I was told to stay away from you but you found me...

There was no way I could ignore you...

You presence captivated me, your actions amazed me, your looks scared me...

You were to much of a mystery to stay away from...

but

I should have stayed away from you...

You broke me into million pieces...

I Hate That I Love You

Chapter 10: the good and bad memories

"need more fresh air?" said koko as he grinned. natsume rolled his eyes. They walked around the campus a bit. Ruka seemed to relax more… till a blood hurdling scream was heard.

"who the hell is screaming?" asked yuu as they looked around and saw ruka already running.

"ruka wait up! Where are you going?" yelled koko as they ran in full speed behind him.

Ruka started panting. His bad feeling was right, again. He ran towards the never ending scream and slammed the door open of the one person he wished he never would have a bad feeling about.

Mikan was on the ground still screaming while clutching her head. He didn't have to head towards her because behind natsume came running and took her in his arms, he tried to calm her down.

Ruka walked over to the bed and felt his knees grow weak. There she was covered in blood. He felt his whole world break down… why did this have to happen? Why did the girl he loved have to be in this position? He couldn't move and yet everything around him was looking rushed. Narumi came in, the ambulance… them taking her, yuu and koko dragging him… everything around him stopped and yet moved on without him.

Ruka opened his eyes as he looked around hoping that it was a dream. He looked at narumi talking with the doctor and closed his eyes again to try and stop the never ending pain.

Ever wished that you could change places with the one who shouldn't be in that position… all because of you… life is so unfair.

Five hundred and two black dots on the wall…

"is she gonna be okay?" asked narumi sensei as the doctor sighed deeply. The doctor tried to ease the tension. He couldn't stand the pain these little kids had on their age. They should be having fun and not sitting here…

five hundred and three black dots on the wall...

"I can't tell you anything yet, first of all we have to empty her stomach…" narumi nodded as the doctor left.

Five hundred and four black dots on the wall…

Koko looked at mikan as she looked at the wall in front of her without blinking or any emotion… she just looked with a blank expression. He looked at natsume and made a sign for him to go towards mikan.

Five hundred and five black dots on the wall…

"polka, you okay?" asked natsume carefully as he took place next to her. Mikan didn't give any answer and continued looking at the wall.

Five hundred and six black dots on the wall…

"oi, talk to me" said natsume as he grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. Mikan averted her gaze from the wall towards him.

"I lost count, now I will have to start from the beginning" was the only thing mikan murmured. She looked around and saw ruka and her body acted on his own. she pulled her arm free and stood up. She took small steps and walked towards ruka and stopped in front of him.

"what did you do?" asked mikan as she looked at ruka who looked at her with guilt in his eyes. He shook his head.

"what did you do" asked mikan, no rather demanded. Ruka bend his head. Mikan grabbed his collar and forced him to look at her.

"what the hell did you do?" hissed mikan as natsume was already by her side to pry her off ruka. mikan struggled as she looked at ruka with anger and worry.

"if anything happens it is your fucking fault" said mikan harshly as she pulled herself free. Natsume glared at her.

"that's enough mikan" natsume sounded dead serious. Mikan sneered at him and ran away.

Koko placed a hand on ruka's shoulder. "ignore her, she is wrong it is not your fault" koko tried to sound convincing. But deep down he knew that mikan may be speaking a little truth.

Wishing that the ugly truth was a beautiful lie…

Tono stood up and walked away. Natsume looked at him. "were are you going?" asked natsume as tono sighed, he turned half back.

"to mikan, since you're not going… I am" said tono as he looked natsume in the eyes. Natsume looked away and tono shook his head in response. He turned back and walked out, feeling natsume's eyes on his back.

Why lie when everyone knows the truth?

"will you guys tell me what happened when you found her?" asked narumi sensei out the blue

Yuu sighed. "well… we went out of class and after a while we heard a loud scream coming from the girls dorms and ruka… well ruka he started running and we knew that something was wrong" said yuu as he took off his glasses and placed a hand on his forehead, like he was still trying to take everything in.

