Not What He Seems Part 10
By Phantaz-magoria

A/N: Sorry about the long wait! The more characters I have in a scene, the longer it takes me to write and this one tops out at five! It's not as long as it should be, for which I am terribly sorry for, but it does have a cute moment or two to make up for it. Also, I think I just noticed that I forgot to give credit to a source of one of my tangents. I was reading The Royal Book of Oz by Ruth Thompson a couple months ago and in that book, the Scarecrow goes to find his family tree and slides down the bean pole where he was found originally to discover a kingdom called the Silver Islands and that he was the Emperor Chang Wang Woe who was reincarnated as a Scarecrocus. If anybody was ever wondering where in the world that whole thing came from, now you know =) In the book, though, the Silver Islanders were Chinese. Mine are sort of Romanian Gypsy-ish. It might come up again, you never know ;) Thanks for reading, hope you all enjoy! And as always thank you thank you thank you all so much for reviewing! It makes me happy =)

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DG, Raw and Cain sat at a large table in a private alcove of a dining room just to the side of the kitchen. Cain and DG were slowly drinking their coffee; it must have been their fourth pot of the stuff. Raw drank milk. Not a word had been spoken between the three of them for the last hour. Cain and Raw had given up trying to distract the princess, and she had given up trying to pretend that she wasn't consumed with worry.

Seconds ticked by like hours and DG stared unhappily into the cooling liquid at the bottom of her cup.

All three looked up at the clattering noise and angry shouting of the head cook, a formidable large black woman that everyone called Miss Sophy. As far as anyone knew, she had been the head chef for the royal family for as long as there had been a royal family. Anyone who had ever asked her how long she'd been there had swiftly been cracked on the head with a sturdy wooden spoon.

Suddenly from around the corner came Glitch at a dead run. He dropped to his knees in what could only be called a rock and roll power slide that took him skidding under the table mere seconds before Miss Sophy came into view.

"Ambrose Agincourt! Don't think I didn't see you stealing tarts out of my kitchen!"

She had the spoon ready and a fiery gleam in her eyes.

Cain didn't even look surprised. He just gestured with his coffee cup. "He went that way, Ma'am."

She gave Cain a glare that suggested if she couldn't find her intended prey she'd be back for his hide before the day was out. She continued on her prowl and was scarcely gone when Ambrose poked his head up from behind the other side of the table, half a peach tart still clutched in his teeth. He smiled, looking for all the world like the cat that caught the canary as he stood and finished his pastry. He pulled out a chair and flipped his coat tails out of the way before he sat down as proper as any courtier. He reached for the coffee pot with his left hand and began pouring himself a cup while he sucked the crumbs off his right hand.

DG stole a quick peek around the corner to make sure the coast was clear for him. Then she mustered up the strongest disapproving glare she could and trained it on Glitch.

"Ambrose! What is the matter with you?!"

He frowned quizzically at her. "What makes you think it's me and not, well, me?"

"Glitch likes to steal apple pies, NOT peach tarts. Apparently Miss Sophy remembers that too."

Ambrose nodded, sagely considering her words with a somewhat pensive sigh. "Point. I need to start making a list of things that he does differently. Pretending to be Glitch might be a little more complicated than I originally estimated."

"You can fix that, you know. You could let him be himself."

"Kitten, I don't think you quite understand how chaotic our life is right now. My memories of Toccata and Fugue and the Danse Macabre are slowly being over taken by The Song That Doesn't End and the Hamster Dance. Don't ask me where he learned THOSE triumphs of musical genius, I don't know nor do I particularly care, but they've been on alternating repeat for the last three days and I am going to shoot my eyeball out with a Pez dispenser if I don't get a cigarette soon."

He added a few teaspoons of sugar to his coffee and stirred.

DG looked skeptical. "Where in the world could he have picked those up from?"

"If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that he picked them up from the dark recesses of my mind where I throw all sorts of useless junk and I, lucky lucky me, picked it up from you when Fuzzy had you hooked up to my brain. There was a lot of random tidbits and knick-knacks that got stuck up there because of you and he's obviously dug them out to drive me insane... Beyond that, I am absolutely terrified to know what sort of hi-jinks he might get up to if I let my guard down, therefore, and I do hope you'll forgive me, I don't believe I shall be letting him out any time soon provided I am at all capable of preventing it." He took a sip of coffee and his face twisted in revulsion. "Oh, my, this stuff is HORRIBLE!" He sipped it again. "Tastes fine to me, knucklehead. Stop complaining." His face changed again. "But it's bitter and gross and..."

