Monster Party Book Four: I slither like a viper and get you by the neck...
Chapter Ten: Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you. Please don't be in love with someone else...
With the group reunited they traced their steps back to the larger room up above with the three cat statues. Mirri carefully approached the one which was lacking eyes and slid the twin stones into place. They looked so right and natural there that she could have sworn for a moment they "blinked" at her.
Shaking away such absurd notions she instead focused her attention how the sound of a soft "click" from elsewhere in the room as another masterfully hidden passage in the floor slid open revealing a ladder leading down.
"Is anyone else starting to detect a pattern to this place?" Cal reflected dryly.
No one else bothered to answer, and James swiftly began to scuttle down the ladder to see what else lay in store for them.
One long passage later they came upon another unlocked door that James gently and carefully began to apply pressure to.
The doors slowly creaked open and for a moment the room remained dark.
Then they could hear a faint "pop" noise on either side of the door.
Hidden in shadowy niches were two metal braziers, something red glowing inside each. The sweet smell of incense began to tickle the group's nostrils as smoke curled up from the braziers and formed clouds bumping against the ceiling.
Watching closely, it was possible to see the clouds starting to take on a vaguely catlike shape. Sparks from one of the braziers raced up towards the smoke and swirled there, forming two malevolent glowing eyes.
"This bodes ill..." James reflected.
Those were the only words he managed to get out before one of the smokey cats suddenly proceeded to "pounce" on him, in the process loosing all aspects of being feline and becoming nothing more than a cloud of dark smog.
Instantly James' voice became nothing more than a hacking cough.
"How are we supposed to kill smoke?" Cal asked looking to Alexander for suggestions.
"I've yet to meet a problem that punching can't solve..." Mirri growled before stepping up to bat.
Her hands began to swing through the strange creatures, and though it was impossible to tell if she was truly harming the thing, her hands certainly seemed to be.
The other smoke cat attacked Mirri just as it companion had James, and while she was unbothered by its attempts to cut off her supply of oxygen, she could still keenly feel flames starting to flicker around her head and scorch her skin.
Before the creatures could continue their attack Florence's hands traced mystical motions in midair while her mouth called forth an incantation. From out of nowhere came a powerful gust of wind, that blew the black clouds of smoke across the room finally allowing James to get a breath of fresh air.
"Greatly... appreciated... Florence..." James gasped in between his huffing and puffing for as much oxygen as he could possibly get.
On the other side of the room the two clouds of smoke began to pull themselves together into misty cats again.
"Shoot?" Cal pondered.
"Shoot." Alex agreed.
Phoenix barked, and the bullet passed right through the smoke cat, momentarily creating a hole in it, but soon the smoke poured back into the hole, leaving the monster completely unharmed.
As the magical gust of wind abated from Florence's hands the two cats began to dash across midair back towards the group.
"Devi, magic bullet now!" Cal demanded as he worked his weapon's lever.
Seeing that there was no way Cal would be able to win this particular race, Florence quickly summoned up another gust of wind and used it to send the smoke cats sailing back across the room a second time.
From within her bag of holding Devi pulled out a seemingly ordinary bullet and tossed it to her partner. Cal caught it, and in one smooth motion, slammed it into place. His left hand worked the lever, he aimed, and then he fired.
The bullet slammed through the smoke cat on the right and this time it exploded into a puff of dark fog. Cal began to call out for another magic bullet, but before he'd even started to raise his voice, Devi had another bullet sailing his way.
The remaining creature turned its attention in the alchemist's direction and attacked. Just as the smoke cat was about to completely encompass his head, Cal raised the reloaded Phoenix up, sticking it into the midst of the mist beast and pulled the trigger.
There was another loud "BANG" and the smoke cat was spread to every corner of the room.
There was silence, and no further mystical beasts arrived to attack the group.
With no major monsters or other problems to worry about the group progressed toward the one obvious door leading out of the room.
The door was locked, but like so many of its companions, the lock proved to be no match for James' masterful skill at opening that which others had sought to keep closed.
Once the door was opened, he headed in and discovered that dominating the center of the room was a large statue of a reclining cat. It rested on a dais surrounded by two low steps while its head was slightly tilted to the side as if listening.
Something about the room wasn't right though, an unnatural stillness hung in the air. It was almost as if the room contained a palpable barrier of some kind. James went into the room, and looked around, seeing two obvious doors leading out.
"..." Said James Firecat.
