of her human life.

"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember."

"I know. She understands now." My hatred of James was momentarily overshadowed by hatred for the humans who had so callously thrown Alice away because of her gift. They'd feared her or been ashamed of her, and she'd been made to suffer for the talent we were now all so grateful for. Alice had been punished for the very thing that had ended up saving Bella's life, and I simply couldn't reconcile that.

"Ugh," I heard Bella groan and I glanced down to see her attempting to lift her hand to me, but she was stopped by the carefully placed IV.

"What is it?"

"Needles," she said, staring at the ceiling as her breathing accelerated.

"Afraid of a needle," I mumbled. She was still always afraid of the wrong things. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand..."

"Why are you here?" she asked, stopping my babbling with a jolt I wasn't ready for. She'd seemed so thankful, so glad to have me at her side. Perhaps I'd deceived myself into thinking I was forgiven. Of course I knew it made more sense that she would want nothing to do with me now that the threat was gone. She'd escaped death once, why would she stay with me and invite more danger into her life?

This was the moment I had been waiting for, the truth I both feared and needed. It was smarter, safer for me to walk away. I just didn't know if I had to ability to exist without her love anymore. I braced myself for her reaction, and miserably I finally asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" she yelled, her face instantly distraught. I was confused but relieved as she continued. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back."

"Oh," I sighed, loosening my grip on the sheet I hadn't realized I was holding onto. It collapsed in a crumpled mess at her side. "I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks," I said plainly, the words perfectly memorized and rehearsed. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice – of course I was here with parental supervision," I added with a smirk. Alice had come up with that part. She assured me that on top of explaining hers and Carlisle's presence, it would help get me back on Renee and Charlie's good sides. She also informed me I was going to need all the help I could get in that department.

"But you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and...well, you know the rest," I finished. "You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."

"There are a few flaws with that story," she said after contemplating it briefly. "Like no broken windows."

"Not really," I sighed, thinking of the lengths Alice had gone to ensure the story was believable. I think it was a rather cathartic experience for her after the ordeal with James and the tape. The bitterness had passed quickly and she was as chipper as ever. Nothing flinging herself down a couple flights of stairs and through a window couldn't fix. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly – you could probably sue the hotel is you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about," I murmured, grazing my fingertips across her soft cheek. "Your only job now is to heal."

I grinned as the heart monitor began beeping wildly, amplifying the sounds of her increased heartbeat which I was already reveling in.

"That's going to be embarrassing," she said, blushing wildly.

I laughed, feeling more lighthearted than I had in days, comforted by the fact that Bella still seemed to want me close even after all I'd put her through. It made me want to touch her more, hold her, kiss her...

"Hmm, I wonder..." I said with a smirk, and carefully leaned toward her. I smiled, listening to her heart race as I closed the small distance between us. Softly I let my lips brush against hers. I couldn't believe how much I'd missed the feeling. I'd barely begun the kiss when I heard her heart stop and I immediately pulled away to see what I'd done wrong. As she stared at me wide eyed, her heart returned to normal and I sighed in relief. Well one thing hadn't changed. She still had the most absurd reactions to my kisses.

"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual," I said sadly, wishing that for once we could just be together like a normal couple. Was it too much to ask to be able to kiss the woman I loved with making her heart stop or having her faint or attack me. Although I might not complain about that particular response right now. After all, I was much more practiced in my control than I'd been that first time...

"I was not finished kissing you," Bella said, and I realized I was staring at her lips with probably a bit too much longing. "Don't make me come over there."

Apparently that was all the encouragement I needed. Without a moment's hesitation I swooped down to kiss her once more, and thrilled to the way I made her heart race.

Hospital food...tubes...broken everything...crowded...Cullen...

Renee's broken thoughts were getting closer, so reluctantly I ended our kiss.

"I think I hear your mother," I said, grinning at how disappointed Bella looked when I pulled away.

"Don't leave me," she said frantically.

"I won't," I assured her. I wasn't going anywhere. "I'll take a nap," I said innocently.

