Disclaimer: What have I been telling you this whole time? If you still think these characters are mine, you clearly haven't been paying close attention.

EXCEPTION TO THE RULE
Chapter 9: Goodbye

'This was love at first sight, love everlasting:
a feeling unknown, unhoped for, unexpected –
in so far as it could be a matter of conscious awareness;
it took entire possession of him, and he understood,
with joyous amazement,
that this was for life…'

-Thomas Mann

James' POV

November 20, 1976
Saturday

I can't keep my eyes off of her.

The redhead sitting just a few good strides away from me, her long, scarlet hair divided into two plaits that fall gracefully onto her shoulders. She's been scribbling feverishly with her black-feathered quill for the past 20 minutes while she sits alone underneath the willow tree.

I want to talk to her, hold her, kiss her so badly. But I told myself that I wouldn't hassle her this year. This year, I would let the chips fall where they may.

But that doesn't mean I can't watch as they fall.

I am crouched behind a large thorny bush (almost large enough to conceal my tall frame, anyway), observing her through the intricate weave of small branches. She draws her knees to her chest, a gentle smile and a light pink hue creeping onto her face every now and then.

Even for the young age of 15, she is the most attractive girl that I've ever seen. Sirius tells me that I should go out with girls who look like Marlene McKinnon, one of the girl's best friends. He says, "She's the best looking bird in the whole damn school."

But Marlene doesn't draw my attention.

Truthfully, only her friend, the girl sitting beneath the shade tree, fascinates me.

She doesn't follow the crowd and she stands up for what she believes in, displaying her blazing temper when necessary (most of those times have been at me). She doesn't wear those dark rings around her eyes like so many girls our age who try to seem 'mature'. She's just herself, wholesome and caring and so incredibly genuine.

And I've never met anyone like her.

From the corner of my eye, I can see a group coming closer and I can hear the giggles, but my focus is still on her. Suddenly, Sirius comes into view. Marlene is hot on his heels as he runs behind the willow tree where Lily is sitting, trying to hide from the young beauty. Lily instantly jerks the parchment securely against her, but it's too late. Sirius has already spotted her guarded actions and the familiar glint of mischief is alive and kicking in his eyes.

"Well, well, well…what do we have here?"

"It's nothing, Sirius, go away," she says as she shifts in her position, turning her back to him.

But no protest will prevent my mischievous friend from finding out what's on that parchment. He quietly sneaks up behind her and reaches his arm around, snatching the parchment and running across the lawn in my direction as a mortified Lily chases after him.

"Please, don't!" She shouts, begging him to return it to her.

He unexpectedly takes a moment to pause and read whatever's written on the pillaged article in his hand. I'm no longer hiding behind the bush and as he brings his cool gray eyes to mine, an impish smile begins to grow.

"I got something I think you'd like to see, James."

Sirius offers me the parchment and as I reach for it, I manage to look into Lily's tear-filled eyes before she dashes away from us and makes for the castle. My eyes linger on her retreating figure before I look down at the parchment.

The butterflies dance in my belly when I read her elegant cursive.

Lily Potter. Lily Evans-Potter. Lily Catharine Evans-Potter. Lily Catharine Potter.

Lily & James Potter.

Different variations of her name combined with my surname are repeated from corner to corner in an assortment of shapes and sizes, but it's our names nevertheless.

When I finally lift my head, Sirius is no longer teasing. Instead, he motions toward the castle entrance. I hastily fold the parchment containing our names and stuff it into my pocket.

I search anywhere and everywhere. In the classrooms, the common room, even the great hall, silently cursing myself for not thinking of the Marauders Map. I'm on the verge of quitting when I hear a weak sob from somewhere behind me. Looking around, I can make out the outline of someone huddled in a niche in the wall.

And there she is.

Her arms have pulled her knees up to her chest as tight as they'll possibly go. Tears flow in two separate rivers down her flushed face.

"Hey, Lily."

Her swollen green eyes shoot to mine at the sound of my voice, not bothering to hide her surprise.

"Leave me alone, James," She buries her face in her hands, trying to prevent me from seeing her cry.

"Why?"

"You must hate me."

"Lily, I-"

"Or you might even laugh at me. Go on, have a good laugh at foolish little Lily."

I take a seat alongside her on the hard floor, giving her an adequate amount of breathing room so she can feel more at ease.

"Lily, I'm not going to do either of those things."

