Chapter9

Requiem

The Yorktown pulled into her berth at the Citadel. Shepard called for C-Sec who sent a squad to escort Henry Lawson to a holding cell. Garrus, Shepard, Miranda, and Riley all went with them. They had to know that he made it to the cell he richly deserved. Former Commander Bailey, now Executor Bailey, met them personally when they got to C-Sec headquarters.

"Shepard," he said with a smile, "glad to see you're still on top of things. How is it being back in the field?"

"Damn good, but once this mission is over, I'll be back in my office across the hall. We can get back to morning coffee and complaining about the rest of the stuffed shirts."

"Your mom will appreciate that," mused Bailey. "I don't think she like politics any more than you do."

"That's for sure."

"Commander Lawson, Garrus, Captain Riley." Bailey acknowledged the other Spectres. "Good to have you all here, but four Spectres and a special prisoner sound like more work for me."

"Somebody's got to keep you out of trouble," said Garrus.

"Bailey," said Shepard emphatically, "make damn sure that he doesn't get away, die, or anything else. I questioned him at length on the trip back, and as near as I can tell, he's behind it all. Given that he's the type to save his own skin and throw someone else under the bus, I don't think he's covering for another Illusive Man. Seems more like he aspired to be one himself. I've already informed the council on this."

"We'll keep him secure for you, Shepard. You have my word. You shipping out again?"

"Yeah," said Shepard. "Can't give details, but if things are wrapped up with this guy being taken out of the picture, then this is ending a lot better than I'd expected it to."

"That'd be a nice change," said Miranda. Garrus and Riley nodded in agreement.

"Incidentally," said Shepard, "Miranda may want to interrogate him. If she does, I need to be here."

"Understood, Shepard."

"And Bailey," Shepard added, "My wife's funeral is tomorrow. See to it that we have a day of peace."

"Yes sir," replied Bailey.

And with that, the four Spectres departed C-Sec. Bailey hated it when things like this happened. He preferred a nice, relaxed and uneventful day. Close to retirement. And now this.

Diana Allers disembarked and thought she would have to catch Shepard, but he saw her and waved her over.

"Allers," he said, "now that this is essentially over, go ahead and file your story. However, do not mention Leviathan and do not mention Spectres being subverted and killing their squadmates. You can report that Ashley was killed in connection with this. I'll trust your judgement."

"Damn, Shepard," she exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting the go ahead so soon, but thanks!" She then touched his shoulder. "And you have my word; I'll handle your wife's passing as respectfully as possible."

"Thanks, Allers," he said. "I appreciate that."

One by one, the others left to go to their various destinations until finally only Shepard and Miranda remained at the dock.

"He survived." Miranda was still shocked. "I thought I'd killed the bastard myself!"

"If I was convinced that it all ends with him," replied Shepard as the two of them walked to the rapid transit, "I would have done just that. But I can't leave that to chance, so we've got to keep in a C-sec holding cell until we can figure out what to do with him. We need to interrogate him before we ship out, and I want you there. You know more about him, his motives, and his tactics than anyone else."

"Thank you, Shepard." Miranda was still shaking. If Henry Lawson were the one controlling those spheres, then he had used her to inflict grievous harm upon her crew and to lay a trap for her friends. No, it was worse than that. He had found a way to get the one thing she thought she had denied him: complete control of her mind and body. She shuddered at the thought. Then she became alarmed as a thought entered her mind.

"Shepard, what if he . . . gets away? What if he can take control of me somehow?"

"No spheres, no control," said Shepard bluntly. "And he won't get away."

And he was probably correct. But the thought scared the hell out of her.

"I'm heading home to check in on Jan and Sarah. If you need me, if anything comes up in regards to this, you contact me immediately."

"Shepard … " She looked down, then continued. " … I … I was wondering if that guest room is still an option."

"Anytime you need it," he replied.

Shepard returned home with Miranda and was greeted by Jan, Sarah, and Bakara.