"..." Countered Alexander who was looking right at the werecat but hadn't heard anything.
"..." Added Cal Wright as he hoped up and down (making not a single bit of noise) pointing at a series of strange markings on the wall.
"..." Suggested Mirri.
"...!" Growled Alexander motioning everyone to follow him as he retreated out of the room.
They followed him back out and he turned to Florence.
"Some kind of magical silence field?" He pondered.
"Well we could step back inside, and you could try asking me again if you want to be sure..." Florence reflected dryly.
"There was more of that mystic writing in there, but I didn't get a long enough look to memorize it." Cal pointed out to the others.
Alexander made a few quick motions with one hand, and then twitched his head at Cal, as if suddenly deciding that they were back in the silent room.
Devi pulled out a sheaf of paper and a pen and handed it to Cal.
Cal went into the room and got to writing, and shortly enough he retreated back out.
"I got it all Boss. Ahem... Enter, faithful servants, unto the place where the ba is withdrawn from the flesh and placed into vessels of safekeeping. Here shall every thought be made as clear and imperishable as glass, until such time as the goddess breaths them, gently as dreams, back into the bodies of the faithful.
Here, under the listening ears of the children of Bast, shall ye place the body in the casket of dreams. Observe carefully the rituals, and chant the sacred words, lest the fragments of ba slip from the body like whispers on the wind and be forever lost. This done and thy secret tasks fulfilled, provide unto the cat that which she finds pleasurable." Cal explained.
"I shall provide unto the cat that which she finds pleasurable!" James abruptly promised and tramped right into the room.
He reached out and began to stroke the statue slowly and carefully, as if it was a living being. Despite the fact that nothing James did created sounds, when the werecat stroked the statue sound finally emerged, from the statue itself. It was the sound of a deep throaty purr.
Then the door on the right side of the room promptly swung open. James motioned towards the other and they followed him.
The newly opened door was a spiral staircase leading them downwards still deeper into the crypt. Once they managed to travel the entire length of the staircase, they found a large door waiting for them. A quick push revealed that they were unlocked, and as he put pressure on them, the doors creaked open revealing a large room.
Directly across from the group on a rectangular dais set against the far wall is a statue of a reclining cat with its mouth open, a golden tube hanging above its head.
To either side of the dais are two fountains, each of which sent a steady trickle of liquid down into a square pool. One those liquids was clotted and white, and from its rank smell it was most likely sour cream. Small and mangy undead cats clustered around it, lapping up the foul-smelling liquid.
The other fountain spewed a pale yellow liquid that smelt like vinegar.
Nearby lay a large lump of torn flesh and another swarm of undead cats with dirty matted fur tore at it, hiding its exact nature from the group. Still, what was visible was that one of the cats happened to be busy playing with what might have once been a human finger, batting at it and tossing it into the air like a mouse.
A table had been set up with meat that had long ago become unpalatable to any human, make that any mammalian stomach. Flies swarm around the rotten smelling meat filling the air with a low droning noise that could almost be mistaken for purring.
"They... they are cats." James gasped in surprise.
"Wait, you're seriously surprised? I don't know who is in control at the moment, but Maahes, James, even YOU are supposed to be better than this! We're in a gigantic crypt that was carved in the shape of a cat, that's dedicated to a cat goddess, and we've only had to solve at least three different cat related puzzles so far, you're really surprised that we're running into more cats?" Cal gasped shaking his head in amazement.
"No, I mean look at them..." Even as he spoke, the rooms feline occupants continued the same actions that they'd been doing when the door had first been opened.
"Every other undead cat we've come across, no matter its size, they've attacked any living target they could find. These ones, they are simply behaving as they might have in life." James explained.
Now that he'd actually bothered to explain his thinking Cal was unable to find any flaw with James' comments.
"Let's try not to disturb them." James suggested calmly.
"I've heard worse ideas." Devi agreed.
The group slowly entered into the room. The undead cats began to approach the group and began to run rapidly around them. James' brown eyes watered slightly and reached down a hand to stroke one of the undead beasts.
"Kitten, do you really want to think about what kind of disease even you might end up catching from one of those things?" Mirri warned him.
"All things strive..." James whispered solemnly.
"You're not exactly in a position to talk to anyone about the dangers of associating with undead things are you?" Cal pointed out rather smugly.
"They're mindless undead, and that's assuming we'd even be able to tell the difference given that they're animals. For all we know becoming zombies actually made them smarter." Mirri replied, throwing in a haughty sniff just to complete the effect.
