-x-
Shades of Green
Chapter Ten: There's No Remedy For Memories
-x-
One Month Later…
When she had returned to her dorm room that night, she fought back her tears, vehemently vowing never to speak to Draco Malfoy again.
Of course, that proved a lot easier said than done because of how much they had to be around each other, but Ginny made sure to keep her answers and interactions with him as short as possible.
Over the next few weeks, they barely spoke, never hung out and unless it was on the Quidditch pitch, they had no interaction with one another.
It bothered her at first, how little he seemed to care.
But as the days stretched to weeks, the hurt was replaced by anger and eventually acceptance.
This is who Draco Malfoy is, who he's always been. The behavior he had exhibited earlier had just been an outlier.
He probably found her attractive, he wanted to get her into his bed, but after Ron created such a fuss, he probably realized she wasn't worth the trouble.
After all, he had enough floozies lined up to give him exactly what he wanted when he wanted it without any complications.
It was better this way, Ginny resolved. Draco was no good and just because the Wizengamot had pardoned him for his sins against wizards and muggles alike during the War, didn't mean everyone else would or should.
Every day, she reminded herself he was a Death Eater, that he supported Voldemort, that he tried to kill Dumbledore and that was just the things she knew about.
There was a whole year in between of horrible things he did that she had no idea about.
But for some reason, she couldn't hate him.
Even after he rejected her, hurt her and didn't even seem to care, she couldn't hate him.
She just wished she could.
-x-
It was well past curfew when Kennedy Rosier left the Slytherin dorms. She knew she had to get out of her room, otherwise she would probably physically harm her roommate.
Daphne could be a real bitch sometimes, lately more than usual. The two girls had gotten into one of their usual spats, which left Kennedy fuming and unable to be around the auburn haired girl.
However, she had only gotten so far as the kitchens when she smacked into something very solid and warm.
Her eyes travelled up to the owner of the body, it was Ron Weasley.
She hadn't really seen much of him since the Quidditch game, since which since about a month had passed. She had made it a point to keep her distance. Not that that was very hard, Gryffindors and Slytherins didn't hang much to begin with.
He looked surprised.
She just shook her head, mumbling a quick hey before attempting to walk past him.
He grabbed her shoulder, "What's the hurry?" He asked, a sweet grin on his face.
She wanted to twist her wrist out of his grip and snap at him for touching her, but the look on his face made it really hard.
Damn his soulful blue eyes and stupid smile, she just wanted to be left alone.
"It's only just twelve-thirty." She muttered.
"That's true. Why are you out of bed?" He asked.
"Why do you care?"
He looked taken aback by her response.
She felt a little bad, he didn't do anything personal to her persey, that he was on the receiving end of her anger.
It was just that Daphne had put her in a positively foul mood and on top of that, every time she saw Weasley she just remembered how he had his hands all over Loony and that made her sick.
"I got in a fight with Daphne." She answered honestly, wrapping her arms around herself.
He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn't let him.
"Why are you?" She asked him instead.
"I was hungry." He admitted with a sheepish grin.
Damn it, he was so adorable, she could barely stop herself from smiling.
Or stop herself from feeling those stupid butterflies that began whizzing around in her stomach.
He doesn't want you that way, he's got someone already…
She tried to remind herself, but the way he was looking at her made it hard.
"Do you wanna talk about it? Whatever it is that's got you upset?" He asked a bit uncomfortably.
She knew it was hard for boys to talk about feelings, she thought it was adorable that he even asked.
Then she remembered what Ginny had told her. It had been almost a month ago, so it had been easy to forget. But Ginny had come upstairs looking positively pitiful one night and it was then that Kennedy had managed to get the redhead to fess up to whatever had been bothering her.
It hadn't been too difficult, Ginny wasn't one to be able to hold back very easily and she was a shitty liar.
Unlike herself, who could lie about positively anything with an infallible poker face.
Ron had said some pretty terrible things about Draco, about him being bad, about her being disgraceful for associating with him. Apparently the two boys had gotten into a bit of an altercation.
It had made getting over Ron even easier then, because if he thought all that about Malfoy, then he probably thought of her along the same lines.