Ambrose shuddered lightly and added another spoonful of sugar to his coffee and drank some. "Better?"

Glitch shook his head. "No. Well, maybe a little. Can we have another one?"

Ambrose ground his teeth and took a sip. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No! For crying out loud!" He practically slammed the cup down. "How about this, you let me drink my coffee in peace, I let you talk to your friends. Fair compromise?"

Glitch shook his head again. "It's my body you're stealing. How is that fair?"

"Your body? That's a laugh. I had it first, pal."

"Well, I have it now and I'm letting you use it out of the kindness of my heart, the least you could do is drink something that doesn't taste disgusting."

"Why don't you crawl back into your corner and play with your safety scissors and paste while we grown ups have a talk, hmm?"

"Oh, so you think I'm childish now?"

"If the shoe fits..." Ambrose took another sip of coffee.

"Alright. You want childish? I can be childish." Glitch upended the coffee cup in his own lap.

Ambrose shot to his feet with a yelp, face twisted in pain. "AGH! Son of a...!" He brought his fist up to his mouth and bit down hard on the first knuckle of his thumb, evidently to keep from screaming with rage.

DG and Cain watched the whole exchange, faces blank. Cain looked at DG over his coffee cup. "Is it just me, or should this all seem strange?"

"You should have seen them when they were writing. You doing okay there, Ambrose? Need some help?"

It took Ambrose a moment or two to compose himself enough to answer. He grabbed a napkin and began wiping at the large wet stain on the front of his pants. "No, I do not need help! I've settled fishing disputes with mermaids, smooth talked leprechauns out of their gold shares, adjudicated mining agreements with dwarves. Ozma above, I've even negotiated peace treaties with dragons! What makes you think that I can't handle one childish, immature, thick-headed, nonsensical, obnoxious, ludicrously ignorant..." He looked up. "You know what? I can't even think of a word that encompasses everything I want to call him. Rest assured, when I think of one vile enough, I will tell you what it is."

Cain shook his head sadly. "There really ought to be something strange about all this."

Raw nodded solemnly in agreement.

DG shrugged. "What's strange is that this place doesn't have an on call psychiatrist. Ambrose, could you stop calling Glitch names? He doesn't like it."

"I don't like it when he tries to mutilate my genitals with scalding water. We're even."

"He's got you there, kid. Gonna have to side with the nutcase on this one."

Ambrose gave Cain a put out look. "Nutcase? Isn't that's a little harsh, Tin Man?"

"I can't exactly call you headcase, now can I? Somebody else already has that name."

Glitch smiled a wide happy grin. "Aww, thanks Cain!"

Ambrose quickly resumed control and shook his head, rolling his eyes in disgust. "My, oh, my. Isn't that just sickeningly sweet?"

"Don't flatter yourself, pretty boy. A nasty, bitter pill like you needs something sweet to swallow with."

"I am not a..." Ambrose trailed off at the expressions on the faces of Glitch's friends. He looked at Raw. Raw looked at Ambrose apologetically before he nodded regretfully, agreeing with Cain. Ambrose was silent for a moment or two, sitting down again and setting the napkin carefully on the table. He looked over at DG. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"I'm assuming you have a similar opinion on the matter?"

DG smiled nervously, unsure what he wanted her to say. "Sometimes you can be... I don't know."

Ambrose nodded quietly, not meeting her eyes. If she didn't know him better, she would think that he was suddenly feeling insecure, the way he fidgeted briefly before pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee. That was impossible, of course. Ambrose was cocky, self-confidant, brash, sure of himself unlike any person she had ever met. Insecure isn't a word that came close to describing what she knew of him.

Still, watching him carefully, she could see that his normally copper eyes had dulled to the color of burnt coffee grounds, something that only seemed to happen when he was unhappy or upset. He spooned one teaspoon of sugar into his cup, stared at it thoughtfully for a moment, then picked up the sugar bowl and used it to pour an ungodly amount of the white crystals into the cup. He set the bowl down half empty then picked up his spoon and began to slowly stir the now syrupy black sludge.

