Chapter 10
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy; though sometimes, much like now, I really freakin' wish I did.
Author's Note: I'm warning you now, don't get used to this regular publishing business, this week has been freakishly low-key and I've had quite the extra time on my hands. Besides, I've been crazy distracted by thinking up the next few chapters for this story. (In a good way: Too any ideas!)
Last little rant, I promise, but I want to apologize for any inconsistencies in spelling. As I re-read the last 8 chapters I found a few mistakes, and that's something I'd like to work on eliminating. This first step should probably be to read it over more than once. J
Please! Read, Review, and Enjoy!
The definition of a soulmate is someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs. However, the definition of a life partner is a companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each other's needs and wants.
We had never been that couple, you know the one that holds hands wherever they go, calls and texts each other every day, or says 'I love you' every time we say goodbye. However, someone how in the last few months since Derek had been living in D.C., that's who we had turned into. It was inevitable in some respects because we spent so little time actually, physically in the same room and in the moments we did, we wanted to make the most of every second of it. I'd grab his hand or he'd rub my back, we'd cast glances, and exchange smiles, now I admit, the hormones are most likely half of this new-found cheesy-ness, but I can't exactly bring myself to care much.
"No Daddy, you gotsta do it like… like," she paused form her perch on her bathroom counter, staring at her hair in the mirror for a moment, frowning, "Mommy, help!" Zola yelled dramatically as I rounded the corner from the bedroom with a freshly changed Bailey on my hip, "Daddy doesn't know how ta do hair no more."
"Zo, I'll get it ok," Derek sighed in near defeat, I could see the sadness behind his eyes as he continued to twist and pull at her hair in an attempt to tame it and my heart ached just a tad. He used to do her hair every morning, ever since Bailey had taught him about Zola's kitchen, he used to be the only one who could do it right.
"Yes he does, Zo, it's just been a while, give him a minute," I said softly, moving to stand next to Derek and set Bailey next to his sister, who began using the sink as a racetrack.
"Fine," she groaned, crossing her arms tightly and pursing her lips.
"She doesn't like the strands with clips anymore," I whispered into Derek's ear, kissing his cheek lightly then sending him a wink through the mirror. He smiled gratefully at me then kissed the top of Zola's head and tickled her side.
"Perk up, Princess," he said, with a faux glare, "We'll get this sorted out."
"Appy, Zo!" came Bailey's tiny voice as he tapped her leg with his car before forcing it into her hand and making 'vrooming' noises as he drove his other car over her causing her to giggle.
I rested my head on Derek's shoulder and watched for a moment as he combed and pulled her hair into two hair-ties. Within a minute he was done, threw up his hands, and yelled, "History has been made, Zola's hair is done!" causing both myself and the kids to jump and laugh.
"Thanks, Daddy," Zola smiled as she turned around and –with Derek's help- stood on the counter in front of him to wrap her arms tightly around his neck.
"Told you I didn't forget how," he growled into her ear, tickling her side and swooping her into his arms to lower her to the ground. Zola giggled loudly and ran out of the room with Bailey, who I had set down moments before hot on her heels.
Derek gathered Zola's hair supplies and placed them back into her drawers as I bent down to gather the dirty clothes and now-dry towel from the night before, "Thanks, for saving me from the wrath," Derek's voice pierced the silence.
"You're welcome," I smiled softly, leaning my hip against the counter, mirroring his position, except for the crossed arms, "but you didn't need it you know. You would have gotten it sooner or later."
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I shouldn't have to 'figure it out', Meredith. I'm her Dad, I should know how she likes her hair."
"Ok, do you even realize what you just said?" I laughed, "Most Dad's that are with their daughters every day don't know that, just because your hair is amazing doesn't mean you have to."
"That's not the point," he responded with a sad sigh, "I used to…" he shrugged and tilted his head into a sad smile, "I used to do her hair every morning. Now I do it, what? Every 2nd Saturday of the month?"
"Derek," I said softly, moving closer and placing my hands on his hips, looking him in the eye, "You're a good Dad."
"No, no I'm not. Meredith a good dad would know what food his kids despise this week. A good dad would what his son's new favorite blanket is and what cars are off limits to anyone else. I'm failing, I have dropped this ball, Meredith," his eyes were clouded as he finished and he closed his eyes for a second, listening to the kids play in Zola's room just feet away, "I hate this job, I really do. For the longest time I have thought that it was everything, but, Meredith… I."
