Back To December

AN: I'm honestly now sure how I feel about a Taylor Swift Bamon songfic, I mean I love , she is amazing and beautiful but I'm just not sure if she's Bamonesque…however I was just driving along and this song struck me and I've been short on Bamon inspiration lately so I just went with it.
Let me know what you think.

"Thanks for meeting me," she said quietly.

"You know me," he said with a slight shrug, resting his palms against the low wall of the Ponte Vecchio. "Any excuse to come to Florence."

"How have you been?"

A sardonic smirk, that never used to be there before, shaped itself on his lips. "Are we really going to do the small talk thing?"

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while.

You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.

She still saw Elena, Stefan however, was always conveniently absent whenever the two best friends caught up and Bonnie didn't blame him. What she'd done…no one deserved that, least of all Damon and she didn't begrudge his brother for not wanting to see her even if their friendship had grown inexplicably close throughout the time she'd been with Damon.
While Elena still saw her as often as the two could manage, the disapproval was evident. And disapproval from a girl who had spent the better part of 2 years stuck between the two brothers? That was worse than disapproval from anyone else.

And every time Bonnie saw her best friend she was reminded of him (how could she not be?). The lapis lazuli stone and crest around her neck was a perfect replica of the rings the brothers wore because Elena was a Salvatore now too (she could have been as well).

Bonnie's own lapis lazuli hung on a chain around her neck as well and, with the exception of when she was with any of the ex-inhabitants of Mystic Falls, alongside the ring she'd never returned to him.

Even Caroline had been disappointed in her best friend. She'd never admit it, but the blonde was attached to the elder vampire in the same way that everyone around him seemed to be.

Elena, Caroline, her family had become his family (could've been their family).

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

The last time she'd seen him was still clear in her mind.

She'd gotten roses. Roses. From Damon Salvatore. She was pretty sure she was the first girl he'd ever given flowers to. And probably the last if what she'd done after had anything to do with it.

She's still not sure if he was trying to be funny, he'd come in with a bunch of roses the same colour as the blood in her glass while she was still struggling to come to terms with her heightened senses and the gnawing hunger.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night",

"Damon…I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it babe," he remarked with a harsh chuckle.

"I am though," she insisted

He laughed again and it made her flinch at how cold it sounded. "Bonnie, you left me two days after I turned you into a vampire, you couldn't have given me less of eternity if you'd tried."

"I know…I…" She faltered and fell silent as she tried to come up with an explanation but couldn't. There was nothing she could say that would make this better. "I miss you, Damon." There was nothing she could say that would change what she had done but she did misshim, every day.

And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

"You can't just say that and think it changes things!" he exclaimed angrily. "It doesn't work like that."

"I wish I could though. I wish I could go back and…there are a million different things I could've done, they've kept me up at night, all the different things I could've said or done instead of what I did."

"Well it's too late now." He finally looked at her now, to see the impact his words would have. "We can't go back."

She looked tired, as tired as a vampire could look anyway. She looked old too, like she'd been around for centuries and was tired of the world but she was barely 25, even including her years as a human.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leavin'
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall

She'd spent 4 summers with him…but that first summer was all it took for her to fall in love with him, the vampire she'd sworn to hate ever since he'd tried to rip her throat out.

She'd sat on her porch one Fall afternoon after he'd dropped her home, grimoire in her lap as she watched the red and orange leaves fall from the trees in her back yard.

That was when she realised she was in love with Damon Salvatore.

The realisation had taken her breath away but it hadn't scared her like she'd thought it would. It brought her peace to finally have that nagging feeling in the back of her mind eradicated by the revelation. She didn't tell him of course, she waited until a special moment, wanting to show him that she was different from the other women who had said they loved him. She waited until he'd woken from the coma caused by the almost acidic burns to 75% of his body after he'd been drenched in vervain. She waited until she'd almost lost him, and maybe she shouldn't have but that event solidified her feelings. Or at least she'd thought it had.

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

It was December when she left him though, the 19th of December, less than a week before their first Christmas together as immortals.

The cold had started seeping into her the second she'd woken beside him, only growing stronger as she'd brushed the tears from his cheeks. An amazing sense of power had surged through her as she'd sat up and he handed her a glass of thick red liquid that had smelt amazing. She felt the veins protruding around her eyes and realised the glass was empty.

Her insides suddenly felt like ice and all the while his touch refused to bring that fire to her skin that it used to.

She'd asked him about it, wondered if it was different because she was a vampire now. He'd shook his head, doubt wavering into being in his deep blue eyes.

"It should be the same," he told her. "It is for me."

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night".
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

2 weeks of dodging phone calls, text messages and emails from Elena and Caroline and she finally answered the phone. She couldn't explain what had happened, already the feeling that she'd made a horrible mistake was eating away at her. Somehow her two best friends knew, whether Damon had made some scathing remark or Stefan had pried it out of his drunk grasp Bonnie never knew but the silence on the other end of the conference call spoke volumes as she fought the tears threatening to break her.

3 months of apparent "freedom" were all it took for her to realise that it had just been temporary. She missed him, undeniable and irrevocably but she was terrified of his reaction if she tried to contact him.

She knew that his rejection would devastate her. But she had no choice now it was all or nothing. She couldn't live without him anymore and all she could so was try.

I miss your [pale] skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

September was her gram's birthday. If she hadn't already known by then, his actions on the first anniversary of her grandmother's birthday without her would have made it obvious she was in love with him. It was the first time she ever let him see her cry.

She didn't think she would see him that night, a text message the night before had told her he'd be out of town with Stefan trying to track down someone who could help with their hybrid problem and would call her when he returned.

She didn't expect the tap that came on her window as she lay in bed trying to stop her tears. She didn't realise he'd be able to hear her heartbeat and quiet sobs anyway when she chose not to respond. She never predicted that after coming through her window and crawling into bed beside her silently it'd only make her cry harder to finally have someone outside of her Grams and best friends who cared for her.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right...

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

She sighed and turned away from him, looking down the Arno River. This was obviously a mistake, he wasn't interested and she couldn't blame him. She just wished he'd believe her when she said that if she ever got a second chance, she'd never screw it up again. She'd do anything to have him back but if he refused…she'd understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

"Can we try again?" she asked, trying one last time, giving it her all so she could be sure she'd have no regrets. "Please?"

He stayed silent, looking over at her as the tears glistened in her eyes. Damon Salvatore didn't love just a little bit, it was all or nothing and anyone who knew him was aware it took more than leaving him to make him stop loving. He reached out to pull her against him and her silent tears soaked his shirt even as her eyes closed in relief. The second he touched her she felt a warmth flood through her that she hadn't felt the like of since her own blood pumped through her veins.

She wouldn't be spending eternity alone. And neither would he.

I'd go back to December all the time.
All the time