Deciding the whole charade might look more believable if I were lying down, I opted to move to the recliner. I didn't take my eyes off of Bella who was still breathing harder than normal, her cheeks and lips having significantly more color in them than when Renee had left. I leaned back and closed my eyes, fighting the smile that played at my lips as I wondered whether or not Renee would know I'd been kissing her daughter in between "naps."

"Don't forget to breathe," Bella whispered and I took one slow breath for show.

Renee was right outside the door, and I was surprised to hear that she was talking with Carlisle. She was trying to direct the conversation toward myself and what exactly my relationship with Bella was, but Carlisle was keeping her focused on the accident and Bella's recovery. His calm assurances seemed to pacify her, at least for the moment. I'd have to thank him for that later.

Eventually the door creaked open and, keeping up the facade that I was sleeping, Bella whispered very softly, "Mom!"

I didn't risk opening my eyes but I could tell Renee was watching me.

Persistent...be careful...nicest family...

"He never leaves, does he?" she muttered, sounding both irritated and in awe. She seemed to be somewhere in between cautious and accepting, but she wasn't kicking me out of the room which was more than I had hoped for.

"Mom, I'm so glad to see you!" Bella said, still quiet but clearly excited.

"Bella, I was so upset!"

"I'm sorry, Mom. But everything's fine now, it's okay."

"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open," she said, her voice cracking slightly. I could tell she was on the verge of tears again.

"How long have they been closed?" Bella asked nervously. It was a subject I'd been purposefully avoiding.

"It's Friday, hon, you've been out for a while."

"Friday?"

"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey – you've got a lot of injuries." I was suddenly glad that it had taken Renee so long to get to the hospital. Not just because I wanted to be the one to wait by Bella's side, but because I could only imagine how hard it must be for a mother to sit helplessly and watch her only daughter lie motionless and hooked up to countless monitors.

"I know," Bella said, and I could almost feel her wince.

"You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man...very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor..."

"You met Carlisle?" she asked, probably surprised that my family was still here. No matter how many times I said it, she simply wouldn't believe how important she was to them.

"And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl."

"She is."

There was a slight pause and I tried to listen to Renee, but her thoughts were too scattered to pick out anything distinctly.

"You didn't tell me you had such good friends in Forks," she finally said. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that the comment was directed at me. Clearly Bella had either failed to mention my existence at all to her mother, or at the very least had downplayed our relationship. I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I had been taking up a great deal of her time lately. And even if Renee knew about me, how many details could Bella really offer her? Hey Mom, I'm in love with a vampire, isn't exactly acceptable conversation.

Bella made a pained sound and without thinking my eyes flew open so I could make sure she was okay.

"What hurts?" Renee asked worriedly.

"It's fine," she said, throwing me a quick but meaningful glance before looking back to her mother. "I just have to remember not to move. Where's Phil?" she added, as eager as I was to get the attention off of me.

"Florida – oh, Bella! You'll never guess!" Renee said, her voice jubilant. "Just when we were about to leave, the best news!"

"Phil got signed?" Bella asked, obviously proud of her step-father.

"Yes! How did you guess! The Suns, can you believe it?"

"That's great, Mom," she said, and I wondered if she even knew who The Suns were.

"And you'll like Jacksonville so much," she continued and I felt my chest tighten. Renee assumed Bella would go home with her when she was well enough. Bella and I had barely had any time to talk and already I could feel her slipping away. Obviously it was the smartest choice and the safest for Bella, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I listened halfheartedly as Renee described how wonderful their new house was, and how happy Bella would be in the sun and the warmth.

A part of me wanted to open my eyes to read her expression, but I was honestly too afraid to look. I didn't think I could bare to see the excitement that must be in her eyes at the prospect of being with her mother again. Now that she and Phil were settled, there was no reason for her to banish herself to the rain and the gloom of Forks. There was no reason to continue putting herself in constant danger by remaining a part of my world, though we all desperately wanted to keep her there. The only thing that mattered was that she would be happy now. She would be safe. Always.

"Wait, Mom!" Bella shrieked, graciously stopping my train of thought. I tried to smooth out the expression on my face, but I was sure if Bella looked at me she would see nothing but misery. I couldn't figure out how to let her go, yet I knew I was going to have to try.