"mikan…mikan she was the one screaming her head off due the shock. Natsume tried to calm her down and we called you and 911" finished koko as he leaned against the wall.

Narumi sighed as he looked at them. "let's hope everything will be okay".

Mikan played with the small stones on the ground. she looked as ambulances stopped in front of the hospital and people got out. She saw everyone rushing around her. It was just like that day, the day that took everything from her…

wasn't it enough to take my mom? and now hotaru? no... you can't have hotaru, she has to be with me... she has to stay by my side... without her my sane mind will go INSANE!

"you okay?" asked tono as he sat next to her. mikan came back to reality. she looked at tono and wondered what their story was. She didn't know if she could trust anyone of them. It was not like she knew them that well... they had their secrets and she had her own...

mikan looked at his face... he was different from the others. He had this aura that made you trust him and yet there was this difference.

Mikan gave him a weak smile. "she will make it right?" asked mikan unsure. As tono nodded.

"it's hotaru we are talking about. Before you know she will wake up and yell at us for looking so worried. I even think she will charge us money for worrying" joked tono as he heard mikan giggle. He smiled.

The same time she saw akira come running towards them with mochu behind him both had worry all over there face. "and (pant) what did (pant) the doctor (pant) tell?" said akira as he breathed heavily, mochu tried to catch his breath.

"we have to wait" said mikan as they nodded. "we are going towards ruka and the others. We will see you two in a minute" said mochu as he finally started breathing normally. They nodded as they left. Tono stood up and stuck out his hand for her to take. Mikan looked up and took his hand, they walked back to where the others were.

Natsume was walking around a lot. He had this weird feeling. Was mikan alright? Was it okay to let tono go after her? The same time mikan cam walking towards them with tono besides her. Ruka looked up at her with hurtful eyes. Mikan sat next to him and looked at the wall once again.

"I won't say sorry, because I am not… I just hope she will be okay so I won't have to blame you" whispered mikan as ruka bend his head and placed his both hands to his face.

"she will be okay… she has to be" muttered ruka, like he was convincing himself.

Each one of them sat in silence. Even though hotaru was ruka's life she meant a lot for them, all of them. Natsume looked at mikan, why did he lately had this feeling of pain when he saw her? He never met her before and yet he saw her somewhere.

Yuu tried to stay calm, having everyone at the hospital again was a bad sign… a very bad sign, he looked at narumi who shared the same worried look as he did.

This bad… what if they remember?

Mikan felt her eyelids close, she engulfed the darkness and fell in sleep.

"I can't believe it!" yelled mikan as tears started to form. Her mom tried to comfort her.

"mikan honey, please… I know it is a shock but still don't tell you dad" pleaded her mom, mikan looked at her with betrayal in her eyes.

"I won't tell him, don't worry" said mikan sarcastically, as she turned around and walked away. Her mom tried to stop her.

"mikan wait! Please listen to me… your relationship with him won't change" said her mom trying to help her, mikan turned around with sad eyes.

"mom, I love you but I love him too. How can you do this to me? your having a affair with his freaking dad! What if you get married or something? We would become siblings!" yelled mikan frustrated as her mother started to cry.

"I know I am being unfair to you" said her mom as mikan interrupted her.

"me? oh you're not only being unfair to me but also to rui-nii" yelled mikan as she ran way.

Mikan's eyes flew open as she sat straight. Ruka looked at her as she closed her eyes to take away the tension.

"what's wrong mikan?" asked ruka as natsume also woke up and looked at her. Mikan gave them a weak smile.

"nothing" said mikan as she stood up. "I am going to get coffee" muttered mikan as she walked away.

Can dreams be reality? Or do they let us see what we want to see?