DG reached her hand out to touch his arm. "Hey."

Glitch looked up, startled. "Oh! Hi, Deeg!" He grinned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just that Ambrose seemed so sad."

Cain snorted. "He's manipulative. He probably just wants you to think he's sad."

Glitch frowned, rolling his eyes up towards the ceiling as if he was thinking hard or listening to something. "I don't know. I can't hear what he's thinking right now. I think he's hiding."

"Won't catch me complaining any." Cain caught the look DG was throwing at him. "What? He gives me the creeps."

Glitch smiled a little, uncomfortable. "Sorry about that."

"It's not your fault, Glitch. I'm just saying that given a choice, I prefer your company, is all."

"Aww, thanks Cain." That happy grin was back and he automatically reached for the coffee cup with his right hand and took a sip. He looked at the cup in shocked amazement. "Hey! This is pretty good!" He gulped quite a bit of it down. "Ah! Hot too!"

DG smiled. "Well, yeah. That's why there's steam coming off it, you goofball."

He grinned at her, ducking his head just a little, pleased that she was smiling. With a start, he sat straight up in his seat, face lighting up like a kid on Christmas morning. "Oh! I was going to tell you...!" He began fumbling frantically in his pockets, practically falling out of his seat as he twisted and dug through his coat. "What the Queen came to talk to me about! You'll never guess! You can try, but I bet you can't do it!"

DG almost breathed a sigh of relief. If Glitch was this excited, whatever it was couldn't have been too bad. "Well? What was it?"

"What? What do you mean what? You're not going to guess? Not even going to try?"

"You just told me that I couldn't guess."

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean that you can't try!"

Cain had the same look in his eyes that he always got when he was just about to pull his gun. Glitch deflated a little.

"Fine, fine, fine. Uh, well..." He stood up and twisted around so he could use his momentum to get a little more reach in the bottom inside pocket. "Well, she said that certain things had been brought to her attention."

DG winced. 'Certain things' could be very bad...

"And she wanted to discuss them with me since they concerned me so centrally. Aha! Got it!" A triumphant smile flashed across his face. "And she wanted to see if it was true or not..." He chewed thoughtfully on his lip. "And, well, I told her it was. I think that was right, right?"

DG held her breath. This wasn't looking good.

"Well... She said that she had some reservations and that she wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation but as long as some propriety was maintained, that she would be happy to give her blessing."

DG couldn't bear it any longer. "She found out about Ambrose? And she's okay with it?"

Glitch looked confused. "Ambrose didn't actually come up. Why? Was he supposed to? Did I forget?"

"No, no it's not that at all. But if you aren't talking about Ambrose, then what in the world are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you. And me. And... and... and us." He smiled and clambered up on the table, inching forward on his knees, carefully negotiating the coffee service until he was kneeling in front of DG with a small black box held tightly in his fingers. "And this."

DG's breath caught in her throat. "What is this?"

Glitch nervously opened the box for her to examine it's contents. It was a ring, though one not like any she had ever seen in her life. The band was made of gold and silver braided together and the setting where an engagement diamond would normally be was a beautifully cut emerald flanked on either side by two smaller, yet no less beautifully cut gemstones. One was ruby, one was sapphire.

Glitch fidgeted. "It's a, um... It's an engagement ring, Deeg." He smiled nervously.

DG put a hand to her mouth. "I can see that, Glitch. You didn't have to. There's nothing wrong with the one you already gave me. See? I still have it." She held up her left hand to display the white piece of string tied carefully around her finger.

"The last time I proposed... I remember most of it, don't get me wrong, well bits and pieces actually, but I really wanted to remember ALL of it and Ambrose wasn't there so he doesn't remember ANY of it, so I thought we might do it over again. And I wanted to make you something special... " His puppy brown eyes shined with uncertainty when she didn't answer right away. "Don't you like it?"

"Glitch, I love it!" She stood so she could reach him and pulled his face close for a kiss. "What I meant was that EVERYTHING you give me, everything you are is special to me. That's all."