"What are you talking about?" Bella asked, sounding almost irritated. "I'm not going to Florida. I live in Forks."

"But you don't have to anymore, silly," Renee said with an easy laugh. "Phil will be able to be around so much more now...we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him."

My fists clenched with every passing second. It all made sense. Renee knew it, I knew it. It wouldn't take Bella long to figure it out. I began working hard, trying to convince myself it was for the best.

"Mom," Bella said, her voice almost a whisper again. I held my breath, clinging to her every word as my own conflicted thoughts warred against each other. "I want to live in Forks. I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends..." she trailed off, and I heard her heart speed up just a little. I could almost feel her desire to look at me, and I fought against my own urge to look at her. As much as I wanted her with me always, a part of me was expecting her to be looking for an excuse to run away. I deserved nothing less than her total desertion, and Renee was offering her the life she truly wanted. With her mother, away from the dreary rain soaked town she hated, and above all safe. Away from me and the ridiculous existence I'd been trying to make her a part of.

"And Charlie needs me," she continued. "He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook at all."

"You want to stay in Forks?" Renee asked.

Boys...life decisions...seventeen...

"Why?"

"I told you – school, Charlie – ouch!"

Again my eyes flew open, hoping Bella would give me some assurance she was okay like before, but this time she was staring only at her mother. Renee tenderly stroked her forehead and I could feel the concern and love radiating from her.

"Bella, honey, you hate Forks," she said softly.

"It's not so bad."

There was a long pause and a string of racing thoughts, until finally she asked, "Is it this boy?"

"He's part of it," Bella said sheepishly. "So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?"

"Yes," she said, pausing.

Brace yourself, I thought, hoping Renee didn't hate me as much as she had every right to.

"And I want to talk to you about that," she continued slowly.

"What about?" Bella said, trying to sound casual, but her heart rate gave her away. And thanks to the monitor, not just to me anymore.

"I think that boy is in love with you," she whispered and I almost laughed at the way she said it. As if it was a secret and Bella was finding out for the first time.

"I think so, too," Bella whispered in return and I nearly chuckled.

"And how do you feel about him?" she urged. Suddenly I wasn't listening to Bella and her mother have a very awkward conversation about me. I was listening to a schoolgirl, informing her friend that some boy had a crush on her and wondering if she liked him back. I was the boy. And I was really, really enjoying myself.

After a long sigh in which I could almost see Bella rolling her eyes, she admitted, "I'm pretty crazy about him." It was quite possibly the cutest thing she'd ever said.

"Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-looking," she said, her thoughts drifting back to Carlisle. Yes, apparently I inherited my looks from my adoptive, vampire father...

"But you're so young, Bella..."

"I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it. It's just a crush." I knew she was just trying to placate her mother, but I cringed a bit at the term "crush."

"That's right," Renee sighed, the word obviously serving its purpose and calming her fears that her little girl wasn't desperately in love and throwing her life away.

"Do you need to go?" Bella asked after a long pause.

"Phil's supposed to call in a little while...I didn't know you were going to wake up..."

"No problem, Mom," Bella said a little too hastily. I suppressed a smile at the notion that she was anxious for me to be back beside her. "I won't be alone."

"I'll be back soon," she promised. "I've been sleeping here, you know." I wasn't sure why, but it sounded like Renee was trying to prove herself. I hoped my being there wasn't making her feel badly. Since she'd arrived she'd been at Bella's side almost as much as I had, the only different being that she had to occasionally eat while I only had to appear as if I had.

"Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at home – I'll never notice."

"I was too nervous. There's been some crime in the neighborhood, and I don't like being there alone."

"Crime?" Bella asked, alarmed but for a reason her mother could never know about. As was I, Bella was thinking about the destruction we left behind and what the police would blame it on.

"Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground – there's nothing left at all!" We'd made sure of that. "And they left a stolen car right out front." Oops, Bella didn't know about that part. I hoped it didn't upset her too much. "Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?"

