~Wolfwing~

Oftentimes when you lose someone you love, you seek to fill the hole that was left behind

Some know this when they search for love again, and some don't

When you rebound and lose, oftentimes you're left with a bigger hole than when you lost the first

Wolfwing's POV

Most of my Clanmates were on edge due to the greencough spreading throughout AngelClan, but I wasn't really concerned with that at the moment. Why should I be concerned? All I had to lose was the sister I wasn't really close with and her unborn kits.

Otherwise I didn't really have any remaining family. I began moping in my inevitable loneliness again when I saw a familiar face.

"Shadowdream? It's you!" I felt like I was being slowly pulled out of the figurative hole I was in as the fluffy tom made his way to me and sat down.

"Indeed it is." Shadowdream almost purred. "How's your Clan dealing with greencough? Word spread that leaf-fall was starting to affect AngelClan."

"It's not so bad, at least for a cat that has almost no family." I told him. "How about your Clan...do you have a mate or kits that you worry will fall sick?"

"Nope, all I have is my distant sister taking care of all of us. We have just enough catmint to get by." Shadowdream explained, I swore that I saw him move closer to me. And I didn't stop it.

"What about you? Did Eddy give you any kits before he passed?"

"No." Although I would've liked that. "I may not seem like the type, but I really do want a family. I could have warrior sons and daughters to be proud of. But now it seems like that'll never happen."

"Of course it could happen." Shadowdream's tail brushed against my back. "Any tom could give you a family, it doesn't have to be one of those pathetic AngelClan toms."

Was...was Shadowdream trying to make a move on me? I wouldn't have time to think of a proper response when he leaned over me and I was taken by his scent. He pulled away after he realized that we were at a Gathering. But I wanted the touch of a caring tom again, and maybe Shadowdream was my chance to start over.

The Gathering eventually ended with little resolved as it didn't seem that Marquis was going to move from RainbowClan anytime soon and there wasn't any catmint for us. But I was going to mate with Shadowdream and start a family through him and with him. So even if a bunch of cats died from greencough, there would still be new life!

I had to get over Eddy, so my Clanmates would have to deal with their family deaths. Maybe then they'd understand why I've been in so much pain.

Two moons later, Starlingstar's POV

"It's been our third search patrol today and we still haven't found any catmint!" Muffinpaw whined. "And I'm hungrrrrry, I thought that when all the elders died there'd be more food!"

"Muffinpaw! That's no way to talk about cats that have served our Clan for seasons!" Bellpaw's mentor Celesteshine growled before looking back at me sympathetically. "I'm so sorry Starlingstar, I really am-"

"Don't worry, at least the prey is more abundant in this forest. Enough to feed the hungry queens and then some." I gave a weak grin. "We found a patch of catmint near Windrider Lake so we must not give up hope!"

That particular patch of catmint was just enough to help Cupcake and Featherkit recover, but not before greencough took the lives of Canarybranch, Meadowlight, Flowerpelt, Erin, and all of our elders as well as infect even more cats. That included my mate Jaspershade, Chase, Fireflight, and Larkspirit.

By some StarClan-sent miracle, we haven't starved yet, even with Wolfwing eating enough to fill the bellies of several apprentices. I've encouraged her to cut back on her eating, especially since Kellymist, her sister, and my mother all had their litters. Normally I'd assume that she was expecting kits, but it had been moons since Eddy died, and she certainly wasn't seeing any tom in our Clan.

"Stormpool, would you be so kind as to set up two more hunting patrols while I check on the kits?" I asked my deputy. Stormpool gave a brief nod, and I felt for him. After all, both of our mates caught greencough.

Wolfwing's POV

Yes, I'm expecting kits. Shadowdream's kits to be exact. I had been expecting his kits for a moon now and I was going to reveal it to the Clan today. The reason I didn't tell my Clan right away was because I was thinking over the outcomes, like who the 'father' of my kits would be.

It took me some time to become certain of this decision, but I decided to straight up tell my Clanmates that Shadowdream is the father. I didn't really care about stupid Clan rules or borders anymore, I was on a mission to be happy. And either AngelClan lets me be with Shadowdream, RainbowClan lets me be with him, or we could run away together.

The key to my happiness would be Shadowdream, the tom that I like and could possibly love. AndI was ready to fight for that happiness.

I confidently made my way to the Nursery where Starlingstar was looking at Rosebreeze's two she-kits and Dawnsky(who thinks she's so much better than me with her perfect mate and family) with her three kits Sunsetkit, Sprintkit, and Lovekit. What dumb names.

"I'm expecting kits." I announced, joyfully taking in the shock on Dawnsky's face. Starlingstar looked at me, not believing a single word I said.

"You sure you're not saying that so you can have more fresh-kill?" Starlingstar blinked.

"I'm positive. I'll even have Myrtleflower check my stomach." I smirked, before turning my head towards the elder's den. "HEY MYRTLEFLOWER-"

"That won't be necessary!" Starlingstar snapped. "She's too busy taking care of sick cats to prove that there's a bunch of kits in your belly! I'll check!"