"I know," I whispered, "I know." Wrapping my arms around his waist tightly, I laid my head against his toned chest and listened to the soft 'lub-dup' noise that penetrated his sternum, and I thought, 'I never want to live without this sound' from this person, "A bad Dad doesn't take his kids to the zoo every time he comes home, or have their favorite book recorded in his voice. Derek, a bad Dad doesn't get his kids up to make pancakes in the shape of hearts. You're a good Dad, the best, and I am so glad that our kids, all three of them," I smiled into his chest, "have you as their Daddy."
Derek rubbed his hands up and down my back a few times, before pulling away and moving his hands to grasp mine at our sides, then leaning his forehead against my own and taking a deep breathe, "Thank you," he croaked.
Just as I was about to respond I heard Bailey shout, "Gi-Gi, Gi-Gi Mama!" as turned my head toward the door just in time to see him toddle from the entrance to a furry blob in the corner of the bathroom. Once he grasped the stuffed animal in his hand he held it to me and said, "Gi-Gi!" again before turning around and rushing back to Zola.
As Derek and I rounded the corner behind him, confused looks no doubt gracing both of our faces, we saw Bailey standing over Zola, "Gi-Gi, Z!" he shouted at her. When the little girl caught sight of what her brother held, her smile broke out into the largest smile I had seen all day.
"You found 'im B!" she cried as she hugged the stuffed giraffe close then turned to Derek who had been standing next me watching the scene unfold, "Daddy, Monkey found my Gi-Gi! 'member you got 'im for me at da zoo? I wost hims and I was so mad 'cause Daddy you got 'im for me 'fore you leaved," she rambled, in a way that I have to say did sound a little like me, but if Derek ever knew that I agreed, I would never live it down.
Shooting Derek a pointed look, I jabbed a finger into his sternum and said, "See? Good Dad," on my way out of Zola's room and toward the mountain of laundry I just knew was waiting in the laundry room. Just as I was walking past the kitchen counter, I heard a knock at the door and veered in that direction. Confused as to who could possibly be behind the door, I hesitated slightly before yanking it open only to be met with a very familiar face, "Oh my god," I squeaked as tears began to form behind my eyes and I launched myself onto the person in front of me.
"I don't care how long it has been, I still don't do hugs," Cristina complained, but wrapped her arms around me anyway.
"Shut-up, you missed me, admit it. Plus, I'm hormonal," I retorted, pulling back and taking her in, "I cant believe you're here," I muttered.
"And I can't believe McDreamy knocked you up again," she said sarcastically before shouting into the house, "Way to go McDreamy!" I placed my hands on my stomach and stroked it tenderly, while rolling my eyes as I heard Derek laugh and say something to the kids.
"Auntie Cris!" screamed Zola as she sprinted from the hallway to the walkway, shoving me marginally to slam into Cristina's legs. I wobbled a little at the surprise motion and felt Derek's hand on my elbow to steadying me.
"Hey, Yang," he greeted as I shot him a grateful glance before turning my attention back to Cristina who was now holding Zola and in a very serious conversation about which is better: brains or hearts.
"Nuh-uh, brains is da bestest," Zola forced with an angry face.
Cristina only rolled her eyes and remarked, "Coming from the daughter of Derek Shepherd."
With my hands still caressing my stomach and my weight shifted toward Derek, who was standing next to me with his arms crossed as he watched the humorous exchange between our daughter and my best friend, I interjected, shaking my head, "Seriously… what are you doing here, in Seattle?"
"McDreamy called, said you could use a break from the kids. From the looks of it, I'd have to say I agree," Cristina laughed.
"I do not need a break from my kids!" I snapped, looking between Derek and Cristina.
Cristina rolled her eyes, "You're so covered in Mommy right now I hardly recognized you when I opened the door. The bun, the sweat pants, the barefoot and pregnant thing. Are you gonna let me in or keep us in the door way?" she questioned as she moved to shut the door and walked to the play pen where Bailey was stretching to reach into it, grabbing the toy he was eyeing and placing Zola on her feet, "Hey Munchkin number 2."
"That is not why I called her," Derek interjected, most likely to keep me from blowing up, "It's been what? 5, 6 months since you've seen each other? Besides, we need a babysitter for tonight and I'm pretty sure we've run-down our other options."
"Babysitter, why would we need a babysitter? You said we weren't going into to town, you promised I wouldn't have to try to cram into a freakin' dress!" I snapped.
Derek chuckled slightly and kissed me quickly then responded, "We aren't going into town, and yes you can stay in sweats."
"Ok, what the hell is going on, what did you two do?"
"Oooh Daddy in twouble," Zola piped up from her perch at the Teat Party Table.
