Chapter 10: Pain

My world is a jumbled mess.

Everything that happened just this week has drained me, but nothing could compare to what emotions raced through me when I heard May call my phone.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but Lily's not doing well. She's slumped over, she's breathing shallowly, her skin is clammy- I don't know what to do. The hospital is so far away, and ambulances take so long and-"May's voice is tinged with panic, honest worry for Lily's well being. She seems to know that there is nothing that would hurt Lily more than having to be picked up on a stretcher, the way they would the dead and wounded.

"Take a breath. Does she have her bag with her?" I could hear the sound of May's footsteps as she paced about wherever she was, looking for it. Tension gripped me as I fought to keep myself focused. Lily needed me right now- I can't let her down.

"Yes, yes, thank goodness, yes." Her words are rushed out like water from a faucet, quick and constant.

"Look in the bottom of the bag, beneath the white journal with the Mp3 player attached. There should be a white pill bottle, the one without any writing on it."

I couldn't help but go into a coaching tone. It was the only way to keep my voice from breaking. I can't do anything about it, I am worried. As much as I know not to show it, I'm worried. There's so much that can go wrong when I'm not with Lily. I know that. I know it, but I can't lock her in a cage and take her with me wherever I go. She'd never be happy that way, and that was just as awful.

"Okay, I've found it. Lily's not conscious, though, so how do I get her to swallow?"

I went on to tell May the proper procedure- it was a little complicated, but before the end of my explanation, May gasped.

"She's- she's awake! She's not all here, I think she's really drowsy- she's awake, though… There. Lily just managed to swallow. What should I do now?"

"Bring her back to the poke-center. She should be fine, but I don't know what else may have happened to trigger her episode. Lily will need more help than we can give her if it's serious enough."

"Drew? That's the thing. We're out at the Sidewalk Café about a half hour from the movie theater. The two of us have been walking all day… I can carry her for about ten minutes- that should get us to the theatre. From there, though, there are a lot of street crossings, not all walking paths like where we are now. I don't want to risk hurting her."

I ground my teeth; let my eyes shut for a moment. This wasn't good. I didn't have a car; Lily wouldn't be safe anywhere near an ambulance. They'd do what so many others did- they'd take one look at the chemical levels in Lily's bloodstream and ask permission to declare her dead on arrival. It wasn't her fault that she was so sick- it wasn't her fault that the fainting spells sent out so much adrenaline.

Suddenly, I felt like a kid again. I was walking with the Social Security worker that had been assigned to take me to LROS, in the middle of downtown traffic. She was moving too fast; I was disoriented. I couldn't keep up with her; I kept on falling down every time I went fast enough to see her. I can remember just how much I wanted for her to slow down, just how much I wanted to scream at her. Something kept me from doing that, though, so I just ran. I ran and ran and ran, barely able to make it to our destination. Even then, I'd felt completely hopeless, like this place was just going to be a halfway mark, that I'd keep on running and running until I died. I was afraid. For only the second time in my whole life, I remember, I felt desperate and afraid.

A tap on my shoulder brought me out of my reverie.

"You need a ride?" Solidad smiled a little modestly, making sure that I could hear her. I barely managed to nod, a mix of worry and relief taking over.

"May? Stay outside; make sure Lily doesn't go anywhere. I'll be there in about ten minutes."

The ride to the Sidewalk Café is awkward and silent. Solidad wants to reassure me, but she knows that all it would do is make it all that much worse, scare me that much more. Finally, when we reach the one road into the outskirts of Oldale, she manages to say something.

"This is not your fault."

I can't help but smile bitterly at that stupid, stupid phrase. 'Not my fault'? There's not a single way on earth that this couldn't be. I've been so stupid all these years, from the first moment I met Lily. She's always been there for me, and I can't help but notice just how much I haven't been there for her. I was there for her when her boyfriend wasn't, sure. I beat the idiot who gave her a broken arm during a practice battle until he had two of his own, and I took Lily to the emergency room when all the adults focused on him. I've tried my best- honestly I have, but the blunt truth is that since we separated on our journeys three years ago, things haven't ever been the same.