"No thanks." She answered flatly, "I should get going." She said shortly.
He looked at her, confused at her sudden change in demeanor. "Did I… I mean, I know we haven't talked much but did I do something?" He scratched the back of his head.
She rolled her eyes, "No, Ronald. You didn't." She said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Then?"
She just shook her head, "You shouldn't be associating with me. I'm not on the right side, remember?" She said coldly.
He looked even more confused.
"My dad was a death eater." She said, without the least bit of shame. She couldn't change the facts. "Isn't that just the most terrible reflection on a person? The only thing they should be judged on?" She spat sarcastically.
She hated him for being so incredibly pigheaded. She'd never even met her dad, and hell, even if she had, shouldn't he still wonder if she shared the same views as him.
Instead of just labeling her as bad and casting her off.
Of course, she didn't know for sure that's what he thought. She just assumed…considering the hateful things he had spewed off about Draco.
Realization dawned on him a bit later than she would have liked.
"It's not like that." He defended.
She didn't look the least bit convinced.
"Look, I don't think that of you." He tried again. "I…I didn't even really know who your dad was, I don't care either." He tried to tell her earnestly.
She made a "pfft" sound that made it obvious she still didn't believe him. "I'm so sure you don't."
He shoved his hands in his red and gold pajama pockets. "I'm not so good at these things but…I didn't mean for you think I…" He looked so uncomfortable.
She almost felt sorry for him.
She sighed, "I'm not trying to fight with you, it's stupid." She was really tired of fighting tonight. "I'm just going to go to bed, all right?" She raised an eyebrow.
He wanted to disagree. "I… alright." He said dejectedly.
She eyed him for a moment, before nodding. "Good night." She said, just to try to be past the whole situation.
He didn't say anything and it was only when she was almost down the hall that she heard his voice.
"Kennedy! Wait!"
He was jogging behind her, a real determined look on his face.
She faced him impatiently, "Look, I can't do a round two so if we could just—
"Do you wanna come somewhere with me?" He held out a hand.
She eyed it warily, what was he doing?
"Please?" he urged, giving her a heart-melting grin.
She let out a long sigh, hoping she wouldn't regret this, before putting her small hand in his.
He pulled her behind him, walking through long corridors and around sharp corners. She wanted to ask him where the hell they were going, but she didn't have the chance.
The staircases changed, the portraits yelled at the disturbance, but Ron was not to be thwarted.
Finally, he ended up at the door he memorized and tried to concentrate on it as hard as he could
When it appeared, his face broke out into a grateful smile.
He turned back to Kennedy, who looked hesitant. "Will you trust me?" He asked her, one hand still in hers and the other on the door knob.
She chewed her lip, before looking up at him.
She really was the most beautiful witch Ron had ever laid his eyes on and in that moment she couldn't have looked more loveable.
She looked scared, for some reason, vulnerable, her blue eyes cloudy and unsure.
He dropped the hand on the doorknob and brought it to her arm, "I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you." He promised.
For everything she doubted about him, this was one thing she didn't.
Mostly coz of that one night he collected her from a seventh floor hallway and stayed to make sure she was okay.
He was still that guy, right?
Her knight in shining armor or however that crap in fairytales went.
She let him pull her into the familiar bedroom, that's where they had been last time.
She realized this must be the Room of Requirement.
"Nice taste in colors." She nodded to the peach colored walls with a smirk.
He blushed a little, "That was not my doing." He said.
"So." She looked at him, "Why did you bring me here, and it better not be to get lucky, Weasley." She warned.
He shook his head, "It's not like that, Kennedy." He swore. "I just wanted… I thought we could talk." He sighed.
Maybe it had been a bad idea.
She walked over to the window sill, "So let's talk." She shrugged, sitting in the seat that over looked the grounds.
He sat on the coffee table in front of her.
"I'm sorry if you thought I had prejudice views against you." He started.
"Don't you?" She raised any eyebrow.
He shook his head, "I hate Death Eaters." He said fiercely. "They killed one of my brothers, mutilated two of them." He said, his voice was low.
She knew this was painful for him.