"Daddy! Aunt Miranda!" Jan squealed with delight as her father came through the front door. Shepard scooped her up and spun her around, kissing her and putting her down.

"So Shepard, you've solved this and we can all breathe easy?" Bakara said it jokingly, but also with some hope. She really was hoping that it was indeed over.

"Not quite, but I think it's closer to being solved than I had thought it would be."

Sarah actually did breathe a sigh of relief at that. Then she looked at Miranda.

"Do you have a moment before shipping out, Miranda?"

"Sure thing. Let's go to the study."

Miranda and Sarah left the room while Shepard, Jan, and Bakara took their seats in the living room.

"I appreciate you keeping an eye on them, Bakara."

"It was my pleasure, John. I'm just glad that the excitement has been limited to games and vids. Sarah and Jan are enjoyable company. You are truly blessed to have them."

"Yes, I am." Shepard pulled Jan close and hugged her as he said it. "So how is Wrex doing?"

"He's jealous that you're out 'knocking heads' while he's stuck at home or on the Citadel," laughed Bakara. "But it's just as well. He's doing a fine job and Tuchanka has flourished under his leadership. Ten years is a fairly short amount of time for a culture, but he's made a bigger impact on Krogan culture in that short time than any leader has in generations."

Shepard considered that with a Krogan natural life span of nearly a thousand years, 'generations' was a very, very long time.

"Glad to hear it," he said. "Funny. When I first met Wrex, he had no interest in leading the Krogan. He was resigned to the idea that Krogan were mercs for hire and that the genophage was slowly killing his people. Now, he's leading a Krogan renaissance."

"As I said back on the Normandy, Wrex is a mutant." Bakara laughed again. "And you can still tell him I said that."

"So Miranda, what's your interest?"

"My interest?"

Miranda and Sarah had no sooner sat down when Sarah hit her with the question.

"Come on, Miranda. I'm not blind," explained Sarah. "I see how you look at my brother in law. And the fact that you're making sure to be by his side as much as possible is not going unnoticed."

Miranda paused before responding. She sipped her coffee and considered her response.

"Sarah, you should know that Ashley was my friend." She sipped her coffee again. Sarah waited patiently for Miranda to continue. "I talked with her regularly. God, do I miss chatting with her." More coffee. "But I cannot lie. I've loved Shepard since I first laid eyes on him." She paused again, but put down her coffee before continuing. "I couldn't see myself with anyone else. No man I've been with has measured up. Then all of the sudden, he's not married because his wife was tragically killed. All those feelings, they've overwhelmed me."

"Miranda," Sarah reassured her, leaning over and touching her shoulder, "I know that Shepard won't dishonor my sister's memory. And I know that you won't push him too quickly. Ashley would not want him to 'never love again' or anything childish like that. But it will take time. He loved her so very much. And I can tell you that for Jan's sake, he won't jump into a new relationship suddenly."

"Thanks, Sarah." Miranda felt herself tearing up. She didn't fight it. "Sarah, I feel terrible. I feel like I shouldn't be in love with him. But I cannot put those feeling down." She wiped her eyes and continued. "The Yorktown crew hasn't been overly welcoming and Captain Riley has been downright hostile. And after my failure on the last mission with the Normandy, I just felt like a failure."

She sipped more coffee and then continued.

"Anyway, Shepard has been kind to me. Supportive of me. He believes in me. He did without hesitation. He didn't lose faith in me, even right after the incident. God, I needed that. It meant so much to me. It just made me love him more."

"He's a good man," said Sarah, hugging Miranda. "Just make sure he gets through this. For Jan especially."

"I will, Sarah. I promise."

It was the morning of Ashley's funeral. Miranda was up at her usual early hour. Breakfast was very brief and none of the Shepards were particularly talkative. Jan was subdued and sad and Shepard had simply steeled himself so as to be strong for his family. Sarah could not speak without bursting into tears, so she simply ate a light breakfast and then went to get herself ready. Shepard made some small talk and was very attentive to Jan.