"Daddy is not in trouble," Derek said confidently as he reached down to grab a bag that had magically appeared near the door, "Remember what I talked to you guys earlier?" he asked, reaching around me to grab our coats off of the rack, "I'm gonna take Mommy somewhere for a while and you're gonna play with Aunt Cristina, ok?"
"Okie-Dokie ardijokey," Zola remarked with a large smile that just upped my nerves.
I felt a hand on my back and a small shove in their direction as Derek said, "Go hug your kids, I have to grab something from the car."
Just as he walked toward the door and I swooped Bailey into my arms and kissed his head, we heard the honk of a horn from the driveway and Cristina piped up, "Oh yeah, can you go pay for my Taxi?"
Derek just rolled his eyes and shook his head as he continued out the door, shrugging his light jacket on, "That's a yes," Cristina stated.
"Don't worry, Mama. You gonna have so much fun!" Zola said happily she hugged my legs, "So are you Baby," she finished, kissing my stomach.
"Leave already, will you? McDreamy's waiting," came Cristina's voice.
"I'm going, I'm going," I answered, squatting down to give Bailey and Zola one last hug then (using the table as leverage) stood up and walked to the door, "Shut-up," I shot over my shoulder as she laughed.
Five minutes later, Derek and I were still walking through the woods hand in hand, and I had no idea where we were heading, in all the years that he has owned this land, I had only seen a very small portion of it and I was not in the mood to be introduced to something new right in that moment. My lower back was starting to ache, my feet hurt, I was getting cold and I was hungry, "We're married, you're my husband, I'm your wife, and we've known each other for years. Married people talk, you know tell each other things, like where they're going and what the hell they're doing in the middle of the freakin' woods when they have a perfect, warm house nearby."
Derek laughed and rubbed his thumb over my hand tenderly, "Married people also trust each other Meredith, lean into the fear, remember?"
I rolled my eyes and released his hand to pull my jacket tighter around me, "Don't quote me to me," I said indignantly, only making him laugh harder.
"We're almost there, don't worry. You'll be warm and full of food in no time," he said with a wink. Just as I looked over at his face, my foot got caught on a large rock causing me to lurch forward. As quickly as it had happened, the bag was on the ground and Derek's arms wrapped around me, pulling me close and away from the ground, "Meredith, Meredith are you ok?" he asked urgently, turning me to face him with an arm wrapped around my shoulders and a hand on my cheek.
My breathing slowed, "I'm… fine," I stuttered, taking a deep breath, "I just… I need to sit down for a minute." Before I could process it, Derek had swung the bag back over his shoulder and had swept me in to his arms, "What are you doing?" I shrieked, "I'm fine really, it just caught me off guard I…"
"It's only about a yard away, I promise, it'll be more comfortable there," he replied softly.
With no excuse to fight him, I laid my head against his shoulder and placed a hand over my stomach, smoothing my jacket over it.
"You're sure everything's ok?" Derek questioned again, noting my hand over my stomach.
I kissed his cheek and said, "I promise." Less than a minute later, I saw something further down and as we crept closer, Derek taking extra precautions as not to cause any more near-falls, it became evident that the large blob in the distance was the airstream Derek had gotten when he first purchased the land all those years ago, "What… what's the trailer doing all the way out here, isn't Owen living in it?"
"A magician never divulges his secrets my dear," he responded with a smile and placed me in front of the door, grabbing the keys out of his jacket pocket and unlocking the door, "After you my Lady." He said in a terrible British accent that elicited a giggle from my chest as I climbed into the trailer he once called home.
"Wow," I whispered as I walked inside and plopped onto the couch, running my hands over the cushions softly, "It's so different. I don't… even remember the last time we were in here," I said shaking my head and smiling at Derek as he closed the door slightly behind himself, placed the bag on the floor and took a seat next to me.
After smiling back for a second he reached over and laced his fingers in mine, stroking the top of my hand with his thumb "I do. It was the Christmas right after I had moved into the Frat House," I joined him in laughing at the name my mother's house had been pegged with, "I was getting sick of sharing you with all of your friends, so I brought you out to the land one night after work," he smiled at me nefariously, "You agreed to letting me put one, just one, 'Christmasy' thing inside so I dragged you into.. Menards I think and grabbed the most obnoxious little tree I had ever seen."
Then you set it up right there," I added, pointing to the kitchen table, "I hated that stupid thing so much."
"Which made me love it even more, you still look adorable when you get mad," I glared at him and went to smack him with the hand he wasn't holding, but he caught it and placed a kiss on it, "See? Adorable," he chuckled again and sent me a cheesy smile before dropping a hand and placing it over my stomach, "Are you sure you feel ok?"