She shirks my stare and shakes her head, sending her plaits flying from the shuffle.

"Why wouldn't you? You have every right. You've liked me for so long and I was absolutely horrid to you, and now you know how I feel about you and we're supposed to be friends and you've made it pretty obvious that you're over me and-"

I place a finger over her plump, cherry lips to hush her so I can get to the point.

"What makes you think that?"

Those beautiful eyes that glisten with so much dejection and dread meet mine at last.

"You haven't asked me out all year and you don't stare at me in class anymore. You grew up and now you're over me. You probably realized how dull I am. I don't blame you for moving on, I really don't."

Like a dagger in my heart, he words cut right through me. It's clear that she's been listening to the wrong people.

And this time, I can't resist the urge to take her by the hand

"Let me tell you a few secrets. Yes, I've grown up. Yes, I've stopped asking you out. Yes, I've stopped staring at you frequently.

"But no, you've never been 'dull' to me. No, I've never moved on. And no, regardless of what you think or what people have told you, I'm far from being over you. I don't think I can get over you. And I don't think I want to."

Her wide eyes stare into mine and I can tell that she's torn, she's not sure if she should trust me. I can't think of anything to say that will reassure her, so I lean forward and brush my lips against hers. Nothing intimate, just a small, but sweet amount of contact.

My lips are on fire; they have to be from the spark that passed between us.

I reluctantly pull away and take in her satisfied smile and rosy cheeks. A smile graces my face as well and I sling an arm around her shoulders, effectively pulling her to me.

"Lily Potter…" The syllables roll off my tongue as I pronounce them quietly, "Do you like that name?"

With a giggle, she tilts her head back and looks up at me with her doe eyes.

"I do."

I fiddle with the small item in my hand, a memory from roughly one year ago streaming through my mind.

A memory that I will never, ever fail to remember for as long as my mentality lingers.

"I like it, too."

I examine the tiny loop as it shimmers and twirls around the tip of my pinky finger, thinking about the owner of the hand that will be donning it for life.

The woman who has held each and every one of my senses captive since day one. The woman who I can see giving birth to my children.

The woman I want to share the rest of my life with.

A silver halo surrounded by diamonds; the halo that holds sway over my all of my dreams and wishes.

Beautiful, sophisticated, and rare…just like the woman for whom it was designed.

Undeniably gorgeous.

Merlin only knows how long I've wanted this, dreamt of it. Waking up every the day with my arms wrapped firmly around her and ending it in the same way.

She made me a better person from her constant rejections. She, along with a few other obstacles in my life, made me realize that if I wanted to become a man, I needed to start acting like one. And when she did finally say yes, she filled a hole in my heart that I never knew existed.

Two hours later, I'm strolling into the Gryffindor common room with my broom in hand, remembering the trick staircase that leads to the girls' dorm. Patting the pocket of coat my once more, just to be certain that I have everything to make this night perfect.

I'm preparing to take flight when a feminine voice catches my attention.

A voice I haven't heard in quite some time.

Marlene's.

"Hey James, is practice over?" She asks as she walks over to me, the corners of her mouth twitching upward.

"Yeah, now I'm looking for my girl. Is she in your dorm?"

She smiles slightly and nods. "I don't even want to know what kind of plans you made tonight, but I can tell by that look on your face that it's going to be big. But yeah, she's up there."

I'm about to take flight when Marlene's voice stops me once again.

"Uh, James, have you had the chance to talk to her any other time today?" Successive to her question, an apprehensive look sweeps over her face.

My eyes narrow in thought before I shake my head, "No, I haven't talked to her since she left for your dorm last night. Why, is something wrong?"

She shrugs and tosses me a nervous smile.

"It's most likely nothing. She's just been a little moody, keeping to herself. She was really quiet last night and I thought maybe you knew why. My guess is that the pressure of being Head Girl is catching up with her. I'm sure they've kept you both busy."

"Yeah, maybe that's it."

But as I hop onto my broom and veer up the staircase, my intuition tells me that we're both mistaken.

My intuition tells me that something is very wrong.

I come to a stop just outside the door that I know belongs to Marlene and Alice and I pause, waiting to hear the sound of a giggling fit between Lily and Alice or her voice singing loud and off-key to one of her favorite muggle songs.

But I hear none of that. I hear nothing at all.

Calm down. You're going to take her out, show her the time of her life, and propose. Everything will be fine.

My clammy hand slides onto the door handle and I twist it to the right. My nerves are getting the best of me.

