"So, Doll," said Fred as he and Hermione walked alone down the long snowy path into Hogsmeade. "Thought of anything fun to do today?"
"Doll? Don't call me 'Doll', okay?" chuckled Hermione.
"Bird?"
Hermione covered her mouth to contain her giggles. "No. At least not when you're in my body... that is unless you want me to continue calling you Doll or Bird once we switch back."
Fred wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "Point taken. Love it is then." he said decisively. Hermione, now with tears of mirth in her eyes, was past speech and so settled for a shake of the head. "I'm wounded, you rejected all of my terms of endearment!" Fred clutched his chest dramatically, then quickly dropped his hand when he realised he'd inadvertently grabbed one of his breasts. "Oh, ha ha," he shot at Hermione, who at this point was having trouble breathing, "It's not my fault, they're very inconveniently placed." Realising what he'd just said, Fred broke into a reluctant chuckle, then erupted into full blown laughter.
They spent five happy minutes clinging to one another and alternating between loud, echoing laughs and quiet titters, before the smiles were completely wiped off their faces by the appearance of Harry and Ron. Harry just looked miserable and averted his eyes as he passed, but Ron's glare was so intense that Hermione actually looked down to check he hadn't melted the snow. Standing to the side of the path for a good ten minutes, getting progressively colder, but determined to let plenty of distance and students between them and Ron, including a bunch of smirking, fifth year Slytherins, Fred and Hermione both wondered if they might have been better off staying in front of the fire back in Gryffindor Tower and not just because of the weather.
"So, Freddie-kins," Fred teased , batting his eyelashes playfully as they set off, hoping to both get Hermione's mind off the two prats she calls best friends and lighten the mood once more. "Is there anywhere special you'd like to go today?"
Hermione shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Well, I did want to visit the bookstore and..."
"Of course! The bookstore!" Fred said, slapping his forehead with mock enlightenment.
"Oh, don't act like I'm that predictable. What happened to the truce? I just need to go today to get a book of spells that will help us use our own wands without suspicion. Upon research, I discovered that regular magic doesn't work on wands. And anyway, you're just as predictable. There's no doubt in my mind that we'll be stopping at Zonko's Joke Shop at some point." Hermione said, not knowing whether to be annoyed or amused. With her arms folded and her face twitching between a smile and a frown, Fred tried to tip the balance in his favour.
"Well, I guess if you really want to stop at Zonko's, we can - for you..." he cooed, with more fervent eyelash flutters.
Hermione once again rolled her eyes, but dropped her arms back down by her sides and schooled her features into an expression of mild civility all the same. "I also need to go to the Apothecary."
"Perfect. George and I need to restock. Those skiving snackboxes are using up our stores rather quickly. What do you need though...? Your class supplies looked fine to me."
"I need to buy something for the potion," Hermione replied, looking meaningfully at Fred.
"Ah," he said slowly and stopped in his tracks. "I was hoping to have a word with you about the potion."
"What about it?" Hermione asked, turning back and retracing her steps to join him.
"Just wondering," Fred said nonchalantly, "If perhaps I could give you a hand with it, you know, I've never made it before and thought it'd be interesting." Hermione, however, looked sceptical.
"You've never asked about it before now, even though it caused our switch, why the sudden interest?" then, her scepticism morphing into suspicion, "This isn't so you can experiment with it for one of your mad inventions is it? Because I've already told you, it's illegal to use on humans."
"It's nothing to do with our products." Fred said, bristling.
"Then what?" Hermione asked, but the answer swooped into her mind as a blush rose on Fred's cheeks and she began to laugh. "It's because of what I said this morning isn't it? About me not wanting to switch back." She bent over double, hand pressed to her stomach "You're not telling me you actually believed me are you? Oh Fred!" she straightened back up and looked down on him with fond exasperation.
"I didn't find it at all funny," Fred said quietly, "You might have meant it as a joke, but the thought of staying like this forever, having to repeat two years of school, being treated like an encyclopaedia of all things magical by Ron and Harry, and not being George's twin anymore..." he trailed off, looking down at where he'd scuffed a hole in the snow.
"Oh Fred," Hermione said again, stepping closer and wrapping him into a warm hug. "I never thought...I shouldn't have said... I was just playing but I guess I got a bit carried away," she finished lamely.
"It's alright," Fred replied, his voice muffled by Hermione's shoulder, "I'm just being an idiot." He pulled away slightly and smiled faintly. "I don't know what's with me lately, it must have something to do with being in a girl's body, I'm getting emotional far too often for my liking."
Hermione cast around for something funny to say that would dispel the remaining gloom. "You're not going to try pinning this on PMS are you? Classic man's excuse for whenever a woman gets emotional. I think you're just making up excuses so you get to hug this fine specimen of human masculinity." she gestured flamboyantly to herself.
Fred, who was surreptitiously rubbing the corners of his eyes, snorted. "You're really getting into this aren't you? No wonder nobody's noticed our switch, you play mebetter than I do."