"I remember," Bella said softly, and I peeked at her just in time to see the strained look on her face at the memory.

"I can stay, baby, if you need me," Renee offered.

"No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me."

A string of less than pleasant words sifted through her mind, though she never seemed to land on one she would actually voice. I closed my eyes again and resumed my exaggerated breathing.

"I'll be back tonight," she said, her words obviously pointed in my direction.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, Bella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you."

I knew Bella well enough to picture the look of indignation that would spread across her face at Renee's warning, and I couldn't help smiling. Besides, it was nice to have someone other than myself telling Bella to be careful. Maybe she'd actually listen to her mother. Renee reluctantly left as one of the nurses entered the room. As she walked away, it sounded like she was counting the minutes until she could return without seeming too overprotective.

I noticed the nurse's mind was frazzled and disjointed. She'd been working for nearly twelve hours straight and was more than ready to go home, but she'd developed a sort of attachment to Bella and wanted to check on her once more before leaving. She sounded concerned as she checked the monitor.

"Are you feeling anxious, honey? Your heart rate got a little high there."

"I'm fine," Bella said, and I could hear her purposefully slow down her breathing and try to calm herself further. I knew she didn't want any more medication, she already felt she'd been unconscious for too long. I wished she would understand how important rest was right now, and stop worrying about looking weak or vulnerable.

"I'll tell your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute."

The second the door closed I flew across the room to Bella. I couldn't believe what a difference it made, being beside her as opposed to across the room. Instantly I felt relief rush over me when I could once again feel the warmth radiating from her skin. I inhaled deeply and let her scent wash over me as I stared into her eyes and tried to convince myself yet again that she truly was alright. Quickly sifting through all her mother had said to her, I wondered for about the millionth time since I'd known her what would be going through her mind.

"You stole a car?" she asked skeptically.

I grinned at her, because of all the things she could chose to focus on of course it would be something trivial like that. I guess being the daughter of the chief of police made her a bit sensitive to lawbreaking.

"It was a good car, very fast," I told her, hoping she realized I would have stolen a jet if it had gotten us to her any faster.

"How was your nap?"

"Interesting," I said softly, thinking of how conflicted I was at the idea of her going home with her mother. It made the most sense for her, and I didn't understand how she could still love me enough to want to stay with me when she had the chance to have her old life back. Her old, safe, vampire free life.

"What?" she asked, concerned by what must have been written on my face. I was afraid to lose her, but I was also afraid to keep her with me. Not wanting her to see the pain in my eyes, unwilling to sway her decision because of my own selfish desire for happiness, I stared at the floor as I spoke.

"I'm surprised. I thought Florida...and your mother...well, I thought that's what you would want."

"But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire."

A smile tugged at my lips. She still didn't think of me as a real vampire. I guess I can blame a lifetime of ridiculous folklore for that, although in truth I'd like to believe that the real reason was that my loving her had resurfaced enough of my humanity that perhaps I wasn't quite the monster I believed myself to be. I felt a thrill rush through me at knowing she would still want to be with me, even if she did indeed move back to Florida with her mother. Of course I'd never allow that to happen. It wouldn't be fair to her, trying to keep her in my world while everything else was pulling her back toward her own. The world she belonged it.

"I would stay in Forks, Bella," I said slowly, the words I wasn't sure she would accept tearing me apart. "Or somewhere like it. Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore."

She watched me as if I were speaking a foreign language. Maybe I hadn't said it out loud, maybe I'd thought the words but couldn't bring myself to say them. Then I heard her heart start beating faster and her breathing turn erratic. A look of agony took over her beautiful face, one far worse than I'd seen even when she was being attacked by James. She still hadn't spoken a word, but I felt as if I could hear her screaming.

Just as I was about to speak and try to fix what I'd destroyed, a nurse walked in and looked nervously at Bella's expression.

"Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?"

"No, no," she said firmly, still staring directly into my eyes. "I don't need anything."

"No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest."

Bella shook her head, determined as ever until the nurse sighed, "Okay." Stubborn girl...can spend time with her boyfriend when she gets better. "Hit the call button when you're ready." She glared at me, then at the heart monitor which still hadn't returned to normal and left the room.