Everything will be fine…

I take a look around and notice that torches aren't lit and the lamps aren't glowing. The only light is coming from the partly cloudy sky peeking through the windows, bathing the room in a blindingly white glow.

And on one side of the room, sitting in a fetal position by one of the windows, is Lily.

She's perfectly still, almost like a sculpture in a museum. Even from my position by the door, I can see that her eyes are puffy and bloodshot. She surveys the mountain in the distance, her eyes never breaking away to look at the intruder of her haven.

No movement at all.

The knot in my stomach clenches.

Everything will be fine…

But I know it won't.

Because this isn't just about a sixth sense anymore, it's about what I'm seeing.

This isn't the girl I left standing in our common room last night. This isn't the girl who told me that she'd be all right.

This isn't the Lily that I know and love.

I'm standing just a few feet away from her now, but it's as though I've never entered the room at all. And for the first time, I see what's lying in her lap: a framed sepia photograph of us, dancing and twirling about in the wind. We're both laughing and joking and looking so ideal, such a mighty contrast with the tension between us right now.

"Hey, why the long face?"

She doesn't say anything, her eyes never parting from the view.

Pulling up the nearest chair, I place my hand on her shoulder and knead it tenderly with my fingers.

Even now, she doesn't stir.

We remain this way for a few minutes. Sitting quietly while I try desperately to interpret what is wrong.

I can't stand seeing her upset, and I really can't stand it when I don't even know what put her in this state. I hate not knowing what thoughts, good or bad, are twisting and turning in her head. Especially when they cause her to isolate herself like this.

But that sick, boiling feeling has returned. Whatever the predicament is, it's had a tremendous emotional impact.

And finally after so long, she speaks.

Her voice is gruff and she swallows, never flinching a muscle as she finally speaks.

"The night of the full moon…was Sirius really able to hold off Remus on his own, just like you told me?"

My mind scrambles, trying to make sense of what she's saying.

"What?"

"The last full moon? When you were helping me?"

Sucking in a great breath of air, I look down at the hand that was once being used in an attempt to stroke the stress out of her. I know what night she's referring to now.

"He was able to for a little while, but no. I play a big part in defending him. But he's fast, he's able to run away and distract him. You needed me. You had a report due the next day. It didn't take that long to finish and he seemed fine with it."

And yet again, I'm met with stillness. Her eyes do not leave the window. She doesn't even bat an eyelash.

Three minutes elapse.

Five and a half minutes.

Eight minutes.

Twelve minutes and nineteen seconds.

Not a word, not a sound, not an improvement. Nothing.

I've been fidgeting in my seat for the better part of my time in here, but my gaze is trained on her. Her behavior screams of indifference.

I don't even recognize the person sitting perpendicular to me. The woman I love is animated and clever and joyful, not this angst-ridden girl that I'm seeing now.

Then she speaks the words that I'd hoped she's never say. I'd moved heaven and earth to guarantee that she would never have to speak them, that she would never have to wonder.

"What about Evan Rosier?"

"Lily…"

And then the eyes are directly on mine. Those bright green eyes that are normally shining with love for me now hold so much doubt.

"Please, just tell me it isn't true. Tell me it's all a lie and I'll believe you, I swear."

I want to lie so badly…I want to be able to look straight into her eyes and say I didn't. I want to spare her heart. And mine.

But I can't. For one, I can't do that to her. I can't lie to her face. And two, even if I could, I know she'll see right through me. She knows me better than anyone. I've kept this hidden for far too long.

"I was protecting you-"

"Why weren't you protecting yourself? The guys? Your father?"

"My father? What the hell do we have to do with my father? And I said to hell with the Marauder lifestyle a long time ago. You mean so much more to me…"

"Will you just listen to yourself? They're your best friends and family, James, your family! You have such a history together; you can't just say that and pretend they don't matter. You've got to stop doing this. You can't keep pushing every other aspect of your life aside for me. And as much as I'd like for you to be with me 24/7, I can't let you do it."

"Lil," I plead as I seize her hands and hold them to my torso.

"I won't let you do it."

An onslaught of tears erupts from her eyes and I yank the chair away, kneeling on both knees directly in front of her.

"Don't say that. I love you! Don't you see that? I did it for you. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Rosier deserved it."

She looks away from me as tears start to fall down her face.