"Well, you've not been doing so badly yourself," Hermione said seriously, taking Fred's arm and setting off towards the village once more. "What with all those points for Gryffindor, perfect performance in classes and zero tolerance when it comes to Ron and Harry copying your work, I've got some pretty high standards to live up to after Wednesday."
"You don't have to go all the way back to being you, you know." Fred said, sounding quite a bit happier than he had done a moment ago. "Hasn't being me taught you anything? You can still be brilliant without keeping rigidly to the rules and still have fun without getting caught." Their laughter was once again echoing, both their jovial demeanours restored. "So the potion will be ready by Wednesday then?" Fred asked, conversationally, hoping not to remind Hermione of his previous upset.
"Wednesday morning to be exact, I just need to buy the boomslang skin today and the rest is simple." She said, taking a side long glance at his profile. "You can finish it if you like, keep it in the girls' dorm even, it's getting hard to come up with good excuses where I've been that'll keep George and Lee happy."
"You couldn't just tell them you're off to snog me?" Fred asked slyly. "But I'll do it, so long as you've got fool proof instructions for me to go by, don't want to mess it up. Oh, and if Boomslang skin is all you need, then save your gold. Snape has some in his store room. I could just..."
"NO! There is no way I'm stealing from Snape's private store again!" Hermione looked positively alarmed.
Fred took a step back and looked incredulously at Hermione. "Again?" Hermione mentally kicked herself. No one but Ron and Harry knew about that. "Do tell, Freddie-kins. What was it that such an innocent little prefect needed so badly that she stole from her esteemed Potion's Professor?"
Hermione sighed. "Boomslang skin... and I wasn't a prefect, it was a few years ago," she muttered.
"You've made this potion before?!" Fred's eyes popped.
"No."
"But boomslang skin is used in very few..." A mischievous smile slowly grew as a thought came to Fred. "Am I correct in guessing that you made a Polyjuice Potion?" Hermione bowed her head in shame and embarrassment, her face almost as red as the hair falling into her eyes. "Oh... you have to spill now." Fred looked extremely excited. "I want details as to why innocent little you took the time to brew such a complex potion. Who did you need to be so badly?"
"Okay... second year, when the whole chamber of secrets thing was happening, Harry, Ron and I decided to investigate the Slytherins to try and figure out who the heir of Slytherin was. So we used Moaning Myrtle's bathroom to brew the potion in secret. Harry and Ron drugged Crabbe and Goyle and locked them in the closet. Then they interrogated Malfoy about what he knew," Hermione admitted. "Turned out to be a complete waste of time in the end too, Malfoy didn't know anything."
"And what about you?" Fred's smile was insufferable.
Hermione closed her eyes tight, wishing she could forget. "Remember in my second year when my face got furry and I had cat's ears...?
"And a tail," reminded Fred with a chuckle.
Hermione nodded. Yep, he remembered. "I tried to become Millicent Bulstrode... but I accidentally got a cat hair instead of her hair. So the potion didn't work right."
Fred burst out in laughter that he had been trying to contain. Hermione bit her lip and stared uncomfortably as Fred's laughter caused him to double over, clutching a stitch in his side. Fred blew out calming breaths and stood up, still smiling broadly. "No biting your lip like that, remember?" Fred admonished quickly. "Man... and here I thought you never got into mischief..."
"Why does everyone see me as just a goodie-two shoes?! I've gotten into plenty of mischief! I've been right beside Harry every time he's gotten into trouble…" Hermione complained heatedly. "I got past a three-headed dog, a giant chess board, devil's snare, smuggled a baby dragon, snuck out after dark numerous times, brewed polyjuice potion, discovered the entrance to the chamber of secrets, was petrified by a basilisk, punched Malfoy in the face - the one time your git of a brother has ever been impressed with me I might add, time-travelled, rescued a hippogriff, snuck out of Hogwarts to the shrieking shack, escaped a werewolf, abetted a felon, and kidnapped Rita Skeeter! And still everyone thinks I'm nothing but a bloody innocent little prefect!!!"
Fred couldn't speak. His eyes looked as though they might fall out of his head, his mouth gaping in disbelief. "Holy shit, Granger... And after all that you give me and George hell for testing candy on first years?" His mind was still reeling. "Wait... you kidnapped Rita Skeeter?"
"Well... yes... but she deserved it! And I did let her go... after a few days... And don't call me 'Granger.'"
"Wow, I sure hope you don't have any plans tonight. There's no way you're getting out of explaining all that." Fred said in a 'don't argue with me' tone, so close to Hermione's own that she couldn't help but chuckle.
"Alright, Alright, I'll tell you everything later, but shut up about it for now, don't want anyone overhearing." She said, waving an arm as though in a silent 'ta da', presenting Hogsmeade to Fred. "Where to first?"
If you liked this chapter make sure you add a thanks to Binka Fudge as well! This chapter and the next used to be one, but because of Binka's amazing brilliance it has had to be split in two!
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