Bella hadn't taken her tear filled eyes off of me for one second, and I was no longer able to contain the need to touch her, comfort her. Here I'd sworn to never let anything hurt her again, and already I was the cause of her pain once more. So much for not being a monster.

"Shhh, Bella, calm down," I begged, wishing her heart would stop jumping. It was making me nervous.

"Don't leave me," she pleaded, her voice shaking and miserable.

"I won't," I assured her, reminding myself of Alice's warning. I had listened to her very clearly tell her mother she didn't want to leave Forks, and yet I was trying to make the decision for her. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."

I watched her intently, waiting for her to calm herself like she'd gotten so good at doing for everyone else, but her heart continued to race. I wished she would believe me when I said I'd stay. I hadn't even been sure I could let her go when I thought it was what she would want, and now with her in tears at the idea of us being separated, I knew without a doubt I wouldn't have the strength to leave.

"Bella," I said soothingly as I ran my fingers across her cheeks. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."

"Do you swear you won't leave me?" she asked, her voice still trembling.

I cradled her face in my hands gently and leaned into her until I could feel her breath against my face. It was beyond my comprehension that she could still want me, but I would continue to accept her love as the greatest gift I'd ever received for as long as she chose to give it to me.

"I swear," I said sincerely, encompassing every oath I'd ever made to her in those two words. I swear to stay beside her, to protect her, to love her, to be worthy of her. I swear to be hers, completely.

As I stared at her, her breathing finally returned to normal and I could feel the tension in her body ease. We both breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the worst was behind us.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yes," she said warily, though I didn't entirely believe her. She was always trying to seem so brave.

I shook my head, still baffled by how strongly she felt about me. Silly, absurd overreaction, I'm not worth getting so worked up over, I muttered under my breath, too soft for her to hear.

"Why did you say that?" she asked after a few quiet moments. Her voice was mostly back to normal though I could still detect a hint of panic. "Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?"

And I thought she was absurd before. "No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational," I said, wondering why I still needed to explain it to her. Didn't she know by now that she's everything to me? "And I have no problem with saving you, either – if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger...that I'm the reason that you're here," I added miserably.

"Yes, you are the reason," she said with a frown. It was completely true, but it still hurt to hear. "The reason I'm here – alive," she added, stunning me again.

"Barely," I whispered, hardly comprehending that through it all, she was still convinced I was the hero. Did it really count that I saved her life if I was the reason she'd almost died? "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move," I added, once again taking in her battered appearance and wishing I could make all her pain go away.

"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience," she said, sounding strangely irritated with me. "I was thinking of the others – you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery."

I cringed at the callous way she could speak of the times she'd nearly died, as if her death were an inevitability that I was merely delaying. That thought made another terrible realization cross my mind. If I hadn't been strong enough to save her, if I'd succumbed to my thirst the way I'd feared, then my saving her all those other times would have proven to be the cruelest of ironies. Save her from a van where her death would have been quick and painless only to let her be attacked by a sadistic vampire. Rescue her from a group of strangers only to have her sucked dry by the one who loved her the most.

"That's not the worst part, though," I explained, horrified by the notion that the death I almost brought her would have been a hundred times worse than what I'd saved her from. "Not seeing you there on the floor...crumpled and broken. Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain – all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling...knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself."

"But you didn't," she said without missing a beat.

"I could have. So easily." Without my permission, waves of memories that held the sweet taste of Bella's blood flooded my mind and made fire rage through my throat. Now that I'd tasted her, knew beyond any doubt that she was every bit as divine as I'd imagined her to be, would it be harder to resist than before? Would I lose control and put her in danger again as we grew closer?

"Promise me," she suddenly said, her voice quiet but fierce. As if she could read my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, though of course I knew what she would ask of me.

"You know what," she answered angrily.

"I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you," I said, frustrated at my own weak selfishness. "So I suppose that you'll get your way...whether it kills you or not." I hated saying the words aloud, but in order for me to stay with anything resembling a clean conscience, I needed her to understand the magnitude of her decision.