Once Miranda finished, she returned to her room and put on her dress uniform and went downstairs. She met Shepard, who was attired in his own dress uniform. Jan and Sarah were well dressed in black. It would be a very brief ceremony. Shepard could spare little time for mourning with the threat of a revitalized Cerberus and the still remaining possibility of a threat from Leviathan. One day, maybe two at most.

"This is like a surreal dream," he remarked. "It doesn't seem real. It's like a bad dream, but when I wake up, I'm still in it."

Miranda put her arms around him and held him as tightly as she could.

"I'm here for you," she whispered. "For you and Jan. Whatever I can do."

"Thank you Miranda."

Ashley's funeral mass was held in one of the few churches on the Citadel. Religion on Earth had suffered a lot in the face of both technological advancement, the sudden realization that humanity was not alone in the galaxy, and most of all in the face of the Reapers. Because of Ashley, the Shepards had attended Mass regularly over the last decade. The pastor of Saint Michael's Church, Father Hynson, had served in the Alliance back when Admiral Anderson had been a lieutenant, but after the first contact war, he had traded military life for religious life.

Shepard and Sarah each read the Bible readings that had been carefully chosen. Father Hynson's sermon was touching and he did an admirable job. Jan had always liked him and he had gone to a lot of trouble to address her questions and fears surrounding her mother's death. Having been a soldier, he was more keenly aware of how death affected the friends and loved ones of the deceased. Of course, nothing could really take away Jan's grief and sadness, but the sermon seemed to uplift her a bit. Ashley's mother and sisters, however, were grief stricken. Carlota Williams had lost her husband, her son in law, and now her oldest daughter.

After the sermon, Shepard stood. Father Hynson nodded and Shepard stepped up to the ambo. He looked out at a packed church. He had never had a fear of public speaking and during the past decade, he had become masterful in doing so. But today, it had to count. More than any speech he had ever made, more than any pre mission pep talk. This one was the most important speech he would likely ever make. For the Williams family, for Jan and for Ash, it had to be perfect. He said a silent prayer, took a deep breath, and then spoke.

"When I met Ashley, it was literally in the heat of battle. Kaidan and I were fighting our way through Geth Heretics and had just lost Jenkins. That was when we came upon this courageous woman who was putting it all on the line to fight against a whole squad of Geth. Her entire platoon had been killed, but she never gave up.

Ashley joined the Normandy crew and was at my side through that first mission against Saren. That first encounter with a Reaper. She never flinched, she never wavered. When things got rough, we kept each other going. When Udina all but stabbed us in the back and tried to throw us under the bus, we kept each other going. That's how we started our long fight against the Reapers. And that's how we ended it. Together, keeping each other going.

After the war, we took on new battles. We had fought for peace in the galaxy and had won. My life took me from the bridge of the Normandy, where I was most comfortable, to the Council chambers, where I was the least comfortable. But there was Ash, right beside me, keeping me going. And then we had Jan.

She was a lioness guarding her cub. She laid down her arms, her armor, and shed her rank and Spectre status to take on the most important mission of her life: motherhood. Jan is the best of everything that Ashley was. All of the love that Ashley and I had for each other lives on in her. Ashley was never more fierce, never showed more fighting spirit, than when she took on being a mom.

Ashley was more than a soldier. She was a mom, but she was also inspiration to millions. Her books, her poetry, her art, and the legacy of her service all served to inspire others to greatness. I received countless messages from people who wanted to thank her for inspiring them, for encouraging them, for making them believe. These were people who she had never met, but who heard or read her words.

And Ashley lived true to herself until the very end. She was never 'just' a soldier, but even after she resigned her commission, she always remained a soldier. She fought at my side in her last battle to protect her daughter and the sister she had helped to raise. I had once told her that her family meant everything to her. And it did. And she fought for that family with her last breath.