As the group proceeded still further into the room the were able to get a better view of the nearby areas. To the left and right the wall bulged into a large niche, each containing a wide planter filled with plants that had long ago turned brown and brittle.
Something stirred in them causing the leaves to rustle.
Directly before the altar a large carpet and several cushions had been spread out on the floor. All of them were thick with dust, their colors and patterns obscured.
A cat was hunched at the center of the rug methodically clawing one of the cushions to bits. Sensing the group it paused in its shredding and looked up at them. Sure enough the creature's skin and fur were just as shredded as the cushion it had been attacking.
It hissed at them, but a moment later a chime sounded, and the cat turned away from them, racing over to the others who were drinking from the spoiled cream fountain.
At the same time, James's hat began to shift slightly as his ears twitched about beneath it and he turned his eyes in the direction of the rotted food.
Many of the undead cats were turning their attention to it and James looked like he might be about to do the same, but Mirri promptly put a very firm hand on his shoulder.
"Hungry Kitten?" She asked in a voice somewhere between soothing and anger.
"Yes..." James rumbled.
"Does that meat look fresh? Because unless it is, is it going to make you any fuller to eat it?" The vampire pointed out.
James thought it over for a moment, and then shook his head clear as he realized how right Mirri was.
"Yuck, that stuff looks like it could give even my stomach a run for its money..." He admitted.
Then, trying to clear his head he slowly got down on his knees and smiled softly as he looked down at the design on the carpet before him.
It depicted a cat-headed woman holding a bunch of herbs, offering them to the many happily playful cats which surrounded her.
"Mother..." The werecat whispered reverently.
Mirri couldn't help but lean in close herself to take a good look at the carpet. She'd seen James pay reverence to Bastet through his black stone icon of her, but this was the first time she'd seen the goddess depicted as something other than a cat.
She was honestly a little surprised, for some reason Mirri would have expected Bastet to look more like a hybrid werecreature, instead she looked... well like a cat form the neck up and a human from the neck down.
"Hey whiskers, I found another bunch of those weird glyphs, you want to translate this batch?" Cal offered, figuring that only James' duty to the group was likely to break him out of his devotion to Bastet at the moment.
Sure enough, the werecat stood up and followed the alchemist to the runes in question and began to read.
"Welcome, Tiyet, to thy second life. Here thy faithful servants have placed everything which is pleasurable to the palate. Eat from the plates of plenty, drink from the restorative fountain. Surround thyself with the goddess' chosen children and enjoy this sacred bounty.
Should ye who are reading these words instead be faithful servant of the goddess, come to lay another worthy then offer to the cat that which she craves." James explained.
"How is 'that which she craves' different from 'that which she finds pleasurable' exactly?" Cal couldn't help but ask.
The group turned their eyes toward the cat large cat statue in the room.
"We've seen a lot of drawings of cats, but that one James just knelt by, that's the first one we've seen with herbs in it. Something tells me we need to find some of whatever the herbs, it depicts are." Devi suggested.
"I'm not sure how accurate the the carpet painting is, but it certainly looks like catnip to me." Florence suggested.
In the time it took her to say those words the other four members of the group had all chimed in as well.
"Catnip." Alexander predicted authoritatively.
"You want happy cats, you use catnip." Mirri pointed out.
"Given the sort of stuff I've heard you been ask to keep in your bag of holding, catnip." Cal advised.
"Surely it must be the most favored plant of my mother, nepta catria, also known as catnip." James declared confidently.
Silence hung in the air for a moment as Devi sighed.
"Well of course I could have just guessed it was catnip. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't something obvious I might have overlooked." The elf insisted.
"Do you happen to have any of your own personal stash left?" Cal asked as he leaned in closer to Devi and her bag of holding.
"I... um... used the last of it recently... Miriam and I found it helpful to help cement the strength of our relationship which has been shaken by my recent supposed mental malady..." James explained, looking rather embarrassed.
Mirri on the other hand was decidedly less reserved when it came to her thoughts on the matter.
"You know, I just love the way that the four of you are just standing there glowering at us.
Like we could have seen it coming that we'd wind up in some strange dungeon where our recreational material is necessary to saving the day?
I want you to keep those looks you're giving us in mind very clearly, because some day, we're gonna wind up in an even weirder dungeon where we need sheep bladders, and you lot are gonna have used them all up!" The vampire pointed out derisively.