"Good," she said, though I could tell she was still incredibly upset. My nearly killing her she could easily forgive, but forgiving any talk of my leaving was apparently a bit more difficult. Still frustrated, she said, "You told me how you stopped...now I want to know why."

"Why?" I asked, certain she wasn't asking why I hadn't let her die. There was only one other option and I didn't want to believe she was asking me that question. It was a discussion I didn't think either of us were in any state to have.

"Why you did it. Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you."

I felt a low growl build up in my chest. Alice. I should have known that she'd be unable to resist answering any and all of Bella's questions. And of course Bella would have taken full advantage of her time alone with the one vampire who would tell her whatever she wanted to know. All the things I didn't want her to know.

"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," Bella continued, ignoring the fury that must have been clear on my face. "But it just seems logical...a man and woman have to be somewhat equal...as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."

She spoke with such conviction, it all but dissipated by anger with Alice. Bella had always acted like I was the prize and she the lucky recipient, though I knew it was completely the opposite. This was just her way of trying to even us out. All I needed to do was make her see that I was truly the lucky one, and that having her love was more than I ever could have asked for.

"You have saved me," I whispered, recalling how pointless and lonely my existence had been before her.

"I can't always be Lois Lane. I want to be Superman too," she said, reverting to the comic book stories she'd once tried to base her speculations about me on. It would have been adorable and I might have teased her, but her persistence in the matter was disturbing to me to say the least. She couldn't possibly want this life.

"You don't know what you're asking," I said gently, trying to reason with her without making her feel I didn't want her. In truth there was nothing I wanted more than Bella for all eternity, but that didn't mean I was willing to sacrifice her humanity, her soul to get it.

"I think I do," she replied sincerely.

"Bella, you don't know," I said, still keeping in mind Alice's warning. I wasn't trying to make the choice for her, but rather ensure that she really understood what she was asking. As she'd made clear before, she didn't really think of me as a true vampire. She had some glorified idea of how we existed and was therefore unable to see the more difficult of our realities.

"I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure," I admitted. Honestly the only thing that made this existence worth it was knowing that if I'd died all those years ago, I never would have met Bella. Bella didn't have to give up anything to have me. I was hers, for as long as she lived.

"Do you wish Carlisle hadn't saved you?"

"No, I don't wish that," I said, debating whether or not to tell her the reason why I couldn't make myself be sorry. Knowing Bella, it would probably only serve to fuel her point, that vampire life was the obvious answer where love was concerned. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up," I continued, deciding to keep the rest to myself.

"You are my life," she said, eyes piercing into me and wavering my resolve for a split second. "You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."

"I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you," I said firmly, making the promise to myself as much as I was to her.

"Why not?" she asked, sounding irritated again. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago...anyway, after that, it should be nothing."

My eyes tightened and I studied her intently. She really thought this was about me, about my not being able to change her? Oddly enough, she was right that saving her had proved to me that I would be able to handle the actual act. But it wasn't about that. It was about her life, and she needed to understand just how precious that was to me.

"And the pain?" I asked, grasping at anything that might deter her from what she so foolishly wanted. She'd had vampire venom inside her, burning her furiously. I'd heard her agonized screams. Surely she wouldn't willingly invite that kind of pain again. The brief but tortured expression that quickly crossed her face showed me that she remembered it all too clearly, yet her voice was calm when she spoke again.

"That's my problem. I can handle it."

"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity," I said, wishing she could just admit how terrifying the idea of the agony of transformation would be. Maybe she thought she'd already endured the worst, that she'd lived through the pain once so she could do it again. Though it had felt like a lifetime, watching her writhing in pain, in truth it had only lasted a matter of minutes. If she knew she would have to burn for days...

"It's not an issue," she said firmly, interrupting what was going to be my next argument. "Three days. Big deal."

Of course, I thought angrily. Why wouldn't Alice have told her that detail too? There were definitely going to be words with my dear sister when all this was through.

"Charlie?" I asked, digging through the last of my arsenal for anything that would deter her. "Renee?"