When I'd met May, I was so uncaring. Since I'd recovered from my loss against Solidad, I'd become arrogant. I would train my Pokémon to the best of my ability, but I would not every try to hurt them… I wouldn't ever be against them hurting me, though. I knew that I deserved it.

A few years ago, during my second Grand Festival, I remember sitting in a bunk in my hotel room, staring up at the ceiling. I'd been lying there for about an hour, fully dressed, staring up at the dark ceiling. Things weren't so wrong at first. Things just floated about my head- what I'd had for lunch that day, how much I wanted to win the Grand Festival. How much LROS could benefit from the prize money. I didn't want LROS to enter my mind, not when I was so far from home. I couldn't help it, though, and I sure as anything couldn't help myself from thinking about all the people I left behind.

You abandoned Lily. You abandoned me. You abandoned your home, your past, your entire life.

No. No, I didn't abandon them, I could never-

Don't screw around with me, you idiot. We both know just how many people you've left behind. I know much you hurt, Andy. I know just how badly you want to go back home. Go. Go away from this, stop kidding yourself- we both know you'll never make it.

No. No, I won't give up. My dreams are worth something- everything- they're so much more to me than what you're trying to talk me into. I will not give up.

Are those dreams worth this?

All of a sudden, I can't stop my mind from being flooded with images. A little girl with large violet eyes, long black hair, staring up at me from her favorite story. That same little girl rushing up to me, throwing her arms about my shoulders, crying with joy. Andy! Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy! You're home!

A boy two, maybe three years older hangs back, a shag of brown hair hiding his eyes. He's leaning against a wall, his pose unforgiving. A girl the same age with the same features stands beside him, tugging on his arm. Please, Steven, let the past remain in the past. I want to see Drew again. I want to see my friend again…

No. This isn't so easily forgiven. You know that as well as I do.

This isn't your stupid decision, you punk! Don't you get it? He needs us right now. He needs you as much as he needs me, he needs-

He doesn't need us! Don't you get it, he left! He left us here, left his home.

Who are you to decide what he needs? She whispers softly, finally slowing the rapid fire conversation that only they ever could have and understand. She looks up, and suddenly I see through his eyes. She's shuddering, her eyes flickering from him to where I still stand, embracing the little girl, emotions that she needs to express building up more and more inside of her.

Suddenly, it's all gone. I'm in a dark room, so long ago, sitting on a small single bed with a violet quilt. Sunlight streams through a small window, making shadows pool around the legs of what little furniture is in the little room. A small wooden crate is across from the bed, a notebook laptop that took weeks to pay for lying on top of it. The only other furniture in the room is a small rug that was knit by a former resident, the bookshelves full to bursting on the middle of the other wall, and the rocking chair adjacent to where I'm sitting. If I reached under the bed, I'd be able to pull out a basket holding all that the current resident really cared about: a necklace with only a ring for a charm, a composition notebook, and an Mp3 player full of more pictures than music.

The door slams open.

Andy? D-Drew? They said he's going to. They said he- he wouldn't, he wouldn't… Lily's stuttering, her compact 10-year-old body folding into a ball lying against the bed, convulsing with devastation. Her hair is sticking up in every direction you can think of from sleeping in different positions in a hospital waiting room. Tears ran through what little make-up she'd worn that day, would never wear again, leaving trails of salt water staining her face in blotches. Her jeans have a tear in each knee, one converse is nearly covered in mud, and she doesn't seem to notice or care about any of it.

I sink down next to her, try to put my arms around her the way I did so long ago. I can't move; I can't speak. All I can do is sit there, frozen in a place I know I may never get out of, watching Lily sob, letting out what can only be described as a cry of anguish as her world crumbles.