"Derek, I tripped and you caught me before I hit the ground," I responded as I rolled my eyes.
"Hey, that's my baby in there, I'm aloud to worry."
"You don't have to, rest easy superman, you saved the day," I retorted sarcastically.
Leaning down, he placed a kiss next to his hand and whispered, "I hope you're better on your feet than your Mommy is." He let out a loud chuckle as I smacked the top of his head.
"Derek! Don't feed our baby lies!"
"It wasn't a lie, it was a wish," he responded cockily, "By the way," he added, his lips now hovering over mine, so close I could feel him breathing, "I prefer Knight in Shining What-ever."
Placing a hand around his head and linking the other with his across my stomach as he rested one off his own on my thigh, I pulled him closer, smashing my lips against his for a second before pulling away slightly and whispering, "Me too," against his lips.
"You better," he growled, pecking my lips once more and moving to get off of the couch. Just as he shifted away, there was a thud from below our interlocked hands and he looked toward me in surprise, "Was that…"
"Yeah, yeah it was," I rambled, feeling tears build behind my eyes.
Derek smiled and leaned into the couch again, "Have you felt it before, like that?"
"No," I said, squeezing his hand that lay over my stomach, "Not like that… just flutters and… you know when I turn over sometimes I feel the baby flip?"
"Yeah," Derek whispered as we felt the light thud once more, "but nothing that hard. You told me about it when we skyped the other night."
Taking his eyes from my stomach, they met mine again and I gave him a watery smile, "I love you."
Holding my gaze firmly, he responded with an, "I love you too, Meredith," and his gaze morphed into a serious one as he continued, "God I wish I didn't have to leave."
"Me too," I sniffled, but smiled sadly at him.
"You know, I think Zola may already have more plans for the baby than the two of us combined. We went to get Bailey out of his crib this morning and she started asking where the baby in Mommy's belly was going to sleep," he said with a laugh.
Giggling with him, I retorted, "Maybe we should put her in charge of all of the planning. Bailey probably needs a big boy bed anyway, right?" I questioned biting my lip as Derek nodded in affirmation, "He's getting so big, Derek he's not really a baby anymore and Zola called me Mom the other day."
"I know, it's insane," he sighed, then his face lit up again and he swayed closer for a second, "Did I tell you that Zola wants a car?"
"A car?" I laughed, "Seriously?"
He nodded chuckled as well, "I asked her when I was doing her hair this morning, I said, 'Zola, your Birthday is soon, what would you like?' and she just sat there for a minute, then she looked at me- right in the eye- and she said, 'I would like a car.' I had no idea what to say! I don't even remember what I said, honestly, I was so surprised."
"I thought we had at least 10 years until we had to deal with that."
"It'll be here sooner than we know it."
A few seconds passed as we sat there, still entwined and stared into each other's eyes, any of the anger, resentment, doubt that had flooded our minds before was gone and in the moment, I knew that I had everything I had ever wanted, anything I had ever dreamt of having. I was so, so blessed.
My train of thought was derailed as Derek spoke up, "You know, it's Valentine's Day, we finally have time alone, and all we've talked about so far is the kids."
"Are you really surprised?" I laughed.
"I am! I was going to distract you for a while," he shrugged in defeat, before getting up off of the couch completely this time and lifting the bag to the table.
Pushing myself off of the couch, I went to stand next to him, attempting to peer into the bag, "So, Mr. Distractor-Extraordinaire, what did you bring along?" I questioned, fully expecting something cheesy and stupid that went against everything we had ever done on Valentine's Day. To my surprise, however, he reached into the bag and brought out a pint of both strawberry and coffee ice cream, sparkling cider, pajamas for each of us, and a pile of movies including 'The Breakfast Club' and 'Can't Buy Me Love', "Seriously?" I asked, raising my eyebrows toward him and smiling brightly.
"Seriously." He smiled back.
For the rest of the evening we laid in the bed of the trailer that held years of our early history in pajamas, we ate ice cream for dinner, reminisced, including the shower-sex days in the too-tiny-for-even-one-person shower, watched old movies, and talked about the kids, because in all honesty, no matter how hard we tried, it always came back to them. Not to mention, it was difficult to ignore something that was literally sandwiched between us.
More MerDer Fluff!
Because in all honesty, that's all my mind wants to compute right this moment.
P.S. I'm too lazy to proof read more than once right now, so I may fix things later and refresh the chapter However, that may not be for a while so I figured I would shoot this out there now :)
I'm a little iffy about this chapter, considering it was written all in one night, on a school night none the less, so PLEASE review, let me know what you think, what you're looking forward to with this story and what you're not looking forward to in the actual show!