"That's just my family. So many people lost loved ones and lives because of Voldemort and his supporters." He wouldn't look at her. "I think I'm justified in wanting all of them dead, after everything they've done."
He was a blood traitor, or at least, that's what people had said about him and his family.
That wasn't very nice either.
"But none of that has to do with you." He stared in her eyes.
It was the first time he had thought about how true what he had just said really was.
How could he hold something other people did against this girl?
She reached out and touched his hand, "It doesn't." She agreed softly. "I don't know much about the War or about allegiances. My father… I never really met him, they put him in Azkaban when I was four months old." She never talked about this.
She never thought it was relevant.
But he was being so candid with her, she felt awkward not saying something about herself to him.
Normally, she would lie, she hated talking about stuff that made her uncomfortable. That's what she always did with Blaise. But something about his honesty made her want to be honest too.
Even her family, which she hated talking about.
He listened to her patiently.
"My mom's from Belgium." She stated, "She's never been in my life much. I was raised by nannies and house elves and nurses." She looked away from him.
This wasn't what she wanted to talk about.
At all.
"My dad's family is…" She shook her head. "I don't know. They never really tried to get to know me." She admitted ashamedly.
As if it was somehow her fault that neither her father's side of her family nor her mother wanted anything to do with her.
"But I've always had money." She sighed. "I guess that's one thing I can't deny." But it didn't seem like nearly enough.
Ron felt a surge of anger rise up inside him, towards whom are what he wasn't sure. He just hated how sad the girl in front of him looked.
Part of him was mad at himself, for being so quick to write her off.
The other part of him was angry with the people who couldn't see how incredible she was. And he barely even knew her.
"I love your sister, though." Finally she spoke again. "Ginny is the one person in my life who has never judged me for my family, or asked me stupid questions or forced me to pick sides. She always just accepted me and I'll never be able to thank her enough for that." There wasn't a single person in the world who had ever been better to her than her best friend.
Of that, Kennedy was sure.
Ron felt an unconscious smile tug at the corners of his mouth.
He reached over, putting his hands on her thighs. "I'm really, really sorry." He softly turned her face to look at him.
She couldn't hold his gaze, "Don't be." She mumbled, staring at her lap.
He got off the coffee table, "I want you to know I never thought of you as bad." He moved to stand in front of her. "I was just confused… you took me by surprise, is all." He grinned down at her.
Kennedy couldn't hide the soft pink blush that tinged her alabaster skin, "What do you mean?" She wondered softly.
"You just aren't what I expected." He said vaguely. "I always just thought…" He wasn't sure what he thought.
He always just thought he'd be with Luna.
Kennedy moved her face away from his grip, "You have a girlfriend." She muttered.
Ron looked at her, "Not really."
She raised an eyebrow at him, clearly even she knew better. "I've seen you with her." She stated.
"It's complicated, Kennedy."
"You don't need to explain yourself to me, Ronald."
"But I want you to know that…"
She stared at him expectantly, not letting him out of this one.
"That you're the most beautiful witch I have ever seen in my entire life." The words jumbled together, but he said them with as much confidence as he could.
That was not what she was expecting.
Even though his statement made those stupid butterflies whirl around at hyper speed, she still maintained her composure. "So you want to shag me, is that it?" She asked coolly.
"What?" He asked, wide eyed. "No! Of course not." Obviously the thought had crossed his mind, and obviously he would want to do that.
But that's not the reason he was talking to her.
"Then?"
"I was just complimenting you, jeez." He said, backing away from her, a little annoyed by what she had just said.
Kennedy knew she had been a little out of line, she knew Ron wasn't like that. "I'm sorry." She apologized immediately "I'm just used to dealing with Slytherin boys, is all." She said dismissively.
He understood.
"I… I like you." She hated doing this, she hated saying this to him. But she just wanted to get it off her chest.
If he was going to reject her, he might as well do it now.
Ron opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand.
"You don't have to say anything, I'm telling you this so that there's no confusion."
"I like you." She repeated, this time with more confidence.
"Are you done?" Ron raised his eyebrows.
She nodded.
"So is it my turn?"
Again, she nodded.
"Well, I like you too." At least, he thought he did.