"Your friends don't deserve it, though. Sirius shouldn't have to pay. Remus-"

"Remus would have suffered anyway depending on if he does in fact know our secret. But money talks, Lil. And what about you? Did you think I was going to pretend that what I saw didn't bother me? For the love of Merlin, there was so much blood…"

"I remember that night very well, thank you, and I don't need a recap! But it wasn't your place, James! You had—have—too much riding on your shoulders and you shouldn't have risked it. I could've handled it myself."

I rise to my feet, my mind overflowing with so many suppositions and fear spreading through my veins like a wildfire.

What made this happen? When I saw her last night, she was fine. We were fine.

What could've possibly caused this?

"Really? You think you could've handled it," I jeer, "You would've handled it alright, just like you handled it when he attacked you."

Instantly, I regret those words upon facing the loathsome glare that she throws my way. Her hands swiftly wrench away from mine and she stands, keeping her back to me.

"Leave."

I can't draw a breath. I can't move. I can't feel my own heart beating.

I'm certain it stopped functioning after that lone order.

She doesn't mean what she's saying, she can't.

She can't. She can't. She can't.

"Lily…"

She rushes across the room and jerks the door open, gesturing for me to walk through it.

"Go, James. You're only going to make this even more complicated."

Virtually running over to her, I grab her arms and command her to look at me.

"Tell me where I went wrong? All I've ever done was love and protect you. What did I do? Just listen to me! I know you don't want to do this, not really."

She shakes her head as tears slide uncontrollably down her face.

"Leave!"

I stagger as she shoves me with all of her power, but I move back to her without a second thought and hold her against me.

"I'm so sorry, Lil. I'm so sorry, I should've told you everything. I should've been straightforward from the start. If I could go back in time, I would tell you. I love you so much."

For a second—only a fleeting second—she unwinds at my touch, but then she's right back to fighting me all over again. Her small hands grip the material of my shirt and force me to release her.

"Go away," her voice is hoarse and she's trembling from an indistinct emotion. Anger, sadness, fear...right now, it's all a blur.

I'm about to protest once more, but I'm cut short at the sound of voices coming closer.

"I can't believe you know how to do that-"

A giggling, red-faced Alice and her boyfriend, Frank Longbottom, stumble through the door. The jubilant smiles on their face quickly vanish as they observe the situation.

"We're through. I want you to leave."

A small voice next to me whispers those words and I freeze.

She turns to Alice and gives her a long look that seemingly speaks a thousand words. Alice then moves toward me, her expression wrought with compassion.

"I think you should do what she says, James."

I'm caught between eyeballing Lily and Alice when I feel a hand on my shoulder, gradually leading me en route for the door.

"Frank, let me go," I shake the hand off and glower at him, someone I consider a dear friend. I would've never pictured myself roaring at this man like I did just now, not in a million years.

But he does not make a scene. Instead, he looks at me with utmost benevolence.

"It would be a good idea if you listen to her, give her space. It's obvious she needs to think about something and you're not accomplishing anything by hanging around. Do yourself a favor and just let it be."

Paying no heed to his wise sermon, I aim to make my way to her again but Alice blocks my path.

My height is considerably greater than Alice's, so I'm able to look over her head with ease. And if my heart hasn't splintered by now, it certainly does when I see Lily's slumped posture and tear-stained face.

"Lily…please…"

I give one last plea and behold her grave countenance.

"Goodbye, James."

Those words, those two, quick words, sink in and I squeeze my eyes shut.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I just can't believe it.

Frank's hand locks onto my bicep again, jarring me from me back to this cruel reality. When I slowly open my lids, her dark green collides with my hazel.

Suddenly, I'm a sailboat being tossed about at sea, a massive wave of emotion thrashing me with such ferocity and I'm drowning in the undercurrent. Everything that's been buried during our entire conversation (if you can call it that) comes to light and pulls me overboard.

Misery. Resolve. Shame.

All of it is exposed.

There's nothing left to say, no words that can heal what's been broken.

I glance at the dismayed faces of Alice and Frank and dig into my coat pocket, extract the black velvet box, and hurriedly wipe the tears that are seeping from the corners of my eyes.

The halo that holds sway over my all of my dreams and wishes.

The woman I want to share the rest of my life with.

"Happy anniversary, Lily."

Hurling the box at her feet, I walk away, willing myself to not look back at my 'what might have been'.

A white gown. A black tux. Wedding vows. A pair of 'I do's' sealed with a kiss.

The vision I've held for so long has slipped through my fingertips.