"Lets not have this discussion, lets really not have this discussion." Cal suggested.
It didn't take too long for the group to come to an agreement on that front.
They proceeded into the only obvious door leading out of the room other than the one they'd come in through. Inside they found a much smaller room...
XXX XXX XXX
Mirri looked around the side room and stared at one shelf in particular. It held a total of eighteen large jars, each of them of a most unusual nature. They seemed to be made of some crystal clear material that made it possible for her to see what lay inside them, and they each glowed with a mystical internal light.
Within each of the jars lay a perfectly still housecat.
They were curled up as if asleep, eyes closed, and Mirri could not hear a heart beat coming from any of them.
That wasn't too surprising given that as she worked her gaze from topmost shelf down she saw that cat after cat resembled the undead decaying creatures that they'd already seen so many of.
As she came to the bottom row however two felines stood out from all the rest, their fur was unmatted, and they showed no clear signs of sickness or death. Mirri shook her head not sure what to make of it.
"I get the mummification, it is sort of creepy but I can understand why they did if it was common for important people back then also. The pair on the bottom though, they look as if they were taxidermied? Why would they change the method of preservation for the last two?" She wondered.
Devi pushed past and began to run her blue gloved hands along the containers, starting with those higher up and eventually working her way down to the last two and their strange contents.
"They're not taxidermied Mirri, they look like that because they aren't dead or undead, they are alive." Devi informed her.
Mirri found that a bit hard to believe to say the least.
"Yeah right, cats that don't have beating hearts and have been trapped in jars for who knows how long are still alive? Pull the other one it's got bells on." The vampire snarkily replied.
Devi gestured toward one of the containers holding a half decayed cat.
"These things, they're not just fancy looking pots. They're jars of preservation, I'm sure of it. Not very powerful magic all things considered, you mostly hear about them being used in places where they have trouble storing crops normally. Hundreds of years taking place outside are just the blink of an eye to whatever is inside.
Granted, I've never heard of anyone bothering to use them in this manner before, but I'm sure those two cats are still alive. The other sixteen would have been also, but if you look at the state the ceiling is in, well when it caved in most of these jars ended up chipped or cracked badly enough that the magic failed and time caught up with their occupants.
Those two however, it might be because they were farthest from the ceiling, it might be because they were lucky, but their jars are still intact. As soon as the top is removed they'll awaken and should be no worse for wear." Devi explained.
"Miriam we must rescue those two poor creatures from an eternity of waiting for some sacred duty that will never come!" James advocated at once.
Mirri shrugged and pushed past Devi to unscrew the lids on the jars and pull the cats free from them. It didn't hurt to humor James even if she suspected two live cats running around surrounded by a horde of their undead brethren might soon join them in that particular state.
"You know, they're almost a matching set, I wonder if they were a mated pair?" Florence pondered as she looked upon the cats in question.
Sure enough the two cats did have quite distinctive fur patterns. The male was all black except for a noticeable white streak located underneath his chin. It almost reminded Mirri of the color of her own hair or a gentleman dressed up in all his finery.
In turn, the female was pure white, except for a black streak below her chin. Regardless of if the pair had been mates before going into the jars, or were simply happy to see another living cat, as soon as they were roused from their magical sleep they began to quite vigorously groom one another and purr.
"They'll need names." James insisted.
"Names?" Alexander gasped clearly feeling that the group was spending far too much time worrying over the state of a simple pair of housecats.
Now that he was "James Maahes Firecat" Mirri suspected that neither would be willing to back down, and decided to just get it over with.
"Count and Countess." She suggested.
As Count and Countess were busy getting to meet their rescuers, the demi-humans turned their attention to the rest of the room.
They began to slowly and carefully approach a withered pile of leaves in the room. It was hard to tell exactly what it was, and it didn't help when the cats drew close all of a sudden they hissed and fled.
A small collection of brightly colored insects began to scuttle out from beneath the dead plant leaves.
STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP!
James rapidly began to stomp away on the various bugs, and seeing the sheer enthusiasm with which he did it, the others joined in.
When none of the insects remained willing to show themselves James slowly picked up a leaf of the dead plant.
"It's catnip... the most distinctly dead catnip that I've ever seen." James reflected.
"Do you think it will still work?" Alexander suggested, giving James his head in this matter.
"If it doesn't... I will place my trust in you Florence that you might be able to rekindle it's spirit." The werecat offered.