She was surprised to say the least. "But?" She waited.
He looked conflicted.
When he didn't say anything for a few minutes, she hopped off the ledge.
"But, nothing." He finally said, trapping her between the window seat and his body.
Kennedy inhaled sharply at the contact.
"Ron…" She breathed out.
He decided he loved it when she said his name.
In a moment of sheer spontaneity and want, he dipped his head, claiming her perfect pink lips with his own.
She was too beautiful not to be kissed.
She sighed into his mouth as he deepened their kiss. It was so different from Blaise's sloppy kisses, or Terence's timid ones.
In fact, this was different from any boy she had ever kissed.
She felt everything, all at once. Her lips were burning, her heart was slamming against her chest, she felt wobbly and unsteady.
She was sure that if his strong arms hadn't been supporting her weight, she'd be in a heap on the floor.
No guy in her life had ever made her feel so good before.
Reluctantly, she pulled away from him.
She left his hands on her waist, as she put her head on his chest. "I can't do this." She said breathlessly, into his nightshirt.
He brought his hand up to touch her face, "It's okay." He mumbled into her hair. "You don't have to." He littered the top of her head with kisses.
She felt so small, so comforted, so special.
She lifted her chin to look up at him, "It's not coz I don't want to." She said, she sounded sad.
"Then?" He raised his eyebrows.
"I don't know the extent of your relationship with Loo—Luna." She corrected herself before she slipped up. "But I do know it's not nothing." She cut him off with a sharp look when he was about to protest.
He stayed mute.
"I'm not going to be your secret, Ron." She said firmly. "I have enough people in my life who don't want to claim me." The last part she had barely whispered, surprised at herself for voicing it at all.
But he had heard it, and it made something in his heart twist painfully.
He couldn't do this to her, he couldn't make her feel like she was something he was ashamed of. Not anymore, at least.
He knew too much, he couldn't hurt her like that.
He would hate himself for it.
Ron sighed, bringing her knuckles up to his lips. "I understand." He kissed them softly, "I don't want to do that to you either."
She looked at him, her blue eyes electrifying his own.
"I need time though, to figure it all out." He told her honestly.
She nodded, she knew that wasn't too much to ask.
"I'll wait." She said, and for now she would.
There wasn't anyone except Ron Weasley that she wanted to be with at the moment, until that changed, she would give him his space to figure out where his head was.
He gave her a look of gratitude, "I still want to get to know you though." He said, "Do you want to meet me out on the pitch tomorrow? Maybe we could fly together." He suggested shyly.
She smiled, it was radiant. "Sure, I'd like that." She said sweetly. "But until all this is sorted, I think we should keep it friendly."
She knew how easy it was to slip into the habit of being intimate with someone, she didn't want to do anything with Ron until he was absolutely sure of what he wanted.
He just kissed her forehead, "Sure." He complied.
-x-
The dungeons were usually packed after dinner, mostly with underclassmen who didn't have any prefect friends with single dorms to hang out in. Though, tonight, most of the children had vacated the common room in fright as Draco Malfoy had instructed them to do so. Since he, Blaise Zabini and Terence Higgs decided they wanted to monopolize it for the night.
The three boys tossed around a plastic snitch as well as a bottle of firewhiskey between them.
Tuesdays probably weren't ideal nights to get drunk, but they really didn't care. They were going to be out of Hogwarts in less than eight months, nothing mattered now.
"So." Terence started, taking a large swig out of the bottle. "What's up with you and Red? The tension is off the charts these days." He noted.
Draco just muttered something undiscernible under his breath, before throwing the snitch at Blaise.
"Really, mate. The two of you make this team more unbearable than usual these days." Blaise agreed.
"What'd you do for her to be giving you the silent treatment? And those death glares." Terence shuddered for good measure. "Who knew Red had it in her to be so… vicious."
"Really channeling Kennedy Rosier circa fifth year."
"Ah yes, you were on the receiving end of many of those patented glares, huh Zab."
Blaise shrugged a shoulder. "The drama never ends with Rosie." He drawled.
Terence shook his head, taking another sip. "Back to the subject at hand. What'd you do mate?" He passed the bottle to Draco.
