31 Days of Xanderween
Author's notes: Guh, tired. Stupid skeleton shift job, stupid early day at school. Meh, want bed. Sleep. Sleep good. Gah! Wait, no sleep! Fanfic!
stickzx: I have been trying to inject some more humor and romance, but action/drama is what I write the best and so I have a tendency to fall back on it.
snowecat: I think that I will be using some of your suggestions, my muse likes one of the ideas you mentioned.
Harry2: You think this is going to be a Spartacus crossover? Do I just live to prove you wrong or something? Guess you're in for another disappointment mate. Hang in there, the X-men crossover will come eventually.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing!
Story 10: A REAL Spartan in Sunnydale
Xander wanted to sob; he really did as he approached the costume shop owner. Why did he have to bet with Willow that he could go for a week without Twinkies? The redhead's victory had pretty much been assured. Moreover, why did Buffy have to interject at the last moment and tell him what to do to pay off the bet? Willow would never have asked him to do this! Nevertheless, a wager was a wager, and Xander liked to pay off his debts. Even if doing so completely stripped him of almost all dignity and pride.
Ethan curiously observed the pouting boy approach him at the counter. He wondered why it was that the lad seemed so depressed. "What can I do for you, lad?"
The male Scooby took in a deep breath, bowing his head as he imparted the reason for his imminent shame to the storeowner in the hopes that the man could help him. "I lost a bet with a couple of friends. A couple of FEMALE friends. And they've decided that as their winnings, they get to choose how I dress for Halloween. Can you imagine the horror?"
Wincing in rare sympathy, Ethan felt compelled to place a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. He might be a chaos-causing son of a bitch, but he would never want a fate like that to befall a fellow man. Male solidarity and all that; if they didn't stand together then the women would have them all whipped and wrapped around their pinkie fingers before a month passed! Maybe he should make sure that the boy got a good costume, just so he didn't suffer too much. "You have my genuine sympathies, young man. What do you have to wear?"
Tears welled up in his eyes as Xander contemplated the evil that was women and their sick schemes to get you prancing around half-naked. "Do you… do you have any costumes with… with male thongs or loincloths that won't totally embarrass or emasculate me? Please?"
Ethan couldn't help but to give another little wince as he felt the boy's pain and despair. By chaos, this boy's lady friends must be pure evil! He wasn't sure whether he'd want to meet them if they were the sort to put a friend through an ordeal like this. "Come on into the back, my boy. I think that I can get you something that will not only salvage but also bolster your male pride while keeping to the arrangements of your wager. Tell me are you familiar with the Battle of Thermopylae?"
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Stelios blinked in wonder and confusion. The last thing he remembered was being on the ground, dying next to his king as the Persian arrows rained down upon the beaten Spartans. He knew he was dead. Was this strange place Elysium, the paradise where the good and heroic went after they met their end?
Suddenly a horde of strange creatures rushed towards him, claws outstretched and jaws slavering. The young warrior grinned joyfully within the confines of his helmet, and adjusted his grip on his spear as he brought his large bronze shield up to meet the charge. Who cared if these were the Elysian Fields or not? There was a fight to be had! That was paradise enough to a Spartan.
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Ethan gulped carefully, doing his best to avoid cutting his own throat on the blade pressed up to it. Stelios' face looked like a vision of death and utter devastation set within his polished helmet, eyes flashing in fury and mouth set in a grim line. The Englishman idly noticed that at least he'd done one thing right tonight. The boy looked good in his barely clothed costume. Now if only the spirit of that said bloody costume would just be kind enough to put the sharp and pointy object away before somebody got hurt, namely Ethan, then the man could be a lot prouder of his work.
Stelios' tone was as rocky as the shores of Greece, his voice promising that if he didn't like what he heard then an eternity spent in Tartarus would be a relief after what the young Spartan would do. "Now let me get this straight, conjurer. You pulled my spirit out of the glory of Elysium and shoved it into the body of this boy here? I've had to fight my way foot by foot through this gods forsaken place, just because you were bored and wanted to play a prank? Is that what I'm hearing you say?"
The chaos mage nodded glumly, certain that he was about to become a head shorter. So his surprise when Stelios grinned widely and took the blade away from his neck was understandable as was his relief. The man's surprise only increased when the Spartan laughed loudly and embraced him, thumping the other man soundly on the back. "Thank you! One last fight before I grow rusty and bored in the never-ending peacefulness of paradise! Thank you magician! You have really made my day!"