I watched her closely and listened to every change in her body. She was reacting to my words, there was no doubt of that. She wasn't ready to give up her family, they were far too important to her. I smiled victoriously and hoped that I had finally brought the conversation to a close.

"Look, that's not an issue either," she said after several minutes. The smile didn't leave my face, because I knew even she didn't believe what she was saying. "Renee has always made the choices that work for her – she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient, he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."

"Exactly. And I won't end it for you," I said, exasperated that she was unwilling to let it go.

"If you're waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there!"

"You're going to recover," I reminded her.

She took a deep breath, as if preparing herself for what she wanted to say next.

"No, I'm not," she said, and I couldn't understand what she meant. Her injuries were severe, but the doctors had assured all of us she'd make a full recovery. Was all this talk of changing her stemming from a fear that she was going to die after all?

"Of course you are. You may have a scar or two..."

"You're wrong. I'm going to die," she said, anxiety coloring her tone. Though logically I knew she was going to be fine, Carlisle and Alice both having made their own assurances to me, I couldn't stand to hear her talk like that. She was going to be perfect again, she had to be.

"Really, Bella. You'll be out of here in a few days. Two weeks at most."

She looked angry again, like she refused to believe what I was telling her. "I may not die now...but I'm going to die someday. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I'm going to get old."

Slowly her words hit me, and while I felt relieved that she wasn't trying to insist her injuries were fatal, I sensed a new debate beginning, one I wasn't sure how to combat. I closed my eyes, desperately trying to remember a time in my human life when I'd feared old age. I tried to put myself in her place but I couldn't comprehend it. It wasn't something most humans started thinking about at seventeen, though obviously most humans weren't in love with someone who would stay seventeen forever.

"That's how it's supposed to happen. How it should happen. How it would have happened if I didn't exist – and I shouldn't exist," I said, suddenly having the exact opposite existential anxiety that she was having. I'm not sure what reaction I was expecting, but my eyes flew open when Bella snorted.

"That's stupid," she said bluntly. "That's like going to someone who's just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, 'Look, let's just go back to how things should be. It's better that way.' And I'm not buying it."

"I'm hardly a lottery prize," I said coldly, feeling somewhat patronized and more than a little irked that she still held me in such high regard.

"That's right. You're much better," she said sweetly. I rolled my eyes and decided that at least for the time being, while I would never understand it I would need to accept it . Bella may be absurd and unreasonable, but she was my absurd, unreasonable Bella and I was tired of arguing with her.

"Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."
"If you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well." Then she got the most mischievous look in her eye, and added, "You're not the only vampire I know."

"Alice wouldn't dare," I snapped angrily.

Bella's breath caught for a moment and I forced my expression to soften. I hadn't meant to frighten her, but without knowing it Bella had made me consider one possibility I'd never thought of. Alice was thoroughly convinced of Bella's future as a member of our family, not to mention how adamant she was that I not try to make decisions for Bella. Should I be worried that Alice would change Bella if I continued to refuse?

"Alice already saw it, didn't she? That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you...someday," Bella said quietly, and I knew there was no going back. She already knew everything else I hadn't wanted her to know. She might as well know what Alice had seen.

"She's wrong," I insisted. "She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."

"You'll never catch me betting against Alice," she said, using my own words from so long ago against me.

We watched each other for an endless stretch of time, both trying to read each other's minds, though I was sure I was infinitely more frustrated than she was. I was trying to figure out why and how she could possibly want to be like me when Bella and her beautiful humanity were the only thing that made my existence bearable. I was also now trying to figure out how worried I should be that Bella would go to Alice if I continued to deny her what she seemed to want. It would have to be a quick decision on Alice's part, no premeditation at all or I would be sure to hear. It wasn't the type of thing she could likely hide from me. But Alice was so certain of Bella's future, it seemed likely that she wouldn't hesitate if Bella pleaded with her as she had with me. Like Alice had made very clear, she loved Bella too. She would be all too eager to give her what she wanted.