Draco sighed, "I didn't do anything, why do you two just assume it was me that did something." He said a bit defensively.
Blaise and Terence exchanged amused glances. "It's always you, Malfoy." Blaise smirked.
"Seriously, you're kind of a… relationship ruiner. Probably even worse than—
"Okay the thing with Pansy wasn't a big deal! And that whole cheating stuff, it was only twice!"
Blaise just rolled his eyes.
"And what about Mallory Travers?" Terence raised an eyebrow. "Or Delaina Yaxley?"
"You broke Romilda's heart in second year." Blaise pointed out.
"And we can't forget how you've been leading on baby Greengrass."
Draco looked at both his friends, a very unamused grimace on his face. "Mallory was crazy." He responded, "She tried to cut a lock of my hair while I was sleeping once!" A shiver went up his spine just thinking about it, thank God the girl graduated.
Blaise, who was alarmingly in a good mood for once, howled with laughter. "Or the time she asked if you had enough veela blood in you to pass along generations."
Terence laughed too, "Bitch was psycho." He remembered, a grin on his face.
Draco shook his head, "And I'm not leading on Astoria, she just doesn't leave me alone." She was a pretty nice girl, he felt bad being mean to her.
Besides, he was trying to be less of an asshole, it wasn't working that well but he figured an attempt was better than nothing.
"She has been hanging around you an awful lot lately." Terence nodded, as the bottle came back around to him.
"All she does is ask me questions about my family and how it felt to be in the Dark Lord's service." He said dryly. "It's kind of strange."
"Back to what we had been talking about." Terence shook his head.
They were all pretty drunk by this point so it was hard to stay on track.
Draco let out an exasperated sigh, "There's nothing going on, Higgs. Drop it." He said, put two fingers to his temple.
"So this Cold War between you and Red is just coincidence." He insisted.
Draco shook his head but said nothing.
Terence had only just opened his mouth to say something, when the portrait door swung open. Blaise quickly tossed the now almost finished bottle of firewhiskey behind the sofa, as they anticipated who was coming in.
Surprisingly to them all, the person who walked in the door was none other than Kennedy Rosier.
All three boys exchanged suspicious glances, what was the blonde chaser doing out of bed at well past three a.m. Something wasn't right.
Draco wasn't sure if the others had picked up on it, but he saw it right away. Kennedy had a rather efficient poker face, but she couldn't hide her embarrassment.
Rosie had definitely been doing something she would rather not explain…
Draco stole a glance towards Terence, who he would grudgingly admit was probably what he considered to be his best friend. If he even knew what that meant.
"What are you Neanderthals doing up?" She asked, pulling her long blonde hair up into a pony tail.
"We could ask you the same." Blaise challenged.
"You could, though I wouldn't answer to you." Kennedy stuck the former keeper with a hard stare. "I'd prefer not to speak to you at all, really." She said, with a roll of her eyes.
Blaise just muttered something under his breath, before fishing the bottle out from behind the sofa.
Kennedy raised an eyebrow, "Isn't it a bit early in the week to be starting, boys?" She asked with a smirk.
Terence gave her a grin, "Never too early, Rosie. We are the children of privilege, we must live lavishly." He laughed.
Draco gave a small chuckle too, Terence was joking, but sometimes it really did feel that way.
Kennedy sighed, before taking the open seat beside Draco, "Pass it here." She gestured for the bottle.
"Since you're here, we might as well get a second opinion." Terence looked from Kennedy to Draco.
Draco just shook his head, "You really need to get over it, Higgs."
Kennedy stared at Terence expectantly.
"Haven't things been a bit off between Draco and Ginny?"
Kennedy didn't waste any time in agreeing, "Completely." She nodded. "Never seen Gin so…fired up." She noted.
"Well, Malfoy?" Blaise crossed his arms, a look of triumph in his dark brown eyes.
Draco rubbed a hand over his face, "Out of everyone here, Rosie. You would know what Ginny was mad about, why are you acting as though it's otherwise." He asked her, staring at her through cold grey eyes.
Kennedy took another sip, "I'm actually not sure. Gin didn't go into specifics." She said honestly, "Just that you got into it with her brother and Potter." She passed him the bottle.