For me, Ashley was a soulmate. She was my wife, my lover, she was a dream come true. She and Jan were my happily ever after. The past ten years have been the happiest, the most magical decade of my life. I am thankful for it. My wife left behind a legacy to be proud of. One that lives on in Jan. One that I will guard and protect to my last breath. Just as Ashley did."

Shepard then looked out at the congregation. There were a lot of soldiers in the church. Shepard raised his fist skyward. "For Ash! Oorah!"

The soldiers did likewise, with Shepard shouting, "Oorah!" again, twenty one times in all.

At the end, everyone went to pay their respects. The funeral was open casket, per her request. Shepard noticed the look of serene peace on his wife's face. She was still beautiful, even in death. He and Jan were the first to go to the casket and as he knelt down, trying to pray silently, but not knowing how, he swore he could feel Ashley's presence.

"I see her too, Daddy," whispered Jan. "Uncle Wrex was right!"

Shepard looked, but he could not see her. He desperately wanted to, but he could not. But he could definitely feel her.

"I love you, Ash," he said aloud. "I know you're here, watching over us. Don't worry. I'll keep them safe for you. We're going to miss you. A lot." Jan squeezed his hand as he spoke. "I know we can't see you, but don't be a stranger."

Miranda paid her respects after the Williams family, Garrus, Tali, Liara, and Admiral Hannah Shepard. She had never been religious, but she knew that Ashley was and she wanted to honor her. As she knelt beside the casket, she swore that she could feel Ashley's presence. She even thought that she heard Ashley's voice. It must be a trick of the acoustics, she thought. She looked at Ashley's face. It was serene, peaceful. She had laid down her life for her daughter. Miranda did not even have a mother, and her father seemed intent upon killing her. What a contrast, she thought.

"Wherever you are, Ashley," Miranda said aloud, "put in a good word for us."

The rest of the Normandy crew, past and present, each paid their respects. Even those wounded in the last mission made their way up. They were followed by the rest of the church. Finally, the Council made their way up and paid their respects.

They did not bury people on the Citadel, but Ashley had wanted to be buried on Earth. Her body would be transported to Earth after Shepard had finished this mission. After the service, people visited Shepard's apartment. He had done the best he could to provide a lunch for close friends and family. Miranda was surprised at how well he had pulled it off on such short notice.

It was a very long day and by the time it was over, John, Jan, Sarah and Miranda were all drained. Shepard would spend one more day at home with Jan before resuming his mission. With Henry Lawson in custody, the urgency was not quite as strong. Through the day, through the mass, the lunch, and everything in between, Miranda never once saw John waver. He was a stoic picture of emotional strength. Only when he was interacting with Jan did his expression soften. But Miranda could see right through it. She knew that inside, he was grieving, mourning. She knew that he missed her. It seemed that after he and Jan knelt by the casket, their moods had lightened a bit. She wondered if they had felt Ashley as well.

"Commodore Shepard," came a familiar duotone voice. Primark Victus, essentially the prime minister of Palaven, stood before him. He had not seen the Primark since the war. "I came to pay my respects. I'm … sorry for your loss. It is the Turian way to prefer dying in battle as Ashley did, but after the war, I think we've all suffered enough loss."

"Thank you, Primark," replied Shepard, shaking his hand. "Ash would be honored to have you here. She thought very highly of you."

"And I assure you, Commodore, the Turian military and hierarchy holds her in very high regard. I was fortunate enough to have met her."

The imposing Turian looked down at Jan who stood at Shepard's side. He knelt down to address her.

"I only met your mom once," he told her. "It was just before the final push in the battle for Earth. She was worn from months of near constant battle and from the emotional strain of losing friends and loved ones. But on her face was a look of determination and in her eyes was a fire undimmed by the rigors of war. I see her in you. I am sorry for you loss, young Shepard. But your mother will live on, both in spirit and in you."