"So? Will you marry me, DG?"

"Of course I will, silly!" She kissed him again and it was magical, slow and sweet and perfect... She could practically hear him purring.

Then suddenly he wasn't anymore. DG sighed in disappointment. This had to stop. "Ambrose Agincourt, when are you going to stop barging in on our make out sessions?"

"Maybe when you stop doing that mind-blowing kissing thing you do, Dorothygale. I'm telling you, he just goes 'poof.' I had nothing to do with it. But I am more than happy to fill in on occasion."

"Oh, please. Could you two get a room?"

Raw, who had been smiling contentedly and basking in the happy emotions, growled and slapped Cain's arm in reproach.

Ambrose smirked and sat back on his heels so he could turn his head to see Cain. "Only if you want to join us, pretty boy." Those last two words, teasing and sarcastic when Cain had spoke them, were said now with mocking irony and with such a shamelessly suggestive leer that the most brazen strumpet would have blushed.

Cain choked on his coffee, but hid it well enough to shoot back a reply, "Is that an offer, nutcase?"

"No, that's a challenge, Tin Man."

DG cleared her throat. "Boys! As charming as the thought of THAT particular man-sandwich sounds, may I remind you both that Glitch is my fiancee and as far as his body is concerned, I have exclusive ownership rights?"

Ambrose laughed and turned incredulous copper eyes to look at her. "Princess, am I to understand that you are CLAIMING me?"

"Not you. Just your body." DG picked up her coffee cup and sipped it daintily, blue eyes gazing at him with sultry delight over the rim of the delicate porcelain. Putting that look on his face was a secret thrill of hers.

His voice was husky as he leaned down close to her. "Let me have a taste of that coffee." He kissed her deeply, inhaling her essence. His mouth was hot and sinfully sweet. There was a moan, and DG couldn't tell if it was her, or him, or even if it was Cain protesting having to watch such a display. It was a marvelous kiss and when it ended, Ambrose pressed his forehead against hers with a contented grin. "That is damned good coffee, Kitten."

She smiled. "You're not so bad yourself."

"I think Glitch has his marbles back together. I'll see you later." Ambrose kissed her tenderly on the forehead and then he was gone.

It hadn't occurred to DG how precariously Ambrose had himself perched on the edge of the table until Glitch's brown eyes flew wide in panic and he gave a small cry of alarm as his arms windmilled backwards to keep himself from falling.

DG raised a hand to help steady him. "You okay there, Glitch?"

He had regained his balance and looked at her with a puzzled frown. "What? Oh! Yes, I'm fine! What am I doing up here?"

"You were proposing to me."

"I was? Oh, yeah! The ring! The ring, the ring, the ring..." He looked around frantically for his box, finding it where it had been casually discarded sometime before. "Did I tell you about the ring?"

"You started to. Why don't you come down first?"

"Huh? Oh, right." He clambered off the table and pulled his chair close to DG. "So! What I was trying to tell you about this ring is that it's super special. See the emerald. Well, that's you. And the blue and the red one, well, that's me and Ambrose, but I can't remember which one of us was which... I think I might have been blue... Or maybe that was Ambrose. Anyway! The part that I DO remember is that the gold band was me and that the silver band is him. He likes silver. He says it's in his blood. He's got some sort of infirmity..." Ambrose's voice broke in, automatically correcting him. "Affinity." Glitch smiled. "Right. He has an affinity for it."

Cain spoke up. "Silver in your blood, eh? Is that why you're so cursed pale all the time?"

It was Ambrose who spoke. "Partly. My people were born from the stars. We don't react to sunlight the way that you Ozians do."

"Is that so? Does that mean you sparkle at night like the stars do?"

"Don't know. Might have to take me swimming by moonlight to find out."

"Ambrose!"

"Sorry, Kitten. I'll try to be good."

"And Cain, stop encouraging him!"

"What did I do?"

An icy glare was his only response. Raw snickered. "DG no worry. Ambrose only teasing."

"You're not supposed to give me away like that. It's fairly rude, you know."

"Raw say what Raw think best."

DG pouted a little bit. "What I can't figure out is if it's Cain he's teasing or me."

Raw shook his head and shrugged. "Raw give one secret. Ambrose keep other."