Terence and Blaise looked at each other.
Draco seemed a bit pensive for a second, "That was it?" He raised his eyebrows.
She nodded, "And that you handled it terribly." She shrugged a shoulder. "You know you have the tendency to be a git, Drac. It shouldn't come as a surprise that she's offended."
Draco pulled a hand through his sleek silver hair, "She'll get over it." He murmured.
"Didn't know you fought Potter, Malfoy." Terence said, "Why didn't you say, you know me and Zab would've had your back." He said seriously.
If there was one thing Terence took seriously, it was the loyalty he had to his friends.
Draco waved it off, "It just happened, mate. Rather cowardly of them to try a two on one attack from behind, too." He said darkly.
"Very un-Gryffindor like."
"What'd Weasley decide to get you for anyway?" Blaise asked.
"He didn't like that I was hanging around with Ginny." Draco answered and it was partially the truth.
Really, Ron just didn't like how intimately close he and Ginny had been.
"Weasel and Scarhead really need to mind their own business." Terence scoffed.
"Well, Ginny is Ron's sister… kinda his business." Kennedy pointed out before she could stop herself.
Both Terence and Blaise looked appalled at the fact that Kennedy would defend Ron, though Draco just eyed her curiously.
Why did Kennedy even bother sticking up for Ron… it's not as if she ever had before.
Curious, indeed.
Kennedy felt her face redden at the words that came out of her mouth. She really needed to work on that filter…
Thankfully, all three boys were sufficiently drunk, so they all let it go.
"Regardless." Terence said "We should get them back."
"Maybe a couple of hexes on the way to transfig tomorrow?" Blaise suggested.
Draco didn't entertain them, "Unnecessary, boys." He said. "I'm trying to keep out of trouble this year, and we both know Head Boy Potter and Prefect Weasley won't get into any shit for anything they do. I don't need the hassle." He said.
Terence looked deflated, "But we're so bored." He whined. "Messing with Potter would be just the thing we need to break the monotony."
"And Weasley's stupid red hair just gets on my nerves, its so damn—
"Watch it." Draco warned.
It was Ginny's hair too and he didn't want to hear one bad word about it. No matter what terms he may be on with her right now.
-x-
Draco stared the ceiling from his uncomfortable four poster bed. In all honesty, he couldn't wait to be back at the Manor for the holidays. While he wasn't really looking forward to the engagement party, he really wanted to be in his own bed.
This was the first Christmas he would be spending without his father, which should probably make him a little sadder, but he really didn't feel much of anything.
His last Christmas had been spent accompanying his psychotic aunt on some muggle torturing mission.
The Dark Lord had grown extremely impatient around that time, aside from some secretive quest he was on that kept him away from the country for most of the time, he was really antsy to find Harry Potter.
Apparently, the moron was doing something that he thought the Dark Lord wouldn't find out about, destroy all his horcruxes
Of course, He knew.
Anyway, He had heard from various sources the Ronald Weasley was back at the borrow but there had been no sign of Granger.
Or her parents for that matter.
So He had told Bellatrix to find the muggleborn's parents and hold them hostage. Surely, that was the best way to smoke out Potter and his little girlfriend.
The search had been fruitless, their old house was abandoned and dilapidated by the time his aunt was done with it.
She and Rudolphus had decided to interrogate the neighbors for good measure, though none of those useless muggles had any idea what they were talking about.
Daniel and Jane Granger lived dreadfully boring lives and had even more boring neighbors.
Bellatrix and tortured a family of four, before making Draco kill them.
He could still remember how much she was laughing as she prompted him to perform senseless mutilating curses on them before finally letting him kill them.
Draco wanted to be sick on himself at those kinds of memories.
It wasn't as if he had any kind of inclination towards muggles, he didn't care for them one way or the other. But he definitely didn't think they deserved to be exterminated like that either.
"You hurt my daddy!"
The little girl had been around seven years old, she was still clutching at her teddy bear as tears streamed down her face.
"Now, now, little one." He had been surprised to hear Bellatrix take on such a motherly tone with the young girl.