Letting the bewildered man go, Stelios held up a single finger, a sly grin on his face and a mischievous sparkle seen in his eyes even through the narrow slit of the helmet. "But, the youngster who's been so good as to host my spirit should also get something out of this, wouldn't you agree?"
Just happy to still be alive, Ethan nodded in enthusiastic agreement, causing Stelios' already broad grin to widen even further. "Good! I do enjoy a man who can listen to reason and is willing to respond to the silent threat of violence. Now I should think that as you've done a favor for me, and I've done a favor for you in letting you live, that you should owe the boy a favor. Yes?" Again, there was total agreement. "Splendid! Now then, how do we go about breaking the spell for now?"
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Lenny was a young vampire, only having been turned nine years ago. He was also a newcomer to Sunnydale and didn't know about all of the local hunters. Therefore, he can be forgiven for not wetting himself in fear when a teenage boy approached him whistling jauntily, a large round disc wrapped in cloth strapped to his back and a similarly wrapped pole slung across his shoulders. Although admittedly, the fact that the pair of native Sunnydale vampires that were with him went even paler than they were already and shouted "oh crap it's Harris" before running off screaming like young children should have clued him in that this was not a human being to mess with. Unfortunately for poor Lenny, he didn't think about that. All he was thinking about was that there was a perfectly good meal right there in front of him.
The vampire hissed in hunger and promptly got into his "game face". The teen just smiled, taking the covered circle off of his back and holding it with one hand and getting a firm grip on the pole-like object with the other. Snarling, Lenny lunged forward only to get a face full of hard metal as the young man brought up the covered disc, now identified as a shield, up to meet the vampire's charge. With a grunt of effort, the shield pushed out at Lenny and despite the fact that he should be at least three times as strong as any human, he was sent sprawling. The teenager stood over the downed vampire, face twisted in fierce joy as he kept the demonically possessed corpse pinned to the ground with one booted heel pressed down on Lenny's shoulder while he scraped the end of the wrapped pole across the asphalt. Lenny became panicked as he saw the cloth wrappings part enough to show the tip of a sharpened wooden point, and his struggles to get free increased. But it was to no avail as the booted foot was strong and firm in keeping him pinned, and in a matter of seconds, the wooden spear tip found his heart with unerring accuracy.
Xander smiled widely and began laughing in delight as he slung the wooden spear that he had carved himself back over his shoulder, walking off as the dust that was mere moments before a vampire settled to the ground. Gods, it was just so fun staking fang faces! Maybe if he got lucky, he would come across a real challenge! Since Halloween, he hadn't happened across any vamps that could hope to offer him what Stelios' would have called "A Beautiful Death". Not that Xander had a death wish; oh, no he wasn't that much of a Spartan! It was just getting so boring fighting fledglings!
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"So, that's the situation in a nutshell, the Judge has been reassembled and everything says that no weapon forged by man can kill him... Xander, you're looking very thoughtful over there. Do you have any ideas?"
Xander turned his attention away from the new wooden spearhead he was carving and gave Giles one of his cheerful, slightly goofy smiles that had just a hint of wicked mischievousness behind it. "Oh, I was just thinking of the 'magics' that the Persian sorcerers used against Stelios and the rest of the three hundred at the Hot Gates. Those weren't exactly 'forged by man', you know. Why don't we just blow him up?"
"That's... actually a very good plan Xander, but how do you intend to procure an explosive armament or enough placed charges to destroy the Judge?"
The grin was big and cheerful, which was more than enough to cause Giles concern as the younger man never showed much emotion unless he was plotting something bound to cause chaos. "Don't worry about it Giles, trust me."
The Watcher groaned and removed his glasses to begin polishing them furiously. "I was afraid that you'd say something along those lines. God help us all."