"That's okay. I'll get Glitch to tell me later."

"Get me to tell you what?" Glitch blinked, confusion apparent in his bright brown eyes. "Did I miss something?"

"You're always missing something, headcase."

"Not anymore! I've got my brain back, so you can't use that insult on me now!"

Cain smiled and drank his coffee.

DG sighed. It hadn't occurred to her that a fractured conversation with Glitch could be made worse by intermittent appearances by Ambrose, but somehow they pulled it off. "So, Glitch! You were telling me what my mother said to you in your lab."

"Was I? Oh, right! I was. Yes, well, she said that since you had set your sights on marrying me and that she was certain that she couldn't change your mind, she would have to deal with her disappointment and give us her blessing."

"Really?"

"Umm... yup. Mmhmm."

"That's all she said?"

"No, she said more. She said that the ball next week would be an Engagement Ball rather than a Debutante and she told me that I didn't have to worry about supporting you financially because I'm really a Duke, or at least Ambrose was, and he has an estate that earns an income and everything, so I don't even need to work and you don't need to worry about the Queen providing for us because I can do it myself now! She seemed concerned that you might think your options were limited, but she didn't explain what she meant by that, so that's mostly all of what she said. Oh! And I can't see you alone anymore until the wedding. It's lacking in propensity." His eyes closed. "Propriety." They shot open again. "Yes, that's what I said! Stop interrupting!"

DG breathed a sigh of relief and remembered something her dad had told her once when she was in middle school. When you lie, it isn't the lie that gets you caught. It's the fear of getting caught that shoots you in the foot. Her voice was still laced with incredulity. "Really? That's all she wanted to talk about?"

Glitch looked confused. "Well, yeah... But... isn't that enough? I just... I thought it was good news..."

DG laughed at the disheartened expression on his face. She hugged him and kissed his cheek. "It is, love, it is! I've just been sitting here for hours thinking that something bad had happened and now I find out that it was all just something silly!"

"I didn't think it was silly..."

"Zipperhead, what the princess is trying to tell you is that she's been drowning her sorrows in coffee while she waited for word that her mother had dragged you out back and chopped off your head with a rusty shovel. She's very happy that she was worried over nothing."

"DG love Glitch. Very worried. Very afraid for Glitch."

Glitch deflated a little bit. "I don't want you to worry about me, Deeg." He touched her lightly on the cheek with his fingertips. "Aww, don't cry, doll."

DG hadn't realized that she was, but sure enough she could feel them rolling down her cheeks. "I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you. I would never forgive myself if it was my fault."

"Nothing's going to happen. I'm fine. We'll be fine." He pulled her into a tight and comforting hug. "You don't have to worry your pretty little head about it one bit, I promise! And even if something happens and we aren't fine, Ambrose will think of a way to make everything alright again. It's what he does best. When he's not irritating people, that is. I think being irritating is what he does best, actually, but he's pretty good at fixing things too."

"Funny, that's what he says about you."

"Yeah, but when he says it, he's just being mean."

"And when you poured hot coffee on his lap you were being, what? Magnanimous?"

Glitch looked at least a little ashamed. "Now that you mention it, my pants are kind of wet... I suppose I should go change them." He smiled sheepishly. "Will you be alright?"

"As long as I have you, I'm wonderful." She kissed him. "Just don't pour coffee in your lap anymore, okay? I don't want you to damage anything you might need later."

He looked at her questioningly for a second before her meaning dawned on him and he grinned shyly, the faintest trace of blush coloring his cheeks. "Hehehe. I think I, uh... I'll keep that in mind." His smile stretched wide, encompassing his whole face and he looked down. "Oh! The ring!" He pulled it out of the box that he still held. "You should put this on before I forget about it again." He took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger. "There. All official."

She smiled and kissed him, making sure to keep it short so he wouldn't glitch again. "Go. And make sure nobody sees you or they might think you had a different sort of accident."

He smiled. "See you guys!" He took another gulp of the thick, syrupy coffee and smacked his lips. Smiling happily, he ducked out of the alcove. Cain, Raw and DG watched him go, each thinking different thoughts. Then they heard him scream in terror and run full speed the opposite direction, Miss Sophy hot on his heels.