Chapter Ten

Unsurprisingly, Brendan did win. Ray gave him a long-suffering but amused look as Brendan grinned triumphantly, eager to obtain his prize. Brendan pulled Ray towards him by his fingertips. It wasn't as easy a method as it had proved to be in the past. Ray came along willingly enough, his fingers trailing lazily up Brendan's arm.

"So you finally get what you wanted" Ray whispered, smiling.

"Ye love it really" Brendan teased, kissing Ray softly several times on the lips.

"This is only a one off, mind you" Ray warned, stripping out of his prison uniform.

"Sure, we'll see" Brendan replied, pulling his own clothes off.

They moved towards the small desk in their cell, Brendan pushed Ray against it while he kissed him. Ray wrapped his hands around Brendan's buttocks, squeezing there.

"We gonna do this here?" Ray asked breathlessly, Brendan's face against his neck.

"Ye better believe it" Brendan growled, beginning to prepare Ray.

It was quick and frantic. Brendan found himself swept away in the moment, overwhelmed by how good it felt to be doing this after so long. It wasn't quite the same as his other encounters; even though Ray allowed him to top he still didn't yield fully to Brendan. Sometimes he even pushed against him as though wanting to take back the control.

When they were sated, Brendan cleaned them up and sat on the edge of the bed, feeling hot and sweaty even after their morning shower.

"Are we really stuck in here all day?" He asked, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

"I'm afraid so. That's what we get for getting into fights in the shower room"

"Those other blokes didn't get punished though" Brendan observed with annoyance.

"That's prison for you. They don't care about the whole story, waste of their time"

Brendan frowned a little. "I don't know how people last in here, I really don't"

"It isn't easy" Ray began, slipping his clothes back on. "But as I said before, you get used to it. Speaking of which…" he trailed off looking at Brendan thoughtfully.

"Ye?" Brendan asked curiously.

"Are you ever going to get used to being gay?"

Brendan froze and looked at Ray blankly. "I'm not-"

"But you are" Ray said bluntly, his gaze unwavering.

Brendan was speechless for a moment. "No. I'm not" he said carefully.

"Then what did we just do?" Ray asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We had sex" Brendan said slowly.

"And we're men"

"Obviously-"

"So how are you not gay?"

Brendan stood up, feeling agitated. "I'm not having this conversation with ye"

"Yes you are. We're stuck in here for a while, there's no where for you to hide from this"

"Is that right?" Brendan asked in annoyance, pacing around the room.

"Brendan, you're never going to accept yourself and others around you if you won't admit to yourself what you are"

"Why do I have to be anything?" Brendan retorted, his wild eyes flashing. "Why can't I just be Brendan?"

"You can" Ray said softly. "But from what you've told me, this is the main issue with you lashing out at Stephen"

"Please don't bring him into this" Brendan said in exasperation, his chest aching a little.

"But he's important. You love him. He's the only man you've ever loved"

"Shut up!" Brendan roared. "I'm not listening to this"

"You have to!" Ray said, moving towards Brendan and gripping his shoulders. "If you want to be with him when you're outta here you've gotta learn"

"I'm too old to learn" Brendan returned, shaking off Ray's grasp.

"That's bollocks" Ray said, moving to stand beside the desk again.

"Ye don't know about my life" Brendan muttered, moving to rest his hands against the cell door.

"I don't have to. All I know is you can't admit what you are, and it's bringing you and everyone you love around you complete and utter misery"

"Ye don't understand!" Brendan shouted, his body starting to shake. "I can't be gay! It's repulsive to me"

"But why?" Ray said more gently. "If you love someone, what should it matter what gender they are?"

"It matters to me, alright?" Brendan replied, running a shaking hand through his hair.

"What was your upbringing like?" Ray asked quietly.

"None of ye damn business!" Brendan retorted, glaring at him.

"Okay" Ray said, holding up his hands. "But you need to get it out of your head right now that being gay is wrong or repulsive. It's not your fault, it's who you are"

"It isn't" Brendan murmured, shaking his head. "Can ye just stop now? Please?" He turned his gaze to Ray, his eyes wide and pleading. Ray sighed and walked towards him, drawing him towards him.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, it wasn't my intention. I just see a lot of myself in you, Brendan. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did"

"I've probably made them all, and worse" Brendan replied, his voice muffled by his mouth against Ray's shoulder. He was appalled to feel moisture in his eyes.

"Even so" Ray said, pulling away to look into Brendan's face. "Promise me you'll at least try to get your head around this. I can't see you staying here long, I don't want you going back out there no different to how you was before"

"Why do ye care?" Brendan said quietly.

Ray looked serious for a moment. "You're my friend. And I care about you, a lot"

"I appreciate it" Brendan said, his head bowed. "I know I have to change, it's just a lot to take in…"

"I know. It'll take a long time" Ray said. "Just don't do what I did, and do something stupid enough to lose the person you love. I don't want to be stuck in here the rest of my days with a faded photograph of the two of us as all I have left of him"

"Ye won't" Brendan promised softly. "And if I get out of here before ye, I'll find him. Make him see sense"

Ray laughed a little. "Thank you, that's kind of you"

"Not the way most people describe me" Brendan said, smiling slightly.

"Well perhaps when I'm through with you people will"

"Unless ye are a miracle worker, I doubt it"

Ray smiled, patting Brendan's cheek. "Give it time" he said gently. "And who knows maybe this will be the beginning of a fresh start for you?"

"If I ever get out of here" Brendan said, looking around the cell.

"You will"

"Ye psychic or something?"

"Nah. Just seen cases like yours before, barely any evidence, no witnesses, it won't stand a chance in court"

"I hope ye are right" Brendan sighed.

"Always am" Ray said with a grin. "Now enough of this, let's play cards again"

Brendan perked up a little. "Ye? What we playing for this time?"

"Just for fun amongst friends" Ray said, patting Brendan on the back.