Starlingstar moved forward and placed a single paw on my now bloating stomach. After a feel moments of feeling the kicking in my stomach, my leader moved her paw away

"Oh, so you are expecting kits. I'm glad you found a tom that makes you happy." Starlingstar purred. "Wanna tell us who it is?"

Dawnsky knew me better than Starlingstar does, and she already suspected the 'worst.'

"Shadowdream of RainbowClan." I revealed. Now both Starlingstar and Dawnsky looked shocked, and Kellymist the gossip queen left her kits to tell everyone.

"Wolfwing! Your own mother told you to avoid the 'shadows in your dreams!' Does that mean nothing to you?!" Starlingstar growled.

"StarClan manipulated her into saying that so they could torture me like they did by killing my mother and Eddy, and making my father leave his family for you!" I snarled, shoving my face in Starlingstar's before turning to my sister. "And you, little Miss Perfect with your happy family, feeling bad for me with your condescending pity. Well now I'm starting my own family, no longer making you the better sister! Oh what does it matter? It's not like we have parents anyway!"

I looked over to the healthy warriors of our Clan all watching me and I focused my gaze on my deadbeat father. The one that ruined my life.

"Wolfwing no!" Dawnsky cried as I ran towards Briarpool and sank my teeth into his shoulder, pulling him down with my added weight. I felt several fox-brained cats pull me off of him, giving me a lovely view of the painful injury I left on his shoulder.

"One day you'll pay for everything you've done." I vowed, then I chose to use words that were certain to infuriate him. "Starlingstar will never love you. She knows you're a monster."

Briarpool leaped and me and slapped my face with an unsheathed claw, spraying blood across the grass. I smirked, feeling victorious.

"Thanks for proving my point." I laughed. "Now if you excuse me, I have a mate to reunite with."

I lifted my tail smugly as I confidently walked out of camp and made it to the border of RainbowClan, fearlessly entering the camp.

"My lo-" I froze as I saw Shadowdream nuzzling some tortoiseshell she-cat that I didn't know, and my heart dropped. "Shadowdream!"

Shadowdream stopped and looked at me with...annoyance?! How is he supposed to be annoyed when he was the one caught in the act?!

"'Scuse me for a sec Bridgette." Shadowdream affectionately pressed his muzzle against that fox-brained she-cat before approaching me. "Yes Wolfwing?"

"I came here to join RainbowClan and be with you. Y'know, since I'm expecting your kits!" I raised my voice when I said those last four words, intending for his Clan to hear all of it. Shadowdream looked angry, and my heart was breaking because of it.

"She's lying!" Shadowdream yelled at his Clan before pushing me into the bushes. "We're going to talk in private."

I got out of the bushes and followed Shadowdream to the exact same lake that we met each other. But instead of bubbly feelings, the mood was grim and painful.

I don't want to lose him.

"I...I am expecting your kits. And I'm willing to look past the fact that you were cheating on me for a moment, and that you pushed me into the bushes." I sighed. "I just want to be with you and have this family with you."

"Wolfwing, all those things I said...like that I love you, or that I want to be with you, and that ridiculous story about me and Blacksmith running from a burning Twoleg home...those were all lies." Shadowdream admitted. What?

"Why would you lie to me?" I whispered. Shadowdream looked at me with no joy or anger, but instead he had a predatory look in his eyes.

"Why would any tom be nice to a she-cat?" Shadowdream leaned towards me and breathed down my neck. "For your body. And I had no one before you came along in your perfect vulnerable state, desiring another tom so soon after losing your precious Eddy. Now that I have Bridgette, I don't need you anymore. And I'll thank you kindly not to ask me again to raise your filthy half-Clan kits while I'm in a solid relationship already."

I was used, and I felt filthy for letting him inside me in the first place. And now I was expecting a bunch of kits with no tom to help me raise them. As soon as Shadowdream disappeared from sight, I ran back to camp with tears flying.

You should've avoided the shadows in your dreams-

"SHUT UP!" I wailed angrily to the sky and the stupid cats of StarClan who were probably laughing up a storm up there, enjoying every second of my life's downward spiral. I saw Starlingstar near camp, as if she was waiting for me. I stopped in front of her, my chest still heaving with sobs.

"What are you going to do? Laugh at me?! Yell at me?! You know very well that I would leave your stupid Clan if it weren't for the kits that badger-heart knocked up inside of me!" I snarled. I didn't think AngelClan was stupid, but I was still angry at everything that's happened in my life. I lost my mother, my father, Eddy, and now Shadowdream. If that doesn't mean StarClan was out to get me, I don't know what does.

Starlingstar walked up me and her eyes softened.

"I'm not going to do any of those things, and I think you should get some rest." Starlingstar sighed. "If you don't want to sleep in the Nursery with your sister, you can sleep in my den. I'll make sure that no cat bullies you about this."

My ears flattened with embarrassment and I looked away from Starlingstar.

"Thank you." I whispered. "I would like to sleep in your den for a few nights."

"That's perfectly fine, and you'll have a whole Clan to help you raise these kits." Starlingstar purred, turning around and walking back to camp.

I followed my leader back to camp, full of regret, sorrow, and fear of what was yet to come.