That seemed to be as good a plan as any, James carried the dead catnip in one hand and the Staff of Bastet in the other as they went back into the main room. He slowly approached the cat statue and placed the the catnip into the statue's mouth.
A moment later, he pulled his hand out with a yelp of pain.
"What is it?" Mirri was at James' side almost instantly.
A moment later she got her answer as a brightly colored snake slithered into view. It had obviously been curled up inside the statue, and it was responsible for the rip in James' glove, along with his angry red welt on his hand.
Mirri asked no questions, she placed her lips to James' hand, (it wasn't as if she really needed an excuse) and began to suckle gently from it, if nothing else she wasn't afraid to accidentally drink snake venom..
A few moments later the cat statue finally manged to make up its mind and decide that it was willing to accept the dead catnip and a door began to swing open
Looking around, Mirri saw yet another hidden door opening itself to the group, though this one had been built into the walls.
"Hello Maahes..." Huskily announced Tiyet who was standing behind the door.
"You." James snarled back at her.
"You're upset with me aren't you?" Tiyet inquired, her face looking as upset as she possibly could, with her lack of eyes, and decrepit features.
"You may hate me now Maahes... but you need to realize, we were meant for each other.
In this entire foul land... we two are the only ones who know the truth of Bastet, the only two who offer up our voices in prayer of her mighty name." Tiyet intoned solemnly.
"James what are you doing? Less talking more murder!" Mirri growled and prepared to suit word to deed.
As she moved forward however she discovered that her eyes had been flickering back and forth between James and Tiyet so frequently that she hadn't bothered to check the path directly before her was clear. Several of the undead cats had clustered around feet while Tiyet been talking and she tripped on one of them, sending her sprawling towards the ground.
She began to say something but it turned into a scream of pain as the many undead cats converged on her, and out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Count and Countess joining in as well. They dug into her body as deeply as their small claws and her own vampiric resilience would allow.
The only way to escape quickly was for Mirri to take on gaseous form, and in that ethereal state she was powerless to do more than watch what came next.
"The future of my mother's faith must come first..." Maahes decided.
Then he took off running, like Mirri even his normally sure footed steps were unable to find a perfect path through the maze of cats, and he tripped. His face was still filled with a dreamy far away expression of pleasure as he tossed the Staff of Bastet across the room and began to transform.
He hit the ground on all fours in cat form, and a red furred blur streaked across the room, and jumped into Tiyet's waiting right arm, her left having caught the Staff of Bastet scant seconds beforehand.
Then both of them vanished.
End Chapter.
AN: I really hope he title song I selected for this chapter didn't end up giving away what was going to give away at the end.
Phoenix is an amazing (masterwork) gun, but by D&D rules you can't actually make guns magical. I tell a lie you can't "EFFECTIVELY" make a gun magical, and even that is not super clear so let me explain in more detail. A magical gun will be better for bludgeoning people to death with, but the bullets it fires will be no more powerful.
So, much like James tends to carry a great many knives, Cal makes sure to have all kinds of bullets on hand, some on his person some in the bag of holding. Magical bullets are extra expensive, but in some cases, like when you're fighting a smoke elemental, ordinary lead just won't do.
Early on in the chapter Florence uses "Gust of Wind" which is a second level utility spell that's very useful for keeping smaller foes in check, or keeping smoke elementals from killing you by blowing them away, they tend to do damage both based on their fiery bodies and suffocating, which is why Mirri is still hurt by them, but not as much as James is.
The good news is that the next chapter is pretty much already written, and even the chapter after that, but sadly I still need time to proofread this stuff before I can post it, also starting a new job tomorrow, so yeah I wouldn't be surprised if I find myself stuck to this once every other week time frame I've been using.
As for the catnip, studies have proven that lions sometimes react to catnip just like housecats do, though not always and obviously you would need a lion sized dosage of it. That said, in theory Mirri (even in her lioness form) still shouldn't have any sort of reaction to catnip because she's a vampire and undead, so mind effecting chemicals shouldn't work on her. On the other hand, a vampire taking on animal form doesn't look like an undead version of the animal even to the degree that they look like they're dead human beings normally, and... in my setting catnip is magic, that's all I've got people.
Also in real life trying to suck out snake venom out of a wound is a very bad idea, primarily because the person doing it is likely to end up getting exposed to the venom even if they do manage to extract it from the victim's body. Mirri only does it because as a vampire she's used to drinking blood and she's immune to all conventional toxins.