Mikan grabbed her coffee and slowly sipped it. she had to stay awake to keep those hurting dreams away. Did she wanted to believe that rui was her brother? Your sick mikan… just sick

Mikan sighed and took a sip. But what was the meaning of her dream? Her mom having an affair? How could she think that! Her sweet, lovable mom who loved her dad with her whole heart… her cheating? How could she blame her mom for the pain she is feeling.

I am sorry mom… so sorry…

She felt someone sit across her, her eyes just didn't want to look up. "you alright?" asked ruka as mikan shook her head sadly.

"alright? I feel like shit" muttered mikan a she took another sip of her coffee. Ruka stayed silent, mikan looked at him.

"why does hotaru love money and blackmailing so much?" asked mikan bluntly as ruka smiled.

"you should ask her when she wakes up" said ruka as mikan looked at him with an pained expression. Will she wake up ruka? do you believe that? Either way it will be your fault… her pain is your fault…

Mikan didn't answer back… she couldn't, how would she tell him that there might be a possibility that she wouldn't wake up.

She didn't had the power to keep thinking positive… if she thought that hotaru would wake up for sure and she wouldn't… she will break down…

"then answer at least this question… what happened a few years ago with you guys?" asked mikan suddenly as ruka paled, yet he managed to keep his façade on.

"what do you mean?" asked ruka polity as mikan closed her eyes. Why are you lying to me? haven't you done enough ruka?

"still grieving with the past, huh?" muttered mikan as ruka stayed silent. I am sorry mikan I can't tell you, because… I don't know what happened.

"so have you ever been to a hospital before?" asked ruka changing the subject mikan nodded. "yeah, for my mom" said mikan quietly as ruka gave her a soft expression.

"is she okay?" asked ruka as mikan placed down her coffee and looked at him with a dead expression.

"she is dead" said mikan bluntly as ruka looked shocked. He tried to cover his emotions.

"I am so sorry, what happened" asked ruka as mikan smiled sadly at him. She played with her empty cup. "she had an accident, I was in the car too but only I survived" said mikan softly as ruka placed his hand on hers.

"I am so sorry" said ruka softly as mikan gave him a grateful smile. She took a deep breath and stood up. "I am going back to them" said mikan turning around and walking away. Ruka watched her walk away and stayed quiet as he had a worried expression.

"how come I can't remember a accident I was involved in… what happened that day?" muttered ruka to himself as he sank in his chair and out his both hands on his face.

"ruka it is not your fault!" said hotaru harshly as she looked at her beloved boyfriend. Ruka was sitting near the window of her room completely silent and looked close to death.

He had been like this since that fateful day. They had to be there and witness to people close to them burn to death.

How could this happen… how could they die? Hotaru sat next to ruka and embraced him. She knew he needed a hug, a hug from her. The one who would always stay by his side.

"ruka, it is not your fault… you were at the wrong place at the wrong time" said hotaru softly.

"hotaru, they are both dead… aoi and aunty are both dead" said ruka quietly as she felt him crying inside. And for once hotaru didn't know what to say.

"I am sorry but she is not waking up" said the doctor quietly as everyone was silent. natsume narrowed his eyes.

"what do you mean with not waking up?" asked natsume as the doctor gulped, he gave them a sad expression. "I mean…she is in a coma" announced the doctor everyone looked in shock, it felt like their whole world was gone black…

Ever had this feeling that the ground beneath you disappeared and you fell endlessly…?

AAANNNDDDD? HOW DID YOU LIKE IT? okaay to clear some confusions:

"these are memories or flashbacks"

these are thoughts

"talking"

next chapter preview:

"wrong with me? wrong with ME? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT KILLED HER" yelled mikan harshly, yuu shook his head in defeat and looked at narumi with a pained expression. I can't do this any longer….

"where are you going?" asked natsume as she glared at him. "have you all looked at yourselves? I have never in my life seen such a messed up group of friends" said mikan harshly as natsume tightened his grip on her wrist.

"you know nothing about us" said natsume dangerously as mikan forcefully pulled her wrist loose. "to be honest I am glad I know nothing about you" sneered mikan as she walked away.