But what she said next made his skin crawl to this day, "Don't cry. You're next." She gave her a toothy smile, before cackling evilly.
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase the memories from his mind. He wished things like that would stop haunting him.
It was a War, he was just doing what he was told to. It was either kill or be killed.
But Voldemort wouldn't have killed him just like that, he wouldn't have been so easy on him. He would have killed Narcissa first, it was the only way he knew how to get to Draco.
He knew the threat of hurting Narcissa was enough to get Draco to do what He wanted.
Because at the time, his own life didn't mean much to him. But, fuck, his mother's had meant everything.
Draco pulled a hand through his hair, shaking his head. Moments like these, he really hated his father for being who he had been. If it hadn't been for Lucius, he would have never been put in the situations he had faced.
He grimaced at the mark that stood out against his pale skin, the light coming in from the window made it glow an eerie green.
That was permanent, no matter how hard he would try to forget who he was or the depraved things he had done, that would never let him forget it.
It would always remind him he was a Death Eater and he behaved as one too.
He pulled an aggravated hand through his sleek blonde hair, letting himself instead for a minute think of a subject he had been sorely avoiding for the last month.
Ginevra Molly Weasley.
She had really believed all he wanted from her was sex. Not that that wouldn't have been nice, he would have loved that. But that wasn't the reason he wanted to be around her.
Draco wasn't really sure why he wanted to be around her, he just knew he did.
There was something about Ginny that just made him feel so… different. There was nothing explainable or tangible about it. There was just this weird warmth that would overcome him whenever she was close to him.
He hated it, because that wasn't how Malfoy men were supposed to behave.
They weren't really supposed to feel things or think on them and they certainly weren't supposed to act weak or vulnerable.
And until very recently, Draco had thought it was impossible for him to even feel those things because of a woman.
He had been with many girls, physically.
Especially during the times of the War, it was actually shameful how many women he had bedded during that time, just as an escape.
He had used sex as a way to numb the pain of everything else, to relieve his stress, to temporarily get away from all the disturbing things he would have to do.
But none of it ever meant anything.
Except with Pansy, he had felt something for her. It wasn't so much that he had been in love with her, it wasn't even that he really liked her. But it was more than he could say about the other girls.
Pansy had been something like a planned future for him, he always figured they'd get married (she was pureblood, after all) they would have children and that's how it was going to be. He never considered things like love or happiness to be essential to a courtship, he just knew he would eventually need to provide his family with an heir to the Malfoy fortune and line.
But then things changed, times got dark and instead of leaning on her for support, he just pushed her away.
She wasn't much good at making him feel better or even human for that matter, so he didn't need her complicating his life any more.
Especially with her constant whining for attention, that was particularly annoying.
The Dark Lord had taken twisted pleasure in allotting Draco the more horrifying and pointless missions. Probably because of how much Lucius was always messing up, regardless, it was funny to Him.
Draco had hated Him even more for that.
The Dark Lord got his rocks off by making a seventeen year old boy's life miserable, how mature.
As he slowly drifted to sleep, his eyes shutting of their own accord, he forced himself not to think about all the heinous acts of violence he had witnessed and done. Instead, he let himself dream of shades of orange and gold, of light brown eyes and days at the black lake.
Each time he thought about that moment, he wished it would have ended differently. Without the interruption was Ron Weasley and certainly without Ginny leaving angry with him.
And there's no remedy for memories,
your face is like a melody it won't leave my head
your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine
but I wish I were dead…
-x-
A/N: Again, my sincerest apologies about the lateness of this chapter. For someone who thought they would have a lot of free time over the summer, I was certainly wrong! I recently started an internship at a law firm, it's been taking up all of my time.
Sorry if this chapter feels a bit fillerish, but I promise for more D/G action in the next one! You won't be disappointed.
The song I used for the chapter title as well as the lyrics at the end is from a Lana Del Rey track called Dark Paradise, just in case anyone was wondering.
Thank you so much for the reviews and all your kind words, I appreciate this more than any of you know. It really is such a blessing to have such wonderful readers and amazing reviewers. You guys mean the world to me! Thanks for the feedback and thank you for reading.
Until next time!