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"THIS IS DORK BOY'S MASTER PLAN?! ATTACKING THE FREAKIN' UNITED STATES ARMY HEAD ON?!" Cordelia currently wasn't very impressed with Xander's foresight and advanced planning as another soldier went flying from the furious melee that Xander was presently entangled in. The soldier groaned for a brief moment as he hit the ground hard, before slipping into the sweet embrace of Morpheus. Despite understanding Xander's plan, Willow couldn't help but to agree with Cordelia, surely a sign of the End Times if there ever was one. The plan was so stupidly simple that it was brilliant; Xander would beat the shit out of the entire garrison of the Sunnydale armory while she and Cordelia used the distraction to sneak inside and steal a rocket launcher or something. Now the troops stationed at the Sunnydale armory were as far from frontline quality as soldiers are capable of getting, and the base was currently being manned by a skeleton staff of only sixty men as the majority of the base's personnel including the officers were currently off on leave to LA. However it was still foolish to believe that one man could stand against that many and hope to win; unless of course that man had the skills and memories of a Spartan warrior who had stood by the side of Leonidas himself as they faced an army of nearly a million Persians.
To say that the troops of the Sunnydale armory were grossly outclassed would be like saying that the sun was hot or that winter is cold. Already more than two dozen of them were lying knocked out on the ground, and Xander was barely breathing hard by this point as he sent opponent after opponent into unconsciousness with the haft of his blunted practice spear and heavy bronze shield. None of the soldiers stood a chance against him in close combat, and with so many of them already engaged in hand to hand with Xander their comrades couldn't fire for risk of hitting their own which forced them to join in on the brawl. All the while, Xander was laughing from within the concealing depths of his bronze helmet. He was actually enjoying this!
Cordelia shook her head in exasperation as she and Willow walked right past the fight into the base. "That Harris is a damn lunatic... Although I'll admit that he is one burning hot lunatic. I mean those pecs, that six pack, and his biceps? Rawr." Again, Willow couldn't help but agree with her, Xander had turned into a drop dead gorgeous hottie ever since he'd gotten a little Spartan muscle boost. Willow and Cordelia agreeing twice in the same night; the apocalypse really was here.
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Faith gasped, sweat covering her body. She'd known Xander was fit since she'd seen him fight, but damn! Five times! FIVE TIMES! She'd never been with anyone who could last more than two or three times! And Xander and her had done it five times over the last three and a half hours with very little time spent resting between mind-blowing fucks. Beside her, equally sweaty and breathing hard, Xander turned to her and grinned. "You would have made a fine spartan woman, Faith... Another round?"
The Slayer's eyes threatened to pop out of her sockets. She'd been fucked longer and harder than she'd ever been before, and he was willing to go again?! Faith could go all night because she was a Slayer, but damn! That Spartan stamina was really something! Grabbing onto Xander's shoulders she brought his face right up to hers and glared. "You listen to me Boy Toy! I'm keeping you! You got that?! And if you try to run, I'm hunting you down and dragging you right back to my bed so I can fuck your brains out until you forget about ever thinking of leaving me! Now get back on top of me and get to work soldier!"
Xander's eyes twinkled in merriment. Oh yes, Faith would have made a fine Spartan woman. "As you command, my lady."
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"The mayor will ascend, we can't stop it at this point. Our only hope is to have an army, but where will we get one?"
"I have an idea, Giles. Round up some recruits, and I'll make a call. There's a certain somebody we both know who owes me a favor from Halloween."
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As the mayor's demonic form chased Buffy and Faith into the school where Giles had a ton of explosives ready and waiting for him, hordes of vampires swarmed onto the school grounds expecting to find a bunch of helpless teenagers just waiting to be fed upon. However, as they approached, half of the graduates yanked off their graduation robes to show that they were wearing red cloaks, leather loincloths with the addition of leather bindings across the chest for the girls, and bronze helmets. As one, they reached underneath their seats and withdrew shield and spear before getting into the famed flying wedge formation. And at the head of the wedge was a grinning Xander Harris, inwardly thanking Ethan Rayne for coming through with so many Spartan costumes on such short notice. Craning his head back, Xander called to his troops. "SPARTANS! PREPARE FOR GLORY!"
The poor vampires never stood a chance.
End Story 10: A REAL Spartan in Sunnydale
Notes: This was partially done in protest against the swarm of Master Chief YAHFs out there, it's just an overdone concept and i wanted to show what a REAL Spartan could possibly accomplish. I'm rushing this out before leaving for a social function, so I'm hoping that the quality hasn't suffered because of that. Hope you all enjoyed.
Character: Stelios from the movie 300 (2006)
Next story: The Xanderness