Feeling exhausted in a way I wasn't used to, I finally decided that the only choice for us at that moment was to not think about it. It wasn't like Bella would ask Alice to bite her while she was hooked up to monitors and lying in a hospital. I would just have to work particularly hard at making sure Bella got all the enjoyment she could out of her human life. I'd show her that she and I were equals in every way that mattered. We both loved each other fiercely, and there shouldn't be anything more important than that.

"So where does that leave us?" she finally asked.

I laughed, deciding she'd been more successful at the mind reading thing than I had. "I believe it's called an impasse," I said slowly.

"Ouch," she said with a sigh.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said, trying to disguise the pain that had contorted her face. She'd been awake too long and had gone without pain killers longer than was necessary. There was nothing more we needed to say at that moment, and no reason she shouldn't be resting.

"I don't believe you," I said softly.

"I'm not going back to sleep."

"You need rest. All this arguing isn't good for you."

"So give in," she said. She was trying to keep her voice teasing, but there was far too much sincerity in her words. I suddenly felt guilty for not having ended the conversation long ago. I knew we weren't going to come to an agreement and it had been very selfish of me to keep her awake attempting to.

"Nice try," I said as I leaned across to press the button that would call the nurse back.

"No!" she protested as a voice came over the speaker.

"Yes?"

"I think we're ready for more pain medication," I said as Bella stared at me angrily.

"I'll send the nurse."

"I won't take it," Bella said, growing more and more stubborn by the second.

I eyed the tubes that were attached to her. "I don't think they're going to ask you to swallow anything."

Her heart started racing again and I wondered what she was so scared of. She wouldn't feel anything and then she'd be able to sleep again.

"Bella, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now."

"I'm not afraid of the needles," she said, looking somewhat embarrassed. "I'm

afraid to close my eyes."

I smiled as I realized what she was saying, baffled but flattered that all her protest to sleeping had been because she thought I'd be gone when she woke up. I reached out to hold her face gently in my hands again.

"I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid," I told her, happy to once again be taking on the role of her protector. "As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."

"You're talking about forever, you know," she said with a smile that warmed my cold, still heart.

"Oh, you'll get over it – it's just a crush," I teased.

"I was shocked when Renee swallowed that one," she said, shaking her head. "I know you know better."

"That's the beautiful thing about being human," I said, feeling a twinge of sadness at the truth of what I was about to say. "Things change."

"Don't hold your breath," she said, glaring at me slightly. I laughed, unwilling to admit how relieved her words made me. It seemed the rest of my existence was to be like this, the constant internal battle between wanting Bella to love me, and wishing she would grow tired of me so she could have the life she deserved.

Just then the nurse walked in and muttered, "Excuse me" as she brushed past me. I went to the other side of the room to give her space, Bella watching me closely the whole time. It was as if she thought I was simply going to vanish into thin air. I hoped she realized I wasn't planning on leaving the room for one second.

"Here you go, honey," the nurse said sweetly. "You'll feel better now."

"Thanks," she said blandly, fighting it though I could instantly see her eyelids grow heavy.

"That ought to do it," the nurse said, and turned to leave the room. In the second it took me to cross the room, Bella's eyes were closed. I reached out to touch her face lightly, tracing my fingers along her cheekbones and down to her chin.

"Stay," she mumbled, her voice barely a whisper.

"I will. Like I said, as long as it makes you happy...as long as it's what's best for you."

"`S not the same thing," she said almost incoherently.

"Don't worry about that now, Bella," I said with a small chuckle. "You can argue with me when you wake up."

"`Kay," she said, a half smile bringing up her soft lips. It was irresistible.

I lowed my lips to her ear and whispered, "I love you."

"Me, too."

"I know," I laughed, as her head drowsily turned toward mine. Barely conscious and eyes closed, I could still tell she was searching for my lips. Excitement surged inside me as I gently pressed them to her own, sighing at the soft, warm caress I was met with.

"Thanks," she mumbled when I finally pulled away. I felt the weight of her exhaustion taking over.

"Anytime," I promised her.

"Edward?" she breathed.

"Yes?"

"I'm betting on Alice."

I sighed. Anyone would be a fool not to, I thought, utterly defeated.