He then put his arms around the little girl and gave her gentle hug. She did her best to hug him in return, but her small arms could not reach around a Turian's robust and barrel like chest. Victus then stood and looked at both Shepards.

"It was good to see you again and to finally meet Jan Shepard," he said. "The thoughts and wishes of Palaven are with you both and with Ashley."

"Thank you, Primark," replied Shepard. Jan nodded and said a weak, "Thank you, sir."

As Primark Victus left to return to his duties on Palaven, Garrus walked over.

"Shepard," said Garrus with more emotion than usual. "How are you holding up?"

"With a lot of emotional duct tape," replied Shepard with a laugh. "I just have to remind myself that as short as our time together was, I'm blessed to have had it. And ten years … Sarah hadn't even had one year with Thomas when he was killed. At least I had that time. And with Jan, Ash will never truly be gone."

"I guess that's the only way to look at it," Garrus conceded. "Still a kick in the gut, though."

"The worst kind," Shepard agreed.

The three walked over to Shepard's bar to get a little privacy from the larger group.

"Well Shepard," said Garrus, "there's one thing Ash would have wanted. Let's raise a glass or ten to one of the best damned soldiers ever to wear an Alliance uniform."

Shepard nodded and produced the glasses. He poured Jan a juice, but for Garrus and himself, he poured whiskey.

"To Ash!" he declared, raising his glass.

"To Ash!" replied Garrus.

"To Mom!" said Jan.

The three clinked their glasses together and knocked them back.

"I know you can't stay, but I couldn't do this without you," he said. "You being here makes a huge difference, Garrus."

"Shepard," laughed Garrus, "you're my oldest and truest friend. Whatever we face, we've got each other's backs. There's no Vakarian without Shepard and no Shepard without Vakarian. And when we catch the bastard that did this …"

"We unleash the fury," finished Shepard, his tone dark, angry. Jan gulped. It was the first time he had shown anger over her mother's death. Garrus imagined that Shepard had kept it bottled up for Jan's sake, but he knew Shepard well. No matter how calm Shepard might appear on the outside, Garrus knew that once Shepard had grieved, the anger would be released. And a swift and terrible vengeance would be wrought upon the perpetrator of Ashley's death. And Garrus would be there at Shepard's side, helping to deliver the full measure of that vengeance.

Miranda did her best to be supportive of Shepard and was pleased to see so many people turn out. Though all of the Normandy and Yorktown crew were at the funeral, not all could make it to the lunch afterward. But Joker, Edi, Vega, Cortez, Samantha and Grunt had all made it, which lifted everyone's spirits, though Samantha maintained a bit of distance from Miranda. Even Jack had made it, and in her dress uniform no less. Miranda had to laugh; Jack had grown so much since they had first met. Aside from being a gracious host and offering words of comfort to his mother and sisters in law, Shepard was not particularly talkative.

But eventually, everyone began leaving, one by one and in small groups. They all had places to go and obligations to meet. Of Shepard's close friends, Miranda was the only one who was staying over. Of course, Admiral Hannah Shepard would be staying over as well. This would be the first time since the end of the war that Miranda had seen her. Once everyone had gone, the four of them had a light dinner. He, Jan and Sarah were all worn out and the Shepard home had shut down by eight in the evening.

"Thank you Miranda," he said before retiring. "I was on autopilot most of the day. Thanks for being here for us. I won't forget it."

"Anytime, John," she said softly. "It wasn't supposed to be like this," she continued tearfully. "You and Ashley were the happily ever after couple. I know what you said about how sweet it was, but dammit, you deserved the happy ending. More than anyone, you and Ashley deserved a happy ending."

She held him close. She did not know what else to say. She silently cursed herself for not having anything else to say that would somehow help. But he just held her.

"Thank you," he reiterated. "It means a lot coming from you, Miranda. Good night and sleep well."

"You too, John. You too."