I can't stand it anymore. I started, jumped out of bed, making sure not to wake Roselia, resting on a cushion beside my bed. I grabbed Absol's Pokéball and rushed out into the hallway out the nearest exit. I don't care where I'm going, I just want to be as far away from everyone and everything as I can.

Finally, I reached an empty training field. No one is out there, it's way too late for anyone sane to be training. My hand trembles as I try to find my voice and let Absol out. I can't move, though, as I remember the day May came rushing up to me as I'd trained him before, afraid of how severe I was.

Drew!

"Drew?" Solidad's voice snaps me back to where I really am at the moment. May is waving her hand, palm up, so quickly that it's blurring. I opened the door to Solidad's jeep, rushed out to where May was standing.

"She's been in and out of consciousness since I called." I took Lily over one arm, carried her to the car. As I settled her into the back seat and took a spot next to her, May came just as quickly, hazel hair in a flurry behind her as she hurries to get in. Solidad soon follows, starts the car, and soon enough we're on the way to the Pokémon center.

"Lily is going to be fine." Those first words out of Nurse Joy's mouth are the sweetest I have ever heard. Some thing warm courses through me, allowing me to calm down for the first time in the entire week.

"She's going to have to stay overnight for observation, but I can assure you she'll be up and about in a month or so. She won't be able to walk around a lot between now and then, though. Her fainting spell messed up her balance- I'd rather she only move as much as she has to. No contests, no strenuous activity. Even after she has her balance back, I'd suggest one of you keep with her. It really isn't safe for her to travel on her own with the condition she has."

No one said anything. Nurse Joy smiled awkwardly, turned away, and began walking down the corridor. May turns to me, probably trying to say how sorry she was for everything that happened.

Really. That's going to help make her better, won't it? Because apologies have done Lily and I so many favors.

Please.

Drew turned away, shouldered Lily's backpack. He started walking toward her room, his footsteps echoing in my ears. I want to follow him, listen to him talk to Lily. I want to comfort him- I want to make Drew feel better. As much as he won't admit it, I know that he's found some way to blame himself for this. Lily wouldn't want that, I know. But I also know that whatever Lily heard, true or otherwise, hasn't effected how Drew feels for her. True and undying as a sibling's love, he would never leave her. I can't help wanting to make him feel better- Drew deserves that. As arrogant as he acts, he has a lot of pain inside of him, and he needs something to temper it, make it not seem like the most major part of his life.

I want to be that part of his life- the person he thinks about before he goes to bed, the person he wakes up wanting to see after he's had a nightmare or just because he doesn't want to be alone. Lily's always going to be part of his life, but I want to play a part, too. I just want him to acknowledge that I'm there. That I'm something to him.

Just as I'm about to go after him, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head up to see Solidad, completely exhausted. She manages to smile, if only a little.

"Don't. Not yet. Let him talk to Lily for a few minutes; make sure that she's alright. If he hasn't seen for himself that she's alright, that's all that he'll think about for the rest of the night."

"But… He's so sad. He needs someone to help him, doesn't he?" I can't help but let the question slip.

"He needs someone to help him, yes. But if you stand in the way of him and the other people he cares for, you might never get to be that someone. Trust me when I say that person is someone like you." She nodded slowly, patted my shoulder. She looks at me for a long moment, and I can feel her gaze telling me what she doesn't need to say out loud.

Take care of him.

Author's Note:

Well, there's a nice surprise. A double update. I didn't know I had it in me… Oh, well. I actually think I may progress this fanfic soon- and May and Drew will have some time together next chapter, so don't freak. This is CS, rest assured. The entire thing of Lily flipping out is more a matter of taking the reader deeper in their world, not of her falling for Drew again. This may seem complicated, but I figured that sharing Lily's story would at least help shed some light on things. Sort of- if you try to draw some things from Drew's thoughts, you may find out some of the things that I'm planning for later out right now. It all depends, I guess.

Reviews would be massively appreciated- As is constructive criticism.

All the best,

Angel